Wins, top seeds, scoring crowns and championships…things we should all be thriving for. These are the tools we use to judge one another. That’s it. You’re a big time Hollywood director? Who gives a fuck! Average over 1,500 per game in a season and then count me as impressed. Are you married to a beautiful woman, with big fluffy tits? Fuck ’em! If you keep missing the postseason, put me down for unimpressed.
So, after 18 seasons of Robioland Fantasy Football, who among you has impressed me and who are those who continue to disappoint me? You should know who you are. Either way, I’m going to now tell you in my 2017 team rankings. Yeah, I put that in red to emphasize. Trump’s America.
#1 BOB CASTRONE
ESTABLISHED: 2003 CHAMPIONSHIPS: 4 (last in 2014) RUNNER-UP: 0 TOP SEED: 2 SCORING CROWN: 2
W-L RECORD: 126-84 | .600 (#1) POINTS PER GAME: 1,347 PPG (#2)
PLAYOFF TRIPS: 12 of 14 seasons PLAYOFF RECORD: 18-8 | .692 (#2) PLAYOFF POINTS: 1,474 PPG (#2)
RECORDS THAT MATTER Bob scored 2,333 points back in 2014 victory over Calderon. That’s the third most points ever scored in a game. In fact, Bob has three of the top-12 scoring games of all-time.
In that same contest, Bob defeated Calderon by 1,529 points. That was the second largest ass-kicking in league history.
Bob is one of only three current members who have won a 1-point game, defeating Neatock in the 2014 championship game.
In 2011, Bob recorded a two-point win against Masterson in the quarterfinals. He’s the only person in the league with both a one-point and two-point victory (and both came in the post-season).
Bob was on the losing end of the highest scoring game ever, when he became the only person to score 2,000 and lose a game in the final week of the 2014 regular season.
His 11-straight wins between the 2014-15 seasons remains the third longest winning streak in league history.
Speaking of streaks, Bob scored at least 1,000 in 37 straight games between 2009-2011. That’s the most ever by six games.
Even more impressive, between 2014-15, he produced 25 straight games of at least 1,250 points, the longest streak by nine games. Bob has three of the top-seven longest streaks of 1,250 points.
Between 2005-2009, Bob went 44 weeks without a weekly low score, which is the fifth longest streak in league history.
In 2014, Bob averaged a stunning 1,551 points per game in the regular season. That’s the second most ever and the most points scored by a current league member. Speaking of, Bob won the championship that season and when it was all said and done, he scored a total of 25,509 points per game. That’s the most points ever scored in a full season (regular and post).
In 2015, Bob scored a total of 22,913 points, which remains the most points by a team that failed to reach the finals (he lost in the semifinals to Colby).
FAVORITE OPPONENT: Bob has taken care of business against Don Vozzola, taking fifteen of their nineteen meetings. In fact, dating back to the 2008 season, Bob has won 11 of 12 over Don, including six in a row.
LEAST FAVORITE OPPONENT: Only two people in the entire league have a career winning record over Bob. Calderon swept Bob last season and now has a one-game lead over him in their career match ups, 10-9. Yet, the man Bob has had the toughest time with is Griff Coomer. Mr. Castrone is just 9-12 against the Coomer with a penis.
They’ve actually split their last four, but in the 2012 and 2013 seasons, Griff swept Bob in four total regular season games. Of course, if Bob wants to have a little bragging rights, he is 3-1 against Griff in the post-season (including the 2004 championship game).
NOT-SO-DEEP THOUGHTS Bob’s four championships in this league (including three in the last seven years) is really the only argument I need to make to justify having him in the top spot. Yet, I don’t think that’s the most impressive number out there. That one is: 11.
What is that? That’s the number of years in a row Bob has made it to the playoffs. He last missed the Robioland postseason back in 2005. We’ve had three Presidents in the Oval Office during that time frame. If he wanted to see why his team missed the playoffs that year, he would have had to wait until he got home, because that was two years before the fucking iPhone.
Worse yet, none of it has been fluky. Sure he won his 2011 championship as a 7-seed, but during those 11 playoff trips, Bob has managed to win at least eight games, nine times. Hell, Jeff and Eric combined have only produced five 8-win seasons.
Barring a real tank job in 2017, coupled with Griff rolling through the league with a top seed, scoring title and actual title, I don’t see how Bob doesn’t find himself back on the top of this list in 2018.
HISTORIC MOMENTS
#2. GRIFF COOMER
ESTABLISHED: 1999 CHAMPIONSHIPS: 2 (last in 2015) RUNNER-UP: 6 TOP SEED: 2 SCORING CROWN: 1
W-L RECORD: 154-118 | .567 (#2) POINTS PER GAME: 1,337 PPG (#3)
PLAYOFF TRIPS: 14 of 18 seasons PLAYOFF RECORD: 20-12 | .625 (#3) PLAYOFF POINTS: 1,385 PPG (#4)
RECORDS THAT MATTER Griff has broken 2,000 points in a game only three times in his long career, the highest being 2,155 points in a win over Molly back in 2011.
Speaking of that 2011 contest, Griff and Molly’s combined 3,950 points is the second most ever by two teams.
Back in 2005, Griff beat Colby, 1,882 – 739. The 1,143-point margin of victory remains the 12th largest in league history.
He is one of two people to win a game by just two points, defeating Burrier back in 2009, 1,202 – 1,200. In total, he’s won by less than 10 points three different times.
Speaking of small, way back in 2003, Griff escaped with a stunning 692 – 505 victory over Don. The combined 1,197 points is the third lowest combined point total in league history. Griff’s 692 remains the fourth lowest points produced in a win.
Griff has a pair of 8-game winning streaks (2005-2006 and again in 2015). Both of those are tied for the 7th longest streak. He also has a 7-game winning streak from back in 2012.
Back in 2006-2007, Griff couldn’t buy a win, losing nine straight…that’s tied with three others for longest losing streak in league history.
While Griff has never averaged over 1,500 points per game for a regular season, if you combine both regular season and post-season, then Griff has something to brag about. In fact, he has two things to brag about. In 2005, Griff scored a total of 24,325 points in 2015, the 5th most ever scored in a full season. However, ten years earlier, Griff scored a total of 24,411, which was the fourth most ever scored. In fact, he has five of the top-25 all-time point totals for a full season.
Currently, Griff has scored at least 1,000 in 31 straight games, which ties him for the second longest streak in league history. He’s just six back of tying Bob for the longest streak.
Back in 2005, Griff scored over 1,250 points in 11 straight games. That’s tied for the fifth longest streak and is actually the longest streak condensed into one season. He also has a 10-game streak from 2015-16 (which is the 8th longest).
Griff once went 56 weeks without a weekly low score (1999-2003), which is tied for the second longest streak in league history. He also has produced a 38 and 32 game streak.
On the flip side, Griff once went a stunning 59 weeks without a weekly high score (2000-05). That’s over four years worth of games. That’s tied for the longest streak without a weekly high.
FAVORITE OPPONENT: He’s done well against his former lover, beating Molly in 15 of their 24 meetings. He’s absolutely crushed Colby’s soul, ending Mr. Hall’s season in the post-season in 2013, 2014 and 2015. Overall, Griff is 12-7 against Colby.
However, the man he can’t stop beating is Eric Vozzola. He’s 17-6 against the youngest league member. In fact, and this is pretty fucking stunning, Griff has beaten Eric in nine straight games. The last time Griff lost to Eric was in week 11, 2009. That’s the longest winning streak ever by one team over another.
LEAST FAVORITE OPPONENT: It’s not easy to find Griff’s worst opponent because there are not a lot of teams with a winning record over him. Don has him by a game (9-10), as does Calderon (9-10). Matt owns a 8-5 record against him, but the latter has won the previous two.
For now, Griff’s least favorite opponent remains Robio Murray. Yep, me. He’s just 11-15 against me, but even that’s deceiving. I use to dominate Griff, but that ended in 2011. Starting that year, Griff beat me in six of our next seven meetings. In fact, when I beat him this past season, it ended a 4-game winning streak by Coomer.
NOT-SO-DEEP THOUGHTS Eight. That’s an important number, so let that sink in a bit. We’ve had 18 seasons of Robioland Football and somehow, someway, Griff has managed to sneak into the title game eight times. Yes, he’s lost 75% of those contests, but still, eight times is fucking impressive. Excluding me (I’ve been to seven of those bad boys) and you can’t take two league members and combined their title visits and reach the number eight.
If Robioland had a dictionary and the words you looked up were “just win,” you would see a photo of Griff. He’s had 14 winning seasons. Thirteen of those produced at least eight victories. Hell, 12 times he’s reached at least nine wins (in regular season and post). That’s amazing.
Want more? Of the four times in 18 seasons where he has missed the playoffs, three times his opponents scored the most points that year. In wasn’t until this past season, when he actually can’t blame that on his failure to reach the postseason.
Speaking of this year…sure, it’s never good when one can argue that your team was the heaviest preseason favorite to fail to reach the playoffs…but when Griff fails, he always fails bigly.
Three times he has managed only four wins, but he’s also someone who has never earned the top pick in the draft by finishing last the previous season. For now, this season was a hiccup that ended a stunning seven-year run that saw seven winning seasons, seven playoff trips, three title games and one championship.
HISTORIC MOMENTS
3. ROBIO MURRAY
ESTABLISHED: 1999 CHAMPIONSHIPS: 4 (last in 2012) RUNNER-UP: 3 TOP SEED: 4 SCORING CROWN: 4
W-L RECORD: 148-122 | .548 (#3) POINTS PER GAME: 1,350 PPG (#1)
PLAYOFF TRIPS: 12 of 18 seasons PLAYOFF RECORD: 22-8 | .733 (#1) PLAYOFF POINTS: 1,489 PPG (#1)
RECORDS THAT MATTER I have the fourth and sixth highest scoring games of all-time. I scored 2,321 points in a 2000 victory and 2,258 points in 1999.
In my first career game, I scored 280 fantasy points in a 1999 loss. That remains the second lowest point total ever.
Back in 2003, I crushed Masterson, 2,099-475. The 1,624-point margin of victory remains the largest ever. I also have the 4th (1,435 points over David in 1999) and 9th (1,198 points over Molly in 2004) largest ass-kickings of all-time.
I once won 14 straight games back in 2010. That’s the longest winning streak in league history. I also have the second longest streak when I won 12 straight between 1999-2000.
Between 2008-2009, I lost nine straight games, which is tied for the longest losing streak in league history. I am also tied for fifth longest streak, when I lost 8-straight between 2014-15.
Back in 1999, I scored a total of 24,081 points in both the regular season and playoffs. That’s the 8th most points scored. I also have the 9th and 11th most points. I scored 23,851 in 2002 and 23,469 in 2008.
Way back in 2000, I scored 1,823 points, but lost. David beat me 1,948-1,923.
I once scored 1,000 points in 28-straight games. That remains the 6th longest streak.
Between 1999-2002, I went 42 weeks without a weekly low scored. That is the 7th longest streak. I also have the 8th longest streak at 41 weeks, between 2004-2007.
FAVORITE OPPONENT: I’ve got 15 wins against Griff, which is tied for most wins over one opponent, but Coomer has had my number recently (15-11 overall). I’m done some damage to Neatock. I’m 13-6 in our nineteen meetings, although Matt has taken three of our last four. Yet, my favorite opponent remains Molly Coomer. I’m 13-5 against the female Coomer, having twice knocked her from the post-season.
LEAST FAVORITE OPPONENT: I only have a losing record against three people in this league. Burrier has taken me down ten times in eighteen meetings. Yet, the two others have really hampered my winning ways. I’m just 5-12 against Colby Hall, having dropped my last four against him. I haven’t beaten him since the 2013 season.
However, Bob Castrone has been a thorn in my side longer. I’m just 8-15 against him and three of those victories came in the 2008 and 2009 seasons. Take away those two years and I’m just 5-15. My only bragging right is that I’ve taken two of three in the post-season, although Bob did defeat me in the 2010 championship game.
NOT-SO-DEEP THOUGHTS Listen, the stats are all there, I’m first in points scored, third in wins. I’ve earned four top seeds, four scoring titles and I’ve been to seven title games, winning four of them. No one wins more or scores more in the postseason. I’m a stunning 11-1 in the quarterfinals.
Yet, I don’t have the consistent track record that both Bob and Griff can provide. In fact, I could argue that I’m one of the most inconsistent teams in the league. I’ve missed the post-season six times in my eighteen-year career and all six of those seasons have come in the last 13 years. I haven’t been to the postseason three straight years since 2003. That’s a problem.
Worse yet, lately when I’ve failed, I’ve failed huge. In my last three losing seasons (2009, 2014, 2015), I managed to win a total of eight games (8-31).
HISTORIC MOMENTS
4. RICH CALDERON
ESTABLISHED: 2003 CHAMPIONSHIPS: 2 (last year) RUNNER-UP: 1 TOP SEED: 0 SCORING CROWN: 1
W-L RECORD: 114-89 | .562 (#4) POINTS PER GAME: 1,321 PPG (#4)
PLAYOFF TRIPS: 10 of 14 seasons PLAYOFF RECORD: 11-8 | .579 (#5) PLAYOFF POINTS: 1,358 PPG (#6)
RECORDS THAT MATTER Rich Calderon’s best game was 2,163 points in a win against Neatock back in 2014. That is the 13th highest point total in a single game.
In that same game, Rich and Matt combined to score 3,807 points, which is the fifth most combined points ever scored.
Also in 2014, Calderon lost to Bob by 1,529 points. That’s the second largest ass kicking in league history.
Rich is one of five people to win a one-point game. However, he’s the only person to do it scoring over 1,500, when he defeated Jeff in 2003, 1,511-1,510.
Rich C defeated Colby back in 2007, despite scoring just 652 points. Their combined 1,269 points remains the fourth lowest combined point total in league history.
Thanks to an amazing playoff run last year that saw Rich scored 5,312 points in his three victories, Calderon finished with 25,233 total points for the season, which is the second most ever scored.
In one of those “this record will never fall” type streaks, Rich went an incredible 80 games without a weekly low score. Currently, Jeff is riding a 56-week streak, putting him 24 behind Calderon’s record.
FAVORITE OPPONENT: Calderon has done some real damage to a pair of folks in this league. First up is Colby, who use to be his clear favorite, until Mr. Hall suddenly won three of their last four meetings. Now, through seventeen meetings, Rich has won a dozen of those match ups (12-5).
Yet, Calderon’s favorite opponent is now Rob Masterson. Despite the fact Rob has actually beaten Rich in their last two meetings, Rich leads the series 14-6, after winning 11 of 13 between 2005-2014.
LEAST FAVORITE OPPONENT: This is actually one of my favorite stats in the league…Calderon has a career losing record to only one person in this league. Me, Robert Murray. He’s close with a lot of people. He’s tied with Burrier and Neatock. He’s up one on both Griff and Bob, and up two on Jeff and Don, but against me, he’s down one, 8-9 for his career. That wasn’t always the case, as I’ve taken three of four since 2013.
NOT-SO-DEEP THOUGHTS There’s been a lot of talk about Griff and Bob and the stud numbers they have produced over the last few years. Yet, there’s only one person who has two titles in the last four years and it’s neither Bob or Griff…it’s Rich Calderon. Coming off his 2013 title, Rich’s honeymoon was a sluggish period. He barely made the playoffs in 2014 and then missed the show in 2015. Yet, 2016 proved to be one of the best seasons ever and he’s clearly put his name back into the discussion of “best ever.”
Not bad for a guy whose claim to fame before 2013 was “that guy who never sucks” or “that two-seed who can’t beat Don in the quarterfinals” or “best team to never win a championship.”
Moving froward, let’s see if Calderon can really dominate a season. This is a guy who has produced just one scoring title and oddly enough, has never earned a top-seed.
HISTORIC MOMENTS
5. MATT NEATOCK
ESTABLISHED: 2003 CHAMPIONSHIPS: 2 (last in 2009) RUNNER-UP: 1 TOP SEED: 1 SCORING CROWN: 1
W-L RECORD: 97-102 | .487 (#6) POINTS PER GAME: 1,308 PPG (#6)
PLAYOFF TRIPS: 8 of 14 seasons PLAYOFF RECORD: 9-6 | .600 (#4) PLAYOFF POINTS: 1,462 PPG (#3)
RECORDS THAT MATTER Matt once scored 2,338 points in a 2007 game (against Bob). That remains the highest regular season single game score and the second highest of all-time (behind Masterson).
In fact, Matt has three of the top-ten highest scoring games of all-time. Besides that 2,338 in 2007, he scored 2,275 in 2014 (5th highest) and 2,207 in 2013 (10th best).
Speaking of that 2,207 in 2013, in that game, he crushed Griff by 1,334 points, which is the fifth largest ass-kicking in league history.
Matt is the only person to lose a one-point game in the post-season, when he lost to Bob in the 2014 championship, 1,495-1,494.
When Matt lost to Calderon in 2014 by a scored of 2,163-1,644, their combined 3,807 was the fifth most combined points ever scored.
Heading into this year, Matt is riding a seven-game slide. It’s the longest current losing streak and tied for the ninth longest ever. He’s just two loses away from tying the longest ever.
Back in 2009, Matt scored 5,390 points in the playoffs. That’s the most points ever scored in the postseason.
Thanks to those 5,390 points, Matt ended the year with a total of 24,849. At the time, it was the most ever, but currently it’s the third most.
Matt’s 2014 points total (23,512) is the 10th most ever scored and the second most ever by a non-champion.
Matt’s 24 straight games scoring over 1,000 use to be the record, but it’s not anymore. However, he has a 29-game streak and two 24-game streaks…the latter is the fifth longest, while the other two remain in the top-ten.
Between 2010-11, Neatock scored at least 1,250 points in 12 straight games, which is the fourth longest streak ever.
Matt once went an impressive 50 weeks without a weekly low score (2008-12), which is the fourth longest streak in league history.
FAVORITE OPPONENT: Neatock has done well against a trio of teams. He’s 11-8 against arguable his favorite opponent, Richard Burrier, although he’s lost three of his last four against Rich and is actually 0-2 in the playoffs. Surprisingly, Matt is up 8-5 against Griff, although he’s dropped his last two against him and he fell to him in the 2015 semifinals.
Yet, Matt’s favorite opponent continues to be Jeff Greenblatt. Overall, Neatock leads that series 8-3. He lost to Jeff during their rookie campaign, but once Mr. Greenblatt was riding solo again, Matt won eight straight (second longest streak in league history). However, he’s dropped his last two against Jeff.
LEAST FAVORITE OPPONENT: Matt has struggled against both Colby (6-10) and Don (8-11). He’s also just 8-11 against Bob, having dropped four straight. Yet, Matt’s toughest opponent remains me. He’s won just six of our nineteen meetings. In fact, between 2006-2013, I beat Matt eleven out of thirteen games.
NOT-SO-DEEP THOUGHTS Matt continues to be a enigma, wrapped in a riddle, smothered with bewilderment. If you were to ask me to rank the people I think are the best fantasy minds in this league, I would have Matt lower, certainly placing Colby, Masterson and perhaps even Burrier ahead of him. But that’s not this list. This is a list of results and we don’t argue with results.
Matt has two championships, including one of the best teams ever in 2009. He nearly earned a third, losing in the 2014 title game by a single point, after watching two players get shut out in a Monday night fourth quarter.
He’s produced a pair of 10-win seasons and has earned a three seed or higher four times. He also has both a top seed and scoring crown (both from 2009).
The issue with Matt continues to be consistency. He’s missed the postseason six times in 14 years. That’s 43% of his seasons, which is not a good percentage in a league that features 66% of its teams going to the playoffs each year. Only Eric and Jeff have been worse.
Hell, Matt’s failed to qualify for the postseason in three of his last five years and too often when he blows, he fucking deep throats it. He has a pair of 3-win seasons and a 2-win seasons, earning the “Worst Team” award three times. He’s the only person to achieve this dubious honor.
The good news for Neatock heading into 2017 is that previously when he’s sucked, he’s always rebounded nicely. In fact, after winning three games in 2005, he won it all in 2007. In 2008 he against produced just three victories, but he followed that up in 2009 with a second championship. What will be his follow up act after winning two games in 2016?
HISTORIC MOMENTS
6. COLBY HALL
ESTABLISHED: 2004 CHAMPIONSHIPS: 0 RUNNER-UP: 2 TOP SEED: 0 SCORING CROWN: 1
W-L RECORD: 92-94 | .495 (#7) POINTS PER GAME: 1,318 PPG (#5)
PLAYOFF TRIPS: 9 of 13 seasons PLAYOFF RECORD: 7-9 | .438 (#7) PLAYOFF POINTS: 1,307 PPG (#7)
RECORDS THAT MATTER Colby scored a 2,197-1,296 victory over Griff in 2011. Yes, Colby has beaten Griff. That point total is Colby’s career high and the 11th highest ever.
Colby is one of three active league members to earn a one-point victory, when he defeated Jeff, 1,405-1,404 in 2014.
Back in 2004, Colby and Burrier battled it out. Colby walked away the winner of a 2,091-1,632 victory. The 3,723 combined points is the 9th best ever.
That same year, Colby was on the losing end of another top-10 highest combined score, when he lost to Calderon, 1,950-1,796. The 3,746 combined points is the 8th most scored.
Speaking and Colby and Calderon. Not every game was gold. In 2007, Colby lost to Rich, 652-612. The combined 1,269 points was the fourth lowest ever scored.
Colby once won seven-straight games (2014). It’s the 7th longest winning streak.
Back in 2014, Colby averaged a solid 1,496 points, which was the 11th most scored in a regular season.
However, in 2007. Colby averaged only 1,039 points per game, which remains the 11th worst season average in league history.
That 2004 loss to Calderon I already mentioned…the one where Colby scored 1,796 and lost? That is still the fourth most points scored in a defeat.
Colby once scored at least 1,000 points in 26 straight games (2013-15). That is the 7th longest streak ever.
In the hear of that 1,000-point game streak, Colby managed to scored over 1,250 points in 16 straight. That’s the second longest streak.
Between the 2008 and 2010 seasons, Colby sadly went 24 games without scoring at least 1,500 in any game. That’s tied for the sixth longest streak ever.
Colby once went 40 weeks without a weekly low score, the 10th streak in league history.
He also once went 45 weeks without earning a weekly high score, which is the 8th longest streak in league history.
FAVORITE OPPONENT: Cobly has done well against Neatock, taking ten of sixteen, while he holds a 9-6 edge over Eric. Yet, Mr. Hall has had his best success against me. He’s taken twelve of seventeen games against the commissioner. He’s currently riding a four-game winning streak, taking six of seven and nine of the last eleven dating back to 2009.
LEAST FAVORITE OPPONENT: Five teams own winning records against Colby and as of now, he’s not close to catching any of them. He’s just 7-11 against Burrier, 6-10 against Molly and 7-12 against Griff. Calderon has taken 12 of 17 games against Colby, although the latter has taken three of four.
Yet, the toughest of the tough foes is Bob Castrone. Colby is just 6-14 against Bob, having dropping seven of their last eight meetings.
NOT-SO-DEEP THOUGHTS Despite barely missing the 2016 postseason for just the fourth time in his career, Colby retains the title of best team to never win a title. It’s not a title people crave for, but someone has to get stuck with it.
It certainly feels like Colby has accomplished everything but that championship. While he’s under .500 for his career, he is fifth in the league in scoring. He’s made it to the playoffs nine times in fourteen years and is a solid 6-4 in the quarterfinals. He’s reached the title game twice, losing to Griff both times.
The knock of Colby is the fact that he almost never lives up to the preseason hype. While I don’t keep official records, his teams have often been picked to finish at or near the top and he almost never does. He actually earned back-to-back “Most Disappointing” team awards in 2012 and 2013.
Yet, it feels like his teams are almost always better at the end. Even when he’s losing and especially when he’s losing, Colby refuses to sit on a squad. He constantly works the wire and is the official trade king, averaging 2.46 trades per season.
Last year was a prime example…he sat at 1-8, but refused to give in. He won his final four, including a week thirteen win against the eventual champ. Sadly, there was too much ground to cover and Colby failed to qualify for the postseason, but in all honesty, if he would have snuck in, I would have had him as the favorite.
HISTORIC MOMENTS
7. ROB MASTERSON
ESTABLISHED: 2002 CHAMPIONSHIPS: 0 RUNNER-UP: 0 TOP SEED: 0 SCORING CROWN: 0
W-L RECORD: 101-112 | .474 (#9) POINTS PER GAME: 1,303 PPG (#7)
PLAYOFF TRIPS: 11 of 15 seasons PLAYOFF RECORD: 4-11 | .267 (#11) PLAYOFF POINTS: 1,377 PPG (#5)
RECORDS THAT MATTER 2,501 points. That how many points Rob scored in the 2003 quarterfinals. It’s the most points ever scored in a game (163 more than the next guy). That record has now lasted 13 years. To put that total in perspective…it took Rob ten more years just to break 2,000 for a second time.
Rob has two of the top-ten worst single game performances of all-time. In 2003, he scored just 475 points in a loss to me. It is the 8th lowest point total ever (we’ll mention this game again in a moment).
However, two seasons later, Masterson topped it (or bottomed it), when he scored just 435 points against Burrier. That remains the 5th lowest point total ever.
Okay, back to that 2003 game where Rob scored 475. His opponent, which was me, scored 2,099 points. The difference…1,624 points, remains the greatest ass-kicking in league history.
Of course, also that year, Rob crushed Molly by 1,182 points. That is the 10th largest ass-kicking ever.
In 2011, Rob averaged a studly 1,530 points per game. It’s the fifth most points scored in a regular season and the most ever scored by a team that didn’t win the scoring crown.
Two years later, Masterson averaged a solid 1,494 points, which is the 12th most scored in the regular season.
During that 2013 campaign, Rob totaled 22,572 points for the regular season and postseason. It’s the 17th most points scored ever, but it’s the second most points scored by a team that failed to reach the title game.
In 2005, Rob struggled to score, averaging only 1,056 points per game. That remains the 13th lowest point total for a season.
‘Most Points in a Defeat’ it’s a category we can probably just remain the “Masterson” award. Rob’s name appears seven times on this list, among the top-28 of all-time. The worst was in 2009. He scored 1,709 in a loss to Griff. That is the 8th highest ever.
In 2013, Rob’s opponents averaged a stunning 1,472 points per game. That’s the second most ever score in a season by an opponent.
Nine years earlier (2004), Rob’s opponents averaged 1,422 points, which is the 10th most. Rob is the only person to have two seasons in the top-ten.
Currently, Rob is riding a 30-game 1,000-point streak. It’s the second longest active streak and is the fourth longest in league history. If he does it for eight more games, the record is his (although Griff’s streak is one game longer).
Rob has two impressive 1,250-point streaks worth mentioning. In 2011, he did it for nine straight games, which is tied for the ninth longest streak. It’s also tied for the second longest streak within one season.
However, between 2012-13, Rob scored over 1,250 in 11 straight games, which is tied for the fifth longest streak.
Rob has gone 43 weeks without a weekly low score. It’s currently the second longest active streak (13 behind Jeff) and the 6th longest streak ever.
FAVORITE OPPONENT: Masterson has a winning record against four teams and three of those are just a one win difference. He’s 10-9 against Eric, 9-8 against Don and 9-8 against Burrier. Yet, the one man he can dominate is his old roommate, Jeff Greenblatt. Rob has taken eight of ten against Jeff. At this time, he’s riding a three-game winning streak.
LEAST FAVORITE OPPONENT: There are two teams Masterson has struggled to take down. Molly is the first. He’s just 5-12 against the league’s only lady. In fact, between 2003-2011, Rob has zero wins against Molly in the regular season (0-8), although he did beat her in the 2003 playoffs. He rallied to win four straight in 2012-2013, but currently he’s riding a three-game slide against Molly.
However, the man who really knows how to mash a Masterson is Rich Calderon. Rob is just 6-14 against the senior Rich, having lost five straight between 2005-2011, although Rob has won back-t0-back games the last two years. That’s the only time Rob has won two straight against Calderon in his career.
NOT-SO-DEEP THOUGHTS Let’s keep this simple. Do you want me to sum up Rob Masterson’s career with just one word? Okay…Zero. He has zero top seeds, zero scoring titles and zero trips to the championship game. Nada.
What he’s good at is disappointing us (three times he’s won Most Disappointing Team award) and naming teams (four straight “Best Team Name”).
Yet, after some early struggles in his Robioland career, where he missed the playoffs four times in six seasons (2005-2010), Rob has become one of the most consistent winners in this league. He’s made it to the playoffs for six straight years and none of those trips have been a fluke. He has six straight winning seasons, winning at least 8 games four times, which is why I’m bumping him ahead of Burrier this year.
The problem now is he can’t win in the postseason. Rob is just 1-5 in the quarterfinals since 2011 and overall is just 4-11 in the postseason. His 11 playoff loses is the second most ever, one behind Griff, who has been in 17 more postseason games than Masterson.
HISTORIC MOMENTS
8. RICHARD BURRIER
ESTABLISHED: 2002 CHAMPIONSHIPS: 1 (2003) RUNNER-UP: 1 TOP SEED: 1 SCORING CROWN: 0
W-L RECORD: 103-110 | .484 (#9) POINTS PER GAME: 1,272 PPG (#8)
PLAYOFF TRIPS: 11 of 15 seasons PLAYOFF RECORD: 6-10 | .375 (#8) PLAYOFF POINTS: 1,271 PPG (#11)
RECORDS THAT MATTER In 2014, Burrier scored an impressive 2,224 points against Griff. That is the 8th largest point total in a single game.
Speaking of that game, Griff failed to show (scoring only 930), so Rich’s 1,294-point margin of victory is the 7th largest.
Just for kicks, Rich also has a 1,137-point victory over Masterson in 2005 (tied for 14th) and a 1,115-point win over Calderon in 2015 (18th best).
In 2006, Burrier won eight straight games, which is tied for 7th longest ever.
Of course, between 2013-14, Rich lost nine straight, which is tied with three others for longest losing streak in league history.
Rich once scored 23,221 points in a full season (2011). It’s the 13th most ever scored and fourth most ever scored by a non-champion.
In 2007, Burrier managed to score only 1,025 points per game. That remains the 7th lowest point total for a season and the third lowest among active league members.
Back in 2011, Rich lost a tough one to Neatock, falling 1,864-1,782. His point total was the 6th most ever scored in a defeat.
Rich’s opponents scored a stunning 19,433 points. The 1,495 points per game average is the highest ever by an opponent.
Burrier’s opponents also managed to score the 13th and 14th most when they averaged 1,405 PPG in 2014 and 1,404 in 2002.
Rich once went 41 weeks without a weekly low score (2002-2006), which is tied for the 8th longest streak.
Of course, he also went 41 weeks (2006-10) without a weekly high score, which is the ninth longest streak.
FAVORITE OPPONENT: It wasn’t easy finding a favorite opponent for Rich, since he only has a winning record against three people. He’s got me, 10-8 and is 9-8 against Don. However, the one for Rich should enjoy seeing is Colby Hall. He’s 11-7 against Colby, having won three in a row.
LEAST FAVORITE OPPONENT: Burrier has struggled against Bob, dropping 12 of 19 career games. In fact, between 2007-2014, Rich went just 1-9 against Castrone. Yet, Rich’s least favorite foe is surprisingly Eric Vozzola. Burrier is 6-12 against Eric, dropping six of seven, dating back to 2012.
NOT-SO-DEEP THOUGHTS There was a time when Burrier nearly dominated this league. That of course is during the Tomlinson era, when he was winning four straight division titles, winning 8+ games per year and bringing home a title in 2003.
Then there was the infamous post-LT years, which has become difficult to sum up with a snappy paragraph. Since 2007, Rich has made it to the postseason seven times in ten years. That’s pretty decent.
Yet, he’s had eight losing seasons, earning six wins five times, while also becoming the only 5-win team to make the playoffs (2010). He’s been an 8-seed a stunning five times and he’s 0-5 as an 8-seed in the playoffs. His 3-8 record in the quarterfinals can only be matched by Eric’s 1-5.
He did have that magical run in 2011, where he earned a 3-seed and reached the title game, but more often than not, Burrier’s seasons come to a close in the quarterfinals.
HISTORIC MOMENTS
9. DON VOZZOLA
ESTABLISHED: 2001 CHAMPIONSHIPS: 2 (last in 2006) RUNNER-UP: 0 TOP SEED: 1 SCORING CROWN: 1
W-L RECORD: 107-121 | .469 (#10) POINTS PER GAME: 1,199 PPG (#12)
PLAYOFF TRIPS: 10 of 16 seasons PLAYOFF RECORD: 8-8 | .500 (#6) PLAYOFF POINTS: 1,292 PPG (#6)
RECORDS THAT MATTER Don once scored 2,228 points in a 2007 victory over Burrier. That’s the seventh most points scored in a single game.
In that contest, Don actually beat Rich, 2,228-932. The 1,296 combined points score is the 6th largest ass kicking.
Of course, Don’s been on the wrong end of an ass-kicking as well. In 2001, he lost to Jason by 1,463 points, which is the third largest ever.
Don has three of the top-14 lowest scoring games of all-time. The 14th was his 505 points scored in a 2003 loss to Griff. During his rookie campaign, Don scored 495 in a loss to Jason.
However, the cream of the crop was his 2003 performance. In that game, he lost to Molly, 494-263. That remains the lowest point total ever for a single game.
Don has twice lost a game by just four points. He lost to Calderon, 1,156-1,152 in 2009 and then he lost to Eric, 1,040-1,036 in 2016. Those are tied for the 8th tightest games in league history.
Don has been involved in four of the top-sixteen lowest combined scoring games of all-time. The lowest is obviously the game I mentioned with Molly, when they combined for 757 points. How bad was that? No other two teams has ever combined for less than 1,000.
Don also has the third lowest combined game, when he lost to Griff, 692-505 (1,197 total points). Oddly enough, in all four games, Don was the lower in each.
Back in 2003, Don averaged only 966 points per game, which remains the fourth lowest point total for a season ever.
In 2011, Don’s opponents averaged a solid 1,438 points, which is the 7th most ever.
Currently, Don has scored at least 1,000 in 23 straight. That’s the fourth longest active streak and the 12th longest ever. Think about that, if he does it one more time, that’s 24. There was a time when I did a special write up for when Matt did it 24 straight games. Now after week one, four teams could be riding a streak as long or longer than 24.
Don once went 24 games without scoring at least 1,500 points (2014-16). That remains the sixth longest in league history. Don and Eric are the only active members to have done that for 20+ games twice.
Between 2002-2006, Don went 53 weeks without a weekly high score; the fourth longest streak ever. Yet, between 2009-2013, he did it for 56 weeks, the third longest streak in league history.
Currently, Don has gone 33 weeks without a weekly high score. That’s the second longest active streak in the league right now (seven behind me).
FAVORITE OPPONENT: Don has a winning record against only two teams. He’s 11-8 against Neatock, but when Vozzola needs a near-guaranteed win, he finds the league’s other Vozzola. Don is 15-8 against his Eric Vozzola, although Eric has won three of the last four. He did most of his damage between 2004-2011, when he took nine of eleven.
LEAST FAVORITE OPPONENT: There’s least favorite opponents and then there is Don vs. Bob Castrone. Don is just 4-15 against Bob. That’s the largest struggle in league history. In fact, dating back to 2008, Don has just one victory against Bob, going 1-11. His only win was a 1,172-1,100 victory back in week one, 2012.
NOT-SO-DEEP THOUGHTS Between 2002-2011, Don put together an impressive decade of fantasy football. He won a pair of championships (both over me, both as a seven seed), while earning both a top seed (2005) and a scoring crown (2007). He ended up crashing the postseason party nine times in those ten years, including eight straight starting in 2004. At the time, that was the longest streak in league history.
Yet, Don nearly erased all that goodwill and good fortune with a horrid four-year stretch. Between 2012-2015, he failed to qualify for a playoff spot. Eric is the only other person to match that dubious of a streak. And it wasn’t one of those “man, he can’t catch a break” type runs either. He never sniffed 1,300 points per game, producing only one weekly high score.
This is why Don is now the lowest scoring team in the league, averaging only 1,199 points per contest. In a time when scoring is on the rise, his average has sunk.
At least last year, with the top pick in the draft, Don was able to ride Zek Elliot and rediscover his winning ways. He earned nine W’s and got back into the postseason as a 3-seed. Sure he lost in the first round, but baby steps.
HISTORIC MOMENTS
10. MOLLY COOMER
ESTABLISHED: 2002 CHAMPIONSHIPS: 0 RUNNER-UP: 1 TOP SEED: 3 SCORING CROWN: 2
W-L RECORD: 109-103 | .514 (#5) POINTS PER GAME: 1,271 PPG (#9)
PLAYOFF TRIPS: 10 of 15 seasons PLAYOFF RECORD: 4-10 | .286 (#10) PLAYOFF POINTS: 1,299 PPG (#10)
RECORDS THAT MATTER Of the top-36 single game point totals, Molly has been on the losing end four times, including the league’s highest, when Masterson scored 2,501 against her in the 2003 quarterfinals.
Oddly enough, Molly was on the winning end of the 1st and 3rd lowest single scoring games of all-time. Don scored just 263 against her in 2003 and David produced only 382 against her in 2008.
In 2003, Molly produced two games that remain in the top-ten lowest single game point total. She scored only 494 points against Don that year (and won!!!). That was the 10th lowest. She also scored just 442 against David, which remains the 6th lowest.
Molly has been on the losing end of the 9th and 10th largest ass kickings in league history. She lost to be by 1,198 points in 2004. The year before, she lost to Masterson by 1,182.
Molly once beat Bob by only four points in 2015 (1,085-1,081). That’s tied for the 8th tightest game ever.
Molly has been on the losing end of the second and fourth highest combined scores. In 2003, she lost to Masterson, 2,501-1,319. The combined 3,821 points was the fourth highest.
In 2001, her and Griff combined to scored 3,950 points (Griff won, 2,155-1,795). At the time, it was the most combined points scored in game. Currently, it’s the second most.
Yep, it’s that game again. When Molly defeated Don, 494-263 in 2002, the 757 combined points was and is the lowest combined points ever scored…by a lot.
Back in 2008, Molly ran off nine-straight victories. It’s tied for the fourth longest streak and second longest within one season.
In 2011, Molly scored a ton, averaged 1,536 points, becoming the first person since Jason in 2001 to average over 1,500 points per game. Anyhow, that remains the third most points scored in a regular season.
Speaking of that season…she ended up losing in the quarterfinals. Her combined (regular season and post) points of 21,306 remains the most ever scored by a team that failed to reach the semifinals.
In 2009, Molly scored 1,795 points in a loss to Griff (I’ve already mentioned this game up above). It was the fifth most points scored in a defeat. However, she also once scored 1,707 points in a 2010 loss to me.
Last year, Molly’s opponents averaged 1,463 points per game; the third most for a season.
Molly has three seasons among the top-12 of the “lowest opponent’s points.” In 2002, her opponents averaged just 1,104 points (12th lowest). In 2003, they scored just 1,065 (fourth lowest). In 2008, they averaged just 1,003 points per game (the second lowest).
Between 2007-2011, Molly failed to produce a weekly high in 49 straight games. That is the 7th longest streak. However, between 2011-2015, she failed to do it in 51 straight weeks, the sixth longest streak.
FAVORITE OPPONENT: Molly has a winning career record against Don (12-11) and has had good times against Colby (10-6). She’s handled Masterson quite easily (12-6), but the man she likes to face the most is Eric Vozzola. She’s 15-8 against him. He’s only beaten her two straight one time, when Molly was swept in 2005.
LEAST FAVORITE OPPONENT: Molly has struggled against two opponents are both just so happened to be the guys she worked with at Ruby Tuesday. Griff is 16-8 against Molly, once losing five straight in just three years between 2009-2011. Yet, me…Robio Murray, remains her toughest for. She’s just 5-13 against me. A victory this past season ended a five-game losing streak, but worse yet, Molly is 0-3 against me in the playoffs.
NOT-SO-DEEP THOUGHTS Wins and loses don’t always tell the story, which is why Molly’s .514 career winning percentage has never really impressed, but suddenly finding wins has gotten a lot tougher.
Yet, let’s tackle the positives. Molly has won…often. She has four regular seasons where she’s produced at least ten wins. I’m the only other person who can make that claim and two of my double-digit seasons came in 1999-2000. On top of all that, this is a gal who won five division titles, back when that meant something. Also, at one point she had made it to the postseason in 10 of her 12 years in the league.
However, she was never able to convert those regular season success stories into playoff glory. After winning her first two postseason games, she dropped five straight and ten of her next 12. In one of those victories (2008), she defeated the 8-seed Eric, despite failing to hit 1,000.
Worst yet, Molly has sunken to new lows over the last two years. She’s produced back-to-back 4-9 seasons, as her scoring continues to dip in the wrong direction. She’s now 10th in the league. Are these two years a hiccup or will this become the new norm?
HISTORIC MOMENTS
11. JEFF GREENBLATT
ESTABLISHED: 2003* CHAMPIONSHIPS: 0 RUNNER-UP: 1 TOP SEED: 1 SCORING CROWN: 0
W-L RECORD: 54-70 | .435 (#12) POINTS PER GAME: 1,235 PPG (#10)
PLAYOFF TRIPS: 4 of 9 seasons PLAYOFF RECORD: 2-4 | .333 (#9) PLAYOFF POINTS: 1,167 PPG (#12)
RECORDS THAT MATTER Jeff scored 473 points back in 2003. That was the 7th lowest scoring game of all-time.
Back in 2014, Jeff crushed Masterson by 1,137 points. That was the 14th biggest ass kicking ever.
Jeff is the only person in league history to suffer two career 1-point losses. He lost to Colby 1405-1404 back in 2014 and 11 years earlier, he fell to Calderon 1511-1510. That’s the highest scoring one-point loss in league history.
Jeff has both a seven-game and a eight-game losing streak in his career. The former is tied for the 9th longest, while the latter is tied for the 5th longest.
Last year Jeff scored a career high 19,492 points in the regular season. The 1,499 PPG average is the 8th most scored in a regular season.
Speaking of 2016, Jeff finished with 23,393 points when we include the postseason. That’s the 12th most points scored and fourth most by a non-champion.
In 2012, Jeff’s opponents averaged a solid 1,453 points per game; the sixth most in league history.
Jeff once went 27 weeks without producing a 1,500-point game (2011-2013), which is tied for the third longest streak ever.
Jeff has gone an impressive 56 weeks without a weekly low score (dating back to 2012). That’s the second longest streak ever and currently the longest active streak. He’s still 24 games behind Calderon’s record of 80 straight.
Of course, he also once went 52 weeks (2010-2014) without a weekly high score, which is the 5th longest streak ever.
FAVORITE OPPONENT: Eric and Jeff have swapped spots in the basement the last two years, yet oddly enough, Jeff sort of owns Eric Vozzola head-t0-head. He’s taken eight of their 11 career games, having won three of the last four.
LEAST FAVORITE OPPONENT: No one has more fun playing Jeff than Rob Masterson. Jeff has just two career victories against his former roommate as a solo player (2-8), having lost his last three agains him.
NOT-SO-DEEP THOUGHTS This past season, Jeff finally broke through. He won a stunning 11 games (three more than his previous career high) and averaged 1,499 points per game (117 more than his previous best). He earned the 1-seed and nearly became the first person to win both a baseball title and football title in the same year (he lost to Calderon in the title game).
Of course, any moron can have one good year (just look at my 2009 baseball championship) and this is Jeff we’re talking about, a guy who missed the postseasons in four of his first five years. He’s like a Jewish Eric. Yet, if we dig deeper, we see that Greenblatt has been more competitive beginning in 2013. In fact, he’s made it to the playoffs in three of his last four years. I would call that a new norm. Keep this up and Jeff will be skipping up the rankings real soon.
HISTORIC MOMENTS
12. ERIC VOZZOLA
ESTABLISHED: 2001 CHAMPIONSHIPS: 0 RUNNER-UP: 1 TOP SEED: 0 SCORING CROWN: 1
W-L RECORD: 89-131 | .405 (#11) POINTS PER GAME: 1,205 PPG (#11)
PLAYOFF TRIPS: 6 of 16 seasons PLAYOFF RECORD: 2-6 | .250 (#12) PLAYOFF POINTS: 1,281 PPG (#10)
RECORDS THAT MATTER Eric has broken 2,000 points in a game three times. His best, was back in 2009, when he scored a 2,157-1,416 victory over Griff. The 2,157 points are the 14th most scored in a game.
Eric once only scored 508 points in a 2007 loss to Bob. That remains the 15th lowest point total for a single game.
In 2013, Eric crushed Masterson, 1,997-757. The 1,240-point margin of victory is the 8th largest ever.
In the 2012 title game, Eric fell to me, 1,973-1,871. The 3,844 combined points is the most ever for a title game and the third most for any game in league history.
That 1,871 points scored is the second most ever scored by a losing team.
Eric was involved in three of the top-sixteen lowest combined scores of all-time. The worst of the worst was when he and Rick, way back in 2002, combined for 1,455 points (Rick beat Eric, 808-647). That remains the 8th lowest combined score by two teams.
Eric has a six, seven and a eight-game losing streak for his career. Those are tied for the 14th, 9th and 5th longest losing streaks in league history.
In Eric’s finest season (2012), he averaged 1,503 points per game, which is the 7th most points scored in a regular season.
That same year, when we include the postseason, he scored a total of 24,225 points. That’s the sixth most points scored in the regular season and postseason combined. It’s also the most points scored by a team that didn’t win a championship.
Three of Eric’s season are among the top ten lowest scoring seasons of all-time. He averaged just 1,035 in 2001 (10th) and then 1,026 points per game (8th) just two years later.
Yet, in 2010, Eric became the last team to fail to average at least 1,000, when he averaged 919 points per game. That’s the third lowest mark of all-time and the lowest among active owners.
Back in 2011, Eric’s opponents produced a solid 1,454 points per game. That’s the 5th most ever score by a team’s opponents.
On the flip side, Eric’s 2002 opponents averaged only 1,077 points per game, which is the fifth lowest average.
Eric is currently riding a 24-game 1,000-pt streak. It’s the 9th longest streak ever and the third longest active streak behind Masterson’s 30 and Griff’s 31.
Eric once went 25 games without hitting the 1,500-point mark. That’s the 5th longest streak ever, but that’s not even Eric’s longest. He once went 29 games (2009-2011) without a 1,500-pt game, which is tied for the longest streak ever.
Eric once went 59 weeks (2001-2005) without earning a weekly high score. That’s tied with Griff for the longest streak ever.
FAVORITE OPPONENT: Eric’s favorite opponent just so happens to be the only person he has a winning record against…Richard Burrier. Oddly enough, he’s kind of dominated him. Eric is 12-6 against Burrier, having now won six of seven, including a semifinals victory back in 2012.
LEAST FAVORITE OPPONENT: What’s weird about Eric’s struggles against some opponents isn’t the fact he’s really struggled against a variety of teams…it’s who he has struggled against. He has found it difficult to beat his dad (8-15), Molly (8-15) and Jeff (3-8). Outside of Eric, these are the bottom three scoring teams in the league.
Yet, the toughest foe Eric has faced is Griff Coomer. Eric is just 6-17 against Griff, having dropped a stunning (and league record) nine straight games. The last time Eric beat Griff was back in week 11 of the 2009 season. You read that right…2009.
NOT-SO-DEEP THOUGHTS Despite making it back to the playoffs, Eric is getting dropped back to the basement of my rankings. However, don’t sweat it too much, because it has more to do with Jeff’s fantastic run in 2016.
For Eric to escape the clutches of the basement permanently, he’s going to have to do some serious winning…over a long period of time. His career is still just overshadowed by too much failure. There are the six straight years without a trip to the postseason. There is the 12 years without a playoff victory and the fact that both his career postseason victories came in one season, which means of his 16 years in this league, he hasn’t won a playoff game in 15 of them. As Donal Trump would say, sad. Let’s also not forget the back-to-back mess that were the 2010 and 2011 seasons. Eric went a horrendous 3-23 (2-11, 1-12), becoming the only person to “earn” the top pick in consecutive seasons.
Yet, let’s end this on a positive. Despite all the struggles, over the last decade, Eric has produced a pair of nine-win regular seasons, earned a scoring title and made it to the postseason six times.
HISTORIC MOMENTS
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