Welcome to the preseason Robio Rankings. Normally I do a more detailed preseason predictions, but thanks to a short turnover, I don’t have the time before the season starts. I will have more later in the week.
1. THE DICK-TATERS (RICH C) Decision-making…it’s everything and it seems like this guy can’t make a bad one. This season Rich passed on Luck in round one to guarantee himself an elite WR (Dez), yet deep in the second, he still grabbed Aaron Rodgers. Add in Graham, that’s three All-Robio locks. Yet, the key will be Hill and Hyde. He drafted them last year for this year. I’m loving Hill as the starter and Hyde is now all alone in SF. Hopefully his bad offensive line won’t turn him into the next Montee Ball.
2. QUARTER POUNDERS (COLBY) Colby’s got the league’s best quarterback, surrounded by three potential elite wide receivers (AJ Green, Alson Jeffery and Mike Evans), although I’ll wait to see what Evans can do. Don’t forget that Vincent Jackson actually led the Buccaneers in receptions and yards. Evans was the top dog because of his touchdowns. Can he repeat that success with a new quarterback?
However, the key is Ameer Abdullah. He’s a stud who I love, but will the Lions love to play him? He’s currently third on the depth chart, despite clearly being the best back on the team. He’s small, I get it…but why draft a guy to protect him? If he falters, keep an eye on the Falcons’ Coleman. The rookie is a three-down back, so don’t be surprised if Colby delivers an all-rookie backfield at some point this season.
3. TIJUANA PICNIC (JEFF) Jeff actually told me that he is concerned with his team? Huh? This could be Jeff’s finest hour. Drew Brees may be on the backside of his career, but he still led the league in passing yards last year. Andre Johnson is going to be born-again in Indy and Cooks is now Brees’ favorite target. TE is a little weak and I’m not seeing any sleepers on the bench, but what I do see is the league’s best running back duo.
Jamaal Charles, if healthy, will lead the league in touches this season and he could still only be the second best back on this team. The thought of C.J. Anderson running through Gary Kubiak’s zone-blocking scheme makes my dick tingle.
4. MUG LIFE Bell will be back soon enough, which is good news after seeing how well the Steelers blocked for DeAngelo Williams this past Thursday. Add in Miller and Bob starts the season with his best backfield in years…or ever to begin a season. Matt Ryan has the weapons, but still needs a line to be an elite quarterback. Yet, what about those receivers for Bob.
Cobb is clearly the man in Green Bay now, but Adam has done nothing. We’re told he’s going to step up and fill some shoes, but we still need to see it. On the flip side, Brandon Marshall is in New York and actually has a quarterback worse than Jay Cutler (that’s hard to say) and we have to wonder, does he care more about football or his television career?
Luckily for Bob, he has arguable the greatest tight end in football history yet again. He also has Todd Gurley. The Rams rookie back won’t play right now and he probably won’t be 100% until midseason, but man he could be good enough to replace Miller come playoff time.
5. JOHNNY HANCOCK For a guy who barely throw the ball beyond 20 yards, it’s hard to believe how good Tom Brady is. Add in Antonio Brown, who should once again lead the league in targets and catches, and we’re talking about two All-Robio talents.
Eventually I think Eric swaps out Morris for Yeldon, but Frank Gore is the key. He’s old, no doubt, but trust me when I say that the Colts expect him to be their all-purpose back. I can easily see 1,400 total yards and 12 touchdowns.
6. MY BALL ZACH ERTZ The talent is here. Philip Rivers is underrated and there is little doubt that Eddie Lacy won’t challenge for a first-team All-Robio award. Down in Atlanta, I expect Julio Jones to be the league’s top receiver in fantasy. The question marks will be…who can Matt rely on at TE? Ertz hasn’t proved anything yet. Also, Golden Tate was a stud when Megatron was out, but less so when he was back. Melvin Gordon though, is he even the starter in San Diego and if so, what does that mean? I expect a committee in San Diego and that’s not good for a guy picked as high as he was.
7. DEFLATE MY BALLS I see a good team? But a great team? Lynch is solid, but Ingram has yet to do it over a full 16-game season. Big Ben should be elite once he gets Bryant and Bell back and Cobb is now the man in Green Bay. Cooper is supposed to be a star, but we can’t forget he’s a rookie with the Raiders.
8. LOBSTER BIKINI Lots and lots of questions. Can Bradford stay healthy? If so, he in that Chip Kelly offense is scary. When will Foster come back? Anything after week four is too late, right? Forsett was a 29-year-old journeyman who came out of nowhere last year to become a top-five running back? Will he be a one-hit wonder or will he become a star in Marc Trestman’s offense? There is no doubt Demaryius Thomas is a stud in Denver, but what happens if Peyton’s Manning continues to struggle like he did late last season? Lastly, can Jeremy Maclin repeat his last season in a new home with a new quarterback, not known for producing stud receivers?
9. TWO I actually like the DeMarco Murray pick. I don’t think the situation in Philly will be a true time-share with Ryan Matthews. I also think he got two stud receivers (Matthews, Edelman) in high power offenses. That’s hard to beat. I don’t love Rashard Jennings. I think the Giants go committee and struggle to run the ball, so look for Landry to get some time in a three-wide system. On top of that, can Peyton Manning hold up? He’s a 39-year-old quarterback, with four neck surgeries, who can’t feel the tips of his fingers. That’s not good. I would have loved to see Don grab a stud backup like Tannehill.
10. MOLLIPOP What was Molly thinking when she drafted Tre Mason? Really, I’m asking. A truly awful pick. If you want a Rams running back, you grab Gurley and then four rounds later, grab his unhealthy handcuff.
Anyhow, despite that bad decision, Molly still has pieces. Russell Wilson should be top-five with Jeremy Graham in Seattle. I don’t love McCoy, not behind a shit Buffalo O-line, but he’ll get a ton of touches. Her receiving duo may be the league’s best with Hilton and Megatron and Bennett is underrated at TE.
Hopefully, everyone stays healthy, because Molly’s bench sucks ass.
11. WELCOME 2 FLA, ASSHOLES Okay, I’ll buy Peterson as the top pick. I think he’ll shake off his year off and I still think Beckham will be a stud in New York, but can Cam Newton really produce with zero receivers? I’m also not loving Sanders in Denver, as I suspect the Broncos to run the ball more. Vernon Davis is awful and Randle will be hit or miss in Dallas, as the Cowboys will go with the hot hand in the backfield.
12. THE HYPER IS REAL Interesting draft by Burrier. He used his first three picks on running backs, even though he can only start two. He drafted Freeman, even though it was widely believed that Coleman would be the better option in Atlanta. He reached for Bridgewater, which is fine, because he’s a popular sleeper, but then grabbed no protection in case he doesn’t pan out.
In fact, Burrier is starting three guys who have yet to prove anything (Bridgewater, Murray and Seferian-Jenkins-TE). Hopkins is the top receiver option in Houston, but the Texans still have no quarterback and even Matt Forte concerns me. He’s still the best back in Chicago, but he won’t catch the 90 balls CBS is projecting him for.
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