Sadly, the only time the two Vozzola men will be ranked 1-2 in this league is when I do lists like this.
Guess what folks, Robioland football is finally old enough to drive. Yep, we’re heading into year sixteen, which means everyone has been involved in this league for over a decade. That means it’s a perfect time to show how bad everyone has been. Below is every current owners worst season ever.
RANKING THE WORST OF THE WORST RankTeamsYearRecordPointsHigh'sLow'svs. Top 61,500+-1,000Total Score #1Eric Vozzola20102-11-0919031-60889.9 #2Don Vozzola20034-10-0966043-31698.6 #3Richard Burrier20132-11-01,081141-617110.1 #4Robio Murray20092-11-01,062022-605112.2 #5Rob Masterson20102-11-01,090022-604117.0 #6Molly Coomer20103-10-01,091040-706121.1 #7Jeff Greenblatt20122-11-01,143022-603124.3 #8Bob Castrone20053-10-01,125142-626128.5 #9Colby Hall20074-9-01,039032-615129.9 #10Matt Neatock20083-10-01,090011-603131.0 #11Griff Coomer20084-9-01,166111-614150.6 #12Rich Calderon20066-7-01,177103-424175.7
DETAILED THOUGHTS
For a long time Eric was bad. He spent six years in this league and never sniffed the post-season. In 2007 though, he finally changed his luck and crashed the post-season three straight years. He was finally no longer the league doormat. Life was good. Then 2010 happened. It wasn’t a shock. Eric was predicted to finish last in my preseason polls and he lived up to the hype. He produced the week’s lowest score in week one and never looked back.
He dropped his first four, failing to hit 1,000 in three of those games. He would never crack 1,400 points, failed to hit 1,000 eight times and earned just two wins all season long (vs. Matt and Molly). His 919 points per game was the third lowest ever in 176 combined seasons.
Between 2005-2011, Don had a pretty solid run. He won two championships, earned a top seed and a scoring title. He made the playoffs every year during that stretch, tied for the longest playoff steak. Yet, before that great run, Don wasn’t very good and in 2003, he was down-right awful. Don became the first and still only person in league history to start off the season with three straight weekly low scores. The third defeat included a brutal 494-263 loss to Molly. Their 757 points were the lowest combined points ever produced and Don’s 263 individual points remains the lowest point total by a single team.
In week four, he would score 1,081 points and upset Matt and in weeks 9 and 10, he actually won back-to-back games. The highlight was a 1,620 – 937 week 13 win over Griff, the league runner-up that year. In the end though, Don would win just four games and he remains one of just four people to average less than 1,000 for a season (966 PPG).
We all know about the post-Ladainian Tomlinson hangover Burrier went through starting in 2007. It’s well documented. However, it looked like he was finally going to get things rolling around 2010. That year he became the first and only 5-8 team to make the playoffs, which isn’t that impressive of a feat, but he did average a solid 1,324 PPG that year. He would end up making the post-season three straight years, winning three playoff games and reaching the finals in 2011.
However, all that goodwill came crashing down in 2013. For only the second time in his career, Burrier started the season dropping his first three. It did look impressive when he scored 1,908 in a victory over Masterson in week four. However, that would be the highlight of the season. After earning a second win (against Matt) three weeks later, the wheels would fall off and Rich would end the year like no other. He would drop his final six games, failing to hit a grand in any game, producing four weekly low scores. It was the third worst six-game stretch in league history. Rich would end the season in last place, with just two wins, although somehow managed to average 1,081 points per game, despite producing seven games below 1,000.
I made the post-season in my first five years in the league, but I would miss the playoffs in 2004 and then again in 2007. Overall, no big deal. In both those seasons, I barely missed the party, winning five games and scored well enough. In fact, my 1,343 points per game in 2004 remains the most points scored by a non-playoff team. However, in 2009 I finally got a whiff of a stinker of a season.
While I wasn’t the worst scoring team right off the bat, I couldn’t win a game. I ended up dropping my first eight games of the season, the worst start in league history. In week nine, I’d finally earned a win (upsetting Griff), but I would taste victory only one more time (in week 13 against Masterson). I would end up breaking 1,400 just once all season, producing two weekly low scores (which was a lot considering I had only had five the previous 10 seasons). I ended the year averaging just 1,062.
One could make an easy argument that Rob’s 2005 was his worst season ever. He averaged just 1,056 points per game, thanks to a brutal final five weeks of the season that saw Rob lose all his games, failing to break 1,000 in any of them, producing three weekly low scores, including a 434-point effort against Burrier. However, that team was the preseason favorite and was 4-1 at one point that year and didn’t really fall apart until he stunningly lost his first, second, third and fifth round picks (all elite starters), thus a good team couldn’t stay healthy and struggled to finish. In 2010, Rob was part of a three-headed monster that featured him, Molly and Eric. Those three combined to go 7-32 (tied for the worst record by three teams ever) and that year also featured the first five-win team to make the playoffs.
Better things we expected of Rob in 2010 as he was projected to finish fourth by me; led by Ray Rice and Sidney Rice (the latter of course went down in the preseason). He won his opening game against Calderon, before falling to Colby and Bob. Still, no worries since he was scoring some points. However, he had back-to-back sub 1,000-point games (including a weekly low score) and Rob was 1-5. He would manage just one more win (against Eric, the only team worse than he was). He averaged 1,090 points per game, second worst in the league and miss the playoffs for the fourth time in six years.
For the third time on this list, a team’s 2010 season ended up being someone’s worst year (Eric and Masterson were the other two). Molly had a very successful first seven seasons in the league. She made the post-season six times and the only time she didn’t (2004) she nearly rallied from a 0-5 start by winning her final four games. She made it to the title game during that stretch, earned one scoring title and three times earned 10 wins in the regular season. So it wasn’t a big deal when she finished 5-8, missing the playoffs in 2009. It’s not like it was going to happen again, right? Wrong.
Despite being the league’s preseason favorite in 2010, Molly’s squad was littered with underachievers and a rash of injuries. A 2-2 start would end up being a fluke. She’d win just one more game all year long. Her three combined wins came against Masterson, Eric and Burrier (who combined for just 9 wins all year long). While her 1,091 points per game was only her second worst (she averaged just 1,065 PPG in 2003, but managed to win nine games), her four weekly low scores and six games below 1,000 were both career lows. Ironically though, she only “earned” the three seed the following year, despite having just three wins, because both Rob and Eric “earned” two wins each.
In 2009, Mr. Greenblatt was removed from the Quarter Pounders and re-started his solo career, which basically makes him the Sammy Hagar of Robioland. When he did return back to the stage in 2009, he looked good; winning eight games, breaking 1,500 points a solid four times and earning the 4 seed. However, he would struggled the following two seasons, failing to earn a playoff birth. 2010 was particularly bad. He won just four games, producing seven games below 1,000 and averaged just 1,061, a career low.
However, it’s 2012 that has gone down as Jeff’s worst season. That year, he averaged a not truly awful 1,143 points per game, delivering three games below 1,000 and two weekly low scores. Again, not tragic. However, Jeff only managed to win two games (oddly enough, the wins came against Calderon and myself, the league’s second place team and the eventual champ). Jeff would finish last in scoring and at the bottom of the standings.
You know, Bob’s been so good in this league, you almost forget that he’s had it rough at any point in his Robioland career. Yet, his 2005 season is still to this day the league’s worst title defense in league history. Let’s re-set the stage. Bob started off hot in this league, winning five of his first six back in 2003, but he would win just one more game that year and become the only 5-1 team to miss the playoffs. The following year, he was having an average-to-good season, starting 5-4. However, he produced one of the greatest runs in league history, breaking 1,500 in his final five games. Come playoff time, nothing could stop him and he defeated Griff in the 2004 title game.
Good things were expected from the defending champ in 2005, but instead Bob started the season completely opposite of the way he ended the previous year. He would drop his first five games, producing three weekly low scores. A week five upset over Burrier would end up being meaningless, as he would drop his next four, before salvaging two of his final three. His three wins and 1,125 PPG both remain career lows, as were his six games below 1,000 and four weekly low scores.
In 2004, Colby became co-owner with Jeff and renamed the squad the Quarter Pounders (something he is really, really…really proud of, by the way). Anyhow, Jeff ended up doing the draft, while Colby would run the day-to-day operation once the picks were in. The system was a successful one. The pair would crash the post-season party in four of their five years together, earning one scoring title (2004) and making it to one title game (2005). However, that one year the playoffs were missed, ended up being arguable the worst one produced by the Pounders.
Even before the season began, Colby saw some things he didn’t like and pulled off a couple trades before a game was played. It didn’t help as Colby scored just 578 in a week one loss to Molly. He would end up dropping his first four games and added in a second weekly low score. A sad 876 – 805 victory over me in week five, would be the only win Colby would experience through eight weeks. While the Pounders would end up winning three of their final five games, the team would manage to break 1,500 just once all year, producing three weekly low scores and a total of five games below 1,000. Colby ended up last in scoring, tied for last in wins and earn the top pick in the 2008 draft.
I already talked about the worst title defense in league history (Bob in 2003), but Matt’s 2008 was a close second. Let’s start at the beginning, shall we? Matt first four years in this league were pretty mundane. He was never great, but never truly awful. He won a division, but failed to qualify for the post-season twice. However, in 2007 Matt shook off a 1-4 start and 0-2 finish that nearly cost him a playoff trip, to dominate the post-season as a strong 7-seed, winning his first title.
In 2008, a repeat was expected, since he was returning the three key keepers that delivered a mug the year before, plus he had his first-round pick. Yet, despite these facts, despite avoiding any major injury issues and even despite the fact he landed a stud-to-be Aaron Rodgers in round nine, Matt’s squad could never discover that winning feeling. He scored just one victory in his first eight games, never approaching 1,400 points. He would rally for back-to-back victories against Burrier and David in weeks nine and ten, but when he dropped his last three games, the season was done. He ended up beating Griff for the top seed by a game and producing the season’s lowest score over Burrier by just 79 total points.
For the first eight years in this league, Griff was a symbol of success. He made the post-season seven times (the only time he failed to was when his opponents led the league in points scored). He crashed the title game a stunning five times, finally winning it all in 2005. So in 2007 when he only won four games, averaging just 1,271 points per game, it wasn’t a big deal, especially when you notice that his opponents again scored the most points against him. Yet, 2008 proved that things could get much worse.
As people named Neatock and Vozzola were bringing home titles, Griff was starting the season like how he ended the previous, by losing. He dropped his first three games and produced a weekly low score in the last defeat. However, it looked like he turned things around when he won three of his next four, including a 1,690-point effort against Calderon in week four that proved to be a weekly high score. At 3-5, the playoffs were in sight. Yet, Griff would taste victory just one more time, dropping four of his last five. It would be the second straight year he would win just four games. While Griff’s 1,166 points per game were a career low, it certainly didn’t help that his opponents cracked 1,300 points a league high eight times, delivering three weekly high scores. In fact, Griff has missed the playoffs just three times in his career and all three times, his opponents scored the most points that year.
Well, this should not come as no surprise to anyone. The fact is, of all the talk of Rich being the “greatest team to not win a title” until this past season, the reality is, this is a guy who manages never to be truly awful. Remember, he owns the record for longest streak without a weekly low score by a stunning 24 games (nearly two seasons worth). Yet, back in the early days, we had no idea things would be this way, especially when he produced three losing seasons in his first four years in the league. When Calderon first got started, he had some good stories to tell. In his rookie year, he became the first 1-5 team to rally to make the playoffs, shocking the world when he upset me, the top seed and scoring champ, in the quarterfinals. He followed that up with a solid nine win season that featured eight 1,500-point games and a 1,425 PPG average.
However, in 2005, he struggled with a four-game losing streak in the middle of the season and came up just short, losing out on the 8th seed to David in total points tiebreaker by just 95 points. In 2006, Rich got off to a decent start, winning two of his first three. Yet, he would end up dropping four of his next five and was sitting outside the playoffs looking in. However, after wining three of his next four (including two wins against teams that would end up in the title game), Rich was 6-6 and all he needed to get into the playoffs again was either a Masterson loss, a Don defeat or a victory over 2-10 Eric. Well, Masterson won. Don won (and eventually won the title) and Calderon was shocked by Eric, 1,139 – 1,116 and just like that, Rich missed the post-season for the second straight year. Still, in Calderon’s worst season ever, he was only the fourth worst team in W-L and fourth worse in scoring. Not bad.
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