Ray Finkle…I understand where you’re coming from. The way “laces out” haunted the Dolphins fictional place kicker, Patrick Mahomes will stab at my soul for years to come. Updating Robioland Football this offseason was one of the most painful experiences of my life, as I couldn’t escape the simple fact that I traded away what could have been the greatest team ever in Robioland.
Perhaps revisiting those mistakes will be therapeutic.
This horror show started even before the season began. So let’s take a walk back onto the timeline of failure.
Hoping this hot girl eases my pain. It doesn’t.
PRESEASON My fall from grace actually began when I traded Tyreek Hill. I knew I wanted to land Saquon Barkley with the third overall pick, so I was determined to get him a sidekick at running back. I was a big fan of Delvin Cook before he got hurt as a rookie and assumed he was far enough removed from his ACL injury to make a nice comeback in 2018.
I was wrong. Cook struggled to stay healthy until the end of the season, while Hill proved to be the best wide receiver in football.
DRAFT I landed Barkley like I had hoped, but if I wasn’t keeping Cook in round two, who would I have drafted? I know for a fact who I would have drafted, because he was next on my list for round three: Royce Freeman. Obviously, this would have been a bust, but one has to wonder, knowing my second round back was on the verge of being a bust just one week in, perhaps I would have thrown out a better bid for Phillip Lindsay. Since I can’t determine that, let’s not include that in our thinking. Instead, I did draft Aaron Jones, who would have been my RB2 starting in week three.
WEEK 2 – Traded Away Pat Mahomes and Chris Hogan for Kirk Cousins and Kenny Stills With Tyreek Hill looking a star just one week in, I would have been more patient and less panic about my wide receiver spot. Thus, I would not have pulled off the biggest mistake of my career and ship Mahomes off for Kirk Cousins and Kenny Stills.
WEEK 11 – Traded away Saquon Barkley, Dalvin Cook, Kirk Cousins, Alshon Jeffery and Latavius Murray for James Conner, Le’Veon Bell, Carson Wentz, Jamaal Williams and the Falcons DST I basically had no shot at making the playoffs and most likely would end up with the top pick, so there was no reason to keep Barkley. Cook was struggling, Jeffery was worthless and Cousins/Wentz were the same players. In reality, I just wanted a good keeper for next year and was trading it all away from James Conner.
Of course, we all know what happened with all these trades…
Don made it back to the playoffs for just the second time in six years, scoring the most points in his career, led by the top wide receiver in football, Tyreek Hill.
Colby, led by Mahomes, who accounted for nearly a quarter of all his fantasy points, scored the most points ever in the regular season.
With Matt, I somehow handed him a championship. Within two weeks of our trade, my two big pieces, Conner and Wentz would get hurt and miss the rest of the season. Of course, as soon as my players left my roster, they became starts. Barkley became the best back in football, Cook finally looked like a RB1 and Jeffery was re-born when Nick Foles returned to the starting lineup. The irony of it all? Even if I didn’t do this trade, I would have lost to Marc in week 12 (he scored 2,205). I would have finished at best 5-8 and would’ve missed the playoffs. Matt would have definitely missed the playoffs and someone else would be your champion.
THE RESULTS?
MY 2018 POINT TOTAL: 14,422
WHAT My 2018 TOTAL COULD HAVE BEEN: Below is what those four players I would have been starting without any trades, plus what my combination of tight ends, kickers and defenses actually produced this season.
Patrick Mahomes: 5,106
Saquon Barkley: 3,852
Aaron Jones: 2,090
Tyreek Hill: 3,314
Alshon Jeffery: 1,224
Tight End: 1,266
Plack Kicker: 1,480
Defense: 1,722
Basically, my roster would have, for the first time in Robioland history, featured a first-team All-Robio quarterback (Mahomes), running back (Barkley) and wide receiver (Hill). Not to mention first-team All-Robio kicker, Jason Myers, and second-team All-Robio defense (Ravens).
As you can see, those numbers above add up to 20,054 total points. Again, I would have drafted Royce Freeman and started him until Aaron Jones returned in week three. Thus, add in his 258 points from those first two games. Now I’m up to 20,312 points. That’s just 276 shy of Colby’s record setting 20,588. However, my total does not include bye-week replacements for Mahomes, Barkley, Jones, Hill or Jeffery.
It’s hard to say who I would have used to replace these guys on their byes. I replaced Barkley and Jones with Latavius Murray, but I’m confident I would have never drafted Murray if I didn’t have Cook. However, I still would have kept Josh Gordon in round seven and in reality, the one week Jeffery did have off, I replaced him with Gordon, who scored 320 points filling in.
Now I can officially vouch that this team would have scored 20,632 points (1,587 points per game) and that doesn’t include who I would have filled in for a bye-week for Mahomes and both my both my starting running backs. If those three bye-week replacements could have scored just a combined 168 fantasy points, this team would have become the first 1,600 points per game team in league history.
I’m sad again. This wasn’t therapeutic at all. Excuse me, while I go cry in a corner. Laces out!
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