Welcome to the 2018 preseason rankings and predictions. Before you determine these words to be worthless, let’s not forget, I predicted last year’s champion. Everything before that should be ignored. Why? Well, let’s look at the track record. Fact is, last year was the first time my preseason favorite actually won it all…ever.

Here is a quick history of what happened to the teams I predicted to finish first.

2017 – Matt Neatock | Finished 9-4, won the championship 2016 – Griff Coomer | Finished 4-9, miss the playoffs 2015 – Rich Calderon | Finished 5-8, missed the playoffs 2014 – Robio Murray | Finished 3-10, missed the playoffs 2013 – Colby Hall | Finished 8-5, lost in the quarterfinals 2012 – Eric Vozzola | Finished 9-4, lost in title game 2011 – Matt Neatock | Finished 6-7, lost in quarterfinals 2010 – Molly Coomer | Finished 3-10, missed playoffs 2009 – Don Vozzola | Finished 7-6, lost in quarterfinals 2008 – Colby Hall | Finished 7-6, lost in semifinals 2007 – Rob Masterson | Finished 5-8, missed playoffs 2006 – Griff Coomer | Finished 7-6, lost in quarterfinals 2005 – Don Vozzola | Finished 9-4, lost in quarterfinals 2004 – Rich Calderon | Finished 9-4, lost in finals 2003 – Robio Murray | Finished 9-4, lost in quarterfinals 2002 – Jimmy Pedrero | Finished 4-10, missed playoffs

Anyhow, before we get rolling with predictions, let’s get started with some All-Robio’s.

FIRST-TEAM ALL-ROBIO

QB – Aaron Rodgers (Eric) If healthy, Rodgers should put up the stats that make you think his new contract might be a bargain. How do I know this? On opening day the Packers will have just two running backs eligible to play (one a former receiver), but eight receivers. That doesn’t look like a team ready to lineup in a bunch of power formations.

RB – Ezekiel Elliot (Bob) This is simple…in just 25 career games, the Cowboys back has totaled 2,614 yards rushing, another 632 receiving and 25 touchdowns. Add in his fumbles, that means for his career, Elliot averages 312 points per game in fantasy.

RB – David Johnson (Don) Typically, I would downgrade a running who is coming off an injury. Typically, I downgrade a running back who got a new quarterback, who will clearly not be as good as the last. Typically, I downgrade a running back who has a new coach, after the last coach game planned around him. Yet, David Johnson is not your typical running back.

WR – Antonio Brown (Colby) He’s produced over 1,500 yards in four out of his last five seasons and I see little reason why he won’t hit that mark again. If I had one concern (and it’s minor) is if Big Ben got injured. If he gets hurt (and he has often lately), the Steelers no longer have Landry around and would be relying on a rookie QB to step in and fill that void.

WR – DeAndre Hopkins (Rich C) Remember last preseason when DeAndre Hopkins said he thought the Texans should start Tom Savage over Watson? Okay, so maybe he’s not that smart. Anyhow, with Watson starting last year, Hopkins caught 551 yards worth of balls and scored six touchdowns in six games. Without Hopkins, he produced 827 yards and seven touchdowns in 10 games. This tells me, with a healthy Watson for a full 16, Hopkins is looking at 1,500 yards and 15 scores.

TE – Rob Gronkowski (Rich B) Let’s face it, for the first four, Gronkowski and Chris Hogan are the only thing Brady has to throw to that’s not listed as a running back. That should give the Patriots tight end a nice head start.

PK – Greg Zuerlein (Rob M) The dude took 46 field goal attempts last year. That’s nearly three attempts per game.

DST – Jaguars (Griff) So yeah, they’re good. They should finish first in points allowed, top-three in yards and hit the 50 sack total for the season.

SECOND-TEAM ALL-ROBIO

QB – Deshaun Watson (Bob) I don’t like to predict injuries, so I won’t. I think this kid is the real deal and will lead the league in rushing by a quarterback. The only negative mark is, can one of the league’s worst offensive lines keep him alive?

RB – Todd Gurley (Marc) I actually don’t think he’ll finish among the top-five in rushing yards, but thanks to another 700 yards receiving, he should easily sniff 1,800 total yards. I do see a dip in his end zone trips though. He got 19 last year and that seems like a lot to repeat.

RB – Alvin Kamara (Don) Last year, Kamara caught 82 balls as a rookie for over 800 yards and five scores. It’s hard to believe that’s not his ceiling. For him, especially with Ingram suspended for three games, the question is how many carries will he get? Last year he got only 152, less than 10 per game. If he can get that to 15 carries per contest, that would mean a jump of his rushing yards from 806 to around 1,200 yards. That would give the second-year back around 2,000 total for the season.

WR – Davante Adams (Bob) Let’s put it this way, he played in only 14 games and most of those with arguable the league’s worst quarterback play and still managed to catch 74 balls, 885 yards and ten scores.

WR – Tyreek Hill (Don) It’s simple math: A quarterback who can throw the ball deep + a speedster wideout who loves chasing the long ball = Many stats.

TE – Evan Engram (Bob) Some will argue that with Beckham back and Barkley underneath, Engram won’t get the same opportunities like he did last year when he was the last guy standing. Well, I spit on that argument. I say with defenses focusing on shutting down Beckham and Barkley, Engram will find good times open in the middle of the field.

PK – Robbie Gould (Robio) Let’s just say, the 49ers kicked a lot of field goals once Jimmy G was leading the drives.

DST – Rams (Colby) With a Donald/Suh interior, how the hell is anyone going to run the ball between the tackles?

THIRD-TEAM ALL-ROBIO

QB – Matt Ryan (Rich C) With a healthy Freeman and the addition of Calvin Ridley, how can Matt Ryan not bounce back to elite status?

RB – Royce Freeman (Griff) Yep, I’m picking the rookie over Barkley. Despite all the talk coming from the Broncos about their backs being a committee, I’m just not buying it. At all. Devontae Booker is a joke, while Freeman averaged 5.6 yards per carry in the preseason. He’s a two-down back, capable of catching the ball and will get the red zone looks.

RB – Christian McCaffrey (Rob M) Normanly I’d have Le’Veon Ball in here somewhere, but his holdout has bitched slapped his All-Robio chances. McCaffrey had a fine rookie campaign, but this season, with Norv Turner calling the plays, he’s going to get a chance to be a legit three-down back, with goal line.

WR – Odell Beckham (Griff) Okay…you got your contract. Now earn it.

WR – Julio Jones (Eric) Julio wasn’t very good last year. Let’s call it a fluke.

TE – Travis Kelce (Colby) They have a new offensive coordinator and a new quarterback. Let’s see if they both love the tight end like the guys did last year.

PK – Harrison Butker (Griff) First-year starting quarterbacks typically settle for lots of field goals.

DST – Chargers (Griff) The Bolts could be the best against the pass in 2018.

POTENTIAL ALL-SLEEPER TEAM

QB – Andrew Luck (Rich C) In was only four years ago when he passed for 4,700 yards and 40 scores. Can he rediscover that old magic?

RB – Aaron Jones (Robio) If anyone watched any Packers games last year, they would know that Jamaal Williams is not the answer at running back. Jones will be gone for two games. By week four, he could be the starting back.

RB – Adrian Peterson (Rob M) Remember that first year Tomlinson had for the Jets? Why can’t Purple Jesus do that?

WR – Keelan Cole (Rob M) Someone’s got to catch a ball in Jacksonville and at the end of 2017, this guy was pretty decent.

WR – Anthony Miller (Griff) Allen Robinson is a not an elite wide receiver. His 2015 was a fluke. This guy has the tools to be a star. Will it be this year?

TE – David Njoku (Rich C) If you’re thinking, this list of sleepers are all the guys Robio was going to draft and didn’t, you’d be correct.

PK – Matt Prater (Bob) Everything comes up Bob.

DST – Saints (Bob) 10th defense taken, but should finish among the top-five.

ALL-BUST TEAM

QB – Cam Newton (Rob M) No line, average receivers and Norm Turner hasn’t called a good offensive since Emmitt Smith was his starting back. Yeah, I’m reaching a bit.

RB – Dalvin Cook (Robio) Coming off a ACL injury, with a offensive line that’s been falling apart, don’t be surprised if he’s splitting carries with Murray for much of the season.

RB – Jerick McKinnon (Colby) I actually wrote this before he got hurt and had more with him being a flop, who would split time with two other backs.

WR – Doug Baldwin (Robio) Wide receivers with knee injuries are never a good thing.

WR – Mike Evans (Griff) Something about a guy who is so hit-or-miss, missing his starting quarterback for three games, that just turns me off.

TE – Delanie Walker (Eric) He’s old. That’s really it.

PK – Jake Elliot (Marc) A lot went right for the Eagles last year. Look for a lot to go wrong. Karma, bitch!

DST – Texans (Robio) If healthy, they are a dominant defense. The problem is, they’re never healthy.

PRESEASON RANKINGS: 

#1 AMERICAN SWEETHEART (BOB)

In this league, Bob is Elon Musk, wrapped in Amazon, smothered with Leonardo DiCaprio’s bed sheets, served on top of a pile of Trump commemorative coins. I mean, aren’t we sick of this guy’s success? Can’t anyone step up and send this walking, talking success story to the basement? Seriously, he’s making a mockery of this league.

Think I’m being a little hostile? Think again. The dude hasn’t missed the playoffs in 12 seasons and this year he has drafted arguable his best team ever. Castrone has won four championships and earned the top seed back-to-back seasons and this will be the first time I’ve labeled him the preseason best. And no, I’m not trying to jinx him.

Last year, before getting hurt, DeShaun Watson was tossing around 500-point games like he was Bob making it rain at Seventh Veil on a Sunday afternoon.  Zek Elliot, when he’s not beating up former Ohio State girls and serving suspensions for beating up former Ohio State girls, averaged 312 fantasy points per contest. There will be teams who will start two running backs this year that will not average 312 points per game.

At wide receiver, Adams is on the verge of elite. The dude caught 74 balls with Brett Hundley pretending to play quarterback for most of the season. Yes, Brett “two shutouts” Hundley. It still amazes me that a team like Green Bay would rather throw away a season than give Kaepernick a shot. Go burn your Nikes, motherfucker! Not because they’re made by children in Southeast Asia, that’s cool, but because the black man needs to keep his mouth shut. Sorry, ranting.

On the other side, I’m always suspicious when a veteran player like Marquise Goodwin suddenly breaks out at the end of a season.  It’s like seeing a hot chick with an old guy. I want to believe it’s love, but it’s not and the next thing you know, they’re planting trees in stilettos.

Yet, Jimmy G got paid the big bucks and while he’s out dating porn stars, he’s also tossing the long ball to Goodwin, which should make him a low-end WR1.

Bob even landed stars where it doesn’t quite matter. The Saints D was amazing last year and should be even better with the addition of Marcus Davenport, while Matt Prater should see plenty of field goal attempts in the dome he calls home. I even got Evan Engram locked in as my fourth best tight end. I know, I know…Beckham is back (and paid), so he and Barkley are going to rob the tight end of his touches. I disagree. I believe while opponents focus their attention on Beckham and Barkley, Engram is going to find open spots that would make your average Wyominging (Wyominger?) think, “too much space, bro.”

Of course, I can’t spend the entire post shoving rainbows up Bob’s beautiful hairy ass, so let’s try to nitpick his team into second place. Currently, he’s got three backs, other than Elliot, listed as starters in Carlos Hyde, Chris Carson and Rex Burkhead. Let’s be honest, by midseason, those three could all be backups to Nick Cubb, Rashaad Penny and Sony Michel. Also, offensive line play is the key to any fantasy success and both Watson and Elliot have issues. The Texans line has been a joke for a while, so don’t be surprised if Watson pulls an RGIII and is just four years away from being a third-string arm backing up Joe Flacco. Up in Dallas, the Cowboys fat boys are having health issues as their center is catching diseases no one has seen since Jim Crow laws were cool.

Having said that, no one has a better track record at fixing the unfixable, so even if a crack appears, America’s Sweetheart is just the man to fix it. Anything short of a title game run should feel like a failure to Bob.

#2 KAMARA SUTRA (DON)

For five years, Don Vozzola has been the lovable loser that no one seems to actually love. The only thing more pathetic than his drafting skills, were his team management decisions and waiver wire work throughout the season. He can blame his inability to win auction bids all he wants, but in the end, he’s still the idiot who kept Carson Palmer on his roster all last season.

Of course, this is the same guy who thought when Bob offered him up Kamara, he was getting the raw end of the deal. Oh well, at least he still has his charming personality…and a nephew who informs him when asked, that he’d be stupid not to take that trade.

Don heeded the advice and thanks to those wonderful listening skills and the second overall pick, he gets to walk into the 2018 season with easily the best backfield in football. Last year, Kamara earned third-team All-Robio, despite carrying the ball just 120 times (81 receptions helped). This year, with Mark Ingram suspended for juicing, the second-year back has a chance to prove he’s not just some fancy Darren Sproles.

Now when it came time to make a decision at the second pick, I don’t know how much Don struggled between David Johnson and Barkley, but in the end, he made the correct call. Sure, there are concerns. There always are. Every time he goes for a run he could be mowed down by a gang of Cubans hell bent on eliminating whitey, but that doesn’t stop him from running. Johnson has a new coach, a new quarterback and is coming off an injury, but he remains the best playmaker they have in Arizona.

At quarterback, Donnie is set as well. Russell Wilson has no receivers and the offensive line remains a crumbling wall, but that’s been true for years and hasn’t kept Wilson from locking up All-Robio awards. Plus, with Jordan Peterson advising the coaching staff, he’s finally understand why the white man is always getting wronged.

Kyle Rudolph is a serviable tight end, while the Eagles D should continue to impress. Yet, the difference between a title run and being just another piece that Bob will run over for a fifth title, are those wide receivers. Both Hill and Hilton have All-Robio awards on their resume, but both will be relying on unknowns at their quarterback spot. For Hill, if Pat Mahomes can toss the ball more to his team than the other, Hill should again be golden. For Hilton, it all comes down to Andrew Luck’s shoulders.

Look for a Don resurgence in 2018, as this is by far the best squad he has ever thrown out onto the field and that includes those teams that won him titles back in 2006 and 2008.

#3 SARASOTA SPACE FORCE (Griff)

The “real” space force was concocted by a man-child, with baby hands, who clearly got a little too much playing time with the toy rockets he gets after being forced to turn off four hours worth of Fox & Friends. Griff’s space force is a well thought out, perfectly executed force that will deliver real results.

The roster is a nice blend of former greatness mixed with up-and-coming stardom. The veterans are of course Drew Brees and Greg Olsen. I think their All-Robio years are behind them, but if they can stay healthy, and that’s a pretty big “if” for Olsen, these guys will deliver some enough stats this season.

At wideout, Griff is rolling in studs, like Boy George at a Los Angeles beach bathroom. Both Michael Thomas and Keenan Allen, who were both keepers, will be stacking the stat sheets. Did I not even mention the Jaguars D? Yep, Griff has the league’s top D, too.

Anyhow, the key to success will be the Freeman brothers. Can Devonta stay healthy? That’s important because A) Griff doesn’t have his handcuff and B) the dude is a beast when he’s healthy. The Falcons offense just works better when Freeman gets the ball. Yet, the Freeman I’m excited about is Royce. In hindsight, I should have never traded for Cook. I should have kept Hill in round four and drafted Freeman.

This season, don’t look for the rookie backs to dominate like they did last year. In fact, heading into the preseason, it looked like it was going to be Barkley and no one else. Well, after Royce blew away Booker, by averaging 5.6 yards per carry in the preseason, he was finally named the week one starter. Griff should be happy with his results, as well as his teams.

#4 HUNT FOR A BETTER NAME (ROB M)

Let’s go back in time, shall we? The year is 1999 and the NY Jets are the talk of the preseason. With a wall of a defense, elite wide receivers, a veteran quarterback and the two Bill’s stalking the sidelines, they were a early Super Bowl favorite. In week one, my fantasy quarterback, Vinny Testaverde and the offense were dominating early and it looked like the Jets would roll over the Patriots. Yet, he was knocked out of the game in the second quarter (for the season).

Oddly enough, the Jets backup quarterback was Tom Tupa…the punter, as their true backup, Rick Mirer was inactive and could only come in as the emergency quarterback. All seemed lost, yet Tupa, despite getting sacked every four and a half seconds, managed to complete 60% of his passes for 165 yards, tossing two touchdowns and after a Brian Cox interception for a touchdown, the Jets actually led the Patriots in the fourth. Yet, for reasons I’ll never understand, Bill Parcells decided to pull Tupa and put in Mirer (this meant that Tupa couldn’t play quarterback any more that day). With a one-point lead, Mirer went on to complete six passes; four to his players and two to the other teams players. The final interception set up the Pats to kick a game winning field goal with three second left.

Why is this story relevant to Masterson’s fantasy squad? Well, it’s a good representation of a typical Rob season. He starts off hot (Jets take the early lead), looks like a champion (Vinny’s on fire), but then something often goes wrong (ACL torn!). He gets creative (starts a punter), keeps the ship pointed in the right direction (takes the lead late), but in the end, something always goes wrong (He got Rick Mirer’d) in the playoffs.

Is this the team to get Rob over that quarterfinals hump?

First up, he’s got his Carolina connection, as he’ll be starting both Cam Newton and McCaffrey. There are some concerns about the Panthers offensive line, but with Newton’s running ability, my concerns are limited to a shoulder shrug. As for McCaffrey, I love this pick. I don’t like to call the seventh overall pick a steal, but it took some moxie to take him that high, especially with the talent at wide receiver available to him. All I know is, C.J. Anderson is a joke and I don’t see McCaffrey coming off the field. I see a All-Robio season on the horizon.

Kareem Hunt was the best back for a month of the 2017 season. Then for the next five weeks, he was one of the better backs in the league. Yet, down the stretch, he was basically Jonathan Stewart wearing a leg brace, unable to sniff either 100 yards or a touchdown. It seemed like Hunt hit a rookie wall in slow motion, although he recovered after Rob’s season was already over.

I suspect he’ll be one of the best backs in football again. The only question I have is about his usage. Is he a two-down back or a three-down back? Does he get goal line carries or will the return of veteran Spencer Ware make life miserable for Hunt owners?

At tight end, I’m as curious as anyone to see how Jimmy Graham fits into the Green Bay system. I expect his catches to remain average, but he could really be a dominant red zone receiver, because you and I both know the Packers aren’t running the ball down deep.

Of course, the X factors for this squad are the wide receivers. Does Rob have an elite wide receiver? I have to believe Fitzgerald still has plenty in the tank, but the guy throwing the ball isn’t Carson Palmer. Robert Woods has walked into a dream situation, but this is a five-year vet who has never crossed 70 catches or 800 yards in a season before. Don’t be surprised by midseason, Rob’s not starting either, as he has both Cole and Edelman on his pine. The former is arguable the best receiver in Jacksonville now and I have no doubt Edelman won’t walk off his four-game suspension and be right back to being Brady’s favorite target…to the dismay of Jets fans everywhere.

#5 TALLAHASSEE TRAIL (JEFF)

Not a scene from “Freaky Friday”

It’s weird, it’s like a couple years ago, Jeff and I had a fantasy Freaky Friday and switched bodies. Now his team keeps winning and is getting picked to win, while I’m always missing the playoffs.

Anyhow, Melvin Gordon is elite, but he’s the least elite of the elite, having never averaged four yards per carry. Luckily, he still get his many touches. The same can’t be said for Drake. With Gore in the mix, all the talk was about timeshares. Are the coaches really that dumb? I think Kenyan Drake is one of the more underrated talents in the league. He was solid last year once he became the starter and he’s dominated in the preseason (6.8 yards per touch). If the coaches let him, Drake could challenge for the league rushing title. If he’s given this chance, then Jeff could be great.

While Matt Stafford is a serviceable quarterback, who won’t loss too many games for his owner, no one looks at their schedule, sees Jeff and says, “Oh shit, I’m facing Matthew Stafford.” At wideout, Beckham and Evans give Greenblatt a pair of elite wide receivers. For Beckham, he’s gotten paid, now it’s time to shut the fuck up and play. Evans is oozing with talent, but just needs to be more consistent, which may be hard to do with Ryan Fitzgerald at quarterback to begin the season.

At tight end, Jack Doyle is a popular sleeper, as long as Luck is healthy. In fact, he could finish second in targets on that team. The Chargers defense could be one of the best against the pass this year.

#6 THE DICK-TATERS (RICH C)

Oh so much hope, so many questions, so much needing to break Calderon’s way. He could end up being an elite bastard that struts his way to a third title or he could fall flat on his face and miss the playoffs completely. Let’s start up top.

Andrew Luck didn’t play in 2017 and Matt Ryan probably wishes he didn’t play in 2017. Both have been fantastic quarterbacks in the past, but can they muster up the abilities to do it again? Luck is the bigger boom or bust of the two. When he was rolling back in 2014, he was the best quarterback in football and a first-round pick in fantasy. However, asking him to come back and rediscover that form is probably asking a lot. I have more faith in Ryan finding his grove. The Falcons struggled last year because Freeman was hurt, Julio was banged up and their offensive coordinator is a fucking joke. Yet, with everyone healthy and with the addition of another stud wideout, it’s hard not seeing Ryan jumping back into the top-10.

At wide receiver, Rich is in good shape. Hopkins is nearly a lock for an All-Robio, while Thielen is coming off a solid 1,276-yard performance. The question moving forward is, will he be Kirk Cousins favorite target? Producing two 1,000-yard receivers isn’t easy and Diggs tends to get more love from the so-called experts. Of course, if Thielen doesn’t pan out, Cooks provides solid depth.

Now let’s hit the uncertainty. At tight end, Calderon elected to go with a couple of sleepers in Njoku and Kittle. The former is loaded with talent, but this is the same guy who only managed two catches per game last year. Kittle wasn’t much better, as he managed under three catches per contest and scored only two touchdowns on the season, although three of his four best fantasy days last season came when Jimmy G was the quarterback.

At running back, Rich appears to have two lead backs. Derrick Henry no longer needs to worry about DeMarco Murray, but how will the Titans use Dion Lewis? In Cincinnati, Mixon doesn’t have to worry about anyone. He’s a two-down back with goal line, but this is still Mixon, this is still Mixon running behind a suspect offensive line on one of the worst offensive teams in 2017. Oddly enough, the best back on this team might be on Rich’s bench. LeSean McCoy was a forgotten man, thanks to his legal troubles, but last year, DeAndre Hopkins was a forgotten man and Rich enjoyed him like a vegan eating chicken wings.

#7 OH IT’S HAPPENING BALLFARTS (MATT)

A bad start to a season does not guarantee ultimate failure, but this could ugly quick. Heading into week one, Matt will probably be without his stud quarterback (Wentz) and stud running back (Bell). There is no telling when Wentz will be ready and when he’s ready, if he’ll be the same guy he was last year. A ACL injury typically takes a full year and the Eagles quarterback got hurt in week 14 of last season.

As for Bell, how long can he keep up this mess? As of this writing, he is still holding out, showing zero interest in reporting. At least Matt was smart and landed his handcuff. I actually like James Conner and believe he can be a solid back in this league. Besides, DeAngelo Williams showed in the past that it isn’t that tough to fill Bell’s fantasy shoes.

Of course, outside of his Steeler connection, Matt’s running backs are interesting to say the least. Both Barber and Williams are the starters, but no one really expects them to be by the end of the month. Gore is still alive, but all he’ll really do is annoy Drake owners.

At wide receiver, A.J. Green has officially dropped from the list of elites. He barely hit 1,000 yards last season and has tasted double digit touchdowns just once since 2014. It’s not that he’s no longer a great receiver, but Andy Dalton has become the most useless ginger since Prince Harry tied the knot.

I am curious how many looks Landry will get in Cleveland. Down in Miami, he was surrounded by shit and managed to get 160+ targets twice over the last two years. With the Browns though, once Gordon is back, will he be the top dog? Remember, Landry is a guy who needs his targets. He caught 112 balls last year (good), but only managed 987 yards (not good).

Demaryius Thomas was bad last year. A lot of that had to do with quarterback play and Case Keenum will certainly help. Yet, it seems like Keenum’s favorite target in the preseason was actually Sanders, who is the more veteran of the two.

#8 BROWN ‘N SERVIN IT (ERIC)

Sorry, but this team just screams, “quarterfinals exit.”

Aaron Rodgers is the league’s top quarterback if healthy, as he will toss it around a bunch. He alone can win a game or two for Eric. However, a stud quarterback can masks many problems. At running back, I actually like Kerryon Johnson and he’ll probably start in week one, but you know and I know and the whole world knows, the Lions will imitate the Patriot way.  I expect four different running backs to see the field each week in Detroit.

Of course, the X-factor is Jordan Howard. The man was a stud his rookie campaign, but things fell apart last year. His rushing average dropped from 5.2 to 5.1 yards per carry and he rushed for two hundred less yards in 2017, despite getting more carries.

Julio Jones had a off year in 2017, but he’s still an elite talent and gives Eric what he’s gotten use to with Antonio Brown, studliness at the wide receiver spot. Stefon Diggs could be elite, but he has yet to live up the hype. Remember, this guy’s best season was just 903 yards. These two need to succeed, as I don’t see any WR1s hiding on Eric’s bench, as he has decided to stash two rookie wideouts.

I also expect Eric to have to make some changes at defense and tight end. So far, the Lions D has looked awful in the preseason and at tight end, Walker’s now 33 years old. Hard to see him playing a full 16 this year.

#9 DAVID THE PATRIOTS (COLBY)

There are times when a fantasy season starts and it must feel like you’re stepping on the Titanic. For Colby, a man who hasn’t tasted the playoffs since Donald Trump became the greatest President who has ever lived throughout the history of time, this can’t be feeling good.

Let’s start off with the large iceberg in the room. Jerick McKinnon was always going to be a risk, but it’s brutal when you lose your starting running back and third-round pick, before the season even started. Sure he’s got the handcuff (Matt Breida), but the 49ers have made it clear that their backfield is now a timeshare. That has always been the problem for Tevin Coleman in Atlanta. He is like a chick at a bar, who you think is hot, but you’ll never know until you get the right lighting and in Atlanta, there is never the right lighting. Face it, it’s not a positive step to start a man who has never gotten more than 156 carries in a season.

Heading into the year, the only true 2/3 down back on the roster is Alex Collins. He failed to hit 1,000 yards rushing last season, but he only got 212 carries. That number should see a steady increase this season, as I expect Collins to be a borderline RB1.

At wide receiver, Antonio Brown is the one super star on this team. We know what he’s going to do (1,500 yards, double-digit scores), but you need two wideouts for this whole championship thing to work. Robby Anderson was solid down the stretch last year, but we have no clue what he’s going to be this year. One minute, the Jets are expecting big things from him, while I’m also reading he’s set for the bench. Speaking of bench, Jones, Stills and Brown each have opportunities to become their teams’ top receiver. If one of them can do that, then Colby’s running back problems won’t be such a headache.

Lastly, at the very least, with Kelce, Lutz and the Rams DST, Colby will never have to ever think about his tight end, kicker or defensive spots again.

#10 ALTERED BOYZ (MARC)

Marc finally took a step off that homer ledge and only managed to draft or keep three Steelers players this season. That’s a start. This offseason, everyone has been pimping Ben Rapelisberger for reasons I can’t explain. I’ve seen Superbowl predictions, MVP votes and a bunch of other nonsense. I don’t get it.

I think Big Ben is a fine quarterback, but can he really be a fantasy star? He does still throw for a ton of yardage, but he’s had double-digit interceptions in four of his last five seasons and he hasn’t thrown for 30+ touchdowns since 2014. On top of that, Brown has been dealing with nagging injuries already and Bell is holding out.

Of course, if Pattini wants to finally get a taste of success, it’s going to start with those running backs. Todd Gurley is the league’s best back and I see nothing that will change that in 2018. However, can Lamar Miller be a serviceable back? The Texans running back has been in the league for six seasons and has just two 1,000-yard seasons. He’s never broken the glass ceiling that is 1,100 yards rushing. He has scored just eight rushing touchdowns the last two years total. The good news is, Watson is back and the only other running back who could affect his minutes is on PUP. The bad news is, it’s still Lamar Miller running behind one of the worst lines in football.

At wide receiver and tight end, Pattini truly lacks greatness. While four of his five wide receivers have produced 1,000-yard seasons, none did it last year. Of the bunch, the best may be Smith-Schuster. As a rookie, he came into our homes and into our hearts with a surprising 58 catches and 917 yards. With Antonio Brown on the other side of the field, can he really add another 300 yards to make him a viable fantasy star? At the tight end spot, I’m not even sure if Ebron is the starter in Indy and Eifert hasn’t been healthy since Bill Cosby was selling Pudding Pops. Gesicki is the sleeper everyone says to not sleep on, but he had just one catch in the preseason.

Overall, I see Gurley and a whole lot of average.

#11 TRUMP? (RICH B)

When you use a second-round pick on a Patriots tight end and then the third round pick to grab his quarterback, you better be finding gems later in the draft. Burrier did not find those gems. Obviously, when we add in Leo Fournette, Burrier has three potential All-Robio players in the Jaguars running back, Gronkowkski and of course, Brady.

However, I have little faith that Jay Ajayi will FINALLY become a relevant fantasy back. Everything I hear out of Philly is that he and Clement will be sharing the load. Sharing is a good lesson we teach our kids. It’s not good in fantasy. If those two don’t workout, Rich doesn’t have the pieces on his bench to make up the difference. Both Duke Johnson and Ty Montgomery are third-down backs. That’s probably fine for a PPR league. This is not a PPR league. Of course, his running backs are still better than those receivers.

Corey Davis did nothing last year to show he has any worth in 2018. Sure, he might make a leap forward, but to be a good fantasy starter, that’s going to be a fucking far-ass leap from the 375 yards he caught last year. Cooper Kupp had a fine rookie campaign, with his 62-869-5 stat line, but the Rams remain a run-first team and with the addition of Cooks and Woods, how many targets will Coop get? At the very least, there is some depth. Sanders would be the best option in Denver, while Doctson could really benefit from having Alex Smith around.

#12 SIR LOSE-A-LOT (ROBIO)

To say this is not what I envisioned, would be an understatement to end all understatements. Let’s start with my preseason trade. I did it based on all the good news I kept hearing about Cook, but now, after seeing how the draft played out, it feels like a huge mistake. I should have kept Hill, drafted Antonio Brown and then with the second and third round picks, taken Royce Freeman and Carlos Hyde (although I might have taken McKinnon). I would be happier with that team. This team…

The running backs could be brilliant, but they could be junk. Barkley is already hurt and that’s still the same Giants line he’s running behind. Cook was the talk of training camp, but since then, we haven’t really seen him, everyone is saying he’ll share carries with Murray, all while the Vikings line can’t go twenty feet without falling down and getting hurt. On my bench, I will have some options if things go wrong. Morris could be the man in SF, Jones could eventually be the man in Green Bay and Wilkins could be the man in Indy. Of course, that’s a lot of  Could Be’s.

At quarterback, I have no clue what I got. I’m excited about Mahomes and maybe he cracks the top-10, but you don’t win championships by simply cracking the top-10. At wideout, I gambled that Josh Gordon is still elite and Doug Baldwin’s knee will hold up. Gambling sucks. At tight end, again, I have another player who has not done it yet.

That’s my theme. Of my entire 15 man roster, only five players have ever cracked the top-10 and four of those players did it once (and none did it last year).