Keepers are in and it is time to rank ’em. Enjoy.

#1 BOB CASTRONE

Rd 1 – Ezekiel Elliot Rd 7 – Marquise Goodwin Rd 14 – Deshaun Watson

Sick and tired of Bob owning this league like Ted Bundy at a Sorority House? Well, tough shit, as he enters the 20th season of Robioland Football with his best set of keepers…like eva. Speaking of being suck; sick of handing team stars and championships to others for nothing, last season Bob decided to actually get something in return in his late season swap with Don. With Elliot, Bob has something he hasn’t had too much of over the years: a dominating back. In fact, after 15 years in this league, he’s had just two running backs earn a 1st-team or 2nd-team All-Robio award. Elliot could be that elusive third.

Love the Goodwin decision in round seven (over the Jaguars D in ten). The dude is as underrated as Bob’s directorial skills. In seven games where Jimmy “I date porn stars and that’s okay” Garoppolo was the guy throwing the rock, Goodwin had 583 total yards. Doing some math (divide this, multiple by that) and that would average out to 1,333 yards in a full season. Yummy.

In category three, Bob lands the yearly tradition I like to call, the “Fuck Robio Murray in the ass” keeper. Like so many others in the past who landed stars I let go early in the season (Burrier = Freeman, Griff = David Johnson, Masterson = Jimmy Graham), Bob has a rock star at quarterback, who produced three games over 490 fantasy points as a rookie. At this point, any player I draft in the last five rounds and cut within the season’s first two weeks, you should drop $50 auction dollars on him. You won’t regret it.

#2 MATT NEATOCK

Rd 1 – Le’Veon Bell Rd 7 – Zach Ertz Rd 14 – Carson Wentz

It’s been seven years since a team has reached the title game after winning it all the season before, but barring a “Holy fuck, David Johnson just broke his hand in week one and is out for the year” type injury to Le’Veon Bell, few have walked into the season with a better chance of repeating. Obviously, Bell is a walking All-Robio award. Arguable the only guy I wouldn’t laugh at if a team with the second overall pick kept him.

Matt gets to enjoy his talents for two more seasons (this year with the last pick in the draft), because he was smart enough to finish last place two years ago and struck fantasy gold when Bell became available. If Neatock can get back to the title game with Bell as his starting running back, Le’Veon will become the first player in this league to lead a team to a title game in three straight seasons.

Down the pipe, Matt goes with a pair of Eagles. Hell, with Bell, all three keepers are from Pennsylvania. I’d wave his fee for the season if he drafts only players from the Quaker state. Make it happen. Anyhow, Wentz is coming off a late season ACL, so health to start the season will be a concern. Neatock will obviously draft another quarterback and take a wait-and-see approach to Wentz. If and when he gets healthy though, he could again be a top-five arm in this league.

Of course, it’s easy to be a great quarterback, when you have a comfy security blanket at the tight end spot. Ertz is now an elite tight end, with third-team All-Robio written all over him.

#3 DON VOZZOLA

Rd 4 – Tyreek Hill Rd 13 – Alvin Kamara

It’s been a pretty shitty five years of fantasy football for Donnie. At this point, I was going to stop saying things like “failed to quality for the playoffs” and just say, “Man, Colby has gone full Don.” It doesn’t help that Don actually thought Bob’s trade offer was a bad offer. I actually had to tell him it wasn’t. I really need to stop telling people things.

Anyhow, Don is entering the 2018 season with two All-Robio players (both he received in a trade) already secured and neither will cost him one of his top three picks (All in the top-25). With Ingram’s suspension, the starting running back spot belongs to Kamara, who was the league’s top rookie back last year. As for Hill, he lead the league in 40+ yard touchdowns and now actually has a quarterback who can launch it 60 yards with a light flick of his wrist. If one person could screw this up, it’s Don, but even this situation may be Don-proof.

#4 RICH CALDERON

Rd 4 – DeAndre Hopkins Rd 6 – Derrick Henry Rd 13 – Adam Thielen

The trick to keepers is to land three legit starters and still have your top three picks. If you do this, you’ll basically have your entire starting lineup (minus DST and kicker) and can spent the rest of the final 12 rounds masturbating to World Cup highlights. Well, Calderon has no keepers in the first three rounds, so that’s good. The question is, does he have three legit starters? Asking for a friend.

DeAndre Hopkins is a no-brainer. How this dude slipped to the fourth round last year is an embarrassment to this league. He was locked and loaded last year and earned an All-Robio and should easily compete with Beckham and Julio for second best wideout in football with a healthy Watson.

Now CBS projections loves him some Derrick Henry, but for some reason this guy shows up on a lot of “Bust” reports. Why? I don’t know. I guess Dion Lewis is a threat. The Titans could try some kind of thunder and lightening and that’s the kind of weather report that can kill a fantasy backfield. The problem with figuring this shit out is that the guy calling plays in Tennessee just came from the Rams and he’s never called plays before, so we just don’t know what he’s going to do. For now, I’d pencil in Henry as a high-end RB2. I’ve been riding the “Henry is an elite back” train long enough to get chafing of the ass.

Last year, Adam Thielen dominated like a white guy on the Patriots, easily passing Diggs as he number one target in Minnesota. However, the Vikings went and got themselves Cousins and we just don’t know who he is going to favor. Like Henry, I see him as a WR2, with WR1 on the table.

#5 GRIFF COOMER

Rd 2 – Keenan Allen Rd 11 – Michael Thomas

Who has two WR1s and two thumbs? Griff. The answer is Griff. Obviously, anyone can go three-wide, but something tells me that Griff won’t be drafting a wide receiver in round one. Call it a hunch. Keenan Allen finally stayed healthy and rewarded Griff with a second-team All-Robio reward.

Down in the 11th, Griff gets his hands on Michael Thomas for one more season. Think about this, for six straight seasons, he’s going to have a top-10 wide receiver in category three. First it was Beckham for three and now Thomas for another three, who despite having back-to-back 1,000-yard seasons, probably is only scratching the surface. The only thing missing on his resume is that elusive All-Robio award.

#6 ROB MASTERSON

Rd 2 – Kareem Hunt Rd 7 – Robert Woods Rd 13 – Jimmy Graham

I’m not sure how much Rob actually flirted with the idea of keeping Mixon (in the third) over Hunt (in the second). When he’s drunk, we know he’s willing to flirt with just about anything. In the end though, I believe he made the right call. Hunt actually digressed into a pretty average back in the second half of last season, but I have to believe top-five is in the cards again for 2018.

Rob Woods in the seventh is interesting. I had Masterson keeping no one in category two. Right now, Woods average draft position is in the ninth round. Obviously, with keepers, you have to bump that up a couple rounds, so he’s getting Woods right where he belongs and if he remains healthy, should be able to approach 1,000 yards this season in Los Angeles.

Oh Jimmy Graham…you’re still around? Seems like only yesterday, you were in competition with Rob Gronkowski for the title of “best tight end in football.” Actually, Graham managed to crash the top-five the previous two seasons in Seattle, but let’s not kid ourselves, there was a big drop off from the elites to Graham. With a new home in Green Bay, with the league’s most throwey quarterback, I can see him once again challenging for a top-five spot.

#7 ERIC VOZZOLA

Rd 4 – Stefon Diggs Rd 6 – Chris Thompson Rd 15 – Jordan Howard

For me, everything rides on Jordan Howard. Who is going to show up…the rookie or the sophomore? The rookie averaged 5.2 yards per carry and was second only two Zek Elliot in rushing yards. The sophomore managed only 4.1 yards per carry. He still had his big games, but Cohen stole too much of his touches in 2017.

Anyhow, Diggs is also a bit of a mystery. Everything about this guy says “superstar,” yet three seasons in and he has yet to break 1,000 yards in a season. Healthy is obviously an issue, as he has yet to play a full 16, but with another new quarterback in town (his fourth in four years), we don’t quite know who that guy’s favorite target will be. If I had to put money on it, I’d say Diggs, but I like black guys. It’s sort of my think.

Lastly, Eric made a late switch in category two to Chris Thompson. Honestly, I don’t see him doing much of anything. Yes, Guice is out for the year, but the Redskins are either going full committee or will bring in another guy (Adrian Peterson)? This leaves Thompson as a third-down back in a non-PPR league. That’s like having a Porsche in a school zone.

#8 JEFF GREENBLATT

Rd 3 – Melvin Gordon Rd 6 – Kenyan Drake

Is it me or does it feel like Melvin Gordon and his non-4.0 yard per carry average has been on Jeff’s team for like five years? In reality, this is year three and so far, he’s been a blessing. After getting 295 touches in 2016, the Chargers bumped him up to 342 last year. He’s scored double-digit touchdowns in both seasons. I see no reason to believe he won’t get a ton of touches again in 2018. He may not be sexy, but he’ll give you a hand job before bedtime, which is plenty satisfying.

Apparently, no one loves the Drake. After becoming a starter late in 2017, Kenyan Drake was solid. He rushed for over 75 yards in five of his last nine games, despite getting 20+ carries just twice. No, he’s no stud, but I’d thought he’d be a popular sleeper. Instead, the Fins got Gore, the coach said “committee” and now you’d have a tough time finding a web site that predicts Drake will reach 1,000 yards this season. Jeff will need to decide if he’s willing to say, “Damn the man” and label Drake a starter.

#9 ROBIO MURRAY

Rd 2 – Dalvin Cook Rd 7 – Josh Gordon Rd 13 – O.J. Howard

No one has more “high ceiling, low floor” keepers than me. Of course, a week after I trade the rights to Tyreek Hill for Dalvin Cook, Hill explodes for a 69-yard touchdown and the Vikings lose two of their offensive linemen to injury. That’s my luck these days. Anyhow, Cook remains a huge gamble. Not only does he cost me a second-round pick, but I probably won’t see him run until week one. Good times.

I decided to take a chance on Josh Gordon over Engram in the ninth. He’s been MIA all training camp, but he’s now back, although like Cook, I probably won’t see him in action until week one. With a new quarterback and plenty off new offensive weapons around him, my hope is defenses won’t be able to gang up on him and that will open things up wide open for the troubled, yet talented receiver.

As for O.J. Howard, we’ll see if I even bother to keep him until the draft. I don’t have much faith in him, but wanted to give him a couple more weeks to see how he’s looking in the preseason. Still, the sad part is, I potentially could start week one with all three of my keepers on the bench. Not good.

#10 COLBY HALL

Rd 4 – Travis Kelce Rd 10 – Rams DST Rd 13 – Tevin Coleman

If two of your three keepers are tight ends and defenses, you’re doing something wrong. Having said that, getting Kelce in round four is a steal, as he is easily the second best tight end of the board; probably a late second round pick if he’s available for the draft.

As for keeping a D, the Rams are still dealing with a pretty important hold out, but are expected to be a top-three defense yet again and they’re not costing Colby much (10th rd).

Last year Coleman made some noise at the end of the season, but with Freeman back and healthy, Coleman takes back his title of “best backup running back in the league.” That is a problem. Obviously, as a 13th round keeper, he’s a must-keep, but unless Freeman is hurt, I’m not sure Colby can rely on him as a starter week-in and week-out.

#11 RICHARD BURRIER

Rd 2 – Rob Gronkowski Rd 6 – Jay Ajayi Rd 14 – Josh Doctson

Keeping Rob Gronkowski seems like a surrender more than a actual wise decision. Don’t get me wrong, I still think Gronk is the best TE, but TEs are not wide receivers or running backs and I just don’t believe in using a top-two pick on a tight end.

So what is Jay Ajayi? With Blount gone, is he a full-time three-down starter? Is he a two-down starter with goal line? What role do Corey Clement and Darren Sproles play? If his touches can approach 20 a game, plus goal line, then Burrier is golden with a low-end RB1.

In category three, Burrier could only keep one guy and he kept him. Doctson only costs Rich a 14th round pick, but I don’t expect him to get much out of the Redskins receiver. Fact is, he hasn’t impressed yet in the preseason (1 catch), he’s already dealing with nagging injuries and I’m not sure the Redskins are better at quarterback. Last year, Doctson produced 35 catches for 502 yards. Asking him to make a leap to 1,000 yards, which would make him a good starter, but is asking a lot.

#12 MARC PATTINI

Rd 7 – JuJu Smith-Schuster

This is truly an interesting pick. As a rookie, Smith-Schuster had some exciting moments. He caught 900 yards worth of balls for seven scores. Yet, is he going to make a giant leap forward? 900 yards and seven scores is nice, but that was good enough for him to finish as the 32nd best fantasy wide receiver last year. Even if he doubles that, he’ll finish the year as the 16th best wide receiver, which makes him a mid-level WR2.

Now if Smith-Schuster was Marc’s only real option, I’d call it a win and move on with my life. However, to keep the Steelers wideout, Pattini passed on Jerick McKinnon and Alex Collins. The former is projected to be the lead back in a running back friendly offense in SF and the latter is the established lead back in a run-friendly offense. CBS projects both to be top-15 backs, who will easily outscore Smith-Schuster.

Tell me if I’m wrong, but would have anyone else kept Smith-Schuster over either Collins or McKinnon? Of course, now that I wrote that, Smith-Schuster will score 400 fantasy points the week Marc plays me.