The man who once try to take an elite wide receiver (T. Holt) in round 12, actually won the title. Wow.

WEEK ONE

RICH B (L) JEFF (W) 1029 – 1403 ERIC (W) GRIFF (L) 1830 – 916 MARC (L) DON (W) 865 – 968 ROB M (W) COLBY (L) 1471 – 1039 MATT (W) ROBIO (L) 1209 – 1127 BOB (L) RICH C (W) 1037 – 1464

TUESDAY THOUGHT

Matt’s rein of terror nearly ended after one week, but he held on to beat me in a low scoring contest. Of course, it was just that kind of week. Eric was the only person who managed to break 1,500 points (topping 1,800), while three teams failed to hit 1,000 and one of those (Don) won this week.

#1 OH IT’S HAPPENING SWEETHEART (MATT) Perhaps it’s just not happening yet. Neatock’s squad came up small, as only four players managed to break 100. Neither Jeffery or Adams looked like their quarterbacks number one option, but the big story was Le’Veon Bell.

The man who put up a 700-point effort in the playoffs last year failed to reach triple digits. He had just 47 yards on 13 touches, while Antonio Brown (182 yards) and James Jackson (two touchdowns) stole all the thunder.

Time to panic? Absolutely not.

#2 THE DICK-TATER (CALDERON) An impressive three turnover, four sack, safety and two score performance by the Rams DST definitely pumped up Rich’s stats and it’s probably safe to assume they won’t be facing the Colts backup quarterback all season long, but the reason the defending champ should be excited is because of Leo Fournette.

The rookie back got a solid 29 touches (26 carries, three receptions) and dominated with a 308-point effort. He was the one question mark I had about this team and it at least proves the Jags are committed to running the ball. This is probably even more true with Allen Robinson out for the year.

#3 BROWN ‘N SERVIN IT (ERIC) Eric road a couple of players to victory this week. Antonio Brown proved yet again why he’s a valuable keep in round one. He delivered 364 fantasy points without scoring a touchdown. Meanwhile, the Ravens DST went on the road, forced five turnovers and shutout the Bengals. Eric lead the league in scoring with 1,830 and it’s the first time he’s been the leader out of the gate since 2012.

Yet, it wasn’t all shit and giggles. Jordan Howard was suppose to be a workhorse, capable of carrying the Bears offense and he did manage 192 fantasy points. But I can’t help but notice some rookie back was given a lot of touches and outplayed him. Howard had 13 carries and three receptions for 66 yards. Yet, Cohen received 13 touches as well (five rushing, eight receiving) and killed it for 66 yards on the ground and leading the team in receiving with 47 yards).

#4 HUNT FOR THE GOLDEN JOHNSON (MASTERSON) So as predicted, Rob’s two rookies proved to be a hit or miss. At least the hit, was a gigantic Ivan Drago type hit. Kareem Hunt’s 642 fantasy points was record breaking, while Mixon’s was not. The Bengals rookie RB actually led the team in carries. He had 8, Bernard had 7 and Hill had 6. However, while Bernard had 40 yards on the ground and Hill had 26, Mixon only produced nine.

#5 QUARTER POUNDERZ (JEFF) Sam Bradford…400 fantasy points. Really? I can honestly say I did not see that coming, even against the lowly Saints defense at home. Anyhow, the good news for Jeff coming out of week one is the fact that both his backs looked like feature backs. Sure, Miller and Gordon didn’t dominate; neither rushed for 100 yards, but both got touches, combining for 42.

#6 REVENGE OF THE BURBS (ROBIO) At least I can’t blame my benching for my defeat. Sure sitting Montgomery cost me points, but instead of losing by 82, I would have lost by only by two. That would have been more heartbreaking.

During the draft, Bob and I waited last to draft tight ends and it showed. My guy, Henry, turned out to be a fucking joke. Not only did he not catch a ball this week, he wasn’t even targeted. Meanwhile, Bob only got two catches for nine yards from Ebron.

#7 TRUCK NUTS (GRIFF) A shitty overall day. His home gets hit by a Hurricane, his beloved Buccaneers don’t even play and David Johnson is set to miss multiple weeks due to an injury. Sure he can run and get his handcuff now, but that dude ain’t doing what Johnson can do. In this contest, Johnson had just 23 yards rushing on 11 carries, but he had 68 yards receiving (leading the team until he got hurt).

This is the second straight year Griff has lost an elite running back in the early weeks of the season. Last year he lost Peterson basically for the year in week two. When is Doug Martin coming back?

#8 SEB GORKA’S TAINT (COLBY) Outside of LeSean McCoy, what a shit performance all around. Coleman didn’t get his touches in Atlanta (116 points), Russell Wilson and the Seahawks offense looked awful in Green Bay (124 points). T.Y. Hilton didn’t have a quarterback and it showed (84 points) and Crowder looked like Cousins’ fifth favorite target, as he fumbled away one of his three catches (-2 points).

#9 TRUMP(?) (BURRIER) Burrier’s rookie back and first pick in the draft had a decent day. He produced 85 total yards on 18 touches, failing to average 4.0 yards per carry. Meanwhile, Stewart got 18 carries (no catches) as the starter. Time-sharing…that’s what Rich’s team is going to struggle with unless injuries start to pile up. Look at Freeman in Atlanta. He got 14 touches (12 carries), while Coleman got 12 touches (eight carries).

#10 DICK MCBALLFARTS (BOB) The cracks are showing early. Word is, Cam’s shoulder is a little sore (never good) and Bob has no flex. Adrian wasn’t one half a two-headed monster, he was a third member of a boy band. Both he and Ingram got just six carries, while rookie Alvin Kamara lead the team with seven and I’m sure yelling at his coach mid-game will help AP’s cause.

Worse yet, most teams have at least a wideout they can slide in and go three-wide, but right at this moment, Bob has none I would feel good about.

#11 ZEKE SQUAD (DON) Don is a much better team now that Zeke Elliot gets to avoid his six-game suspension. He remained Dallas’ workhorse, getting 29 touches and delivering a solid 280 points. Yet, Kirk Cousins looked awful at home (three turnovers, four sacks), while Brandon Marshall didn’t catch a ball until there was 20 seconds to go in the Cowboys game. A win is a win, but there is nothing worth bragging about when you win scoring under 1,000.

#12 MOLLY’S LIPS (MARC) The week started off rough as Marc entered the week three players down, with both Beckham and Rawls injured and Rodgers’s game postponed. The guys who did show up, failed to, you know, show. Powell had just 78 fantasy points (39 yards on 12 touches), Martellus Bennett had just three catches and Martavis Bryant caught only two of his six targets for 14 yards. Meanwhile, the Patriots D got owned by Alex Smith, delivering -43 points.

If it makes Marc feel any better, my career in Robioland began with a weekly low score and I ended up going to the title game seven times.

WEEK TWO

RICH C (L) RICH B (W) 900 – 1507 GRIFF (L) ROB M (W) 1331 – 1379 DON (L) ROBIO (W) 1179 – 1564 COLBY (L) BOB (W) 1188 – 1221 MARC (L) MATT (W) 1235 – 1660 JEFF (W) ERIC (L) 1086 – 1071

TUESDAY THOUGHT

Week two featured a 15-point win, a 33-point win and a 48-point win. But were there any major shakeups in the rankings? That’s what we really want to know.

#1 OH IT’S HAPPENING SWEETHEART (MATT) So, do we think Bob is missing Todd Gurley yet? Remember last year, Matt and Bob swapped superstars midseason and in 2016, Bob got the better of the deal, as Julio continued to earn All-Robio, while Gurley remained stuck in the mud. This season though, Gurley is the one looking like an All-Robio player. He has 614 points and is the second best RB in the league, while Julio has 348 points.

What’s scary about this team is not that it’s run by Neatock, but the fact he still hasn’t played his best lineup and his best players have not played their best ball. So far, Wentz has remained on the bench, despite outscoring the starter (Mariota) by 156 fantasy points. Meanwhile, Le’Veon Bell has yet to get rolling, averaging only 3.2 yards per carry. He’s scored zero touchdowns and has just 19 yards receiving on his seven catches.

#2 THE DICK-TATER (CALDERON) Well, it shouldn’t surprise anyone, but Jordan Reed is injured, again hurting a part of the body I didn’t even know existed. Yet, what’s surprising and maybe concerning is DeMarco Murray. With the game in hand, the Titans running back took a seat with a hamstring injury. First, those can linger. Second, my biggest fear with Murray is the fact that the Titans have Henry, who really could be the better of the two backs and all it might take is one injury by Murray for the team to realize that. Now Rich is fine for now, which is why he remains in the two spot, because he smartly grabbed Murray’s handcuff, but the last thing he wants to start to see is a real timeshare. Rich pulled out his second title last year riding a pair of true RB1s and it’s tough to be a RB1 in a timeshare.

#3 BROWN ‘N SERVIN IT (ERIC) Eric suffered an ugly week two lose, but probably would have pulled out the win if Jordan Howard hadn’t gotten hurt. The Bears running back produced just 14 fantasy points after injuring his shoulder (the same shoulder he’s hurt in college). After week one’s performance by Cohen, I’d be a little nervous if I was Eric. Howard was expected to be his sleeper beast and so far, he’s been as effective as a kitten during a rap battle.

The good news though is that Eric might have some help on the bench. Javorius Allen appears to be taking over as the lead back in Baltimore. He doubled West in carries and produced over 100 yards and a score. Also, in Arizona, JJ Nelson might be ready to thrive as the lead receiver over Fitzgerald. He has 12 targets in two weeks, catching 10 balls. He produced a 300-point game this week.

#4 HUNT FOR THE GOLDEN JOHNSON (MASTERSON) While Rob doesn’t have a second running back (Mixon is on his bench now), Kareem Hunt is doing enough scoring for both RB spots. He followed up his 642-point performance in week one with 338 against a tough Eagles D. He now has the first and third best performances this year by backs.

Yet, it’s fair to say there are plenty of cracks in Rob’s johnson. Pryor had just four targets this week. That’s not going to work. A.J. Green’s offense can’t score points and what’s the deal with Jimmy Graham. He wa a projected top-five tight end and he’s been a bust so far. He has just four catches for a pathetic 2.0 yards per catch. This tells me he’s basically caught no balls. Those four catches were all caught at the line of scrimmage. Not good.

#5 DICK MCBALLFARTS (BOB) Wait, what? Bob barely breaks 1,200 and I bump him up from #10 to #5. Really? Is it because Michael Crabtree is the league’s top WR after a three touchdown performance and lines up beside Julio Jones? It certainly doesn’t hurt.

The reason I’m leapfrogging Bob up so much is because I believe he might have gotten himself a solid RB2. This past week, four teams spent $$$ on running backs. Masterson grabbed Kerwynn Williams for $14 and Eric dropped $15 for Javorious Allen. Colby went big and went home, paying $32 for Tarik Cohen. Allen paid off and Cohen wasn’t bad (and looks better with Howard out). Williams played second fiddle to Chris Johnson. Yet, it was Bob who spent the least ($6), but might get the most in Chris Carson.

This week, the Hawks made Fat Lacy inactive and Thomas Rawls barely played (5 carries, 4 yards). Meanwhile, the rookie back got 20 touches and gained a solid 93 yards and may end up being a feature back in a run-first offense.

#6 REVENGE OF THE BURBS (ROBIO) We love to drop high picks on elite arms. The kind of studs that can win games all by themselves. Burrier went first-round on Brady. I used a second pick on Rodgers. Yet, through two weeks, the top three quarterbacks are Alex Smith, Carson Wentz and Trevor Siemian.

At least my running backs are showing. I got 1,056 from three Montgomery, Anderson and Hyde and I managed to start the correct two. Yet, the big, bad news out of my week two victory was the injury to Jordy Nelson. I clearly blame Neatock. I hope his first three children get cancer. I don’t mean that, but I really do hope something bad happens to him in life.

#7 QUARTER POUNDERZ (JEFF) Is Melvin Gordon even a good running back? I mean, he gets lots of touches, but I’m serious? As a rookie, he averaged just 3.5 yards per carry. As a sophomore who got 254 carries, he still couldn’t break the 4.0 mark (3.9). This year, he’s got just 67 yards rushing on 27 carries, for an average of 2.5.

Luckily for Jeff, he’s a solid receiver. He has 12 receptions for 90 yards and a score. That’s three more receptions than Amari Cooper, Jeff’s top wide out.

#8 TRUMP(?) (BURRIER) While his first-round pick and backup running back mustered just 88 fantasy points #sad, Rich’s two stud backs dominated, as Freeman and Ajayi combined for 572 points. This was Ajayi’s first game of the year and what is promising are the touches. Despite trailing most of the game, the Fins never gave up on the run and Ajayi finished with 30 touches.

#9 SEB GORKA’S TAINT (COLBY) It’s tough to win when your top picks flop like a Miss Black America contest at a Klan rally. Colby drafted LeSean McCoy and T.Y. Hilton first and second in this season’s draft. They combined to score 184 point this week. Hell, his third pick, Russell Wilson, had just 230 as a QB. The problem is a true lack of points. The Seahawks, Bills and Colts combined to score just 28 total points and two touchdowns.

#10 TRUCK NUTS (GRIFF) In week one, Griff lost David Johnson. In week two, down goes Greg Olsen with broken foot. He’s toast for at least 6-8 weeks. Just like that, a man who has never started a season 0-2 and made the playoffs is 0-2 and in trouble. If I was Griff, I’d trade away Mike Evans right away. His fantasy season is already in the toilet, don’t risk your beloved Buccaneers too.

It wasn’t all tragic for Griff. He did see three starters (Rivers, Evans and Allen) break 200 fantasy points, as did one guy on the bench (Sanders). Obviously I’m sure trades will come his way, but that’s not really is “Matt Forte,” since he’s only pulled off two trades over the last seven years.

#11 ZEKE SQUAD (DON) Whether it’s because of the suspension hanging over his head or just because the Cowboys were facing a tough run defense, Zeke Elliot had his worst game as a pro. He rushed for just nine yards on eight carries, for 44 fantasy points. I actually blame the coaching staff on this one. If a great defense wants to stop a running back, they will. So it’s up to the coaching staff to get creative. How about passing it to him? Perhaps some misdirection. You know, they invented this play called the “screen pass” that has worked wonders on aggressive Ds trying to live in the backfield.

#12 MOLLY’S LIPS (MARC) I thought Bilal Powell was going to be Marc’s steal. If he wasn’t kept, he would have been drafted somewhere in rounds 4-6. He was a stud last year as a starter, but with Matt Forte back in the lineup, Powell has become an afterthought. He received just six carries (13 yards) and caught zero balls. Meanwhile, Forte got nine carries and four receptions.

With Rodgers playing fine in Tampa, but probably not good enough to keep Doug Martin on the bench, it looks like Marc is about two weeks away from having a major issue at RB.

WEEK THREE

BOB (W) JEFF (L) 1120 – 1016 RICH B (L) ERIC (W) 1207 – 1490 MATT (W) DON (L) 1420 – 1054 ROBIO (L) ROB M (W) 1242 – 1850 COLBY (W) MARC (L) 1668 – 940 RICH C (W) GRIFF (L) 1145 – 928

TUESDAY THOUGHT

This week was all about benched points. Notice I didn’t say bench points, but benched points, as in a lot of people benched players who had amazing weeks, proving yet again, none of us has a clue what we’re doing.

#1 OH IT’S HAPPENING SWEETHEART (MATT) Bell finally go on track, although I feel like he got half a dozen tries at the goal line. Right now, not seeing any flaws on this squad. If only Matt can start guessing right on who his starting quarterback should be. He finally started Wentz, who came back to earth against a tough Giants D (190 points), while Mariota surprised even me with his 324 points against the Seahawks D.

#2 BROWN ‘N SERVIN IT (ERIC) Eric got some stud performances from his receiving core. He appears to have two legit WR1 in Brown (280 points) and Diggs (466 points). I wouldn’t put Fitzgerald in that group, but when the matchup is right, he can certainly shine. This week, he delivered 358 points.

Of course, Fitz was in there because we all thought Jordan Howard was hurt, but he played and produced 418. On top of that, Shepard delivered a career high 326 and Chris Thompson had 436, replacing an injured Rob Kelley. The latter is currently the third best back in fantasy behind Hunt and Gurley.

#3 THE DICK-TATER (CALDERON) Yeah, probably shouldn’t have benched Murray and his 300 points. Perhaps we should learn to stop trying to bury DeMarco. Speaking of 300+ on the bench, how about Sammy Watkins breakout game? On the opposite side of the spectrom, Hunter Henry, for the second time in three weeks received zero targets. This is what happens when you own Jordan Reed.

#4 HUNT FOR THE GOLDEN JOHNSON (MASTERSON) Five players hit 200 and Rob got 930 from two of them; Tom Brady and Kareem Hunt. Yes, those two players alone would have beaten Griff. Yet, not ready to move up the league’s leading scorer quite yet.

I want to take a wait-and-see approach to two of his boys. Mixon finally had a breakout game. He had 18 carries, which was eight more than both Bernard/Hill. That’s good news, because Rob could really use a consistent RB2. However, Pryor is not proving to be the elite WR in Washington yet. He has just two catches in each of his last two games, as Cousins has instead worked the ball to his backs and his TE.

#5 DICK MCBALLFARTS (BOB) Twenty-five quarterbacks are better than Cam Newton in fantasy, including Jacoby Brissett, who has started only two games. Hell, he only has 28 more points than Sam Bradford, who has only played one game. Only one time has a quarterback who was not in the top-10 among quarterbacks been able to lead a team to the title. That was 2007, when Matt won it all with Kurt Warner, who finished 12th that year.

#6 REVENGE OF THE BURBS (ROBIO) My opponents’ kickers have combined for 470 fantasy points in three games. What the fuck? Also, perhaps I should stop benching Carlos Hyde. Still, despite being 1-2, I am fourth in scoring and third in the breakdown, having faced and lost to both 3-0 teams. Glad I could help.

#7 1/4 LBRS (JEFF) Sure, go ahead and blame Jason Witten and his one catch for three yard performance for Jeff’s first loss of the season, but I’m going to lay the blame on Lamar and his average-at-best 126 fantasy points.

Lamar Miller has never been a great running back. He has been on the verge of being great, but this is a guy who has rushed for 1,000 yards just twice in his career and has never had a 1,500 total yard season and he’s never rushed for double digits touchdowns. He’s like Mark Ingram without the dog house.

This season he’s struggled to do much of anything. He’s got just 182 yards rushing, averaging only 3.7 yards per carry, caught just two balls per game and has zero touchdowns.

#8 TRUMP(?) (BURRIER) Now there’s the Jay Ajayi I know, following up a 250-pt effort with a 50-point dud. Yet, running back is not Rich’s problem. He got just 66 fantasy points from his two starting wide receivers and one them, Benjamin, is now hurt. Golladay seemed like a late sleeper, but he’s just asleep now, disappearing from Detriot’s offense, catching three balls for 33 yards.

At least McCaffrey had his breakout game on the bench, scoring 234 fantasy points. It’s good to have points on the pine.

#9 SEB GORKA’S TAINT (COLBY) It was a week of breakout performances for the team once known as The Pounders, as Russell Wilson went for 530, Garcon delivered 284, while Hilton had a stunning 366. It’s the latter that matters. Wilson won’t be putting up 500-point games each week and 280 seems like a ceiling for Garcon, but Hilton is one of the best wide receivers in football and it had to be a good feeling for Colby to see the Colts QB looking to get him the ball. Since Brissett got into the lineup, Hilton has caught 11 of his 14 targets.

#10 TRUCK NUTS (GRIFF) Remember the good old days when keeping Isaiah Crowell was sound strategy. I mean, he nearly hit 1,000 yards rushing last year, despite not reaching 200 carries (198-952-7). So far, he barely looks like he would qualify as a ballboy, let alone a RB2. In his three games, his rushing totals have been 33, 37 and 44. He’s hasn’t sniffed the end zone and is on pace for just 24 receptions for the year.

#11 ZEKE SQUAD (DON) Six of Don’s starters failed to hit 100 fantasy points and the only thing that saved him from a weekly low score was Kirk Cousins and his 416 fantasy points. With Eric off living in Houston and Molly out of the league, probably learning how to cut a ex-husband’s brakes, the final two Floridians are not representing. Don and Griff are a combine 1-6. The only win coming in week one against…

#12 MOLLY’S LIPS (MARC) At least for a week, the receivers showed up. Cooks and Beckham combined for over 200 yards and four scores (672 fantasy points), but man the running back problem. Rodgers had just 30 points and he’s back on the bench next week. I hate to say this, but Marc is starting to give Molly a bad team.

WEEK FOUR

BOB (W) RICH B (L) 1276 – 1248 MATT (W) RICH C (L) 1707 – 1073 DON (L) COLBY (W) 1202 – 1539 ROBIO (W) ERIC (L) 1575 – 1066 ROB M (W) MARC (L) 1232 – 1116 JEFF (L) GRIFF (W) 1168 – 1437

TUESDAY THOUGHT I know what you’re thinking. Matt’s squad is too good. Even he can’t screw this up. Yet, this reminds me of 2015. That year belonged to Bob. He won his first eight. He finished with 11 wins. But who won the title? Not Bob. Let Matt dominate the regular season, while you slowly build your team, because remember, come playoff time, Matt just needs to lose one game.

#1 OH IT’S HAPPENING (MATT) Now there’s the backfield I expected to see. Bell/Gurley each hit the 490-point mark, combining for 982 points. These kind of performances were expected from Bell, but Gurley was a bit of mystery (except to me). The Rams running back is rolling like the projected first-team All-Robio player I suspected. He’s on pace for 2,300 total yards and 28 touchdowns. That’s the kind of digits Shaun Alexander use to put up in his prime.

#2 HUNT FOR THE GOLDEN JOHNSON (ROB M) Mixon didn’t have a great game, but the Browns run defense is pretty solid. The good news is that the rookie got 17 carries (21 touches) compared to just nine carries and 12 total touches for Hill/Bernard. This means he’s finally looking like the established starter for the Bengals. Now Rob just needs a established player to step up at WR2. Pryor’s 200 last night might be a good sign.

#3 REVENGE OF THE ‘BURBS (ROBIO) I can’t really complain about being 2-2, as no one has faced a tougher four weeks than me. I have taken on the three highest scoring teams (other then myself), plus Don and managed to walk away with a split. Sure, I haven’t made the best lineup decisions, but nothing has cost me a game yet.

Of course, the bad new is, I’ve lost Montgomery to a rib injury; the third player I have that has gone down (Kelley, Coleman), but I’m fortunate to have solid depth. With Hyde, Hill and Clay on my bench, I have three guys I would feel comfortable putting in my starting lineup.

#4 BROWN ‘N SERVIN’ IT (ERIC) Through four weeks, Eric as the first and second best wide receivers in the league. Stefon Diggs is one, Antonio Brown is two. That’s happened only once, way back in 1999, when I had both both Randy Moss (#1) and Marvin Harrison (#2) on my roster.

Yet, that flex spot could become a problem. It was supposed to be Marshawn Lynch, who looked decent in weeks one and two, but over the last two weeks, he has produced a total of 30 yards rushing. Ouch. Chris Thompson was the third best back in fantasy through three weeks, but the Redskins refuse to make him a feature back. He was back backing up Kelley on Monday and he finished with just 24 fantasy points.

#5 SEB GORKA’S TAINT (COLBY) Russell Wilson has produced his second straight great game and that matters. This is a quarterback league and you can’t win without one. The proof? Colby has back-to-back 1,500-point games and is now up to fourth in the league breakdown.

On top of that, Abdullah finally put together a great game, after a couple of decent games. He got 20 carries, scored a TD and 278 fantasy points. Colby needs a legit RB2 and the Lions RB could be that guy.

#6 THE DICK-TATERS (RICH C) Lost among the performances by Hunt and Cook, is how well Fournette is doing. He has 81 carries already. Sure he’s only averaging 3.5 yards per carry, but volume, baby. Most importantly, he has four scores in four games.

Of course, as long as the entire Falcons receiver crew is hurt, Matt Ryan could become a liability and DeMarco Murray continues to struggle, which is why the Taters drop a spot in my rankings.

#7 DICK MCBALLFARTS (BOB) Some type of higher power is trying desperately to end Bob’s magical 11-year playoff run. First, stud rookie back Dalvin Cook tore his ACL and is done for the year. That alone is brutal. Yet, later that night, rookie Chris Carson shredded his ankle. Expect him to be out weeks, leaving Bob struggling at the running back spot. He’s got a pair of Saints backs. Adrian Peterson is toast, but Kamara just rolled for 252 fantasy points, but their both on bye weeks next week. He also has plenty of auction dollars to go get some handcuffs he probably should have already had.

Of course, running backs aren’t the only issue with Team Bob. He already has Crabtree out with a chest injury and Julio Jones is once again banged up. I can’t recall the last time this happened, but Bob may have to replace all four of his RB/WR spots in week five. Who gets to face a beat up Bob next week? Oh it’s Matt.

#8 1/4 LBRS (JEFF) You never want to be someone’s first in fantasy, but Jeff got to be Griff’s first win of the year. How did we get here? Can’t blame Winston and Miller or the Steelers DST. They scored 1,002 points. That accounted for 86% of Jeff’s points.

Meanwhile, his two receivers and one tight end combined for, get this, four catches for 29 yards. To rub it in, Melvin Gordon’s average is down to 3.1 yards per carry, as he produced just 29 total yards this week.

#9 TRUMP? (RICH B) 50-16-16-0. That is not the passcode to my heart? Instead, that’s the numbers Rich’s WR2 has given him each week. Three of those are from Golladay, who has done nothing since scoring twice in week one on Rich’s bench. This matters, because Rich’s first overall pick continues to be arguable the biggest first-round mistake since Molly drafted Shonn Greene and never started him back in 2009.

The guy drafted right after McCaffery was A.J. Green, a player Rich could use. He has scored 148, 134, 222 and 186. This week, we can say that decision cost Burrier a win this week, as he lost to Bob by just 28 points.

#10 TRUCK NUTS (GRIFF) Congratulations on the first win. Griff got 300 from Rivers and 514 from a pair of receivers; Allen and Thomas. The fact that the former is still playing is a miracle in itself, but he’s playing well. Allen has received double-digit targets in three of his four games, as the Chargers have constantly played from behind. Allen has broken 100 yards twice this season, but just needs more red zone love (one score so far).

#11 ZEKE SQUAD (DON) If this season goes south fast, would Don be willing to unload Elliot for better keepers? For some, the answer is obviously, yes. For Don…this is a man not known to trade. Yes, he did swap a player last year, but that was just one backup for another. He hasn’t traded a starter since 2011 and has performed just one trade with a non-family member in this league. That was with Neatock back in 2009.

#12 MOLLY’S LIPS (MARC) 0-4 teams have made the playoffs, although I’m not sure this team has the moxie to pull that off. The one bright spot in a performance that saw five starters unable to hit 100 fantasy points was Powell’s. The Jets back finally got the touches with Forte out and he delivered 190 total yard and a 75-yard touchdown. Don’t look now, but the Jets have the same record as the Patriots. Of course, Marc has the same record as the Giants, so there’s that.

WEEK FIVE

GRIFF (L) RICH B (W) 1133 – 1189 MATT (L) BOB (W) 1264 – 1479 ROB M (W) DON (L) 1468 – 1184 ROBIO (L) RICH C (W) 1169 – 1459 ERIC (W) MARC (L) 1240 – 834 JEFF (W) COLBY (L) 1478 – 1349

TUESDAY THOUGHT

Three of my top five lost this week, but do I react just to these one bit of results? I mean, the three teams that lost are currently ranked second (Matt), third (Colby) and fourth (Robio) in points. I’ve decided to not overreact too much, except I am going to reward Bob…for one week.

#1 DICK MCBALLFARTS (BOB) No, I don’t think Bob has the best team in Robioland, but any man who can knockoff undefeated Neatock starting Wayne Gallman, deserves the top spot for one week and eliminated Matt from any chance to claim he was first wire-to-wire.

Anyhow, running back is an issue for this team, but Bob really only needs one once Julio Jones comes back. Crabtree looks like the top guy in Oakland now, as Cooper continues to disappear and Chris Hogan has clearly become Brady’s token white boy.

#2 OH IT’S HAPPENING (MATT) I still believe this is the best team 2017 has to offer, but right now, it’s not dominating like a great team. He’s broken 1,500 twice. That’s nice. But Neatock’s boys have also failed to hit 1,300 twice.

This week the backfield of Bell/Gurley did not dominate. They combined or 41 total touches, but for just 143 yards and no score. Plus, Gurley fumbled yet again. Still, plenty to be excited about Wentz is now a top-six quarterback, Ertz is the league’s top fantasy tight end and there is little doubt, when the weather turns cold, Matt’s backs will easily be the best tandem in the league.

#3 HUNT FOR THE GOLDEN JOHNSON (ROB M) Congratulations on the 5-0 start…again. Rob’s ability to start every season with many wins is impressive, but as he has said himself, it’s how you finish and Rob, like me during love making, is not a strong finisher.

Barring injuries or bye week issues (he’s down three starters this week, there is little reason to doubt the victories won’t keep coming. Rob should be the favorite in his next four, thanks in part to having both the league’s top back (Hunt) and top wide receiver (Green), plus an All-Robio quarterback (Brady).

#4 SEB GORKA’S TAINT (COLBY) Don’t look now but T.Y. Hilton is currently the fifth best wide receiver in fantasy football, which is pretty impressive considering he’s barely in the top-20 among targeted receivers. It also means I was officially wrong about him and I hate being fucking wrong.

Of course, Colby needs this impressive roster to start producing and next week’s opponent isn’t going to excite him…it’s Griff. Although, this isn’t a playoff game, so maybe it will be alright. You see, Colby is 1-5 against Griff in the postseason, but is 6-7 against him in the regular season. Having said that, Colby will be down two very important starters (Wilson, McCoy) next week, plus his tight end is in concussion protocol.

#5 THE DICK-TATERS (RICH C) We all assumed Rich had a second-team All-Robio player on his roster with DeMarco Murray. I mean, the guy is averaging an impressive 4.9 yards per carry this year. The problem is, he’s only gotten 56 carries this season. Twice he’s failed to get double digit carries in a game and he has yet to get the ball more than 14 times. He’s also not catching the ball. Last year he caught 53 balls. This year he has just ten receptions for a ghastly 39 yards.

Yet, despite the issues with Murray, Calderon still has an All-Robio back, in Leonard Fournette. The rookie actually leads the league in carries (109) and is tied for most touchdowns (six). Of course, yards per carry were a bit of a hiccup, but a 90-yard TD late in the fourth quarter, has his average up to a respectable 4.3 yards per carry.

Speaking of touchdowns, that’s what put Calderon over the top this week. His squad ended up scoring eight of them, including Hopkins, who scored three times on just four catches.

#6 BROWN ‘N SERVIN’ IT (ERIC) With his star quarterback (Brees) on an early bye, Eric escaped with a low scoring victory. Of course, wins are wins and that’s all that matters. The good news coming out of this game was the play of Jordan Howard. The Bears back appears to be the feature back again, getting 76% of his team’s running back carries. For a hot minute there, it looked like Cohen was going to be a problem. The only real issue is, will he get enough red zone looks in a pathetic Bears’ offense.

#7 REVENGE OF THE ‘BURBS (ROBIO) I feel like this is a team barely hanging on for dear life. Carlos Hyde got benched, Jordy Nelson got hurt, Ty Montgomery/Aaron Jones smells like a timeshare waiting to happen and my tight end got shutout for the second time in five weeks and with Clay now hurt, I don’t have a solution on my roster.

Take your time, Ty…coming back from those broken ribs. I’ll be happy to roll with Aaron Jones for a while, although he can’t face the pathetic Cowboys’ D every week.

#8 1/4 LBRS (JEFF) Look, WIll Fuller and Amari Cooper combined for 260 points. Of course, Fuller accounted for 244 of those 260. The free agent pickup has scored four touchdowns in two games, although it would be nice if he can get more targets (he only had three this week).

Cooper on the other hand needs to be benched, right? In his last three games, he has four catches for 23 yards. Luckily for Jeff, Melvin Gordon came through with a stud-like 446 fantasy points and led him to victory over archrival Colby.

#9 TRUMP? (RICH B) Is it me or our tight ends really sucking this year? Five tight ends failed to hit 50 fantasy points this week, while two were shutout, including Doyle for Burrier. At least for Rich it is only a short-term problem, as Gronk should be back soon.

Let’s be sure to say congratulations to McCaffery. Starting in his second game of the year, the fifth overall pick scored a touchdown and has now given Rich 276 fantasy points. Nice job.

#10 TRUCK NUTS (GRIFF) When your kicker is the third best scorer on your team for the week, you know you have problems. The one bit of good news is that Marlon Mack was finally given a bit of an opportunity in Indy and he didn’t look half bad.

Splitting snaps with Gore, he out-produced the vet with 246 fantasy points and a score. Now I don’t project him being anything worthy this year, but Mack could be a solid keeper in round nine next year.

#11 ZEKE SQUAD (DON) In fantasy, you want your QB-TE-DST-PK to be no worse than top-12. You also want your RB-WR to be no worse than top-24. Even if your players meet these parameters, that’s still not great, but it’s something.

On Don’s roster, only Zeke Elliot (5th best back) and Delanie Walker (6th best TE) meet this criteria. Yep, Don’s best QB is just 15th, his second best RB is 25th and none of his receivers come close to the top-24 mark. Hell, seven free agent kickers have better stats than his starting kicker and his DST is ranked just 24th.

#12 MOLLY’S LIPS (MARC) Yep, we could be looking at an epic collapse here, folks. Marc, sitting at 0-5, will now be without his best player (Beckham) for the year and perhaps his second best player (Powell) for a game or two. Worse yet, even if he wanted to start to think about next year, with Beckham gone, what does he have to trade for a dump?

WEEK SIX

RICH B (W) ROB M (L) 1242 – 1133 JEFF (L) MATT (W) 1360 – 1772 DON (L) ERIC (W) 1430 – 1653 ROBIO (L) BOB (W) 859 – 1152 RICH C (W) MARC (L) 1309 – 729 COLBY (L) GRIFF (W) 854 – 1363

TUESDAY THOUGHT

Another season and we still won’t get a 13-0 team, as Masterson’s winning ways have ended. Of course, based on the (above) SI Curse, things could get much worse once Tom Brady goes down. Speaking of zero, we are still on track for our first ever 0-13 team, but even Marc will have to sink much lower to have the worst season ever. More on that below.

#1 OH IT’S HAPPENING (MATT) So maybe this Adrian Peterson kid is pretty good. Despite just getting traded there and with little, if any knowledge of the playbook, Peterson rolled, scoring twice and delivering 134 yards and 388 fantasy points. How much did Matt pay for him? I’m talking to you winless and one win teams?

Too bad Matt can’t go three-back. His three boys (Bell, Gurley and Peterson) combined for 445 total yards and 1,070 fantasy points. The only way Matt is losing is when the Eagles get shutout one week.

#2 HUNT FOR THE GOLDEN JOHNSON (ROB M) With both AJ Green and Joe Mixon on the bench with bye weeks, Rob couldn’t get the points from their replacements. Pryor remains an afterthought in Washington, catching three balls for 23 yards and just 46 fantasy points.

Duke Johnson wasn’t much better, even though the situation was perfect for him. The Browns fell behind by a ton, which usually means receiving backs will get a bunch of garbage points, but Johnson managed only 39 total yards for 78 fantasy points.

For the record…Seferian-Jenkins was hosed and it nearly cost Rob his game. When the refs turned a touchdown into a turnover, it cost Masterson 90 points, but he ended up losing by 109 points.

#3 BROWN ‘N SERVIN’ IT (ERIC) I think at this rate, Chris Thompson is going to break the all-time record set by RGIII, for most points scored by a guy sitting on a bench.

Eric enjoyed three monster performances this week, as Howard, Brown and Fitzgerald each scored over 300 fantasy points. What is amazing about Brown getting his standard 155 yards receiving is that the Steelers offense is basically run it with Bell (32 times) and throw to Brown. Rapey Big Ben only completed 13 balls and 214 yards to receivers and Brown caught eight of those for 72% of the yards. One would think defenses would double him and dare the Steelers to beat them with a different receiver.

#4 DICK MCBALLFARTS (BOB) I’m sick of it. I really am. I’m sick and tired of drafting great players late in drafts and handing them off to other teams, who can enjoy their greatness and keep them for many years. It’s becoming a yearly tradition. This season, it’s Deshaun Watson, who I picked in the fourteenth round, but ended up cutting him before the season started for…wait for it…Kendall Wright. This is why I am no longer a great team. I can’t make fucking good decision during the season.

Wait, this is about Bob. He makes many good decisions. Unfortunately, I’m not sure he’s as good as his record indicates. He has yet to hit the 1,500 mark in any game this season, as his last five opponents have failed to crack 1,300. Two of his opponents had their worst game of the year against him, while a third had his second worst game. That’s how it works…sometimes you have to be good and sometimes others have to be bad.

#5 SEB GORKA’S TAINT (COLBY) We all saw the upset coming a mile away, as Colby didsn’t have the parts to make up for the fact his two best players were on a bye-week. Oddly enough, the season is six weeks old and Colby, the trade master, has yet to make a trade.

This is a dude who has made a trade every year he’s been in this league. Yet, right now he doesn’t have the pieces to make a deal. He’s got three legit stars; Wilson, McCoy and Kelce, plus Hilton who is a star when he has a decent QB throwing the ball. The rest…just average at best and not anything I would want in my shitty starting lineup. Perhaps Colby can trade some scrub on the bench to keep his record going.

#6 THE DICK-TATERS (RICH C) This is the beauty of fantasy football…it allows someone like Calderon, who could care less about anything south of DC, to become a huge fan of the Jacksonville Jaguars. Of course, he must have nearly shit himself when Fournette, who had another monster day, went out and never came back with an ankle injury. Word is, he’s fine and Rich easily survived his bye-week, er I mean his matchup with Marc.

Fun Fact: DeAndre Hopkins has just six catches in his last two games. Yet, four of those receptions were for a touchdown.

#7 TRUMP? (RICH B) A huge win deserves a two-spot bump up, despite the fact Rich’s most productive back this week was sitting his ass on the pine. Still, with his quarterback on a bye, Burrier survived to pull off a nice upset. A big thanks to Gronkowski, who finally looked like that great tight end we once knew him to be. He scored twice and produced 286 fantasy points, which should make him the league’s top tight end again.

#6 1/4 LBRS (JEFF) I wasn’t the only one who had quarterback issues. Winston was also knocked out, experiencing the Ryan Fitzpatrick curse. Look it up. The bad news is that it’s a shoulder injury. The goods news is that there are no broken bones.

Despite the defeat this week, it was nice to see Melvin Gordon produce a second straight great game (he’s got 866 in his last two) and Cameron Brate is looking like a stud at tight end, delivering a third straight outing of 190+.

#9 REVENGE OF THE ‘BURBS (ROBIO) Decisions. Decision. Decisions. Yes, I can probably blame Aaron Rodgers for this defeat. He went out on the second drive of the game and he most likely would have produced enough points to put me past a low scoring Bob, but that’s all speculation. I know for a fact that I benched Hyde and Engram for CJ Anderson and Dickson. If I didn’t do that, I would have won easily. This is the theme of my season. With better decision making, I would be 4-2, not 2-4.

My one saving grace? I have a very friendly schedule down the stretch. Of my final seven opponents, only one (Matt) has a winning record. I will face off with Griff, Don and Marc (the three teams below me in the rankings) and I face Jeff with two starts on byes and both Colby and Burrier with their star tight ends on the bench.

#10 TRUCK NUTS (GRIFF) Enjoy the win, but let’s be honest, it was an ugly win. Mke Evans was nice as the Bucs played comeback (3-95-1), but the rest of the boys (Allen, Thomas, Cook at TE) combined for 10 catches for only 70 yards and no scores.

#11 ZEKE SQUAD (DON) Mark Ingram looked fantastic in his first game with Peterson gone. He had over 150 yards and got all the goal line looks (scoring twice), but with Elliot’s suspension looking legit, wins are going to be tough to come by. Alfred Morris is decent, but he’s no Zeke.

#12 MOLLY’S LIPS (MARC) Five starters failed to hit 100 fantasy points. The top scorer was Cooks, with 186 points. At 0-6, Marc now has the record for worst start to a career. At this point, 0-13 is a possibility, but will he be the worst ever?

That honor belongs to a guy name Tim, back in 2000. That year, Tim went 2-12, produced seven weekly low scores and averaged 835 ppg. That’s bad. Marc has had three weekly low scores, including back-to-back and his averaging 953 points per game.

WEEK SEVEN

ERIC (L) ROB M (W) 1109 – 1204 GRIFF (L) MATT (W) 1506 – 1919 RICH C (L) DON (W) 1298 – 1707 JEFF (W) ROBIO (L) 1471 – 1433 MARC (L) BOB (W) 917 – 1330 RICH B (W) COLBY (L) 1287 – 1196

TUESDAY THOUGHT

Is it too soon to start talking about Neatock’s 2017 being the greatest ever? He’s got the wins, he’s got the points and he has a roster full of All-Robio players. His QB is second in the league, his running backs are second and third and now his tight end is the best in the league.

Meanwhile, I’ve officially been Neatock’d. Because I turned down a trade to send Jordy Nelson to Matt for Carson Wentz before the season started, I know something was going to go wrong. I even predicted it. Well, not only did I lose my starting quarterback, Aaron Rodgers, but his injury appears to have made Nelson worthless (two catches this week). Thanks, Matt.

#1 OH IT’S HAPPENING (MATT) At 6-1, Matt is starting to put his big boy pants on and dominate. He’s scored over 1,500 for the fourth time, nearly hitting 2,000 and is on pace to break the record for highest scoring regular season ever, currently averaging 1,564 points. Obviously, he can thank his backfield. Todd Gurley and Le’Veon Bell combined for 752 points. Just another typical Sunday afternoon for Matt’ backfield.

Yet, the real hero of the group is Carson Wentz. The Eagles quarterback is now the second best fantasy quarterback behind Alex Smith, having rocked out a second 400 points game in three weeks. Can he keep it up? We shall see, as the back half of the Eagles’ schedule is much tough defensively. Wentz still has to face off with the Broncos D, Bears D, Seahawks D, Rams D and the Giants D.

Of course, before Matt jumps on this thread and tries to take credit for knowing all this, let’s not forget it took Matt weeks to start Wentz and he tried desperately to trade him before the season started.

#2 HUNT FOR THE GOLDEN JOHNSON (ROB M) Masterson improves to 6-1 for the first time in his career, although field goals had to be driving him a little crazy in Sunday night’s Patriots/Falcons game. First, his quarterback, Tom Brady and his team kept settling, kicking three field goals, which kept Brady’s points below 300. Meanwhile, Rob’s kicker, Matt Bryant, missed a pair of short ones (One was blocked). Those misses cost him 130 points.

He earned the win, but barely broke 1,200 and it’s the second straight poor performance. On the season, Rob is second in scoring, but he’s falling way behind Neatock at this point, having only scored one 1,500-point this season. Of course, Joe Mixon says he’s as good as Le’Veon Bell, if he just got the carries. Weird, coming from a guy who did get 35 touches in his last two games and only rushed for 80 yards.

#3 BROWN ‘N SERVIN’ IT (ERIC) Eric is third in scoring, but remains easily the most inconsistent team in the league. He has both a 1,800-pt game and a 1,600-point game, but he’s also a guy who has three times failed to score 1,110 points.

Worse yet, he seems to have a fantasy stud on his team, who has a head coach that won’t let him be a fantasy stud. Chris Thompson for the Redskins has put up some amazing stats. He was averaging over 18 yards per catch before Monday night. Yet, when Fat Rob Kelley is healthy, Thompson is lucky to split. On Monday, Kelly had seven carries for 16 yards. Thompson had seven carries for 38 yards, plus another 26 in receptions (and a score). Kelley should only see the field on short yardage, but that’s not happening. Worse yet, Thompson now has a toe injury.

#4 DICK MCBALLFARTS (BOB) The good news is that Bob has improved to 6-1 and I’m pretty confident this is the first time the league has ever had three 6-1 teams. Yet, the real good news is he did it scoring some points, breaking 1,250, which has been a challenge this year. The really good news is that Julio Jones scored his first touchdown of the year, but man, that Falcons offense is terrible.

This is what happens when you hire a drunk as your offensive coordinator. For those of you who don’t follow college football, the Falcons new offensive coordinator was fired from his head coaching job at USC because he showed up to practice drunk.

#7 TRUMP? (RICH B) Nice call to start the Cowboys DST this week. They have been getting shredded before their bye and even I thought the 49ers would be able to gain some yards, but nope. Instead, they held the 49ers to 10 points, sacking the QB three times, forcing three fumbles for 215 fantasy points. That’s a lot in a game in which Rich won by just 91 points.

#6 1/4 LBRS (JEFF) Despite earning some wins, Jeff actually had a slow start to the season. In his first four games, Jeff averaged just 1,168 PPG. However, over his last three, he’s up to 1,436 and is now fourth in the league in scoring. It helps he’s getting the added bonus from his defense and tight end. The Steelers DST are now second in the league, behind only the Jaguars and he has the fourth best tight end, Cameron Brate.

#5 SEB GORKA’S TAINT (COLBY) Colby’s team goes as far as his RB2 will take him. In his two wins, his second running back has averaged 241 points per game. In his five losses, they have averaged just 95 points per game.

#6 THE DICK-TATERS (RICH C) Derrick Henry is proving to be a true hit-and-miss player. He’s followed up a 50-point game with 244. In weeks four and five, he had a combined 42 fantasy points. Yet, in week six he exploded for 350 fantasy points.

For Calderon, this was enough evidence to bench Murray, who had 234 fantasy points in week six. Well, he guessed wrong, as Henry had only 48 points to Murray’s 152. The decision didn’t cost him the game, but this is the third time in six games this year where the better Titan back was on the bench (in one game they both were benched).

#9 REVENGE OF THE ‘BURBS (ROBIO) Man, this is getting frustrating. I held the lead last night until 11:38 at night. That’s when Blount, who had two yards on the day, busted out for 21 and cost me the game. Despite being fifth in points and third in breakdown, I’ve lost three straight and sit at 2-5.

While I lack true great players, I have a lot of players who can have great games. The trick is, to have those players in your starting lineup when that great games happens. I have failed again and again. I have four solid backs and three solid receivers, forcing me to make a decision each week. Below is a game-by-game total of points I’ve either lost of gain at RB/WR/TE via lineup changes.

Week 1: -342 Week 2: -124 Week 3: -82 Week 4: -8 Week 5: +8 Week 6: -388 Week 7: -222

That’s a total of 1,158 points I have cost myself in seven weeks. That is why I remain dead last in coach rating on CBS.

#10 TRUCK NUTS (GRIFF) Griff’s squad has really shown some life over the last month. He’s 2-2, but one of those defeats was a 1,500-point effort. This is pretty amazing, considering he’s lost both David Johnson and Greg Olsen. He lacks true star power, but this past week every single player scored at least 132 and while he’s still not in the postseason yet, he’s just 136 points out of it now.

#11 ZEKE SQUAD (DON) With suspension looming, Don finally got the big game he expected from Elliot. The Cowboys back produced 219 total yards and three scores, including a beautiful 72-yard catch-and-run down the sideline in the third quarter. Add in Ingram’s 280, Don’s backfield actually beat the league’s best this week, Neatock’s, 898-752.

#12 MOLLY’S LIPS (MARC) Pattini has been stuck starting one back all season long. Now a three-wide strategy can work. Hell, it’s won championships, but that one back needs to be good. For Marc, that’s the issue, he has no good backs. Powell showed promise, knocking out a 440-point effort in week four, but that’s it. Four times in seven weeks, that back has failed to score even 80 points. This week, Collins got just 10 touches and 30 yards (60 fantasy points).

WEEK EIGHT

ROB M (L) RICH C (W) 1270 – 1696 RICH B (W) MATT (L) 1095 – 1065 BOB (W) DON (L) 1188 – 942 GRIFF (L) ROBIO (W) 919 – 1053 MARC (W) JEFF (L) 1677 – 1263 ERIC (L) COLBY (W) 1336 – 1776

TUESDAY THOUGHT

It took eight weeks, but Marc Pattini has won a game; his first career victory in this wonderful league. For that, we are giving Marc an honorary first place in my Tuesday Thoughts. Enjoy.

Last year, teams broke 1,500 points 46 times. That’s a lot, but that’s the norm lately. In fact, the league has had 40 or more 1,500-point games in each of the last five seasons, with a record breaking 50 in 2011. The worst year officially was 1999, but we only had eight teams that year. So the real record low is 2000, when we only managed 24. Since most of you were not in the league then, the modern day low was 2010, when it happened on 27 games.

I mention this, because 2017 is challenging that record. Through eight weeks, we have produced only seventeen 1,500-pt games. That would put us at 27 for the regular season. Matt leads the bunch with four, while two teams (Bob, Jeff) have yet to score 1,500 this season. That total use to be four teams, but two teams did score their first 1,500-pt game this week (Calderon, Pattini). Speaking of…

#1 MOLLY’S LIPS (MARC) It’s over. The losing is over. For one magical week, Marc Pattini is a winner. You can mock Marc for the worst start to a career in Robioland. Make fun of him for his inability to figure out how to add/drop a player, but we can’t give him a hard time for continuing to try to get better and got better is what’s he’s done.

Pattini got 1,056 points from Collins, McKinnon and Smith-Schuster…three players he did not draft. Collins and Smith-Schuster he grabbed off the wire and McKinnon he got by simply giving up a quarterback who is not even in the top-10. This makes the commissioner proud.

#2 OH IT’S HAPPENING (MATT) Two weeks ago, I traded a defense for Matt’s backup quarterback. I told him he could have either one. He picked Seattle, because he decided there was a limit to how many Eagles one man can have on his roster. Well, if he had picked the Eagles and not the Seahawks, he would be celebrating his seventh win of the season.

Anyhow, no worries. He lost a game with arguable his best player on his bye because Matt Forte is not Todd Gurley. At least Jeffery had a decent game (62 yards, one score). It’s only the second time a Matt Neatock starting WR has broken 200 since week two.

#3 HUNT FOR THE GOLDEN JOHNSON (ROB M) Tom Brady is currently doing fine. He’s a top-five fantasy arm, with 16 touchdowns to just two interceptions, but it seems like the Patriots are kicking way too many field goals.

On the season, the Pats have scored 22 touchdowns, but have attempted 23 field goals. This week against the Chargers, they scored touchdowns twice, but settled for six field goal attempts.

#4 TUCKER’S MY BITCH (COLBY) While Matt leads the league in 1,500-point games, Colby is actually alone in second place, with three. In fact, in his three wins this year, he’s averaged 1,661 points per game.

This week, the receivers once again blew it (Hilton and Garcon combined for 64 points), but who needs receivers when you have Russell Wilson. The Seahawks signal caller is now the third best quarterback in the league, combining for 962 in his last two contests.

#5 DICK MCBALLFARTS (BOB) For the third time this year, Bob pulls out a win, despite not scoring at least 1,200 in a game. In fact, Bob hasn’t scored over 1,500 all season long and hasn’t done that in his last seventeen games. The last time he’s gone that long without a 1,500-pt game was the 2006-2007 seasons.

This week, we learned one very important thing…you don’t bench Deshaun Watson. Facing one of the toughest pass Ds in the league in one of the toughest venues in the NFL, Watson dominated, scoring 502 fantasy points…on Bob’s bench. I’m willing to bet that Cam Newton’s days as Bob’s starter are over.

#6 BROWN ‘N SERVIN’ IT (ERIC) The Redskins continue to make no sense with their running game. With a banged up offensive line, they still gave it to Rob Kelley more than they did to Chris Thompson. The former gained just 19 yards on eight carries, as Thompson had 18 yards on four carries, plus his standard 76 yards receiving.

#7 1/4 LBRS (JEFF) Yes, this was embarrassing, but what can one do when the 0-7 team scores over 1,600? Of course, Jeff can throw some shade at his quarterback as well. Winston turned it over three times and failed to lead his team to a touchdown and finished with 46 fantasy points. This wasted a pair of solid performances by his backs. Miller and Gordon combined for 604 points.

#8 TRUMP? (RICH B) Two weeks ago, Burrier picked up the Cowboys DST. A defense that was getting shredded before the week six bye-week. Yet, Rich got them, started them and they are making a difference. In fact, this week they were Rich’s top scorer and their 223 was the difference in his 30-point upset of Matt.

#9 THE DICK-TATERS (RICH C) So, what was more impressive? DeAndre Hopkins going for 224 and a score (508 points) or Harrison Butker kicking five field goals and two extra points for 260 fantasy points?

With no Fournette, no Murray…no problem for Calderon, who had his best week of the season, despite losing his entire backfield to bye weeks. Great win. Do it again and maybe I’ll move you up.

#10 REVENGE OF THE ‘BURBS (ROBIO) It wasn’t pretty, but I’ll take it, but man, bad decisions continue to haunt me. This week, I traded away McKinnon, who had his third great game in four weeks. He scored 324, while my two starting backs; C.J. Anderson and Carlos Hyde combined for 264. The latter I should be worried about. He’s had just 93 yards rushing in the two games with a new starting quarterback. I really would be happy if the 49ers traded Hyde away, who will be looking for a new contract after this season.

#11 TRUCK NUTS (GRIFF) This defeat was a team effort. Eight starters and the best one could do was Philip Rivers and his 160 fantasy points. Not a single skilled player scored a touchdown, not a single one delivered a 100-yard game.

#12 ZEKE SQUAD (DON) Zeke Elliot has averaged a stunning 385 points per game over his last five. That makes him the best back in football in that span of time. Yet, Don could only manage one win in that time span. Too bad, because Elliot’s suspension begins today, so he won’t be back until our league’s semifinals. Something tells me, Don’s season will be over by then.

WEEK NINE

ERIC (L) RICH C (W) 1139 – 1156 COLBY (L) MATT (W) 1218 – 1940 DON (L) JEFF (W) 829 – 1086 ROBIO (W) RICH B (L) 1416 – 1266 MARC (L) GRIFF (W) 966 – 1111 ROB M (L) BOB (W) 1183 – 1483

TUESDAY THOUGHT

We’ve discussed being Neatock’D, but above you can see it in photo form. As Carson Wentz enjoys a MVP season, Jordy Nelson gets to enjoy open fields with no worry that his worthless quarterback will ever find him and throw him the ball.

#1 OH IT’S HAPPENING, SWEETHEARTS (MATT) BELIEVE: Carson Wentz is a top-three quarterback, who is must start, no matter who the opponent. Since week five, no quarterback has scored more fantasy points, averaging 367 points per game. That’s Aaron Rodgers in his prime type numbers.

DON’T BELIEVE: Adrian Peterson was given 37 carries and scored 304 fantasy points. That’s amazing. That’s the most carries he’s had in a game, but that’s not going to be standard. First, this was against a horrid 49ers run D and this came after a bye-week. If he keeps gets 30 carries per game, he’ll break down in a month.

#2 DICK MCBALLFARTS (BOB) I’m not confident that Bob is the second best team in the league, but how long can I continue to punish him for having the team I think he has? Fact is, he’s a studly 8-1, having won eight in a row and he’s done that now without his All-Robio quarterback and two solid backs.

Kamara may never out-touch Mark Ingram, but thanks to his receptions, he’s pulling out enough touches to remain productive. On Sunday, he put up 394 fantasy points, thanks to 152 total yards and a pair of scores. Since Peterson was traded, He’s scored 820 fantasy points, which makes him the fifth best back in that timespan.

#3 THE DICK-TATERS (RICH C) I’m not sure Calderon deserves a five-spot bump, but I feel like I have no choice. Coming off a bad defeat to Don, he’s taken care of business against both Masterson and Eric and he’s scored at least 1,298 points since week five. In past seasons, that wouldn’t be an impressive stat, but this season it is.

Once again, he whiffed at the Titans back. Murray got the start, but he scored just 82 fantasy points, while Henry produced 132 on his bench. Yet, the good news coming out of this week’s win, was that Hopkins was targets a stunning 16 times. Sure he only caught six of them, but he did managed his eighth score of the season, scoring over 200 for the fourth times in five weeks.

#4 HUNT FOR THE GOLDEN JOHNSON (ROB M) It’s amazing how predictable Masterson team has become over the year. Every year, he starts off hot, but every year he struggles to find wins in the second half of the season.

2003…3-0 start turned into a 4-7 finish. 2004…2-0 start turned into a 4-8 finish 2005…4-1 start turned into a 1-7 finish 2006…2-0 start turned into a 3-8 finish 2013…4-1 start turned into 4-4 finish 2014…5-1 start turned into 205 finish 2015…5-2 start turned into 3-3 finish 2016…5-0 start turned into 2-6 finish 2017…5-0 start followed by 1-3.

Again, part of the problem is the lack of a legit RB1 right now. Hunt was one. Hell, he was the best, but his production has slowed. He hasn’t rushed for 100 yards since week five, after doing it in four of his first five weeks and he hasn’t scored since week three. One issue is the fact the Chiefs have been losing (dropped three of four) and when they fall behind, Hunt takes a backseat to West.

#5 BROWN ‘N SERVIN’ IT (ERIC) With three starters out due to bye weeks, Eric never had much of a chance, although it must have been nice to see Lynch bounce back with two touchdowns and 63 yards.

Still, just too many good players (Thompson, Shepard, Fitzgerald, Doyle) on bad offenses. Those four combined for 234 yards, but zero touchdowns.

#6 TRUMP? (RICH B) It’s been sort of a mixed bag of results at running back for Rich. Freeman has been struggled along with the entire Falcons offense. He’s rushed for 100 yards just once all year and that was back in week three and he hasn’t scored since week four. Problem is, touches. In his first four games, he got about 20 touches per game. Since then, he’s gotten only 13.5 per game.

At least McCaffrey’s had his best game of the year, scoring 248 fantasy points. Was it a fluke? Don’t know. It certainly helped that Jon Stewart fumbled twice, opening the door for McCaffrey to get 15 carries to go with his five receptions.

#7 1/4 LBRS (JEFF) Kenyan Drake proved to be a decent bye-week sub, getting 15 touches (a surprising six receptions) and would have broken 200+ if not for a fumble, while Marvin Jones saved the day with 334 fantasy points on Monday night.

Yet, Jeff’s week nine near-fail wasn’t pretty and a lot of it has to do with his quarterback. Winston has been bothered by a bum shoulder for most of the season and after a 40-point fantasy outing against the Saints, the Bucs had enough and benched him. This is where he’ll be for a while, as the team is shutting down Jeff’s starting QB for a few weeks.

That wasn’t the only bad news. Thanks to the quarterback shuffle in Houston, Fuller might become worthless. He wa a touchdown machine with Watson, but Savage had no ability to get the ball into his hands (two catches on eight targets). Might be Amari Cooper time again.

#8 REVENGE OF THE ‘BURBS (ROBIO) I’ve won two in a row and I’ve retaken the 8-seed, but why does every victory always feel so hollow? This week I won despite the fact Aaron Jones was an afterthought in Green Bay (seven touches, 22 fantasy points) and now both C.J. Anderson and Dez Bryant is hurt. I can’t even put in Jordy Nelson, because the Packers offense is now basically have their quarterback dance around for 10 minutes before dumping the ball off four feet away.

#9 TRUCK NUTS (GRIFF) Mocking Pattini…this is what it has come to? Coomer use to be a big dog. He won many games and practically lived in the title game. He had passed me on my all-time rankings and seemed on the verge of skipping past Bob, but since he’s won the 2015 title, he’s been a league no-show, going just 7-16.

This week, he needed a pair of huge performances to top 1-7 Marc. He got 446 from Goff and 252 from Cook, while his studs failed to show. Running backs Mack and Martin combined for 72 fantasy points. Mike Evans received one reception and now he’s received one suspension. That won’t help moving forward.

#10 MOLLY’S LIPS (MARC) Stop waiting until the weekend to do your pickups. That is all.

#11 ZEKE SQUAD (DON) Don and Jeff’s two quarterbacks combined for 122 fantasy points. Ouch. Don’s two starting receivers combined for just 70 yards. Yet, my favorite is…for whatever reason, Don started the Giants DST; a defense that had failed to scored 50 fantasy points in three of their last four games, facing the league’s second highest scoring offense. The results? An incredible -61 points. I don’t know what the record for negative points is, but that’s got to be pretty close.

#12 TUCKER’S MY BITCH (COLBY) Is Colby the worst team in the league? Not even close, no matter what his 3-6 record says. In fact, I’d have him still in the top five. Yet, he left a player who went on the IR on Saturday in his starting lineup. No, it didn’t cost him the win, but…

Who is this Colby Hall? The Colby Hall I’ve known for 12 years in this league would never enter a must-win situation with a player on IR in his starting lineup. There’s no doghouses in Robioland, but he’s earned the basement for one week for that tomfoolery.

WEEK TEN

RICH C (W) JEFF (L) 1201 – 855 MATT (L) ROB M (W) 1195 – 1849 GRIFF (W) DON (L) 1449 – 1395 COLBY (W) ROBIO (L) 1224 – 1056 RICH B (L) MARC (W) 1010 – 1163 BOB (W) ERIC (L) 1517 – 1195

TUESDAY THOUGHT

The fun…it’s just beginning. Bob season is mirroring my 2010 run. We both lost our first game and then proceeded to win the rest. I would go on to set a record, winning 14 straight before losing in the finals…to Bob. Mr. Castrone is has won nine straight, which ties him with three others for fourth longest winning streak. Only two people in this league’s history have won 10 in a row. I’ve done it twice and Bob has done it once).

On top of that, Matt continues to show he may not be one of the greatest ever, Masterson comes back from the dead, Calderon continues to hangout with the cool kids, while a stunning six teams are within one game of the 5-seed.

With three weeks to play, even Don and Marc still have something to play for, as neither has been eliminated from playoff contention.

Also…the trading deadline is this Sunday. On to the rankings…

#1 OH IT’S HAPPENING, SWEETHEARTS (MATT) With Wentz, Jeffery, Ertz and Elliot on a bye-week, we’ll call this a hiccup game. Although, I should knock you for trading Peterson away from fucking Ted “I never sniff 200” Ginn. Hell, he didn’t even sniff seven fantasy points this week.

#2 DICK MCBALLFARTS (BOB) With Crabtree on a bye, Hogan hurt and one spot being occupied with a IR, Bob lacks the debt one would think you would need to make a serious run. Yet, riding the Kamara wave, Bob has put up his two best performances these past week weeks, finally breaking 1,500 in a win over Eric.

Cam Newton came up huge this week, thanks to four touchdown passes sand 95 yards rushing. It seems like the Panthers have finally taken the leash off. His 598 is a season high for Bob, who has had three total games where a QB has scored over 490. Of course, it was DeShaun Watson doing it before.

#3 HUNT FOR THE GOLDEN JOHNSON (ROB M) Impressive win for Masterson, not only because of the points he scored, but the team he beat. Fun fact: Rob just missed scoring 1,900 points. He’s only done that twice in his career and he’s never done it in the regular season.

I’m sure Matt will scream about missing his starters, but Masterson got this win with both Brady (benched) and Hunt (bye) on his bench, proving Rob has some debt. Woods proved to be a great pickup, producing his second straight good game. This week he had 171 yards and two scores for 462 points; a well-spent $6 this week.

#4 TUCKER’S MY BITCH (COLBY) Colby is back in the driver seat with another win over me. However, he has a tough final three. His three final opponents (Calderon, Masterson, Castrone) are a combined 22-7.

To even get to this point, it comes to down wise decisions. It’s certainly why my team has failed so often this year. This week, with my DST on a bye, I made a $6 bid for the Rams DST. Colby made a $11 bid for the Rams and won them. If I would have won that bid, I would have won this game and Colby’s playoff dreams would be nearly over. Instead, he got the Rams and he’s in the playoffs.

#5 THE DICK-TATERS (RICH C) Calderon’s Titan backfield fucked him again. This week, he sent Murray to the bench and kept both he and Henry on the pine, so of course, Murray comes through with three touchdowns and 324 fantasy points.

Listen, Rich has a good team, but man, he is winning some low scoring affairs. Calderon has yet to break 1,500 points this year and four of his wins have come despite the fact he failed to hit 1,200. If I played his schedule…I’d be 7-3.

#6 BROWN ‘N SERVIN’ IT (ERIC) Eric has dropped his fourth straight and a trip to the playoffs is looking sketchy. It doesn’t help that he has Neatock next and will be a solid underdog in week eleven.

It also doesn’t help that Antonio Brown has been slipping lately. After scoring back-to-back 300-point games, he has just 190, 140 and 94 in his last three.

#7 TRUMP? (RICH B) With Freeman possibly missing multiple games, now that first-round pick is starting to look good. McCaffery is still playing second fiddle to Stewart in the running game, but the Panthers are finding ways for the rookie to produce and he has back-to-back 200-point games. Also, Rich gets Ajayi back with two weeks worth of practices under his belt.

#8 1/4 LBRS (JEFF) Don’t look now, but Jeff is fading a bit. He’s 2-2 in his last four, but his scoring has gone down for three straight weeks. Quarterback is going to be a problem and Melvin Gordon is not getting the love like he was earlier in the season. He got a team high 16 carries, but gained just 42 yards. It’s the fourth time in eight games he has failed to reach 50 yards rushing, as his average is back down below 4.0 yards per carry.

#9 REVENGE OF THE ‘BURBS (ROBIO) With Dez Bryant and Jordy Nelson as my starting wideouts, I thought I was stacked at WR. Now, they are both liabilities. Bryant has yet to put up a 200-point game this year and Nelson has just 136 total fantasy points in his last three games without Rodgers.

Officially, I’m still fifth in breakdown, but I feel like my team is on the verge of falling off a cliff. Yep, this is what being Neatock’D is all about.

#10 TRUCK NUTS (GRIFF) This week, Goff had his second best week of the year, Crowell did as well, as did Thomas. Sanders had his best game of the season. So is Griff’s team getting good or did he just have a lucky week?

#11 MOLLY’S LIPS (MARC) A big win keeps the slim playoff hopes alive, but not everything was gold. Two weeks ago, McKinnon led Marc to his first victory, but he played a small part this time around. That’s because he took a backseat to Latavius Murray, who got 16 carries to McKinnon’s ten. The last thing Marc needs is another split-time back.

#12 ZEKE SQUAD (DON) It’s time to throw in the towel and get better for next year. However, is Don capable of doing that? He’s made just four trades in his 17-year career and only one to a person he’s not related to.

WEEK ELEVEN

BOB (W) GRIFF (L) 1587 – 1382 COLBY (L) RICH C (W) 1210 – 1449 DON (W) RICH B (L) 1452 – 968 MATT (L) ERIC (W) 1102 – 2074 MARC (W) ROBIO (L) 1184 – 1091 ROB M (L) JEFF (W) 1402 – 1614

TUESDAY THOUGHT

Eleven weeks in and Bob is unstoppable, Neatock can’t catch a break, four teams have clinched, two have nearly clinched and and the rest of us are somehow still alive, fighting for a playoff spot. Robioland…it’s fantastic!

#1 DICK MCBALLFARTS (BOB) Congratulations to Bob, he’s rolling through this league like Roy Moore at Teen Nite at famous Whiskey A Go Go. He’s won 10 straight, fourth longest winning streak in league history and is just one win or or one Calderon loss from securing his third top-seed in four seasons (never happened before).

Of course, in typical Bob fashion, he pulled off a midnight trade deadline switcharoo. He sent Kamara packing (along with Dalvin Cook) to Don for Mark Ingram and Zeke Elliot. With the Cowboys running back added to the roster, Bob would become unstoppable, but unfortunately he’s still serving his suspension. Right now, if you’re going to take down Bob, you better do it before the finals…that’s when Elliot would return.

Yet, this wasn’t just a move for the title game. At worst, Bob will be able to keep Zeke in round one and even if Bob gets stunned in the quarters, Elliot will be the 8th overall pick for one more season. This means Castrone will walk into 2018 with DeShaun Watson, Zeke Elliot and either Crabtree or the Jaguars D. Not bad.

#2 OH IT’S HAPPENING, SWEETHEARTS (MATT) Sure Matt can blame his recent slump on the fact his last two opponents scored 1,849 and 2,074. That’s a lot of points. Yet, littered among his own 1,900-point games are a trio of shit piles. In Matt’s last three loses, all in the last four weeks, Matt has averaged only 1,121 points per game.

Luckily, he has his bye-week next week. He faces me. He’s 11-0 in breakdown against me.

#3 THE DICK-TATERS (RICH C) Despite his better effort to fuck it all up, Calderon won his fourth straight and moves into second place all by his lonesome. Of course, when I say fucking it all up, I’m talking about his constant desire to bench his best point totals each week. This week, he put Fournette’s 236 on the pine, to go along with Darkwa’s 240 and the Vikings 188. Hell, we should dock him some points for picking up Peterman and his -98.

Yet, it certainly helps to have a sudden WR1 come out of nowhere. Adam Thielen has always been good, but over the last three weeks, no wide receiver has been better. Since week eight, he has scored 256, 392 and 306 and has become a must-start.

#4 HUNT FOR THE GOLDEN JOHNSON (ROB M) Despite losing his fourth game in six weeks, I’m not going to knock Masterson too hard. He scored a solid 1,402, which would have been good enough to beat half this league. Still, unless Kareem Hunt rediscovers his early season magic, Rob’s season will once again end early.

The Chiefs back was the hottest thing since POV porn, but those days seem to be over. He hasn’t broken 300 or even scored a single TD since week three. Over his last three, he hasn’t even sniffed 200, gaining just 156 yards on 49 carries. No RB1, no title, baby.

#5 BROWN ‘N SERVIN’ IT (ERIC) A big win for three reasons. First, it ends brutal four-game slide. Second, Eric took down a team he wasn’t expected to take down. Third, by scoring over 2,000, he has made it nearly impossible for any of the 4-7 teams to catch him in points. Thus, even if he slumps and drops his final two, he’s still going to the postseason show.

Unfortunately, the win was a costly one, as Chris Thompson, the Redskins back who has been flirting with All-Robio all season, broke his leg and is out for the year and Eric doesn’t have his handcuff.

#6 TUCKER’S MY BITCH (COLBY) Sure, Colby lost and that should depress him, but he’s not only still in the driver seat for a playoff spot, he’s riding in a hot rod, as both Griff and I lost this week. This means, barring a sudden collapse in scoring, Colby only really needs one more win against either Masterson or Bob. Why? Because in case of a tiebreaker, he holds a 700-point lead over me, nearly 800-point lead over Griff, a 900-point lead over Don and he’s got Marc by a couple of grand.

Of course, he’s only in this position because of his own decision making. This week, he started Alex Smith (vs Giants) over Russell Wilson. That call cost Colby 318 points, in a game he lost by just 239.

#7 1/4 LBRS (JEFF) Jeff picked a good time to have his best game of the year. The victory nearly locks up a playoff spot for him. It would take a “Jeff getting laid” type miracle for Jeff to miss the playoffs.

With Amari Cooper strugglimg, Jeff had a massive hole at wide receiver. For a solid month, it looked like he filled it with Fuller, who was a touchdown machine. However, when Watson went down, Fuller became useless again. Yet, Jeff again has managed to fill that hole. Over the last month, Marvin Jones has scored over 230 in four of his last five games, which is WR1-type numbers.

#8 TRUCK NUTS (GRIFF) Yeah, Griff lost again and now needs help to reach the playoffs. Yet, there was a glimmer of hope this week. With Chris Thompson going down, look who suddenly has the Redskins starting running back? Yep, Perine scored 312 this week and looks like a solid get, if he can work through an injured finger.

#9 MOLLY’S LIPS (MARC) Pattini’s playoff hopes remain alive, but let’s not let him get too confident. Because his scoring is so low, he can’t win any tiebreakers against anyone, so let’s break it down for him. For him to get to the playoffs, he needs to go 2-0 (Don, Matt). He then needs Colby, myself and Griff to all go 0-2. Having that trio go 0-6 combined is possible. Colby has to face Masterson and Bob. I have Matt and Don and Griff has Eric and Masterson. I would say the three 4-7 teams will be underdogs in four of those six games. The problem will be Marc beating Matt in week thirteen.

#10 ZEKE SQUAD (DON) A few weeks ago, I thought we were headed for a 0-11 vs 1-10 matchup between Marc and Don, in the ultimate battle for last place. Yet, now we’re battling to see who can keep their playoff hopes alive. Mind you, this is a de facto playoff game. The loser will be eliminated from the postseason.

Yet, if Don can go 2-0 (and that’s possible, as he has the easiest final two games of the season), he’ll need Colby to go 0-2. That’s step one. If Griff and I go 0-2, then that makes things easier for him. However, if we go 1-1, it’s not over for Don, as he is within reach of a tiebreaker. He trails Griff by only 33 points and he’s behind me by only 143.

#11 TRUMP? (RICH B) While Burrier will most likely end up a playoff team, he’s easily the most undeserving. He’s second-to-last in both points and breakdown and it’s time to recognize that. This week he earned the weekly low score by getting four points from his RB2 spot (Lacy) and -44 from Dak Prescott.

At 5-6 though, he’s still in a good spot for a playoff spot. If he wins one game (over either Jeff and Calderon), he’s in, as long as two of the three 4-7 teams don’t go 2-0.

#12 BEEN NEATOCK’D (ROBIO) I can actually pinpoint the moment when it all went wrong in this league. Title game…2008. That season, through a series of great decisions, I was easiest the best team heading into the playoffs. I had added off the wire Kurt Warner (top five QB), added DeAngelo Williams (#1 back) and Antonio Bryant (top-10 WR), and traded for Thomas Jones (All-Robio back). I was stacked and rolled through the quarterfinals and semifinals.

Then, in the title game, I decided to bench the top RB in the league against the league’s top run defense for Brian Westbrook, a top-10 back. I also picked up Tavaris Jackson, because I didn’t like Warner’s matchup. Well, I left Jackson on the bench and Warner had -4. Also, Williams rushed for 199 yards and four scores. Those decisions cost me the title. Ever since then, I have just made one bad decision after another.

You can see it in all the category three keepers other teams have kept that I have drafted. You can see it with all the points I have placed on my bench. This week, I not only sat Rishard Matthews, I cut him. He exploded for over 350. My best WR went for 186. I lost by 93.

I still have a shot at the playoffs, but what’s the point.

WEEK TWELVE

JEFF (W) RICH B (L) 1491 – 1414 GRIFF (W) ERIC (L) 1561 – 1331 DON (W) MARC (L) 1418 – 1405 COLBY (W) ROB M (L) 1327 – 1280 ROBIO (L) MATT (W) 1329 – 1784 RICH C (L) BOB (W) 1115 – 1516

TUESDAY THOUGHT

So, do these Robio Rankings matter? Let’s be honest, they are just the not-so-deep rantings from a guy who struggles to make the playoffs.

I’ve been doing Tuesday Thoughts for a long while now. In the beginning, they were just a sentence or two, but eventually expanded. It wasn’t until 2004 though, when I started to rank teams each week. Below, are where the eventual champs each season were ranked after week twelve. While there certainly was a stretch where the winner kept coming from the middle of the pack (2006-2013), the last three years, the team I had ranked #1 has won it all.

2004 – Bob Castrone | Robio Rank: #2 2005 – Griff Coomer | Robio Rank: #1 2006 – Don Vozzola | Robio Rank: #7 2007 – Matt Neatock | Robio Rank: #4 2008 – Don Vozzola | Robio Rank: #5 2009 – Matt Neatock | Robio Rank: #1 2010 – Bob Castrone | Robio Rank: #6 2011 – Bob Castrone | Robio Rank: #6 2012 – Robio Murray | Robio Rank: #5 2013 – Rich Calderon | Robio Rank: #6 2014 – Bob Castrone | Robio Rank: #1 2015 – Griff Coomer | Robio Rank: #1 2016 – Rich Calderon | Robio Rank: #1

So, who is it going to be.

#1 DICK MCBALLFARTS (BOB) When Bob’s winning ways first began, he looked like he was going to Molly his way through the season (Definition of “Molly-ing” is winning a bunch of low scoring games). Anyhow, over the last month, Bob has turned into BEAST mode, averaging over 1,500 points per game in his last four.

Although the question now is, did he make a mistake with his trade? Don’t get me wrong, he’s going to enjoy Zeke Elliot next year as a late first-round keeper, but this week showed that when the chips are down, the Saints want the ball in Kamara’s hands, not Ingram. The rookie (who Bob shipped off to Don) outscored his teammate; 496-72 this week.

Of course, if Julio Jones dominates like he did on Sunday, it might not matter. The Falcons receiver, who has been anything but All-Robio this year, awoke for 268 yards and two scores. I’ve been putting together a list of greatest games ever (thank you Pro Football Reference) and I believe this is the fifth greatest game ever by a wide receiver.

#2 OH IT’S HAPPENING, SWEETHEARTS (MATT) Who benches their starting kicker on one of the league’s best scoring teams?

Overall, a solid effort, as five players broke 200, while a pair cracked 300+. I still won’t put Neatock number one, because I believe he’s going to get taken down in either the quarters or semis, based on some tough matchups the Eagles and his running backs are going to face. However, I can be convinced this week. The Eagles will be traveling out west to Seattle. Now the Seahawks D is beat up and not the Legion of Boom we’ve come to know, but it will be a nice test for this high flying Eagles offense.

#3 THE DICK-TATERS (RICH C) Calderon’s four-game winning streak comes to an end, as his team continues to look good, not great, which is not good enough for a second straight title run.

The problem are those running backs. The Titans continue to be a legit timeshare. Murray got 144 points this week, while Henry delivered 178. Meanwhile, Fournette has struggled when facing stiffer competition. Sandwiched around his 111 yards rushing against the Browns last week, were a 33-yard performance against the Chargers three weeks ago and 25 yards this week against the Cardinals.

In the quarterfinals and semifinals, the Jaguars will face off with the Seahawks and Texans (The Texans are first against RBs in fantasy, while Seattle is fourth).

#4 HUNT FOR THE GOLDEN JOHNSON (ROB M) The Kareem Hunt slide continues, as he produces his worst game of the year. The Chiefs back had just 26 total yards (52 fantasy points). For whatever reason, Alex Smith is starting to choke and teams are just loading up at the line. Barring a quarterback change in Kansas City, I don’t see Hunt turning this bad boy around.

That’s the bad news. Now some good news: Joe Mixon has been a borderline bust all season. He was given the keys to the Bengals backfield back in week three, but managed to crack 200 just once. He was becoming the king of 150 PPG. However, this week he exploded. He rushed for 100 yards for the first time, finished with 165 total yards and a score (390 fantasy points). Granted, this came against the Browns, who are bottom ten in everything and the Bengals will face some tough run Ds in the postseason, but let’s let Rob enjoy this one for a bit.

#5 TUCKER’S MY BITCH (COLBY) Colby is getting a big bounce up this week. I’ve wanted to keep him up near the top all season, as I believe him to be a dangerous team, but his performance on the fantasy field hasn’t really demonstrated dangerous. He hasn’t won two in a tow since weeks three and four. He’s still just 3-5 in his last eight and has cracked 1,500 only twice since week five. But my gut. I believe in my gut. I also believe in scheduling.

There’s a good chance he’s going to earn the seven. We all know the track record of the 7-seeds in this league. They’re 10-9 in the quarters against the 2-seed and have won three titles. This season, if you want to beat Matt (who will most likely be the 2-seed), you better do it in the quarters. If Colby wins that, he’ll most likely face 1-seed Bob, who he will want to face before Zeke comes back in week sixteen.

Yet, the big boost in my confidence isn’t just scheduling, but Coleman. Say what you want about the Falcons offense, but with Freeman gone, Coleman’s stats should continue to dominate, even with Ward eating up some of the touches. This week, he got 19 carries and two scores.

I think the only thing that could kill Colby is the lack of consistency at wideout. Sure, both Watkins and Hilton are capable of putting up some solid numbers, but more often than not, they’ll deliver some duds.

#6 TRUCK NUTS (GRIFF) Griff has now won three of four, but this was the first one against a real playoff team. He now controls his own destiny against a struggling Masterson squad.

There is plenty of can’t-sit talent on his squad. He’s got a pair of quarterbacks who are capable of shredding up averages Ds (Rivers, Goff) and he’s got three wide receivers who are all ranked among the top fifteen. Sure he needs a tight end (Olsen is hurt again) and his DST’s don’t scare me, but oh well.

Yet, the difference maker could be Perine. Washington’s offense is beat to shreds, but one thing remains true, the lead back is always a dangerous back in DC. Last year it was Rob Kelley. This year it’s been Chris Thompson. Now it’s Perine’s time. Earning his first start of the season, he received 27 touches, produced 130 yards for 260 fantasy points.

#7 1/4 LBRS (JEFF) What’s amazing about Jeff’s 2018 success is his ability to be successful without greatness. He’s on pace to finish the year with only his kicker earning any kind of All-Robio award (second team).

He’s done it by continually filling holes in the past Jeff couldn’t fill. He’s managed to replace a failed first-round pick (Cooper) with Fuller/Jones. No tight end, no problem, as Clay comes off the wire. Now with his star quarterback out, he goes and finds Keenum, who deliver 388 fantasy points.

#8 BROWN ‘N SERVIN’ IT (ERIC) Antonio Brown is back as the top wide receiver in football…by…a…long…mile. He’s crushing the competition, thanks to games like he’s produced the last two weeks. I mean, it’s one thing to be targeted a bunch, but Brown seems to catch nearly all his targets. Over his last two games, Brown has caught 20 of his 25 targets for 330 yards and five scores.

Yet, for Eric to make that deep playoff run, he needs a stud at quarterback and I’m not sure Brees is that stud anymore. Since week four, he’s had just once 300-point game and he’s failed to hit 210 in four of his last seven games.

#9 ZEKE SQUAD (DON) I doubt it will happen, but wouldn’t it be some Kamara Karma if Don snuck into the playoffs as the 8-seed and ended up shocking Bob behind a great performance by the Saints rookie?

After crushing it this weekend with 496 fantasy points, Kamara is now the fourth best back in fantasy football behind Gurley, Bell and Hunt, but let’s not kid ourselves, you could make a great argument that he’s the best back in football right now. And Don gets to enjoy his talents in round 13 for the next two years.

#10 MOLLY’S LIPS (MARC) With just three wins, this season might have felt like a failure for Marc, but this is a tough league. The people know their shit. The scoring is nutty and between the keepers, snake draft and the free agent auction, it takes a full year just to grasp the system.

That’s what this year was about for Marc. Figure it out, prep for next year and enter 2018 with the top pick in the draft.

#11 TRUMP? (RICH B) It’s not easy to do, but Rich has done it. He has officially followed up a four-game winning streak with a four-game losing streak and is in deep trouble. Quarterback, which was a strength all season, has become a season-killing spot for Burrier. Prescott, since losing Elliot, has scored 120, -44 and 38 fantasy points. Not even the great Dak Robby Anderson can overcome that.

#12 BEEN NEATOCK’D (ROBIO) Not sure what’s worse, I’m going to end the season with four wins or the fact I did nothing to improve my keeper situation next year. Oddly enough, I was going to offer up my trio of Packers backs to Bob for Kamara, but didn’t think he would take it. Meanwhile, Williams is the only back the Packers have and he’s rolling now, scoring 390 against the Steelers Sunday night.

IF THE PLAYOFFS STARTED TODAY:

#1 BOB vs. #8 GRIFF Talk about a juicy matchup. Combined, these two have a combined 38 playoff wins. They are a stunning 21-3 in the quarterfinals and have reached 12 title games, earning six championships. They’ve met four times in the playoffs, with Bob winning three of them, including twice in the title game. History!

#2 MATT vs. #7 COLBY These two faced off twice before in the postseason, both times in the quarterfinals, back in 2005 and 2010. Both times Matt was the higher seed, both times Colby walked away the winner.

#3 RICH C vs #6 ERIC These two faced off last year in the quarterfinals and #2 Calderon earned a 1,878-1144 victory, in route to a second championship.

#4 ROB M vs #5 JEFF For the first time in his career as a solo artist, Jeff will attend the postseason festival two years in a row. Rob and Jeff have never faced off in the postseason and both have struggled in round one. Jeff is just 1-3, while Rob has earned one quarterfinals win since 2007.

WEEK THIRTEEN

RICH C (L) RICH B (W) 1108 – 1252 GRIFF (W) ROB M (L) 1156 – 917 ROBIO (W) DON (L) 1979 – 1243 BOB (W) COLBY (L) 1601 – 1438 MATT (W) MARC (L) 1581 – 1104 ERIC (W) JEFF (L) 1293 – 1037

TUESDAY THOUGHT

​The playoffs, they are here. First though, we have to talk about one of the most amazing stats this league has produced. Burrier has earned the 8-seed. He does that a lot.

For the third year in a row and for the sixth time since 2007, Rich has earned the last playoff spot. That’s incredible. It’s like his thing.

He’s 1-5 as a 8-seed, losing to David in 2007 and me in 2010. In 2012, he 1-seed Griff, but he’s lost the last two seasons as the eight, losing to Bob and Jeff.

#1 DICK MCBALLFARTS (BOB) ​Bob has had a lot of success in this league, but what he’s done this season, win or lose, has been one of his greatest achievements. While he complained about his preseason ranking at number ten, his team had a lot of question marks/concerns. Cam Newton didn’t look healthy, Dalvin Cook was unproven, Adrian Peterson was uncertain and his tight end…well, he didn’t have a proven one.

​Bob would go out and get Deshaun Watson off the wire, as well as Chris Carson. Chris Hogan turned into a solid WR2 and Cook proved to be a RB1. Yet, both Watson and Cook (Bob’s two best players) went out with ACL injuries, while Carson was knocked out for the year. Hogan also got hurt, Bob never really found one tight end, but here is his, better now than he was before the season started.

​Bob ties the record for most wins in the regular season (12-1) and has gotten better as the season has gone along. In the season’s first eight games, Bob averaged only 1,225 points per game. However, over his last five, he has averaged 1,541, breaking 1,500 in four straight games. ​

#2 OH IT’S HAPPENING, SWEETHEARTS (MATT) ​Neatock wraps up his first scoring title since 2009. Neatock wins nine games in the regular season for the first time since 2009. Remember what happened in 2009? Matt does. That was the last time he won the title.

Right now, he’s on a collision course for a rematch of that brilliant 2014 title game. Matt’s been dying for revenge since he failed to beat Bob, despite heading into the fourth quarter of the final game down one point, with two players left to play.

#3 THE DICK-TATERS (RICH C) ​Calderon’s squad continues to be a difficult team to figure out. Yes, he won eight games, but this is the same team that has scored under 1,200 points six times (he scored 1,201 another time). Five of those times have come in his last seven games. This is a guy who lost twice to Burrier this season.

Obviously, the big story has been his inability to pick the right Titans back. That happened again this week. Yet, let’s not forget about Matt Ryan. Last year, the Falcons’ arms earned an All-Robio award, leading Rich to the title. He was an excellent category three keeper. Yet, this season he’s been pretty bad at times. Right now, despite not missing any time, he’s just the 15th best quarterback in fantasy, one spot ahead of Deshaun Watson, who only started five games this year. ​

#4 HUNT FOR THE GOLDEN JOHNSON (ROB M) ​Sadly (for Colby), Rob appeared to have a shot to rally against Griff, but Joe Mixon went early with a concussion.

If the Bengals rookie misses any time, that’s bad news for Rob. He was just now starting to look like a solid back. With Hunt continuing to do very little, it could leave Rob struggling to field a decent backfield in the quarterfinals. ​

#​5​ 1/4 LBRS (JEFF) H​eading into the postseason, Jeff will have some tough decisions to make, as both Winston and Drake outplayed the starters this week. The latter finally got starter touches (26) and performed, delivering 141 total yards and a score. ​ #​6​ BROWN ‘N SERVIN’ IT (ERIC) E​ric recovered from a four-game slide to win two of his final three, both victories coming against playoff teams. It certainly helps that the Raiders have seemed to figure out that the best way to win is by running the ball. Beast Mode has been heating up, breaking 300 this past weekend against the Giants. In fact, over his last month, he is averaging 245 points per game. ​ #​7​ TRUCK NUTS (GRIFF) ​For the first time in his career, Griff recovered from an 0-3 start to make the playoffs. ​He won six of nine after that beginning and made the final playoff push winning four of his last five. Not bad for a team that lost both David Johnson and Greg Olsen early in the year.

The big story for the season has to be the play of Keenan Allen. We all knew he was good, but we also knew he couldn’t stay healthy, but this year, that changed. He’s going to earn a second-team All-Robio this year and is only getting hotter. In his last three games, Allen has caught 10+ balls in each game. In total during that stretch, he has 33 catches for 436 yards and four touchdowns.

#​8​ TRUMP? (RICH B) ​Burrier may be entering the postseason as one of the worst teams to ever make the playoffs. He’s 11th in scoring. It’s only the second time in league history a team finished 11th in scoring, but made the playoffs. Molly did it back in 2005. So Burrier is now tied with the lowest point total ranking for a playoff team and he’s the same guy who is the only person to win five games in a season and make the playoffs.

Anyhow, it’s tough seeing how Burrier will take down Bob. Rich has broken 1,300 points just once all season and that was back in week two. Next week, he will have to do it without Rob Gronkowski. The Patriots tight end committed easily the dirtiest cheap shot of the season and is lucky is not out more than one game.

#​9​ TUCKER’S MY BITCH (COLBY) ​For the second straight year, a very good Colby team will not get an invite to the postseason. He becomes the 5th team in league history to finish fifth in scoring, but not make the playoffs (the all-time best was Griff, who finished 4th in 2001, but missed out).

Despite this, he still earned two first-team All-Robios in Russell Wilson and Travis Kelce (who held off Gronk). It’s hard to miss the playoffs with two 1st-team All-Robios, but Colby never managed to upgrade his WR spots and that cost him. ​

#1​0​ BEEN NEATOCK’D (ROBIO) ​A valant effort made by my crew at the end. The weekly high score is a nice “get the fuck outta here” present. It’s actually my first weekly high score in 52 weeks, which ties me with Jeff for the 5th longest streak in league history.

In the end, I had a average team at best, that lost two games alone because I failed to set a proper lineup. I also struggled to make good decisions on the waiver and was unable to make up for Aaron Rodgers’ injury, which ended up costing me not just my All-Robio quarterback, but my All-Robio receiver, Jordy Nelson. ​

#​11​ ZEKE SQUAD (DON) ​Don will be missing the playoffs for the fourth time in five seasons and seven times in his career. ​He was never expected to do much with this roster this season and a late two-game winning streak against the two lowest scoring teams in the league only postponed the enveible.

At least this season, he adopted a strategy that paid off for his son a couple years ago; by getting better for next year. With Kamara and the second pick in the draft, Don could be looking at a stud team next year.

#1​2​ MOLLY’S LIPS (MARC) ​While Marc was projected to finish at or near the bottom, at least he was able to avoid the worst label, thanks to three wins down the stretch. He’ll get the first overall pick next year and that has been good news for just about everyone in this league. Looking at it now, his three best options will be Todd Gurley, David Johnson and Antonio Brown. Those are some good options.

QUARTERFINALS

RICH B (L) BOB (W) 1007 – 1271 JEFF (W) ROB M (L) 1179 – 1080 ERIC (W) RICH C (L) 1433 – 1404 GRIFF (L) MATT (W) 1444 – 2128

TUESDAY THOUGHT

While Monday night didn’t match the greatness of the 2014 championship game or the crazinest of the 2011 quarterfinals, Monday night was one of the best ever for a playoff weekend. Three games were left undecided heading into the evening, three we remained an open question by halftime, two were still battles into the fourth quarter and one wasn’t decided until the 53 seconds left to go.

HISTORY TOUR: – 2014 Championship: http://wp.me/p2DLDd-YI – 2011 Quarterfinals: http://wp.me/p2DLDd-BK

STILL IN

1-seed DICK McBALLFARTS Talk about a balanced effort. Only Cam Newton managed to hit 200+ (240 points), as Bob’s seven remaining players scored over 100. His biggest problem was the fact that none of his running backs or wide receivers scored a touchdown.

In Bob’s mind, he survived this round and he really only needs to survive one more, as he will get Zeke Elliot for the first time in the championship game. Oddly enough, he’ll be facing a Eric squad that outscored him this year, but Bob has some solid matchups this coming weekend and should be the favorite.

2-seed OH IT’S HAPPENING BABY Did Matt Neatock just get Neatock’D? With the league’s highest scoring team cruising through the quarterfinals, Matt was looking unstoppable. Then it happened. Carson Wentz tore his ACL. D’oh!

This is a big deal, as Matt has four Eagles in his starting lineup and three of them rely on the passing game (Wentz, Jeffery and whomever the starting tight end is). With Mariota struggling, Matt will clearly gun for Nick Foles to fill in for Wentz.

Yet, not sure Matt should jump directly into panic mode. Running backs still drive this league and nobody has a better pair than the Sweethearts. Bell seems to be heating up, as Gurley has remained hot all year. These two combined for 820 points against Griff. On top of that, Hudley’s love for Davante Adams seems to be lasting, as the wide receiver has hit 200+ in four of his last five games. Even without Wentz, I still have Matt as the favorite, although not quite as large as he once was.

5-seed 1/4 LBRS Should be call it the “Miracle in Miami?” While I wasn’t surprised by Tom Brady struggling, as he and the Pats have always struggled a bit against the Dolphins in South Beach, I didn’t expect him to struggle that bad (134 fantasy points) and I certainly didn’t expect Kenyan Drake to deliver 386 fantasy points.

The dude killed it. In fact, he’s killed it in two straight games with back-to-back 300-point games. It certainly helps that his backup (and the third down back) is out with an injury and Drake is really the only capable back on that team.

Next up, Jeff will need another miracle if he wants to reach his second straight title game. He has issues to deal with at quarterback, defense, tight end and one wide receiver spot. One thing he won’t have to worry about is the running back spot.

6-seed BROWN ‘N SERVIN IT With 53 seconds on the clock, down ten, the trailing team needed two scores. All Eric needed was a stop and a kick and he got it. It was eerily similar to the 2014 title game, when Matt trailed by one, had the Broncos kicker, as the team trailed by 10 with two minutes to go. That team, led by Peyton Manning, passed on the kick and kept throwing the ball, which lead to a game ending interception and ended Matt’s hopes for a win.

It’s hard to believe, but Eric is advancing to the semifinals for just the second time in his 16-year Robioland career. Gio Bernard proved to be a nice pickup, scoring 260 fantasy points, although Eric’s two best backs this week, Howard & Gore, we’re sitting on his pine.

Coming up next in the semifinals, Eric has an interesting matchup. He actually outscored 1-seed Bob this season, but is just 6-8 against him in the breakdown. For him to win, Eric will need to make great decisions. With the Patriots facing the Steelers and the Ravens taking on the Browns, putting the Ravens D back in is a no-brainer. Yet, Eric has four running backs he could justifiably put in the starting lineup; Lynch, Howard, Gore and Bernard. He also has to make his weekly decision at WR; Fitzgerald, Diggs or Sanu.

SAYING GOODBYE

8th Pick – RICH CALDERON In the end, Rich produced one of the better wide receiver duos we’ve seen in a long time. In the quarters, Hopkins and Thielen combined for 658 points. That’s many. Yet, Rich couldn’t escape his troubles at quarterback (Matt Ryan, 106 points) and at the second running back spot. DeMarco Murray was pretty bad in fantasy this year, so it’s fitting he ends Rich’s repeat dream with a pitiful 47 total yards performance.

7th Pick – ROB MASTERSON The way Masterson’s seasons continue to end are just brutal. He starts so good, but always end in some wicked, disgusting way. While Rob has one just one quarterfinals game since 2007 (1-8 in the playoffs since then), his jinx really began in 2011, when he took his best team ever into the playoffs as the 2-seed, only to watch Steven Jackson and Bob Castrone stun him with a last-second two-point win.

Since that 2011 season, Rob has produced a stunning seven straight winning regular seasons. That’s tied for the longest streak ever with Griff. Bob hasn’t even done that. Yet, all he has shown for that are a lot of playoff loses and a lot of “best team name” fictional trophies.

Fantasy…it’s a cruel mistress.

6th Pick – GRIFF COOMER From 0-3 to a team that would have beaten every other team this week, except the one he was playing. Griff did that despite losing both David Johnson and Greg Olsen pretty much for the year early in the season. Props.

In the end, losing Johnson proved to be too big of a hump to climb over. With Johnson, Griff wins two more games easily (perhaps three) and he’s probably advancing to the semis as the 3-seed. Yet, them the breaks.

5th Pick – RICHARD BURRIER Burrier made his bed, now he must sleep in it. I mocked Rich all season for picking McCaffrey in the first round over a stud wide receiver. In the end, Rich suicided his season with the Panthers rookie. He decided to bench Devonta Freeman for McCaffrey (even though Freeman had the much better matchup) and he also decided to bench the Cardinals DST for the Packers. Those two decisions cost Rich 266 fantasy points. He lost by 264. Ouch. While this isn’t quite me benching DeAngelo Williams in the 2008 title game, this isn’t too far behind.

BEEN WAITING FOR NEXT YEAR

All because we four missed the playoffs, doesn’t mean we’re done talking about you. This week, the commissioner is covering the keepers.

4th Pick – COLBY HALL In category one, Colby has a couple of options. He’s got both the league’s top tight end (Kelce) for one more year in round four and the league’s top quarterback one round earlier for two more seasons. Tough call.

In category two, the options are not so pretty. Right now, only LeGarrette Blount in round nine feels like a good option, but at best he’s stuck in a timeshare.

Later in the draft, Colby can keep Tevin Coleman one more time in round 13. He’s not a bad keeper, but if Colby finds himself starting him again, that’s going to be bad news.

3rd Pick – ROBIO MURRAY I gave up on C.J. Anderson’s mediocrity and cut him for some potential sleepers, which really leaves me with Carlos Hyde for one more year in round three or Aaron Rodgers in round two. At this point, I’m leaning for the former. However, don’t forget about Tyreek Hill in round four for two more years.

In category two, I have plenty of options, but not sure if any are good. I have Jamaal Williams in round eight (thank you Burrier). He appears to have wrestled the starting job away from Jones and Montgomery in Green Bay. If that doesn’t pan out, I stashed Josh Gordon in round seven and Matt Breida could be a sexy option of Hyde leaves SF.

In category three, I still have Jordy Nelson for one more year or I can go tight end with O.J. Howard, who has come on strong lately.

2nd Pick – DON VOZZOLA In category one, Don really only has one option; Dalvin Cook, via the Kamara trade with Bob. He’ll becoming off an ACL injury, which seems to be the case with half the league. He’s young and the injury happened early in the season, so he should be ready to go next year. Don just needs to watch the mock drafts and see if late second in a keeper league is too early for him.

Unless Alfred Morris gets a gig starting somewhere outside of Dallas, I don’t see any good category two options, but in category three, he has Alvin Kamara, who earned an All-Robio award this season.

1st Pick – MARC PATTINI In category one, Brandin Cooks will again be a option at the back end of the second round. Outside of that, I don’t like any other cat one options, unless Peterson finds a new home and is a lock to start, but even that I don’t like at his age.

In category three, Marc’s got a nugget of gold with Alex Collins. He sure looks like a solid back going into next year. In category three, Pattini has no options, unless you count kickers. We don’t keep kickers.

SEMIFINALS

ERIC (L) BOB (W) 1195 – 1900 JEFF (L) MATT (W) 1681 – 2019

TUESDAY THOUGHT

No, it’s not Tuesday, but the results are pretty much solidified, so no reason to wait until Tuesday to hear my delicious thoughts.

While upsets are cute, especially when you’re pulling off the upset, in the end, I want the two best teams in the final game of the season. This is the fifth straight year there’s been at least one 1-seed or 2-seed in the finals and it’s the second straight year the championship game will feature a #1 vs #2. Like last season, the top seed couldn’t lose and the second team will enter the game as the scoring champ and favorite.

So how did we get here?

#1 BOB With an impressive win over Eric, Bob becomes just the second team to sit at 14-1. If he wins it all, he’ll be the first 15-win team in league history.

The two big stories coming out of this week was the play of Ingram and Cam. First, let’s talk about the running back. This is the second straight week, Bob’s trade with Don has paid off, as Ingram dominated the points over Kamara. His 422 points is the second time he’s broken 400 in fantasy and he did it with only 12 carries (17 total touches).

Yet, Cam may prove to be the difference maker for Bob going forward. He delivered 506 points. It is his second 500-point game in his last five. His run stats continue to be a big help. He has rushed for 50 or more yards in seven of his last eight games. Yet, the red zone passing has been the big difference of late. Through ten weeks of the season, Newton had only ten touchdowns to 11 interceptions. Since week eleven, he has 11 touchdowns to just one interception.

#2 NEATOCK Congratulations to Neatock, who is just taking a wrecking ball to record book by scoring over 2,000 for the second straight game. No one has ever done that before in this league’s history. Now prior to the playoffs, because he struggled a bit to score down the stretch, I assumed Matt had no shot to challenge Bob’s scoring record for a regular/full season (25, 509). Yet, after what he’s done the last two weeks, Matt needs 1,745 points in the title game to break that record.

Anyhow, this week there was no missing Carson Wentz, as both of Matt’s quarterbacks scored over 360 fantasy points. Yet, the hero of the day continues to be Todd Gurley, who dominated with a 180 yards, three scores and 600 fantasy points.

It certainly helped that his gaggle of Eagles didn’t lose a step. Jeffery, Ertz and Elliot combined for a decent 430, but Foles threw the ball 38 times and delivered four scores, which means there will be plenty of opportunities to score some fantasy points for these guys.

LOOKING AHEAD TO NEXT YEAR…

#10 PICK – JEFF The running backs did their part, as Gordon and Drake combined for 684 fantasy points. It wasn’t enough, but the reality is, Drake has proven that he can be the feature back in Miami. If he can remain the starter in 2018, Jeff could have one hell of a backfield heading into the 2018 season, before he even makes a draft pick. That’s about all Jeff can keep, as he has no category three keeper options.

#9 PICK – ERIC A lack of great players showed up again this weekend. Brees once again failed to sniff 300. Howard couldn’t duplicate a great performance from the previous week. Only the Ravens DST truly looked special, but there is only so much a great defense can do. It’s not like they can score 500 points. Once Antonio Brown left with an injury, Eric’s season was officially over, if it wasn’t technically over before that.

Looking ahead to next year, Antonio Brown is gone and Eric does not have a lot of great keeper options outside of Jordan Howard again in round 15. In category one, he has Brees in two, Lynch in three and Diggs in four and Fitzgerald in five. Those guys combined are about 145 years old. Diggs is probably the best option, but mock drafts will show that he’d probably be available to getting drafted in that same round.

In category two, Eric’s best option is Chris Thompson in round six. When healthy, he was pretty great, but it’s still tough to trust that coaching staff. Will he get enough touches to be a weekly stud?

Again, Howard is a no-brainer in round 15. He struggled to be consistent this year, but I suspect a new coaching staff will come to Chicago next year and he’ll rediscover his groove.

WHAT ABOUT THOSE FOLKS WHO LOST LAST WEEK

#8 RICH C Calderon will have to make a tough decision in category one next season. He has Leo Fournette. He’s a legit All-Robio candidate in 2018 and he can be kept in round two. However, in round four, Rich has an already legit All-Robio receiver in DeAndre Hopkins. Backs are more important than receivers, but that two-round difference may be enough to sway anyone.

Unless a situation changes, I’m not sure Rich keeps any category two players. Peyton Barber needs to become a starter in Tampa (unlikely). The same is true of Derrick Henry. Rich also has Orleans Darkwa, but if he’s starting, Rich has issues. For now, the Vikings D in round ten is a god keep.

In category three, Matt Ryan is out and in comes Adam Thielen, who can be kept in round 13. Solid.

#7 ROB M After another disappointing end to a good season, Rob lacks the true star power heading into the 2018 season. Despite his troubles at the end of the season, Kareem Hunt should still be a good keeper in round two, even over Tom Brady in round four (for one more year), although don’t discount Joe Mixon, who can be kept one round later than Hunt.

In category two, I’m not sure Rob keeps anyone. Paul Richardson can be kept in round seven and if Mike Davis can keep the Seattle starting running back gig, he can be kept in round six, but as of now, I wouldn’t keep either. In category three, Jimmy Graham can be kept for one more year in round 13. While he was a bit hit-or-miss, he did finish top-five among tight ends this year.

#6 GRIFF It’s time to say goodbye to David Johnson, as he reenters the draft pool. In category one, it’s between Keenan Allen in round two or Doug Martin in four. As of now, the Chargers receiver seems like the better option.

In category two, Griff’s best options are either going to be Samaje Perine in round ten or Marlon Mack in round nine. The latter never was able to replace Gore, who will be out of Indy next year, so not sure the Colts will just hand him the keys to the backfield. Perine also didn’t show enough to prove he was a starter and I can’t imagine he’ll unseat Chris Thompson. In category three, it has to be Michael Thomas again for one more year in round 11.

#5 PICK – BURRIER The Freeman era comes to a close for Burrier, so he’ll be needing a new category one keeper. Not a ton to love, so it will either be Rob Gronkowski in round two or Dak Prescott in round five. Jay Ajayi still seems like a easy pick in category two in round six. Rich only has one option in category three (Doctson), but I don’t see a point.

NON-PLAYOFF TEAMS

Last week, I talked about keepers. This week I want to discuss first picks.

#1 PICK – MARC With Alex Collins projected to be a solid sixth round keeper, Marc has two beautiful options to give himself a stud backfield. He’s basically gets to choose between Todd Gurley or David Johnson, as I project both Zek Elliot and Le’Veon Bell will be kept in round one next year. It’s Marc’s decision on who he wants and really, barring injury, there is no wrong decision.

#2 PICK – DON We know Don will keep Kamara. It’s still early to know if he’s going to keep Dalvin Cook. He’s a second round keeper option, but is coming off an ACL injury. If he feels confident that Cook is healthy, then he could keep him in round two and go with a all-sophomore backfield of Kamara/Cook. Then he can use his first pick to draft Antonio Brown, who can go from one Vozzola to another. Of course, if he doesn’t keep Cook, he then gets whomever Marc doesn’t take between Todd Gurley and David Johnson.

#3 PICK – ROBIO In a perfect world, we’ll know who the starting running back will be next year in Green Bay, as I have both of the best options; Jamaal Williams and Aaron Jones. I would keep one of them in category two and then keep Tyrek Hill in round four over Carlos Hyde in round three. I would also keep Jordy Nelson one more year in category three. Or do I keep three receivers: Hill, Nelson and Gordon and take a RB here? Decisions blow.

Thus, I would obviously take either Gurley or Johnson if he either falls. If they go one-two, I would have to decide between Antonio Brown or a bunch of backs who I don’t love taking this early (Freeman, McCoy, Ingram, etc). So instead, I would probably roll the dice and go with the next great thing. Saquon Barkley is a Penn State running back, who has been compared to Zeke Elliot and Adrian Peterson. He’ll be the first back taken in the NFL draft. A popular landing spot is in Indianapolis, although the Browns have two picks and might be ready to upgrade from Crowell.

#4 COLBY Mr Hall needs a running back, but he’s not going to get either Gurley or Johnson. Antonio Brown will be (most likely) sitting there, but Colby will have a lot of options to pick among a bunch of veteran backs, capable of finishing in the top-10. I’m talking about McCoy, Ingram, Hyde and Freeman.

FINALS

MATT (W) BOB (L) 1537 – 1119

TUESDAY THOUGHT

We are smack in the middle of the era of the SUPER TEAM.

For the fifth straight season, a league champion was one of the top two seeds. For the third time in four years, the league champion earned the scoring title. But it is so much more than that. I would argue that for the fifth straight season, one team entered the postseason as the overwhelming favorite and didn’t disappoint. Hell, three teams…Bob in 2014, Calderon last year and Matt this season, we’re the favorites from beginning to end.

For Neatock, this championship began in week five of last season, when a 1-4 Matt team picked up a struggling Todd Gurley in a trade. The Rams back didn’t help, as Matt would win just one more game the rest of the way, earning the top pick in the 2017 draft. That almost seemed to seal the league’s fate.

Yet, Neatock tried his hardest to sabotage his success. In the offseason he tried desperately through a series of long G-Chats to unload Carson Wentz, but fortunately for him, he failed. Matt also came really close to trading out of the top pick (Le’Veon Bell) to Rob Masterson, that is, until I wrote a post about the success top picks had had in this league and he changed his mind at the last second. Perhaps I should get Matt’s mug.

Anyhow, he didn’t pull the trigger, took Le’Veon Bell first overall, instantly giving Matt the best backfield in football. In fact, Gurley and Bell arguable were the best backfield ever. Although they didn’t break the record for most points scored in a regular season, they became the first duo to both earn first-team All-Robio awards.

Speaking of All-Robio, Carson Wentz had a fantastic second-year, himself earning a second team All-Robio, which helped propel Zach Ertz to a third-team All-Robio award. Those four, along with a pair of steady wide receivers and a solid kicker and defense (trade with me), led Matt back to the promise land.

Matt crushed the gate, opening the season with four straight wins and six of his first seven, breaking 1,600 four straight times. He hit a rough stretch, dropping three of four, as he struggled to get points from his wide receivers, but a strong finish and two more 1,500-pt games, landed Matt with a 9-4 record a two-seed.

Yet, what this group, minus Wentz, did in the postseason was fantastic. Matt became the first person to score 2,000 in back-to-back games, hit over 1,500 in all three of his playoff games, shattering the record for most points scored in one postseason with 5,684 points. His 25,302 points for the full season (regular and post) is the second most ever scored (three of the top five have happened in the last four years).

The title game itself, proved to be anticlimactic, as Bob had one of his worst performances in a long time. Both teams had a wide receiver get shutout (a first in a title game) and only two players on Matt’s title team managed to hit 200. Bell went for 254, while the difference maker, Todd Gurley, delivered 276 total yards, two scores and 672 points (the most for a title game).

To think, if Matt doesn’t land Gurley last year in week five, Bob wins this game (if Matt even reaches the titles game). Gurley’s postseason run was historic. He became the first back to have back-to-back 600-point fantasy games and his 1,662 points in three playoff games is also a record (by any player at any position).

Neatock becomes just the third person to earn three league championships (he’s now 3-1 in the title game) and is tied with Bob, as the only two people to have three titles since 2007.

It’s official…the league has Been Neatock’D.