WEEK ONE

ROB M (W) ERIC (L) 1454 – 1120 MATT (L) ROBIO (W) 1413 – 1461 MOLLY (W) COLBY (L) 1687 – 1534 DON (L) BOB (W) 1352 – 1395 RICH B (L) RICH C (W) 1008 – 2030 JEFF (W) GRIFF (L) 1902 – 1253

TUESDAY THOUGHT

Happy Tuesday everyone and what a great Tuesday it is. Why? Because it’s the first of what will be sixteen amazing, well-thought out “Tuesday Thoughts” that I will deliver to you this season. You’re welcome.

Oh me, oh my…what to do? What happens to my rankings when four out of the top five teams in my preseason predictions all go down and the other one was the lowest scoring winner? Do I admit that I was wrong, accept the week one results and blow this mother fucker up? Do I just take a deep breath, appreciate my own genius and not overreact?

How about a little from column A, a little from column B? Too many damn questions, let’s get to the first Tuesday Thoughts of the 2016 season.

1. TRUCK NUTS And just like that, Griff’s career longest winning streak comes to an end at eight games. Also, there goes the league’s best shot at a undefeated season (no offense to those who won this week). Griff made a good decision benching Cam Newton for Matt Ryan, gaining 56 points in the process. David Johnson looked like the star I expect him to be with 132 total yards and one score, producing 352 fantasy points against a solid Pats’ D.

Yet, where the hell was Adrian Peterson? Don’t be fooled by the fact the Vikings went on the road and won. The Vikings best offensive weapon was Tennessee’s Marcus Mariota, who twice turned the ball over, allowing Minnesota’s defense to score the team’s only two touchdowns.

The Titans stacked the box and dared Shaun Hill to beat him, giving Peterson no room to run. He finished with just 19 carries, no catches for 31 yards, his worst performance since he finished with eight carries for 18 yards against Seattle. Now the big question moving forward is, will Sam Bradford at quarterback make a difference?

Why I’m not panicking and dropping Griff down? His team had a bad game. His bad game was still 1,253 points. For many, a bad game will be like 900 points.

2. WHITE PRIVELEDGE (BOB) Sometimes you win big and sometimes you need to just escape. Bob escaped this weekend. In fact, he trailed heading into the fourth quarter of the late Rams/49ers game that proved to be an offensive monstrosity. Yet, the Rams defense self destructed in the final seven minutes and dropped Don 43 points below Bob.

Plenty of things went right for the four-time champion Bob. Aaron Rodgers had three scores and Lamar Miller definitely carried the load in Houston (234 fantasy points). Even Dwayne Allen looked good, scoring 186, while Dan Bailey began the season in beast mode (four field goals). However, week one also produced two concerns.

First up, Todd Gurley. The Rams offense was pathetic. I can’t believe I lost sleep watching that shit late into the morning. What’s concerning is, if Casey Keenum is the best quarterback on that roster, how bad does Jared Goff have to be? This matters, because the 49ers stacked the line, like so many Rams opponents did late last season, making Todd Gurley looked pretty human. The second year back, the reason Bob let Le’Veon Bell walk away, had just 42 yards on 17 touches.

Second, at least Gurley is still playing. The same can’t be said for Bob’s Keenan Allen. The Chargers wide receiver and Bob’s first round pick, just can’t catch a break in his career, as he is out for the year after just six catches. Obviously Bob will work the wire, but the options on his bench are simply not Allen. Maybe Travis Benjamin, who Bob has on his bench, becomes Rivers favorite target.

3. COLBY (COLBY) The beauty of fantasy football, unlike real football, is that you can look good losing. Colby walks away from week one as the week’s highest scoring loser. He would have beaten plenty of teams and that counts for something, thus gets a bump in the rankings.

Like I mentioned Friday, C.J. Anderson looks like a beast, but that wasn’t the only one to pass the eye test this week. Despite the benching, Carson Palmer looked sharp against an underrated Patriots DST, while Jaimie Winston and Mike Evans look like the next great QB/WR duo. The third year receiver had a solid 99 yards and a score (258 points). Colby appears set at tight end with both Travis Kelce (148 points) and Julian Thomas (188), while Tevin Coleman completely outplayed Devonta Freeman in Atlanta.

FUN FACT: This was Colby’s eighth career loss when he scored over 1,500 in a game. He’s 37-8 in his career when scoring that much.

4. RICH C (RICH C) Clearly, A.J. Green is the new landlord of Revis Island. The Bengals wide receiver proved his first-round value by dominating the Jets: 12 catches, 180 yards and a score…10 of those receptions came against Revis. This help give Calderon the first weekly high score of the season. This is just the third time since 2007 Rich has scored over 2,000 in a game and it’s his first weekly high score since week one of the 2014 season.

While all teams come into the season with question marks, some don’t like their week one answers. Others, like Calderon, should be very happy. DeMarco Murray didn’t surrender much to Henry, scoring twice. Doug Baldwin played like a WR1 and Kelvin Benjamin is definitely Cam’s favorite wide receiver again. Bortles could have done more at home against Green Bay, but he’s going to get his points as the season progresses.

Yet, the true star was DeAngelo Williams. The 33-year-old back dominated the Redskins like Calderon did a break dancing competition circa 1985. He finished with 171 total yards and two scores (462 points), which just reminds me that Rich gets Le’Veon Bell back in three weeks. I’m wondering if a small part of Bob questions his decision to give up Bell for Gurley this season.

4. ROB M (ROB M) Overall, a solid first week. The big news has to be the story that came out of his beloved Jets defeat. Matt Forte got 27 touches in week one and delivered a nice 310-point performance. Obviously, he’s not going to get 27 touches per game, but it shows that the coaching staff has faith in his old legs.

The Vikings DST made the Titans offense their bitch, scoring two touchdowns more than their own offense. Minnesota needs this unit to be the league’s best if they plan on making a return trip to the playoffs and they might just be.

The receiving core was a bit of a mixed bag. Cooper dominated the Raiders and really could be an All-Robio talent now. Yet, Dez Bryant flopped. He walked away from week one with one catch for eight yards, at one point dropping a touchdown in the second quarter. You could argue it was a tough catch and you would be right. But great players make great plays, that’s what makes them great.

5. THE HYPE IS REAL (RICH B) While I left both Griff and Bob in their preseason ranking spots, Burrier doesn’t get the same treatment. Do I not like Burrier? I do. Maybe I’m just jealous of his rugged good looks and panty-dropping charm. Or…possible I didn’t like what I saw this weekend.

Concern number one: Russell Wilson’s health. He hurt his ankle against Miami, struggled all game except during the final drive and there is a chance he’ll be out in week two.

Concern number two: Does Burrier have the fantasy smarts to win this thing anymore? He relied on just one source for Gronk’s injury update, ignoring all others that reported he was most likely wasn’t going to play and then got stuck wasting $10 of auction money to get 14 points from Jared “One catch, 7 yards” Cook.

Concern number three: The Falcons offensive line once again looks like a dumpster fire trapped in Lindsay Lohan’s vagina. Worse yet, am I mistaken or was Atlanta’s backfield a timeshare? Freeman had three more carries than Tevin Coleman, but two less yards, while the latter had one more reception (5 vs 4) for 75 more yards. In the end, Coleman finished the day with 234 fantasy points to Freeman’s 80.

6. THE GLORY HOLES (ROBIO) WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS, MY FRIEND!!! AND WE’LL KEEP ON FIGHTING TO THE END!! Sorry, this is what happens after you’ve gone 6-20 the previous two seasons. A simple week one win feels like I won it all.

Amazingly, this one went late. In fact, I didn’t pull the victory out until 1:05 in the morning, when Carlos Hyde scored his second touchdown on a one-yard plunge (his second attempt). This was all set up by three penalties the Rams defense had in the span of four players for a total of 33 yards.

While my receivers didn’t really deliver the best effort and Kirk Cousins was a joke, who would have thought that my running backs would be the best combe in week one. Spencer Ware and Carlos Hyde combined for 764 fantasy points. At this point, I’d probably be happier if Jamaal Charles didn’t come back.

7. BROWN ‘N SERVE IT (ERIC) Eric entered 2016 surrounded by uncertainty. So much potential, but so many unanswered questions. Sadly, if week one provided the definitive answers, Eric could be in trouble. First up…

Could Tyrod Taylor look any worse? 111 yards passing, 11 yards rushing, a guy I projected to be sleeper stud was a super dud. It’s one week and no one should ever panic after one week, but man, he looked awful. Of course it won’t help that Sammy Watkins is out injured yet again. That’s brutal for both Eric’s quarterback and Eric himself, since Watkins is his projected WR2.

Speaking of “oh shit,” so much for that Coby Fleener sleeper pick. On a day Drew Brees threw for over 400 yards, the so-called potential sleeper at tight end was responsible for six of them. One catch, six yards.

Yet, even though these issues are concerning and I’m dropping Eric down some on the rankings, it’s definitely too early to panic. The good news is, Langford didn’t look half bad (he scored a TD) and with Christian Michaels doing little in Seattle, one can probably assume Thomas Rawls will be the man once he’s 100% healthy.

On top of all that, Larry Fitzgerald was a beast Sunday night. He delivered a pair of scores and will help soften the blow of losing Watkins. Hell, I could argue Fitz actually improves Eric at WR2.

9. MATT (MATT) Overall, it’s hard to complain about the effort put forth by Matt’s squad. Not a single starter had a bad game. Six different players scored at least 190 points. Yet, what was missing was the great game. Nobody in his starting lineup approached 300 and Mariota’s two turnovers proved to be difference in Matt’s 48-point defeat.

The bench certainly had some stats. Abdullah produced 300 fantasy points on just 17 touches, although the situation in Detroit is definitely a time share. Carson Wentz owned the Cleveland Browns defense, delivering a pair of nice touchdown passes. Of course, I feel like we’re going to be saying that about a lot of quarterbacks who face the Browns defense, which features the least amount of starts by any defensive unit in the NFL. Too bad Matt redshirted Wentz. Looking at the Eagles schedule, I don’t see a lot of great pass defenses.

10. KOOMER’S KOMMERCIAL CLEANING (JEFF) Jeff got a pair of 400-point efforts from his New Orleans duo of Drew Brees and Willie Snead. He actually had three if you want to include Jameis Winston on his bench.

Overall, Jeff got a handful of great performances from surprise sources. Snead’s 404 was stunning, but can he really continue that kind of production? I mean, he caught all nine of his targets. At the running back spot, Melvin Gordon, who I’m really high on, had a solid 234 fantasy points. Yet, half of that came from two scores. He still only got only 14 touches compared to Danny Woodhead’s 22.

Anyhow, despite scoring the most points since 2014, I’m just bumping Jeff up one spot. I want to make sure this wasn’t a fluke before I start putting him with the elites.

11. MOLLY (MOLLY) It’s hard not to be impressed by a 1,687-point performance, but I’ll hold off handing Molly the championship mug. There are a variety of things to be happy about. Derek Carr had a nice 344-point performance, although it came against one of the worst pass defenses in the league. Also from that game, Brandin Cooks was the difference maker. His 98-yard touchdown resulted in 256 points, which is huge when you consider Molly won by just 153 points.

Yet, the running backs will continue to be a concern. Eddie Lacy got plenty of time on the field, but I can’t be too impressed with his 78 yards on 25 touches. Molly also caught a break when Chris Ivory was declared out. Yeldon started and did fine, scoring a touchdown, producing 198 fantasy points. However, when Ivory comes back, we have to assume it’s back to the bench for Yeldon and then what does Molly do?

12. TWO (DON) Don doesn’t necessarily deserve to be dumped down into last, but both Jeff’s and Molly’s performances were too good to not move them each up one spot.

The opportunity to pull off the upset was there, but Don and the Rams DST were unable to hold onto a fourth quarter lead. Plenty of blame to go around. Matt Jones had just 33 yards against a Steelers defense that didn’t bother to stack the box. Even worse, Gary Barnidge was shutout. At least, there is some good news. RGIII is out for a while, so Barnidge should have better games moving forward.

Of course, the worst performance may have been by first overall pick, Zek Elliot. The Cowboys rookie finished with a not-so-tragic 164 fantasy points (thanks to scoring a touchdown). However, the Cowboys vaunted offensive line was a joke and Elliot averaged just 2.9 yards per carry, often getting hit in the backfield.

Now how about some good news. Andrew Luck was a beast, scoring 538 points. He’s clearly back. Just as good was Matt Stafford, who scored 406 on Don’s bench. At the very least, if both continue to perform at a high level, one can be solid trade bait. Of course Don has made just three trades since 2001, so it might not be easy.

WEEK TWO

GRIFF (L) ROB M (W) 1213 – 1226 ROBIO (W) DON (L) 1597 – 1137 COLBY (L) RICH C (W) 1333 – 1730 BOB (L) JEFF (W) 906 – 1510 MOLLY (L) RICH B (W) 1518 – 1590 ERIC (L) MATT (W) 1228 – 1359

TUESDAY THOUGHT

Okay, to hell with this…it’s time for a week two shakeup. The top teams are refusing to play ball and walk-the-walk of all the talking (up) I did of them during the preseason. Does any of that make any sense? It shouldn’t and neither does the 2016 season. Up is down, down is up. Cats and dogs, living together! Christ.

Let’s start with a new number one.

1. DICK-TATERS (RICH C) Holy fuck, has it really come to this? Has Rich Calderon, the man who has slept walk through this league since winning it all in 2013, really the top dog? Well, if you’re a “numbers don’t lie” kind of guy, then we’ll have to put our faith in the math. In two weeks, Rich has produced two weekly high scores. Now, despite all the amazing teams and amazing runs we’ve had in this league, no current league member has ever done that before until this week, although technically it has happened once before. Remember David Hightower? He did it back in 2004. He went 4-9 the rest of the way.

So what did I fail to see?

Well, it’s his keepers…sort of. DeAngelo Williams has been amazing. Now Rich didn’t keep Williams, but he did keep Bell, which sort of forced him to snag DeAngelo. The Steelers back has 786 fantasy points, which is 662 more points than Adrian Peterson. In fact, he’s the league leader in fantasy points, even outscoring all the quarterbacks. He’ll get one more week before Bell returns.

Jordan Reed (you’re welcome) has proven to be Kirk Cousins favorite target, leading all Redskins’ skilled position players in points so far. Then lastly, remember last year when I took Jordy Nelson with the first pick in the 11th round? Well, maybe I should have taken Kelvan Benjamin (who Rich took a few picks later as a roster stash). Cam Newton loves throwing the ball to him and he has 13 catches, 199 yards and he’s almost like a tight end around the end zone, scoring three times.

If I wanted to, I could continue and brag about studs A.J. Green and DeMarco Murray (who is coming off a 324-point game), but I have to move on.

2. JEFF (JEFF) Okay, let’s be completely honest. Who had Jeff Greenblatt sitting pretty at 2-0 when you first saw he opened the season with Griff and Bob? Yeah, not me. Best yet, he’s doing it all while trying to earn his second career Robioland baseball championship. I know, it’s sort of weird seeing the words “Jeff” and “championship” in the same sentence.

So what did I fail to see?

I’m not quite sure. Obviously Willie Snead, who I never even realized was black, is doing better than I expected. Despite the fact the Giants D held the Saints to 13 points, Snead still managed to get 54 yards and the team’s only score.

I actually saw Melvin Gordon. He was on my sleeper board all summer and I missed him in two of my three leagues. Now, Jeff might have a legit stud on his hands, thanks to Danny Woodhead’s injury. With the little white guy gone, Gordon exploded for his first career 100-yard game and scored his third touchdown (after scoring none as a rookie) and is currently the 7th best back in fantasy football.

3. GRIFF (GRIFF) What to do with this guy? Losing Adrian Peterson is going to hurt, especially since Griff failed to land his handcuff. Although, since Peterson had just 50 yards rushing on 31 carries in one and a half games, maybe Griff won’t miss him.

Other issues…Michael Floyd is playing second fiddle to Larry Fitzgerald again, Robert Aguayo is a terrible kicker and Donte Moncrief may be hurt. Now Griff potentially had a pair of saviors from Cleveland, but now that the Browns are down to their third-string quarterback, Josh Gordon will probably struggle once he back and what will keep teams from stacking the box against Isaiah Crowell?

Yet, the good news is, there is still a ton of star power on this squad. David Johnson has not disappointed, going 280+ in back-to-back contests, Cam Newton is second among all arms with 774 points (Griff also has the top quarterback, Matt Ryan, on his bench). Also, Odell Beckham is there and has traditionally been a slow starter.

On a sad note, Griff’s final score of 1,213 points means he didn’t score at least 1,250 points. That ends a 10-game streak that is now 8th longest in league history (15 shy of the record).

4. COLBY (COLBY) There isn’t much to say about the Pounders this week. Colby is 0-2, but that probably says more about his opponents, both of who have scored over 1,600 points in their contest.

Colby’s squad has been solid and he potentially could have hit the 1,500-point mark in both games if Doug Martin didn’t get knocked out with a hamstring injury after just seven carries.

Right now C.J. Anderson is third in the league in fantasy points among running backs, but oddly enough, it’s hard to call any of the top three dominating. Just look at their yards per rush average. DeAngelo Williams is 4.1, Matt Forte is 3.8 and Anderson sits at 4.2. What helps all three is the fact they barely leave the field. Each are top-six in carries and they don’t get pulled at the goal line.

5. THE GLORY HOLES (ROBIO) After winning just six games in two season, I’m not going to lie, 2-0 feels wonderful. I don’t even really care if my team is legit or not. But it’s a fair question to ask. Is this team legit? I mean, I am fourth in scoring.

In week one, my running backs dominated, as Ware and Hyde combined for 764 points. However, this week, both fumbled, both teams fell behind and they managed just 254 points.

Worse yet, my elite wide receiving core has been anything but elite. Jordy Nelson has been saved by a pair of 1-yard touchdowns, but he and Robinson have combined for just 20 catches and 231 yards. Robinson in particular has had his troubles. He was shut out for three quarters this Sunday until he got some garbage time catches to soften the blow.

Still, I’ve made the right decision at quarterback two straight weeks and heading into the draft I said I never want to think about the tight end or defensive spots again. Well, I don’t have to. This week, they were my strongest spot, as Olsen and the Broncos DST combined for 573 points.

6. FONDLING IS FORTE (ROB M) While beating the Truck Nuts is am impressive feat, doing it by just scoring 1,226 points was not. Still, Rob is 2-0 and this gives him space to grow. This gives him to time to figure things out, because there are questions he needs to answer.

For example, can he really keep LeGarrette Blount on his bench after producing a solid 306-point performance? Also, in a couple weeks, he’ll have to make a call at quarterback between Eli and Brady. Although, the one thing he might have learned this week…don’t ever sit the Vikings DST. Just don’t.

7. RICH B (RICH B) Rich’s week two performance was a thing of beauty to my old eyes. I’m just a fella who appreciates a nice balanced effort. Burrier had three players hit 200 fantasy points, while seven of the eight produced at least 160. No one scored over 300, yet Rich still broke 1,500 points and against Molly this week, he needed all the points he could get winning by the equivalent of a six-yard TD.

Moving forward though, Rich needs more from Russell WIlson. The Seahawks offense has been a joke. WIlson is clearly not healthy and his line can’t protect him. Also, for the second week in a row, DeVonta Freeman’s backup outscored him. At least Marvin Jones is proving to be a WR1 in Detroit, while Murray continues to just enough in Oakland.

8. WHITE PRIVELEDGE (BOB) For the first time in a long time, Bob failed to hit 1,000 in a game. It’s a stunning development. In fact, it’s the first time since week one of the 2014 season; a stretch of 31 games, which goes down as the second longest in league history (Bob holds the record at 37 straight).

Of course, this isn’t the only streak to come to an end. It’s been 26 weeks since Bob recorded the week’s lowest score and that’s exactly what he did this week. That was the 25th longest streak in league history.

So the question I had to ask myself was, do I dare bump Bob down? I mean, after two weeks he’s last in points scored. In the past, when I’ve failed to show him love, his teams have made me look ridiculous. Yet, would I be scared to face this team?

The obvious problem remains Todd Gurley. Two games in, the Rams’ running back has 36 carries for 98 yards. He’s been targeted in the passing game just four times (catching two). Have the Rams not heard of this thing they invented a couple years ago called the “Screen pass?” Hell, this offense still hasn’t even scored a touchdown yet (three field goals in a win over Seattle) and there is talk of putting the rookie in at quarterback.

One week into the post-Allen era and Bob failed to make the right call to fill in that hole. He went with free agent pick up, Mohamed Sanu. He had just 19 yards receiving on a day when Matt Ryan threw for 396 yards. On his bench, Bob did have rookie Cory Coleman, who had 104 yards and two scores, but those were with Josh McCown, who is now out for an extended period of time.

So why not Travis Benjamin? He might be the logical solution at WR2. He caught all six balls that Philip Rivers threw his way (including two scores) and he could be seeing even more targets now that Danny Woodhead is out.

9. CONNER OF BARTH (MATT) Mr. Neatock pulled the right strings in week two and pulled out a late Monday night victory. Trey Burton was a nice sub-on for an injured Ertz. He scored once and finished with 158 fantasy points. Yet, the running game is just not up to standards.

Arian Foster is already injured, shocking no one, hurting that same groin that got ripped off his body two years earlier. Ryan Mathews scored twice and that’s good news that the coaching staff feels like he’s their goal line back. Yet, I’m still getting a whiff of a committee in Philly. Mathews finished with just nine carries (a week after getting 22). Sproles actually led the team in carries and both Smallwood and Barner got touches (and not just garbage time).

10. MOLLY (MOLLY) What’s the deal with these random wide receiver explosions on this squad? Last week, Brandon Cooks scored a stud-like 428 fantasy points. This week, Molly inserted Stephen Diggs into her lineup and he delivered 424 points. Add in her solid quarterback play (both Big Ben and Derrick Carr have produced the first two weeks) and you can see why Molly has put up back-to-back 1,500-pt weeks.

Yet, that running game. Brutal. She benched the third overall pick (Lacy, who did nothing) and got just 156 fantasy points from her two starting backs. Remember, she passed on DeMarco Murray in round three to draft Big Ben (when she already had Carr). If she had Murray, she would have beaten Burrier by over 200 points this week.

11. ERIC (ERIC) A nice Thursday night start to the week was wasted when Thomas Rawls was injured and finished with just seven carries. Antonio Brown, the league’s best receiver was held to 39 yards (the rain in Pittsburgh didn’t help the passing game) and Jeremy Langford got just 11 carries (fumbling once).

Yet, I want to stop and talk about a guy who Eric has already benched. Corey Fleener was the popular sleeper pick because Drew Brees loves to throw to his tight ends. The problem with Fleener is, he seems to be allergic to catching them. In two games, he’s been targets 12 times and has caught just three of them.

12. TWO (DON) Last week, I moved Don to the basement because I just couldn’t justify keeping either Molly or Jeff down there after their week one performances. This week, Don showed he belongs there.

He’s now 0-2 and right now it’s hard to see things improving. Here are my four concerns:

1) The top pick in the draft, Zek Elliot, actually had a mini-breakout game, producing 87 yards and a score. Yet, he fumbled twice and didn’t see the field in the game’s final eight minutes.

2) Julian Edelman is the best receiver on a team with no quarterback.

3) This week, everyone was celebrating Gary Barnidge, thanks to the return of Josh McCown, but then the Browns lost him for an extended period of time and as bad as McCown is, Cody Kessler may be the worst starting QB in the NFL.

4) Yet, the big blow was in San Diego, where Danny Woodhead, the sleeper pick that could keep Don afloat in 2016, went out with an ACL injury and is gone for the season.

WEEK THREE

JEFF (W) ERIC (L) 1591 – 1325 ROB M (W) MATT (L) 1283 – 730 RICH B (W) COLBY (L) 1642 – 1374 RICH C (L) DON (W) 946 – 1171 BOB (W) MOLLY (L) 1283 – 775 GRIFF (L) ROBIO (W) 1315 – 1584

TUESDAY THOUGHT

I have to be honest, nothing beats the weekly clusterfuck that is the NFL. Trying to predict this shit is nearly impossible. My suicide pick only survived this week because the Browns kicker missed a game-winning 31-yard field goal. The Giants go on the road and beat the Cowboys, then the Cowboys go on the road to beat the Redskins, then the Redskins go on the road and beat the Giants. Meanwhile, the Eagles beat the undefeated Steelers by 31. Two rookie quarterbacks in the NFL East have thrown zero interceptions, while Manning and Cousins have thrown six. The Patriots are 3-0 playing a new quarterback each week. The Cardinals were crushed by the Bills, the Rams are an offensive juggernaut in Tampa, everyone wants to play the Saints defense, the Falcons currently have two top-10 backs, Jeff Greenblatt is 3-0 and Griff Coomer is 0-3. What the fuck, people?!

I don’t know about you, but it seems like a good time to put myself in the top spot.

1. THE GLORY HOLES (ROBIO) Handcuffs, not only can they spice up your sex life, but they can save a fantasy season. Look no further than my Glory Hole. I drafted Jamaal Charles in round one, the second overall pick. He hasn’t played a down of football. I thought I had the correct handcuff when I draft C. West, but it ended up being Spencer Ware. He was on the wire for all to have. I got him and he has kept my RB1 spot from becoming a problem, scoring 774 points in three games.

2. DICK-TATERS (RICH C) Okay, I make it a habit to never flip out over a fluke and that’s exactly what this game was. Calderon had not just one, but two players get shutout. It’s one thing for a kicker to end a game with zero points, because of missed field goals, but how does Kelvin Benjamin get shutout? Are the Vikings D just that good? He was targeted only one time and that came late in the fourth quarter. Brutal. On top of all that, I’m starting to fear that Bortles could become a problem at the QB spot? He turned it over seven times in three games and he’s not the guy I want in my lineup come playoff time.

The good news is that DeMarco Murray looks like a stud. The Titans offense has been awful, but Murray is getting his points and lots of them. He’s got 904 after three weeks, second only to David Johnson…oh and Rich gets Le’Veon Bell back next week.

3. JEFF (JEFF) 20/20…not just your vision and a television news program on ABC. It’s the amount of touches that both LeSean McCoy and Melvin Gordon received this week. In an era where you’re lucky to get a back who is not stuck in a committee, you want two running backs getting twenty touches each. Of course it helps that they do something with those touches/ McCoy and Gordon combined for 194 yards and three scores this week.

4. RICH B (RICH B) The Hype…what the fuck am I supposed to do with this guy? His starting quarterback is hurt, one of his running backs only got 10 carries this week, four more than his backup, for 20 less yards. He had no business putting Gronk back into his lineup (he got shutout) and his defense finished with -38. Yet…because there is always a yet, he got 220 from his kicker, a stunning 530 fantasy points from Marvin Jones, who is a legit WR1 right now and despite sharing the load, Devonta Freeman had another Devonta Freeman type game, producing 207 yards on just 19 carries.

5. FONDLING IS FORTE (ROB M) Clearly, Masterson did not get the “never bench the Vikings DST” memo, but what’s amazing is how much love he is getting from players I doubt he ever expected to have an impact on his season. I already talked about Blount and his 330 points this past Friday. This weekend, Jimmy Graham filled in for an injured Antonio Gates and he looked a lot like the old Jimmy Graham we use to see in New Orleans. He finished with 230 points and could have been better if not for a fumble.

6. COLBY (COLBY) We have three 0-3 teams. Eric is one, but that’s not too surprising, it’s fucking Eric. Griff is 0-3 and that’s shocking. It’s not all his fault. Like I already pointed out, his three opponents are undefeated this season, having scored the third most points by opponents. Yet, Griff hasn’t done much. His high score of the season was 1,315 this week. In breakdown, he’s just 10th out of 12. That’s not good.

Colby is the other 0-3 team. Now a man once said, “you are what your record says you are,” and that may be true in real football, but it’s not in fantasy football. The Pounders are not an 0-3 team…or rather, they shouldn’t be. Colby is fourth in points scored and fourth in the breakdown, going 3-0 against Griff, Bob, Don and even Masterson. He’s scored at least 1,300 in each contest, including one 1,500-point game, but his opponents lead the league in points scored.

7. WHITE PRIVELEDGE (BOB) This proved to be the week the world was set right, as both of Bob’s stars finally showed up to play some football. Aaron Rodgers, who everyone was freaking out about, got his first home game of the season and exploded for 400 fantasy points. He probably could have had more if the Packers hadn’t taken their foot off the Lions’ necks.

Second, Todd Gurley finally made an appearance. Sure he only had 80 carries on 28 touches, but he got help by a pair of 1-yard touchdowns to boost up those stats. Will this numbers become a trend for these guys? I have faith in Rodgers, especially when at home, but I’m not quite buying Gurley yet, who is averaging just 2.9 yards per carry so far this season.

8. GRIFF (GRIFF) This week the Isaac Crowell era began and he was fine (15-79-0), but Cam Newton really cost Griff this one. After building a 10-0 lead early in the first quarter (scoring on a short TD run), Newton was basically shut out. He was intercepted three times, pressured a ton, sacked once and held to 26 yards rushing (on eight attempts).

Is Griff destined to become the third defending champ to miss the playoffs, joining 2004 Bob and 2008 Matt? I’m going to argue against that. Here’s the deal? Griff’s three opponents this season; Jeff, Rob and Robio…are 9-0 this season.

9. MOLLY (MOLLY) Whether we’re playing the hot hand or looking for the right match ups, it’s not easy to change players in and out of a lineup. So far this season, Molly has made some good decisions. This week, not so much, as she left T.Y. Hilton (408 points) on her bench, along side the Ravens DST (242). If she had them in instead of Diggs and the Texans DST, she would have added 501 points this week. She still would have lost, but she would have lost by just 12 points.

10. CONNER OF BARTH (MATT) James, Tomlinson, McCoy, Peterson…just some of the great running backs that have run up tons of fantasy stats for Matt Neatock. This year…not so much. Let’s face it, Matt hasn’t really nailed the RB game lately. He had a third-team guy in 2014, but he hasn’t hard a first-team ball carries since 2011.

This year, he’s lucky if he can field a single running back to play. Arian Foster, out. Abdulluah, out. Ryan Mathews is either out or now stuck in a huge committee. This leaves 46 fantasy points Chris Ivory or which ever back Matt get off the wire this week.

11. TWO (DON) Okay, let’s just say I was right about starting Sanders over Edelman. Anyhow, while the effort wasn’t overwhelming, Don gets to walk away with a victory over the team I just had #1 in my rankings. The big story was Elliot. The Cowboys back looked sharp, getting 31 carries and 160 yards.

12. ERIC (ERIC) Eric’s entire season fell on the shoulders of two backs who had yet to prove a thing; Jeremy Langford and Thomas Rawls. Both had high ceilings, but a low floor. Sadly for Eric, the floor is where both are lying right now. Rawls is hurt and Langford may be too and there is nothing that says either will have their starting job once they’re healthy. Suddenly, a spot in the playoffs does not look very promising.

WEEK FOUR

JEFF (L) ROB M (W) 1118 – 1163 RICH B (L) GRIFF (W) 730 – 1223 COLBY (L) BOB (W) 917 – 1476 RICH C (W) MATT (L) 2079 – 1474 DON (W) MOLLY (L) 1466 – 1351 ERIC (L) ROBIO (W) 1221 – 1526

TUESDAY THOUGHT

Calderon reestablishes his dominance with another two grand performance, the two Rob’s remain undefeated and set up the perfect 4-0 vs 4-0 match up. For just the fourth time ever and first time since 2009, we have two 0-4 teams and Eric is back where he belongs…in the basement.

1. RICH C (RICH C) Don’t look now, but Rich has the league’s top back. You think I’m talking about the return of Le’Veon Bell, right? The Steelers back did quickly remind the league why he’s the best back in football with a 356-point game performance in his first contest back, but he’s not even who I’m talking about. The Titans offense has been a joke, but they sure love getting the ball into DeMarco Murray’s hands. He’s the league’s top fantasy back and is on pace for 1,984 total yards this season.

2. GLORY HOLES (ROBIO) So far, no team has been more consistent than mine. I’ve hit at least 1,460 in all four contests, but I don’t really do it with a ton of great players. None of my quarterbacks, running backs or wide receivers are top-five in their respective categories. I do have the top defense (Broncos) and top tight end (Olsen), the latter was actually shutout 40 minutes into Sunday’s game before lighting it up for 232 fantasy points on just two drives.

3. FONDLING IS FORTE (ROB M) While the performance wasn’t a grand one (1,163-point win), good news continues to trickle in for Rob. First, don’t look now but Jimmy Graham looks to be Russell Wilson’s favorite target, as he’s gone back-to-back 100 yard games since coming back from injury. Mark Ingram also finally put together a solid effort. After averaging just 14 touches through three weeks, he got the ball 24 times against the Chargers and delivered 105 yards and a score. Best yet, guess who comes back next week in pissy mode? Yep, Tom Brady. Can I make it even better for Rob? Yes. Brady gets to take all his frustration out on the hapless Cleveland Browns.

4. JEFF (JEFF) Okay, no one really expected Jeff to go undefeated, did they? Drew Brees was a no-show and is lucky he put up 178 fantasy points (thanks to two touchdowns in the game’s final five minutes). Kicker Gostkowski was held to -30, which is pretty damn shocking and the difference in a 45-point loss. It also didn’t help DeSean Jackson caught just one ball for five yards. Let’s just call this one a hiccup and move on to the next week.

5. WHITE PRIVELEDGE (BOB) This past week it was all about the free agent pick ups. Eric did his part, grabbing the Bears’ Howard, while Masterson had a nice grab when he nailed down the Browns’ Pryor. However, it might be Bob walking away with the best free agent pick up when he snagged Michael Crabtree. The Raiders offense is legit and both Crabtree and Cooper have the potential to put up WR1 numbers. In fact, after a three touchdown performance in Baltimore (356 fantasy points), Crabtree actually has more targets, yards and fantasy points than his counterpart on the other side of the field.

6. GRIFF (GRIFF) I’m not one to hand out advice to other teams, but it might be time for Griff to remove Matt Ryan from the bench. Cam Newton has not impressed and maybe a good old fashion concussion will force Griff to recognize this. Matt Ryan is the league’s top quarterback and it’s not even close. He has a 334-point lead in fantasy points over the next guy, as he’s averaging 406 fantasy points per game.

7. THE HYPE IS REAL (RICH B) This is so typical of a Burrier led team: high score one week, followed by a low score the next week. In fact, he’s now produced two weekly low scores already this year. It didn’t help that he continues to fuck up his decision making when it comes to injured players. This week, he benched an ailing Russell Wilson, who had a solid day against the Jets. Rich got stuck leaving 366 fantasy points on his bench, while his starter, Trevor Siemian finished with only 74 points, after getting knocked out of the game against the Bucs.

8. COLBY (COLBY) This was just a shit performance by the Pounders and it was a team effort to take that dump. C.J. Anderson led this squad with just 164 fantasy points. Worse yet, Carson Palmer might be joining a long list of Pounder players not playing football due to injury. The others are starter Doug Martin, as well as key reserves Jonathan Stewart, Eric Decker and Julian Thomas.

9. TWO (DON) Don’t look now, but Don has won two straight and rookie Ezekiel Elliot is the NFL’s leading rusher with 412 yards. He’s on pace for 1,648 and so far, he’s gotten better each week. In fantasy, his stats have continue to improve: 164, 204, 320 and 374. The Cowboys offensive line has been opening up huge holes and he’s hitting them like a beast. Also, look who finally showed up to play some football. Matt Jones, the Redskins’ running back, came into the weekend with just 414 fantasy points, but managed to add 336 against the Browns. Now let’s see if Don can win three straight…something he hasn’t done since 2011.

10. MOLLY (MOLLY) Molly made the right decision this week at quarterback, as Big Ben rolled the Chiefs for five touchdowns and 500 fantasy points. Also, T.J. Yeldon continues to look like the better back in Jacksonville, as he put up 117 yards to Chris Ivory’s 29, but three players failing to hit 100 was too much to overcome. The good news is despite winning just one of her first four, Molly is still a playoff team, beating out her ex in total points. Yet, the next month will be telling. Three of her next four opponents are currently non-playoff teams.

11. CONNER OF BARTH (MATT) Neatock put forth his best performance of the year, but don’t be fooled by it. Julio Jones’s stunning 300-yard performance is masking a ton of problems. I’m starting to wonder if Matt is even paying attention. There is no excuse to keep putting Marcus Mariota in a starting lineup. The Titans QB just complete 13 of 29 passes against a banged up Texans D and on the year, he’s thrown just four touchdowns, while turning it over seven times.

The worst part is, QB isn’t even Matt’s biggest problem. He started Chris Ivory, who just looks old and didn’t get the majority of touches for Jacksonville this week. He failed to get Jordan Howard, which is very unlike him and he didn’t even get Ryan Mathews’s handcuff (Smallwood), coming off a 79-yard performance (who sat on the wire through Thursday).

12. ERIC (ERIC) Jordan Howard proved to be a nice pick up, as he had 132 total yards (26 touches), but he can’t make up for the fact that five players that Eric had pegged for a starting spot, are now occupying his bench, He’s now down Watkins (who is on the IR now), Langford and Rawls, plus he had to bench a Chiefs defense that’s been awful outside of those interceptions two weekends ago. Cory Fleener had his breakout performance last week, but Eric smartly wasn’t buying it, as produced just 19 yards receiving this week.

WEEK FIVE

ROBIO (L) ROB M (W) 1417 – 1623 RICH B (L) JEFF (W) 1052 – 1128 DON (W) COLBY (L) 1594 – 1549 RICH C (W) GRIFF (L) 1383 – 1179 MATT (L) MOLLY (W) 1359 – 1371 ERIC (W) BOB (L) 1792 – 897

TUESDAY THOUGHT

Outside of Calderon at the top, I’m finding it difficult to place each and every team. Part of this is how much I continue to value my preseason thoughts, even as everything goes south for those teams I said would be money.

The top five teams in my preseason rankings were: Griff, Bob, Burrier, Colby and Eric. Those five teams are a combined 7-18. Bob is the only one with a winning record and he’s last in the league in points.

1. RICH C (RICH C) How scary is Calderon’s backfield of Bell and Murray? They scored 582 points this week without scoring a single touchdown. The pair received a stunning 61 touches, producing 291 total yards. Since this pair became Rich’s starting backfield last week, they’ve put up 1,296 fantasy points. Four teams didn’t even score that this week with a full roster.

For him. it comes down to quarterback play, because come playoff time he’s going to have to face one of those 400-500 yard guys and he’s going to need to be competitive. Let’s hope Bortles comes out of his bye-week with the cobwebs shoken off.

2. FONDLING IS FORTE (ROB M) Rob actually had a trio of poor performances from Forte (60 yards), Blount (37 yards) and Prior (51 yards), but he instead relied on three studs for most his points. Tom Brady is back and apparently loves his new tight end toy. He threw for over 400 yards and three touchdowns (all to Bennett). Amari Cooper exploded for 356 fantasy points, scoring his first touchdown of the season. Then finally, the Vikings DST proved they are going to be a problem for everyone in this league. They shut down the Texans, producing four sacks, one interception and returned a punt return for a touchdown (243 points). That trio, plus 208 from Hunter Henry (1,275 fantasy points) could have taken down a few fantasy teams by themselves this week.

Fun fact of the week: According to CBS, Rob has been the underdog in four of his five matchups this year, yet has walked away a winner every time.

3. GLORY HOLES (ROBIO) Okay, I can’t win them all I guess. DeAndre Washington is not the next Jordan Howard (the Raiders went full committee) and Jarvis Landry has been a huge disappointment for me as a bye-week replacement. In weeks two and three he scored 240 and 332 fantasy points. However, in weeks four and five when he replaced a starter on a bye, he scored just 122 and 60.

4. JEFF (JEFF) Jeff survived without Drew Brees, riding arguable the second best backfield. LeSean McCoy and Melvin Gordon, who combined for 520 points. However, the receiving core continues to disappoint. We’ll give Will Fuller and his eight points a pass. At this point, if your starter is facing the Vikings D, you should bench him. However, DeSean Jackson has disappeared from the Redskins offense. He has just four catches for 40 yards in his last two contests and has failed to hit 80 fantasy points three times already this year.

5 MOLLY (MOLLY) Okay…okay…I’m going to give Molly props. I probably should have moved her up earlier. First, T.Y. Hilton is playing like a stud WR1, especially with Moncrief out. He’s scored 400 points in two of his last three contests and because the Colts defense can’t stop a soul, there is little reason to think he can’t keep putting up points.

However, she needs to still figure out that second running back spot. Whittaker did enough this week and Asiata looked solid in Minnesota (101 total yards and a score) on her bench, but neither is reliable week-to-week option. She’s got two quarterbacks both in the top three among arms. Are you telling me she can’t get a running back for one of them? No, you’ll never get statistically equal value for a QB, that’s because they all score more points, but it’s just a waste having 300-400 points sitting on your bench each week, while the running backs struggle to hit 100.

6. TWO (DON) Who is this guy? Seriously, who is this guy sitting at 3-2? It certainly helped to have a kicker score 290 fantasy points. Vinatieri hit five field goals, including a pair of 50 yarders and two 40 yarders. Yet, Don may prove to have the greatest overall first-round pick ever (I see a future write up coming sometime soon).

Elliot’s stats continue to get better each week. He scorched the Bengals for 171 yards and a score on just 18 touches (15 carries). He scored 462 fantasy points and is now a second-team All-Robio player, not too far off from taking the top spot.

7. ERIC (ERIC) Eric had his best performance of the year, as six players broke 200 fantasy points, but the best of the bunch was a guy Colby cut and Eric snagged from the wire for $56. Jordan Howard has rushed for 100 yards in back-to-back games, has 66 yards receiving as well (and one score). He’s put up 264 and 386 as a starter. I don’t know about the rest of the league, but I’m going to regret not bidding $3 more for this guy two weeks ago.

8. COLBY (COLBY) Wow, another brutal defeat. This is the second time Colby has broken 1,500 and didn’t win. He’s scored over 1,300 four times and can’t find a victory. 0-5 is not good, but it’s still way too early to go searching for a towel to throw in.

Remember, 6-7 is good enough to be a playoff team, especially for the Pounders, who have scored enough in the loses to win tiebreakers down the road. Basically, Colby needs to win six of eight. The next month will be the time to get rolling. Next up is (1-4) Matt and (1-4) Griff. Colby could potentially be favorite in both of those. (4-1) Jeff comes up next, so he’s going to need to pull off an upset, before facing (1-4) Eric. So yeah, he’s facing three teams in the next month that are currently 1-4.

The big news coming out of this loss was the play of Bennett. He looks like the old Aaron Hernandez (without all the murdering) in the Patriots offense. He could a nice sleeper there. Add in the return of Doug Martin (hopefully soon) and the Pounders could be a dangerous team.

9. WHITE PRIVELEDGE (BOB) I’m not ready to crush this team yet, but results are results, so Bob no longer gets to hangout in the to half of my rankings. Julio Jones obviously failed in his first game with the Priveledge (two catches, 29 yards), but that was to be expected. The Broncos have excellent cornerbacks and the Falcons smartly concentrated their passing game on their running backs (Freeman and Coleman nearly had two hundred yards receiving).

Despite the struggles, Bob has three wins and really only needs four more in his last eight games to guarantee a playoff spot. It’s all about building to that moment. I look forward to what this team will do with Michaels back in the lineup, Eifert healthy and Julio not facing the Broncos.

10. THE HYPE IS REAL (RICH B) The Hype continues to be the most schizophrenic team in the league. Rich has crushed it, breaking 1,500 twice already (including one weekly high), but he’s now failed to hit 1,100 three times.

Part of the problem has been the issue he has had a quarterback (and making good decisions at that spot). Prior this contest, Rich has gotten 174, 176, 208 and 74 fantasy points from the most important spot in fantasy. This week, he went with Tannehill (Wilson is on a bye) and got an ugly six fantasy points. For Burrier to advance, he needs a healthy Russell Wilson back next week.

11. GRIFF (GRIFF) Oh how the mighty have fallen. Griff is now 1-4; his worst start since 2007 when it took him eight weeks to earn a win. This is a man who has rolled off seven straight 8-win seasons.

There are obvious reasons for the failures. Losing Adrian Peterson hurt and Odell Beckham and the Giants offensive woes ain’t helping, but let’s focus on the tight end spot. Griff waited until the seventh round to grab Martellus Bennett. He had a rough week one outing (28 fantasy points). Griff could have stashed him and waited to see what he did once Tom Brady came back. Instead, he cut him and Coomer is now working with his third tight end.

This week Jacob Tamme produced two fantasy points. Yes, two. So far this season, Griff’s tight ends in five weeks have combined to score just 242 points. The 48.4 points per game is the lowest of any team from one position. Meanwhile, with Tom Brady back, Bennett scored three touchdowns and gave Colby 314 fantasy points, 72 more than Griff has gotten from all his tight ends on the season.

12. CONNER OF BARTH (MATT) In round one, Todd Gurley got the best of Julio Jones, although this was expected since Julio was facing the league’s best pass defense. Yet, like it was also expected, Matt still suffered a defeat, falling to Molly early in the fourth quarter of Monday night’s game.

Of course Matt predicted he would win thanks to the return of Zach Ertz, the greatest tight end to never achieve anything. Well, Matt can personally blame Ertz and himself for this defeat. The Eagles tight end scored 74 fantasy points. Dennis Pitta, the man Matt started last week and just cut, scored 113 fantasy points. That’s a 39-point difference. Matt lost by 12.

WEEK SIX

ROB M (L) DON (W) 1381 – 1473 ERIC (W) RICH B (L) 1272 – 1197 COLBY (L) MATT (W) 690 – 1244 RICH C (L) JEFF (W) 1250 – 1728 GRIFF (W) MOLLY (L) 2052 – 1071 BOB (W) ROBIO (L) 1574 – 1031

TUESDAY THOUGHT

In a typical year, I have this shit figured out. Sure, results matter, but typically a team might bounce one or two spots, up or down, either way. This year, I’m flipping teams 4-5 spots on a weekly basis. So I either have no clue what I’m doing or this is just one nut sack of a year. Jeff is first in the standings…I’m going with the nut sack option.

1. RICH C (RICH C) So Rich lost. He lost to the team directly behind him in these rankings. However, I’m still buying this as the best team. Think about it this way…his stud backfield of Bell/Murray had an “off week,” yet still mustered up 426 fantasy points.

For Calderon, he’s going to need a consistent arm at the quarterback spot. Coming off a bye, one would assume the Jaguars coaching staff would have worked out the kinks. They didn’t. Bortles turned it over two more times (that’s 10 on the season) and the only reason he managed 270 yards passing was because the team was being shutout 40 minutes into the ball game and they were just tossing it around like a salad at a prison brunch.

1. JEFF (JEFF) LeSean McCoy stat line: 21 touches, 142 yards and three scores. He ran through the 49ers like a bull through air. He produced 464 fantasy points and he did that despite leaving the game for a bit with a leg injury.

Jeff still has major issues at the wide receiver spot (D-Jax and Snead had just 204 points), but Drew Brees and his four touchdown passes (and 510 points) can make those kind of holes feel minor.

3. TWO (DON) While the NFL continues to turn into a passing league, it is running backs who still win championships in this league. That’s a reason why a running back has been taken first overall in our draft for 17 straight seasons. Yes, that is true.

That is also the reason why Don has the feel of a dangerous team. He’s hit 1,400 in his last three games (winning four straight) and he’s riding a wicked backfield. We know about Elliot. The Packers running defense had given up just 178 yards rushing through four weeks (1.8 yards per carry). Elliot and the Cowboys offensive line gashed them for 174 total yards (157 rushing). He’s at 703 yards rushing with 11 games to go in the season. To break 2,000 yards on the season, he just needs to average 118 yards per game the rest of the way. He’s averaged 142 in his last four.

Yet, I’m not pushing Don up to the top just because of one man. Matt Jones, who just a few weeks ago looked like a good candidate for a benching, has delivered two 300-point fantasy games in the last three weeks. He had 135 yards rushing against what had been a fantastic Eagles defense this season.

4. ROB M (ROB M) I don’t rip into people when they leave a lot of points on their bench. Predicting when a bench player is going to go off is foolish. However, there is nothing more painful to have a player in your starting lineup, bench him and watch that decision be the deciding factor.

After a rough week four, Masterson sat Pryor for Jeremy Maclin. Not a horrible choice since the Chiefs were facing one of the worst pass defense in the league. Yet, Maclin never got going, producing 49 yards and 98 fantasy points. On the pine, Pryor got back to being the Browns top option, delivering 78 yards and a pair of scores (276 fantasy points). The 178-point difference was the difference in Rob’s 92-point defeat to Don.

5. GLORY HOLES (ROBIO) This was a bad week. Let’s just hope it’s a fluke and not a trend. Actually starting Philip Rivers over Alex Smith didn’t hurt me. What did feel like a itchy Hemorrhoid on a wooden roller coaster was the running game for the Chiefs. In Kansas City’s blowout road win in Oakland, Charles (who I started) got just nine carries to Ware’s 24. The “backup” didn’t disappoint, as he out-scored Charles 386-154 and moving forward, I have no clue who to start. What a fucking waste of a first-round pick.

Worse yet, where are my stud receivers? Jordy Nelson disappeared against Dallas and after racking up 90 fantasy points in the Jaguars first two drives, Allen Robinson had just eight the rest of the way. These two were projected to both be top-10 receivers. Right now they are 25th (Nelson) and 34th (Robinson).

6. ERIC (ERIC) Antonio Brown failed to hit 100 for the second time this year and now that Big Ben is out, should Eric be concerned? Probably not. The one game Landry Jones started last year, he only completed 12 passes, but half of them went to Antonio Brown for 124 yards.

7. WHITE PRIVELEDGE (BOB) Bob has a lot of star power and they didn’t disappoint. Christine Michaels had two scores and 286 fantasy points. The Texans road Lamar Miller hard and he delivered 178 total yards and 476 fantasy points. Julio Jones bounced back nicely with 338 fantasy points against a stout Seahawks D.

The real big concern has to be Aaron Rodgers. According to fantasy, he’s just the ninth best quarterback in the league. Based on the eye test, he looks so much worse. I found one great stat this morning that I think is key. The Packers are the worst team on first down. They average just 3.80 yard on first down (compare that to the Falcons, who average about 8.50 on first). Dallas kept Rodgers circled in the pocket and dared him to make a good throw from the pocket…and he really couldn’t.

8. GRIFF (GRIFF) A lot of positive vibes coming from this week’s win. First, David Johnson is the MVP right now. Stud. Three touchdowns, 456 fantasy points (crushing my soul every time he’s on the field because I cut him last year).

Second, great decision-making, sitting Crowell for Jonathan Stewart. The old workhorse, who Griff just got in a trade this week, had two scores and 290 points.

Third, Cam Newton looked awful early against the Saints, which is good news in fantasy. The Panthers went down 21-0 and were in comeback mode all game long. He finished with 366 fantasy points and nearly went into overtime.

Lastly, Odell Beckham exploded with a pair of long touchdowns (66, 75). Those two scores alone accounted for 402 of his 534 fantasy points. However, don’t start printing up your Odell All-Robio t-shirts just yet. Prior to the half, Beckham was being guarded by the Ravens best corner. He got hurt and didn’t return for the second half. Prior to that, Odell had one catch for seven yards.

9 MOLLY (MOLLY) Molly got another huge performance from a wideout, this time Cooks. It seems like every week at least one pair of hands gives her 400 fantasy points. The problem was, no one else showed up.

The running game was bad. Lacy and Yeldon combined for just 192 points. Oddly enough, Lacy is averaging a solid 5.1 yards per carry this year, but the total stats aren’t there. He has zero touchdowns, just four receptions and has just one fantasy game over 200. That’s not the kind of production you want from a first-round pick.

10. CONNER OF BARTH (MATT) Okay, we are two weeks into the Todd Gurley era and if we line Gurley and Jones up head-to-head, they are now tied 1-1. Last week, Gurley out-produced Julio, but this week the Falcons receiver out-gained the Rams running back by 144 points. Of course, it hasn’t really mattered in the standings, because Matt would have still lost last week with either of them, but would have still won this week with either. For the record, Gurley is +44 in total points between the two through two weeks.

Anyhow, Matt avoided the one defeat he couldn’t afford to have, keeping his playoff hopes alive. While there wasn’t a lot to be proud of (only one player hit the 200-mark), he at least has to be happy with the play of Marcus Mariota.

The Titans QB was a turnover machine through four weeks, averaging just 179 fantasy points per game. However, in his last two, he’s awoken. He’s hit 440+ in two straight, producing seven touchdowns to just one interception. Granted, this was against Miami and Cleveland, but it’s not like the Titans schedule is filled with a murderers row of pass defenses.

11. COLBY (COLBY) Just a truly awful week for Colby. First, he benches West for Coleman that cost him 332 fantasy points. Speaking of decision making, what the fuck was he thinking starting the worst pass defense in football against Drew Brees at home? They gave up over 500 yards again, which is starting to become a trend in Carolina, producing -56 points for Colby.

His kicker missed a field goal, his tight end caught just three balls, Palmer needs to be benched and C.J. Anderson is starting to feel like a bust. Two more loses, Colby won’t have to throw in the towel, his season will already be over.

For the record, his 690 points scored, is the lowest amount of points scored by Colby since he hit 608 fantasy points in 2009.

12. THE HYPE IS REAL (RICH B) Since breaking 1,500 in back-to-back games in weeks two and three, Burrier has fallen off a cliff. In his last three, he’s averaging just 993 fantasy points per game (all loses).

At quarterback, Russell Wilson for the second time this year failed to produce a touchdown. He’s hit 300 fantasy points just once all season long. Worse yet, the glory that was Marvin Jones is starting to lose its shine. After dominating in Detroit to the point where he was the league’s best receiver through a month of football, the last two weeks we’ve seen him fall behind Golden Tate as Stafford’s favorite target.

It wasn’t all bad news. Gronkowski looks like the Gronk of old, producing 162 yards and a score, while Houston made an effort to get Hopkins the ball. He was targeted 15 times. However, most of his nine catches were short in nature, as he produced just 71 yards (barely over four yards per target).

WEEK SEVEN

MATT (L) DON (W) 1212 – 1234 ROBIO (L) RICH B (W) 1161 – 1577 GRIFF (L) COLBY (W) 1279 – 1312 ERIC (L) RICH C (W) 1313 – 1483 MOLLY (L) JEFF (W) 1171 – 1495 ROB M (L) BOB (W) 1370 – 1498

TUESDAY THOUGHT

History…it happened this week, although it’s not the kind of history any of us want to make. No it wasn’t Colby’s losing streak. He ended that at seven, which times him with four others for ninth longest losing streak in league history.

Actually it involves a weekly low score. I beat out Molly by two points to earn the weekly low score this week. The 1,169 points I scored were the most points ever scored by a team earning the weekly low score. It’s good to be first at something.

1. RICH C (RICH C) After another 608 points this week, Calderon’s backfield of Bell/Murray have now scored 2,334 points in just the last four weeks. How good is that? Historically I’ll try to do some kind of write up in the future, so we can compare, but for now, let’s put it this way…Matt Neatock has started 12 running backs in seven games this year. They haven’t even scored 2,000 combined points on the season yet.

2. WHITE PRIVELEDGE (BOB) At 5-2, Bob is now heating up, as the big moves are paying off, especially the one that landed him Julio Jones. How good is he? He’s on pace for 1,900 yards receiving and he’s only 10th in targets this year. Yet, let’s talk Crabtree.

The Raiders wide receiver was suppose to be the other receiver on the Raiders. I originally drafted him in round ten, but cut him after just one week. The following week, Colby added him for $8, but he didn’t even make it to that Sunday’s game before getting cut. Now Bob has him and he’s enjoying him like a porn star with a popsicle.

While Amari Cooper is currently the eighth best wide receiver in football, Crabtree is ninth and has actually outscored Cooper in three of the last four games.

3. JEFF (JEFF) We know two things about Drew Brees. When he’s at home, he’s a God and not one of those fake Hindu gods. On the road though, he’s basically a white version of Geno Smith. So far this year, that has rang true. In three home games, Brees is averaging 467 points per contest. In his first two road games, he averaged only 196 PPG. Yet, in Kansas City he flipped the script, passing for 367 yards and three scores, giving Jeff 384 fantasy points.

We have to assume that Jeff will never sit Brees at home, although the next two opponents coming to New Orleans will be the Seahawks and Broncos. How about the playoffs? In what will be our league’s quarterfinals and semifinals, the Saints hit the road, including a game against the Cardinals in Arizona. Brees could be an All-Robio quarterback by season’s end. Would Jeff consider benching him though?

4. TWO (DON) Success. What is success? For Don this week, it’s having to sit your best player, one of the top players in fantasy and still mustering up a win. Using that logic, Don was successful, pulling out a stunning 22-point victory, a victory that didn’t even happen until Sanders caught a 31-yard pass with a minute to go in the third quarter of last night’s contest. He’s 5-2 on the year. The last time he was 5-2 was 2006. The five-game winning streak is tied for Don’s longest winning streak for his career.

5. ROB M (ROB M) Fun fact of the day…three weeks ago, Rob and I faced off as two 4-0 teams. Since then, we have gone 1-5. After beating me to get to 5-0, Masterson has dropped two straight and for the second week in a row, he can point to a decision he made to replace a starter from one week to the next.

Last week, he sat Terrell Pryor for Jeremy Maclin and lost. If he kept Pryor in, he wins. Heading into this week, he decided to bench Matt Forte. Of course, who wouldn’t have? Averaging only 83 PPG over his last three, the Jets running back has been one of the worst starting running backs in the league.

In his place, Rob stuck in Mark Ingram, who did fine, scoring 194 fantasy points. The problem was, Forte scored 398 (for the second time this season). The 204-point difference was all the difference in Rob’s 128-point loss to Bob.

6. GRIFF (GRIFF) Ouch, talk about a soul-crushing fuck up by Griff. By simply not removing Brian Hoyer from the starting lineup prior to Thursday night’s game, it cost him a victory over 0-6 Colby. You just can’t let that happen, not when you’re fighting for a playoff spot. Luckily for Griff, he’s up to fourth in scoring, which means he’s the best of the 2-5 teams and is actually a playoff team (8-seed). Yet, not all high scoring teams are equal. Griff’s totals are bolstered by last week’s 2,000-point performance. His second best performance on the year is only 1,315 points.

Anyhow, enough negative, let’s talk positive.

What really makes a great player great? Let me tell you. It’s the ability to still deliver fantastic numbers, no matter how bad their offense did. Look no further than the Seattle/Arizona field goal fuckfest Sunday night. Christine Michaels has been solid as a starter this year, but when the Seahawks offense failed to take off, his numbers reflected it (just 55 yards on 19 touches).

David Johnson, being the absolute stud that he is, doesn’t let a 6-6 game get in his way. The Cardinals running back actually got 41 touches (the extra 15 minutes of overtime certainly helped). He finished with 171 total yards (342 fantasy points). He has averaged 429 fantasy points in his last three and is responsible for, get this, 26% of Griff’s fantasy points this season.

7. THE HYPE IS REAL (RICH B) Jay Ajayi. Jay “Motherfucking” Ajayi. We all already know the history he’s made by rushing for 200 yards in back-to-back games. We know from the Internet yesterday that he joins Earl Campbell, O.J. Anderson and Ricky Williams as the only backs to do that in the history of the NFL. What we’re going to talk about is giving credit where credit is due.

Burrier drafted Ajayi and not just some fluky, “hey let’s grab a handcuff in the 13th round” pick. He drafted the Dolphins second-year back in the sixth round, knowing that Arian Foster was most likely going to be the starter.

Then in week one, the team didn’t even let him make the trip to Seattle because of his attitude. Yet, Burrier didn’t cut him.

Then over the next few weeks, once Foster did get hurt, Ajayi was in the back end of a thick RB committee, but Rich still didn’t cut him. He was patient and it looks like he’s going to be glad he did. That one decision is why I’m bumping Burrier up from 12th to 7th this week.

8. GLORY HOLES (ROBIO) Jordy Nelson and Allen Robinson. WTF? Seriously, what the fuck? These two nut sacks had a combine stat line of: three catches, 18 yards, 36 fantasy points.

Prior to the season, both these guys were predicted to be top-10 receivers. They were supposed to be the cornerstone of my resurrection. Yet, for the most part, they’re bombing…badly.

Nelson I can understand. He’s 31, coming off an ACL injury. I get why he might be slow recovering. Yet, Robinson has been the bigger problem. The Jaguars offense has been bad, their quarterback is a joke and Robinson can’t catch anything. He’s on pace to receive 30 less targets this year and he’s only catching about 44% of the balls thrown his way.

9. ERIC (ERIC) Depth…it could be the nail in Eric’s coffin. Josh Howard was facing the Green Bay Packers on Thursday. The Packers D is the best against the run. Now unless you’re back is one of the elites of the elites, you probably should start a running back against Green Bay.

Sadly, Eric had no choice. His three other running backs sitting on his bench (Langford, Rawls and Riddick) are all hurt and not playing and with Watkins on the IR, he’s got no good options at the WR spot. Thus, Howard went in and delivered a “seven touches for 22 yards” performance.

10. COLBY (COLBY) Congratulations on the first win of the year, officially ending that seven game losing streak. Colby, the season that refuses to die. C.J. Anderson, who has struggled mightily, came through in a big way, scoring 274 points, leading the Pounders to a slim 33-point victory.

For a hot minute last night, I bet Colby was sweating it. After a six-yard run in the second quarter, Anderson stayed down and was helped off the field. With a solid Booker backing him up and gashing the Texans D with his one 6-7 yard runs, there was no reason to rush C.J. back onto the field. But he returned, he scored and he eventually had enough points to pass Griff midway through the fourth quarter.

11. CONNER OF BARTH (MATT) Okay, Julio vs Gurley, round three. This week, it was a knockout for Julio Jones, although Gurley and his 184 points was fine. Matt’s former receiver scored 348 fantasy points and is now 2-1 in a head-to-head matchup with Gurley. In total points, Matt has lost 120 fantasy points over the last three weeks on this trade. Yet, prior to this week, the trade had no effect one way or another on Matt’s results. That’s not true anymore. With Julio, Matt would have beaten Don and he would be 3-4 and in the playoffs right now.

Anyhow, let’s talk about Zach Ertz. Matt has been ranting and raving about his hometown tight end for over a year now and it’s just getting pathetic. It’s like watching a little boy screaming about his goldfish, “he’s fine, he’s just napping,” as it floats upside down for five straight months. For the second game in a row, Ertz caught just one ball. In both contests, Matt had him in his starting lineup.

12. MOLLY (MOLLY) If you can’t bother to get your lineup right, you don’t get a write up.

WEEK EIGHT

DON (W) GRIFF (L) 1129 – 1094 ROB M (W) RICH B (L) 1816 – 1127 JEFF (W) COLBY (L) 1324 – 1282 ROBIO (L) RICH C (W) 1071 – 1642 MOLLY (L) ERIC (W) 1265 – 1394 MATT (L) BOB (W) 1203 – 1404

TUESDAY THOUGHT

This season is proving to be a bit crazy, as the teams up top continue to keep piling up the wins. The top five teams in the standings are an incredible 31-9, while the bottom four are just 7-25. Right now, only five teams in the league have a winning record, sucking up 64.6% of the victories this year.

Of those top-five teams, seven of the nine loses came to each other. The only time one of these five lost to a current non-top five team, it was when Bob lost to Eric a couple weeks back and when Don lost to me in week two. That’s it and that’s pretty incredible.

1. RICH C (RICH C) I have no idea if Rich punished himself by forcing himself to watch the Jaguars/Titans game, but if he did, I’m sure he had a brief heart attack when he saw Murray limp off the field with a foot injury. Of course, at his age, I probably should make light of heart attacks. Luckily for him, the MRI came back negative and he should be fine.

Speaking of lucky, Jordan Reed came back after missing a couple games and quickly reestablished himself as Kirk Cousins’s favorite target and the third best tight end in football. He was targeted a team high 13 times, catching nine balls for 99 yards and a score. It’s never a good thing when the best team just got better.

2. WHITE PRIVELEDGE (BOB) Bob road a pair of big performances, led by Aaron Rodgers’s four touchdowns and 514 fantasy points. He also finally got a big game from Tyler Eifert, who delivered 264 points.

Yet, let’s talk Christine Michael. Like I pointed out in my mid-season thoughts, the Seahawks’ running back is sort of Bob’s X-factor. Against an average Saints defense, there weren’t a lot of holes and even less opportunities. He rushed for just 40 yards on 10 carries, although the TD helped.

3. JEFF (JEFF) While we probably wouldn’t normally celebrate a 1,300 performance by team, this was a great effort by Jeff’s boys. He had his two best players and one receiver facing two of the best defenses in the league and they managed to come up big.

Against the Seahawks, Brees had himself a solid day, scoring twice and finishing with 278 points. Yet, Melvin Gordon was the difference maker against the Broncos D on the road. Projected to just scored 167 points by CBS, Gordon had 155 total yards and 310 fantasy points. He could have added in another 60, but the Chargers coaching staff sucked it. After getting the team down to the 2-yard, instead of giving the ball to their RB who has scored eight touchdowns, they threw the ball four times.

4. ROB M (ROB M) Masterson finally had himself a day, as it seems everyone stepped up. Brady produced another 440 points, which seems like a typical Sunday for him now. Cooper finally delivered 173 yards and a score in overtime (406 points). Matt Forte stunned the world again with his fourth 300-point game of the season. He’s now tied with Elliot and Murray for second most 300-point games on the season. David Johnson is the league leader.

Best yet, Rob finally got Dez Bryant back and despite a subpar effort by Prescott, Bryant had 113 yards and one score, scoring 286 fantasy points. If Rob truly has two WR1s at his disposal, let me just go ahead and quote one of the great musical duos of all-time, Hall & Oates, “What out, here he comes, he’s a maneater!”

5. N.T.T.I.A.T.W.T. (DON) Don breaks all the rules and changes his team name during a five-game winning streak. Jesus Don, did you learn nothing from watching Bull Durham. Never fuck with a winning streak: goo.gl/RWuBg5

Don got lucky and pulled out another victory, now riding a career high six-game winning streak. Anyhow, how good is Elliot? He had 148 total yards against a solid Eagles’ defense and he did that despite having a 70-yard run taken off the board due to a holding call.

6. GRIFF (GRIFF) The easy thing to do is point to what was a poor lineup decision. Griff decided to keep Cam Newton on his bench, despite playing at home on after a bye-week (against the Cardinals) and instead roll with Alex Smith, who was on the road facing a poor Colts defense. Well, if he had started Cam, he would have won.

Yet, he also made a good decision, starting Jonathan Stewart over Crowell. If he didn’t make that call, this game would not have been close.

The issue for Griff was the fact that for the second week in a row, his starting quarterback failed to escape the first half of a football game. Last week it was Hoyer and this week it was Alex Smith, who left the game with a concussion.

7. THE HYPE IS REAL (RICH B) Burrier returned to earth this week, after a season high last week (why does everyone have their season high against me?). Marvin Jones failed to hit 100, DeAndre Hopkins continues to not be a worthy target in Houston and Russell Wilson is not a good quarterback right now. Can Jay Aiayi fix all these problems next week?

8. ERIC (ERIC) This week, Eric got results from places I wouldn’t predict he would. Theo Riddick came back from injury and looked like a legit fantasy threat. He had 133 total yards and a score, putting up a team high 326 fantasy points. At defense, Eric stayed with the Chiefs, despite heading up to Indy and that paid off. They shutdown one of the better offenses, forcing two turnovers, sacking Luck six times and holding the Colts to 277 yards. Impressive.

9. (CARLOS) HYDE THE SALAMI (ROBIO) Talk about the difference two months of football. In the season’s first four weeks, my team averaged 1,542 points per game, breaking 1,500 three times. In the last four weeks though my team has 1,170 points, breaking 1,200 just once. The first four were all wins. The last four, all loses. Yet, it’s not like I suffered some major injury or lineup change. Outside of the bye-week issues, my lineup is the same…it’s just not producing now.

This week I couldn’t catch a break. I picked up Kelley to replace Montgomery, but forgot the Redskins played in the morning. Still, I thought I caught a break since the Packers RB/WR was declared active until about 2:30. By then, with no free agent money to do a Sunday pick up, I was stuck starting a backup. On top of that, Spencer Ware left the Chiefs game in the first quarter with a concussion. At least when my ship sinks, it sinks fast.

10. COLBY (COLBY) With his season on the line and with half his lineup either injured or on a bye-week, Colby went with backup running back, Peyton Barber. The Bucs’ back produced 228 fantasy points last week, but that was against the worst rush defense since…well…ever. Asking him to repeat those numbers seem like a stretch.

Colby paid for it. Barber had one carry for one yard, producing two fantasy points. That matters when you lose by just 42 fantasy points. Let’s just say it, starting three Tampa Bay players might be two too many.

11. CONNER OF BARTH (MATT) I haven’t seen this many black guys (Matt’s backfield) screw a white guy (Neatock) since Burrier showed off his collection of gay gang bang porn. Matt’s running backs continue to ruin any hope of a season. This week, Ryan Matthews was basically the backup to Darren Sproles. He got just four carries in the game (scoring once to not make it hurt so bad).

12. MOLLY (MOLLY) On Sunday, take away Derrick Carr’s amazing 558 points and her team did terrible. Dorsett, Hilton, Witten and Lambo combined to scored 168 total fantasy points. Worse yet, her two Colts’ receivers walked away injured. Dorsett got hurt on the game’s final play and Hilton injured his hamstring early in the game and never looked like himself. At least her Monday players made up for it, as Asiata, Diggs and the Bears DST combined for 639 points.

WEEK NINE

MATT (L) GRIFF (W) 1104 – 1125 BOB (L) RICH B (W) 1115 – 1358 COLBY (L) ERIC (W) 1315 – 1376 RICH C (L) ROB M (W) 1480 – 1502 MOLLY (W) ROBIO (L) 1461 – 1172 DON (L) JEFF (W) 1140 – 1696

TUESDAY THOUGHT

#1 THE DICK-TATERS Sure Calderon lost, as he continues to struggle with the big boys. He’s lost to Jeff, Masterson and Don, who are a combined 21-6 this season. However, I’m not going to panic and neither should he.

It will certainly help Rich if and when Big Ben gets healthy. This past weekend, the Steelers quarterback wasn’t 100% and couldn’t complete a deep ball. This allowed the Ravens to crowd the line and shut Le’Veon Bell down (just 32 yards on 14 carries).

#2 NO RESPECT Jeff gets a one-spot bounce, because that’s what 8-1 gets you, as he becomes the first team to officially clinch a playoff spot next week. With a win over Matt this weekend, Jeff can become just the third person to ever reach 9-1 (David and myself are the others).

Of course, I’d love to give Jeff the top spot in the rankings, but I still just hate those receivers. This week, Stills and Snead delivered only 92 points (Stills was ill). Right now, Jeff continues to rely on his big three of Brees, Gordon and McCoy, who accounted for 71% of his team’s scoring. Gordon of course was the real stud. The Chargers RB accounted for a stunning 261 yards and 582 fantasy points.

#3 FONDLING IS MY FORTE Masterson gets a one spot bump after an impressive win over Calderon. It was the second straight game where he bounced over the 1,500-point mark. Looking ahead, he needs just one more win (this week against Molly) to officially clinch a playoff spot, but can Rob actually accomplish something he’s never done before and take the top seed?

Right now he’s behind Jeff in the standings by a game and points (674), but no one has an easier schedule down the stretch. He faces Molly, Colby, Eric and Griff. Only one of those teams is a playoff team and they are all a combined 11-25.

Of course, if Rob wants to achieve such a lofty goal, he’ll have to ride the old man, Matt Forte. After another solid performance, the Jets running back is now the fifth best fantasy back in football. That’s stunning, considering he’s still only averaging 3.8 yards per carry.

#4 WHITEY PRIVELEDGE So Bob wanted me to talk about his trade with Colby. Okay. He gave up Dek Prescott. In the grand scheme of things for this year, that’s not really a loss for Bob, since Aaron Rodgers is his clear starter and he’s riding and dying with the Packers quarterback. In the end, what he gave up was his best category three option for 2017.

However, Brandon Marshall is a player Bob needs now if he wants to win. I think I’ve made it clear that I’ve lost faith in Christine Michael and it looks like Seattle is starting to loss that faith, too. Against the Bills, he had just five carries for one yard. With Thomas Rawls due back any week now, I think Michael’s days as a starter are numbered. This will leave Bob with just one legit back (Miller) and force him to go three-wide.

#5 NOT THAT THERE’S ANYTHING WRONG WITH THAT Elliot showed up (scoring 314 fantasy points), but he was basically the only one. Darren Sproles remained the top option in Philly, getting a team high 16 touches. However, he got just 71 yards and right now, no one knows week-in and week-out, who will be the lead back in that offense.

#6 THE HYPE IS REAL (RICH B) So, is Jay Ajayi the best running back in football? The Dolphins running back went into beast mode, simply pounding the Jets defense. He finished with 130 yards and a score to produce 320 fantasy points.

If Russel Wilson’s Monday results were real (348), Burrier’s team is extremely dangerous. I’m prepared to move him way up. Beating Bob was a nice start.

#7 TRUCK NUTS Griff has three wins on the year. In two of those victories he failed to hit 1,250 points. This team isn’t very good, is it? At least David Johnson is back next week and he gets to run all over the worst run defense in football (49ers).

Of course, looking ahead a bit, after having Odell Beckham for three years in category three, it appears Griff has nailed another good receiver in that category. Michael Thomas now looks to be Drew Brees favorite option, having broken 200 in three of his last four. Griff can keep him next year in round 11.

#8 BROWN ‘N SERVIN IT Eric picked up another win and has ahold of the 6-seed in the playoffs. While this team still has holes, there is still potential. Jordan Howard will be back this week and don’t look now, Thomas Rawls could end up being the starter in Seattle with the way their running game has gone lately in Seattle.

#9 QUARTER POUNDERS With four weeks left in the regular season, the playoffs start now for Colby and even going 4-0 may not be enough. Oddly enough, he’ll be the favorite for a fourth straight week. Of course, it would be the perfect time for Doug Martin, who has been out since week two, to return.

#10 MOLLIPOP Jason Witten hasn’t broken 130 fantasy points all season long. On Sunday he delivered 328 against the Browns. Still, not buying this team winning much more, not with that collection of running backs.

#11 CONNER OF BARTH Matt spent $50 on Jeremy Maclin. He put him in his starting lineup. Maclin finished with zero points. Matt lost by 21. What more can I say?

#12 WARE DID YOU HYDE THE SALAMAI No amount of team name changes is going to save this squad. Down three starters, my backups did nothing. Jarvis Landry continues to be the most mind-numbing sub in a long while. In the five games he has been on my bench, he has averaged 210 fantasy points. In the three games he has started for me, he has averaged 83 PPG.

WEEK TEN

GRIFF (W) ERIC (L) 1340 – 1220 RICH B (L) DON (W) 1156 – 1399 ROBIO (L) COLBY (W) 1319 – 1529 BOB (L) RICH C (W) 1222 – 1700 ROB M (L) MOLLY (W) 1160 – 1617 JEFF (W) MATT (L) 1659 – 1655

TUESDAY THOUGHT

Week ten deserves to be called “Shake Up Sunday” as the bottom five teams all won this week. We now have four teams sitting at 4-6, one 3-7 squad, while Colby is not too far behind at 2-8. The top three 4-6 teams are in the playoffs, while the rest are within reach with three weeks to play.

This shouldn’t be too surprising, because even though we have plenty of unimpressive records, we haven’t really had a lot of bad performances. I’m talking about sub-1,000 point games.

There was a time, when they happened often. For the first five seasons in this league, we had 40 or more in five of the league’s first six years. Starting in 2004 and through 2010, the average dipped down into the 30’s per season (twice breaking 40). However, over the last six years, the average has dropped a ton. Since 2011, the league as a whole has averaged about 19.2 per season. The lowest mark was 17, which happened in 2011 and 2012 (that’s 10% of the games).

This season, we’re on pace to crush that. So far through 10 weeks and 60 games, only eight times has a team failed to hit 1,000. That’s an average of 6.7%, well below the record of 10%. The best part is, we’re getting better, as no team has scored under 1,000 over the last three weeks. I doubt that has ever happened before.

1. RICH C (RICH C) At this point, I’m just tired of mentioning it, but damn these motherfucking backs are good. Bell and Murray continued to do what Bell/Murray do…put up a ton of points. They combined for 826 this weekend. This allows Rich to continue to crush it, while players like Matt Ryan (188) and Jordan Reed (88) to have bad days. At least look on the bright side, Calderon can’t keep them both next year.

I didn’t want to jinx him, but I think it’s time to talk about it. At his current pace, Calderon is going to break a record that has stood for 15 years now. Through ten weeks, he’s averaging 1,573 points per game. The most points ever scored in a regular season was back in 2001 when former league member Jason Carpenter averaged 1,558 points per game. I’m actually cheering for Rich to break it. I don’t like have such an important record held by a former league member, so I would be happy to see it broken.

2. JEFF (JEFF) Yep, even good teams get unlucky sometimes. Despite scoring 1,659 points, Jeff couldn’t overcome Neatock, losing by just two points. That was the 23rd most points scored in a defeat in league history. At this point, Jeff remains second in scoring, but he’s averaging a solid 1,515 points, looking to become only the seventh person to average over 1,500 points for a regular season.

Obviously, Jeff can blame this loss on himself for starting the Cardinals defense against the 49ers instead of the Ravens DST against the Browns. However, I’m putting this loss on Jeremy Hill. The Bengals running back was having a fine Monday night and got Jeff to within six points heading into the fourth quarter. However, after gaining a couple of yards, getting him within two of Matt, Hill got nothing else. In fact, I count four times were the Bengals RB got the ball and got stuffed for no gain.

How close was this…midway through the fourth quarter, the Bengals had the ball on third and one around their own 30. Jeff needed just one yard to tie Matt. Hill got the ball and came up just short, picking up two feet and about ten inches, it wasn’t a yard and CBS didn’t count it. He would never see the field again and Jeff would lose by two inches. I guess football is a game of inches.

3. FONDLING WITH MY FORTE (ROB M) Masterson lost by plenty, so we can’t blame this one on a bad lineup decision. However, I do want to point out that Rob’s bench would have beaten his starters (who produced 1,160).

Manning: 278 Powell: 238 Blount: 318 Adam: 312 Pryor: 96

TOTAL: 1,242. Good luck with those lineup decisions next week.

4. WHITE PRIVELEDGE (BOB) Some trades work out…some don’t. Bob continues to enjoy the juices of Julio Jones. Despite the facts the Falcons never took flight in the City of Brotherly Love, Julio got his and Bob got 270 fantasy points. However, then there is Brandon Marshall. With a rookie quarterback stumbling through his first start, Marshall had four catches for a pathetic 15 yards (30 fantasy points).

Next week, Crabtree comes back from his bye, but I have no clue what Bob does about his flex spot. Michael is an afterthought in Seattle, Cobb isn’t consistent, Henry is a backup, Benjamin is hurt, while Coleman plays for the Browns.

5. NOT THAT THERE’S ANYTHING WRONG WITH THAT (DON) Ezekiel Elliot: 23 touches, 209 total yards and three scores. He had an 83-yard touchdown reception early in the game, then finished with a pair of scoring, game-winning runs in the final five minutes. While there are plenty of games remaining for studs like Julio Jones, David Johnson and any number of quarterback, to leave their mark, Elliot has to be the favorite for league MVP in fantasy.

6. MOLLY (MOLY) I wrote on Thursday that Molly would need one of those stud 400-point games that have been falling into her lap this season by one of her wide receivers. Guess what happened? Stephen Diggs delivered 13 catches for 164 yards and 328 fantasy points. In fact, she got 584 points from Diggs and Cooks. For the record: Diggs has had 13 catches in his last two games. That’s the first time in the history of the NFL a receiver has had back-to-back 13 catch games.

For now, she’s a playoff team. On top of that, she’s always been a strong finisher. In fact, through 14 years, she’s only finished below .500 four times in the season’s final four weeks.

7. GRIFF (GRIFF) Coomer relied on his big three (Cam, Odell and D.J). The three produced 928 points, or rather 69.3% of his scoring this week. Obviously, Johnson has been doing it all week, but it appears that both Newton and Beckham are ready for their standard second-half of the season rallies. Newton has gone for 350 in two of his last four, while Beckham has delivered 200+ in three of his last four games.

8. ERIC (ERIC) I warned Eric about putting his team in the hands of a pair of Bears. It’s one thing to have one player from that team, but having two meant he was risking having his soul crushed. Combined, Jay Cutler and Jordan Howard combined for four turnovers. Cutler was responsible for three of them and finished the day with 64 fantasy points.

9. RICH B (RICH B) It’s time to talk about how much of a disappointment DeAndre Hopkins has been. Last year he finished with 111 receptions, 1,521 yards and 11 scores. He did all that with no quarterback worthy of a conversation. Yet, this season, despite not dealing with any injury, he’s on pace for 31 less receptions, 664 less yards and six less touchdowns.

He’s currently ranked 35th among all wide receivers (breaking 200 fantasy points only once all year), which means every time Rich starts him…it’s a mistake. Yet, can he really bench him? I would have always said, no. Now…not so sure.

10. COLBY (COLBY) With big names like Doug Martin and Travis Kelce sitting on his bench (plus C.J. Anderson on the IR), Colby relied on guys he never even considered on draft day. Tyrell Williams continues to produce, scoring a solid 310 fantasy points. He also got 228 from Conner Brate.

Of course, we should have saw this coming, as the Pounders have dominated me over the years. Colby improves to 12-5 against me in his career, having now won four straight.

11. CONNER OF BARTH (MATT) Matt pulled out a stunning victory. In fact, it was a record book type of performance. Matt and Jeff combined to score 3,320 points. That’s the most points scored in a two-point game. The previous record was 3,248 points, when Bob beat Masterson 1,625-1,623. Of course, that was the 2011 quarterfinals.

Matt was able to pull off the upset because Ryan Mathews finally showed up. After getting benched the previous two games (only getting nine carries in those two contests), the Eagles decided to let Mathews back on the field and he produced. He finished the day with 21 touches, 139 yards, no fumbles and two scores.

However, not all news was puppies and giggles. Alshon Jeffery, not quite satisfied with slowly sinking Neatock’s season, decided to try to torpedo it, as he is suspended because of PED use. He is due back after four games, but by then, Matt’s season will probably be over. At least Matt has had his season ruined by the trifecta…injury, retirement and now suspension.

12. WARE DID YOU HYDE THE SALAMI (ROBIO) I really don’y know if any of us can really appreciate how my season has played out. Remember, through four weeks, I was 4-0, second in scoring. Yet, I’ve dropped six in a row. Six. In. A. Row. I’m somehow barely in the playoffs, looking to become the second team to lose six games in a row in a season and still make it to the playoffs.

Now there is no mistaking it, my team is not good. I’ve cracked 1,300 points in a game just twice during this slide. However, it would be nice if I could get lucky…just once. Every opponent I have faced over the last six weeks has played above their average. Look at the breakdown.

Week 5 – Rob M…had his second best game of the year against me Week 6 – Bob…had his best game of the year against me Week 7 – Rich B…had his third best game of the year against me Week 8 – Rich C…had his fourth best game of the year against me Week 9 – Molly…had her third best game of the year against me Week 10 – Colby…had his third best game of the year against me

During the six game losing streak, my opponents have averaged a stunning 1,568 points per game. Five of six broke 1,500 and all scored at least 1,461 points. Jeff’s opponents have scored over 1,461 points just once all season prior to this week.

Of course, I can only blame myself for this defeat. I benched Allen Robinson for a second straight week and kept in the $47 kid, Ty Montgomery, who was basically backing up Starks. That decision cost me 254 fantasy points in a game I lost by 210 points.

WEEK ELEVEN

JEFF (L) ROBIO (W) 1070 – 1587 BOB (W) GRIFF (L) 1310 – 1067 COLBY (W) ROB M (L) 1659 – 1498 RICH B (W) MATT (L) 1376 – 1172 MOLLY (L) RICH C (W) 1261 – 1363 DON (W) ERIC (L) 1040 – 1036

TUESDAY THOUGHT

The beauty of the little things I create for Robioland Football is that it helps me see things I had missed before. For example, I didn’t realize how often teams have won the scoring title and the top seed in the same year. It’s happened nine times in seventeen seasons, including three straight. Calderon has a firm grasp of the scoring crown for now and is within one game of the top spot, so he has a legit shot to make it ten overall and four straight.

1. RICH C (RICH C) I said if any of us we’re ever going to be a threat to Calderon this season, we would all need to catch a break. Well, we might have gotten one. A.J. Green, the second best wide receiver in fantasy football, behind only Julio Jones, shredded up his hamstring on the Bengals’ opening drive on Sunday and was carted off.

This wasn’t some minor tweak either. According to reports, this was serious injury which will more than likely end Green’s season. And just like that, the best team in Robioland is down one elite WR1. Fun fact: Green is the fifth 1st round pick to have his season end early due to injury (Charles, Lacy, Green, Allen and Peterson).

With the trade deadline done and gone, Calderon’s best option to replace Green will be Doug Baldwin. The Seahawks receiver has the potential, because we all remember what he did at the end of last season. Sure, Seattle has struggled this year, but their offense appears to be hitting their stride and Baldwin’s stats reflect that. He has produced back-to-back 270+ games. With that kind of production, Rich can continue on towards his second career scoring crown without missing a beat.

Having said that, we could make history this year and not the kind of history we want to make. Right now, there are three teams currently in the playoffs (Burrier, Bob and Don) who are in the bottom four in scoring. That’s never happen before. In fact, this league has been pretty great about having the top eight scorers as the eight teams in the playoffs.

I researched back to 2009 (seven years) and only four times has a team not ranked in the top-8 among scoring not make the playoffs. None of those teams finished in the top six in points, so no one has really gotten screwed.

This season, teams ranked 5th, 6th, 7th and 8th (Molly, Colby, Eric and Griff) are all fighting for the final playoff spot and there is a good chance three will miss the playoffs. Of course, it’s not like these teams are dominating teams like Don and Bob. In fact, those two are both with 400 points of Molly and with two weeks left, a lot can happen.

2. JEFF (JEFF) Jeff’s career best six-game winning streak comes to an end and no CBS scoring adjustment is going to change this result. Personally, I’m not going to read too much into it. Jeff was without Melvin Gordon and LeSean McCoy left the game in the second quarter and never returned.

Within the defeat, there was some positive news. Rishard Matthews is starting to look like the solution at wide receiver that Jeff so desperately needs. The Titans wideout is clearly becoming Mariota’s favorite target. This week he caught nine balls for 122 yards, as Tennessee was in comeback mode all day. Over his last five, he has averaged a solid 168 fantasy points, scoring six touchdowns in his last seven contests.

3. FONDLING WITH MY FORTE (ROB M) There are plenty of great backs on plenty of good teams, but only Rob has two All-Robio backs right now. If the season ended today, Blount and Forte would earn third-team awards.

Of course not of that matters if Masterson continues to step on his own dick…figural speaking. Rob has four loses this year and three of those are his own fault. Three times he has taken a starter, benched him and then watch as that player dominated on his pine. This week, he sat Dez Bryant (against the Ravens top-rated defense) for Davante Adams. Well, Bryant scored two touchdowns and 280 fantasy points. If he left Dez in his starting lineup, Rob walks away a winner.

4. WHITE PRIVELEDGE (BOB) As bad as the Packers have been, it’s been a blessing for Bob, as Aaron Rodgers is now the league’s top fantasy back. Because their defense is awful.

Green Bay is constantly in comeback mode, so Rodgers has swapped talking to his parents for throwing the ball a ton. In fact, he has attempted 38 passes in eight straight games. The high volume of throws has propelled Rodgers ahead of Brees in the quarterback rankings.

5. DON (DON) For a hot minute, it looked like Don would lose to his son. However, as the rain stopped falling in San Francisco, the Patriots started tossing the ball around and Edelman’s 238 fantasy points (almost all of it came after halftime) made all the difference.

Don’s victory clinched a playoff birth and ends a four-year drought for a guy who you use to never miss the post-season party. With a win next week, he can win nine games in the regular season, which would tie a career best. If he can reach ten wins…well, the only time he’s done that was in 2006, when he won it all and finished 10-6 that year.

6. COLBY (COLBY) Don’t look now, but Colby Hall suddenly is a very dangerous team. He’s gone from 1-8 to 3-8 and is just one game out of the playoffs after scoring over 1,500 for the second straight games.

This week was a balanced effort…as five players scored over 200 fantasy points. Doug Martin finally returned and looks to be 100%, as he had 105 yards against a tough Chiefs D. However, it’s Dak Prescott that is leading this squad right now. A rookie QB can win in the NFL, even get to the playoffs, but they’re not suppose to have a fantasy impact. The Cowboys quarterback has produced back-to-back 300 yard games, having thrown eight touchdowns to zero interceptions in his last three, while averaging 366 in his last four. And to think, Colby just had to give up a wide receiver that’s not even ranked among the top 30, to land him. Impressive.

Anyhow, Colby still needs to finish the season strong and get some help. He’s got Molly next week and ends with Calderon. That last one is tough. If he finishes 1-1, that’s probably not going to be enough, because it requires Molly, Eric and Griff to all going 0-2 down the stretch. However, if Colby finishes 2-0 and none of those other three finish 2-0 (doubtful), then it becomes about points. Right now, Colby leads them all, but Molly in points.

7. MOLLY (MOLLY) Where did this Rashard Jennings come from? Clearly the Giants are a bit tired of being told they can’t run the ball, so this week they did. For the second straight week, Jennings rushed for over 85 yards, scoring a touchdown this time around, giving Molly a much needed boost at the running back spot.

Too bad for her, she made the wrong decision at quarterback. Big Ben should have dominated a bad Browns defense, but instead, he stumbled thanks to 30 mph winds. Despite throwing the ball 36 times, he only produced 167 yards and zero touchdowns.

8. ERIC (ERIC) Eric lost this week and falls behind Burrier (and stays behind Molly) for the final playoff spot. That’s not great, but there was something to smile about. C.J. Prosise and Thomas Rawls split carries on Sunday in Seattle. Prosise officially outscored Rawls (222-176) thanks to a 72-yard touchdown run, but Rawls looked good running the ball against a tough Eagles run defense.

But the really good news is that Prosise got hurt and will be out potentially for a while, which means Rawls is healthy and the only back worth running the ball in Seattle. Let the Thomas Rawls era begin (again).

9. RICH B (RICH B) Marvin Jones continues his disappearing act, as he has produced just 40 fantasy points in his last two games. That’s not good news for Rich, who is really struggling down the stretch to fill up the hole at WR2.

At the very least, it appears the quarterback spot will no longer be a problem. Russell Wilson has broken his slump and has produced three straight 300-point games, averaging 367 points per game. His only downside? If Rich can advance to the semifinals and finals, he’s not going to like Wilson’s match ups (Rams, Cardinals) although both games are at home.

10. WARE DID YOU HYDE THE SALAMI (ROBIO) While Masterson relies on his mortal enemy, the Patriots, to win him some games, I had to count on a pair of Redskins to end my six-game losing streak. Kirk Cousin and Rob Kelley delivered a combined 872 fantasy points. Kelley was particularly impressive. He’s the clear two-down back, getting almost all the carries for the team and he finished with 137 yards and three touchdowns.

Time will tell if he’s the real deal, but he’s certainly taken Carlos Hyde’s job as my starting RB2 (although I might have to bench him this week against the Cowboys) and he could replace Allen Robinson as my category two keeper for 2017.

11. GRIFF (GRIFF) It’s David Johnson and no one else. This week, the Cardinals running back was the only person that showed up for the Nuts, accounting for 41% of Griff’s points this week. Not going to win a lot of games like that.

Griff can still make the playoffs…quite easily in fact. He’s tied for that last spot, but the points remain an issue. Can Griff outscore anyone he’s competing with? Fact is, when he scored 2,052 in week six, that was the only time Griff scored over 1,400 fantasy points this year. If he doesn’t do it again, it would be the lowest amount of 1,400 point games he’s ever produced in a season. Of course, if he can’t score and win some games, his seven-year playoff streak will come to an end.

12. CONNER OF BARTH (MATT) Is it me or does it seem like every week Matt has to remove an injured player from his lineup? This week, it’s a pair. Ryan Mathews has a knee injury and Zach Miller is done. Next up…

Can Matt make the playoffs? Sure. Will he. Absolutely not. He needs to finish 2-0. Unlikely. He then needs Molly, Eric and Griff to go 0-2, while Colby goes 1-1. Doubtful. Then he needs to pass them in all in points (he’s within 600 points of all of them). Probably not going to happen.

Of course, while he tries to pull off that little miracle, Matt can certainly think ahead to next year, which begins with Marcus Mariota. The Titans quarterback continues to shake off his turnover habit and produce points. In fact, over the last month, he has averaged 364 fantasy points per game. That’s the kind of production that will allow Matt to ignore a quarterback in next year’s draft, since he can keep Mariota in the ninth round.

WEEK TWELVE

ERIC (W) ROB M (L) 1222 – 1052 ROBIO (W) MATT (L) 1458 – 1237 COLBY (W) MOLLY (L) 1584 – 911 BOB (W) DON (L) 1385 – 1304 RICH C (W) RICH B (L) 1663 – 1170 GRIFF (L) JEFF (W) 1417 – 1808

TUESDAY THOUGHT

The very top and absolute bottom of the rankings remain the only constant this season. Calderon and Jeff have dominated throughout and there is nothing that’s going remove them from the top two spots. On the flip side, even though Neatock’s squad has played better of late, there is no way he’s moving from the basement.

As for the rest of us scum bags, I could shuffle all of us around to different spots and no one would have an argument against it. That’s what 2016 has been about. Yet, I will do my best to rank you fuckers to the best of my abilities.

1. RICH C (RICH C) So Doug Baldwin (34 yards receiving) and the Seahawks offense did not make Rich forget all about A.J. Green, but that’s really the only negative I could find in his sixth 1,500-point game of the season. So let’s talk about records.

Calderon remains on pace to break the all-time regular season scoring record, a record I’ve made no secret that I want to see get broken. He’s currently ahead of Jason’s 2001 record of 1,558 points per game. To break it, he will need to score 1,506 points in week thirteen. Of course, because bye weeks extend all the way to week thirteen for some reason, Rich will have to do it without one of his studs, as DeMarco Murray and the Titans are taking the week off. I assume James Starks will get the start, but like how Baldwin is no Green, Starks is no DeMarco.

2. JEFF (JEFF) Speaking of scoring, Jeff is also putting up a ton of points this year. He’s on pace to average 1,502 points, potentially to become just the seventh person to average over 1,500 points per game in a regular season.

This week, Jeff got a pair of monster performances from Drew Brees and LeSean McCoy. They combined for 866 points (both cracking 400 points). The latter is in a dogfight with Aaron Rodgers for top quarterback in fantasy. If Brees can hold off Rodgers, it would be the first time in Jeff’s career in Robioland where he’s had a first-team All-Robio quarterback.

3. COLBY (COLBY) Yep, Colby has earned a jump this high. He’s produced three straight 1,500-point games and five on the season. And don’t forgot, those first two, we’re both in defeat.

Obviously having Doug Martin back helps (he had 90 yards, but a fumble this week) and Prescott continues to be a stud, averaging 356 fantasy points since Colby traded for him (thanks to 10 touchdowns and zero interceptions), but it’s really been about Mike Evans. Every team needs a stud and quietly, Evans has become the best wide receiver in fantasy. In fact, after another multi-touchdown effort against the Seahawks, he’s officially the top wide receiver in 2016, passing both Brown and Julio.

4. WHITE PRIVELEDGE (BOB) It’s easy to point to Aaron Rodgers’ 380-point performance and say that was the difference, but Bob had a handful of nice performances this week. Michael Crabtree was again the best receiver out of Oakland with 220 fantasy points. Tyler Eifert had his third solid game in four weeks, hitting 196 points. Brandon Marshall, who had disappeared lately, welcomed back Fitz at QB and bounced back with 194 points. However, why does Julio Jones always disappear?

This week he was held to just four catches for 35 yards. This is the fourth time in 12 games he’s been held to 40 yards or less. That’s a one-third of his games. If he pulls one of these games out of his ass in the post-season, Bob’s season will end rather quickly.

5. DON (DON) Don comes up 81 points short, falling to Bob for a second time this season. Jordan Matthews played his part in this defeat, as he left Monday night’s game twice due to injury. Don’s going to the playoffs, but man that flex spot is going to be a problem.

Of course, Don shares some blame for his own loss. Based on what the Saints have done offensively at home this season, what in the world was Don thinking starting the Rams defense in New Orleans? They produced a season worst -62 fantasy points. Add in -20 from his kicker, no Andrew Luck and Don was lucky to pull out a victory.

This week, he relied one one familiar source for points. Zeke Elliot continued to dominate with 360 more fantasy points. However, he also got some stud numbers from Emmanuel Sanders, who procured 384 fantasy points.

6. ROB M (ROB M) Rob has now dropped three straight and in at least two of those contests, his squad really failed to show up. This week, only Brady produced. He hit 310, while no one else on this team produced 150.

The issue was lack of touchdowns. No one but Brady managed to score. In fact, Rob’s running backs haven’t scored a touchdown since week nine, as there is no guarantee that Forte, Blount and Ingram will get the touches down by the end zone.

FUN FACT: The two teams that started the season 4-0 (Rob and Rob) are just 5-11 since.

7. WARE DID YOU HYDE THE SALAMI (ROBIO) Do I really belong this high up? Probably not. Sure I’ve won two in a row and I’m fourth in scoring, but nothing about this team screams deep playoff run.

Spencer Ware hasn’t cracked 200 fantasy points since week seven. Allen Robinson continues to flop every time I start him (his three best games this year were all when he was on my bench). Greg Olsen has just 180 yards and one score since week eight (what the fuck?).

This week, I relied on good decision making. I decided to start Kirk Cousins over Philip Rivers and that earned me an extra 182 points. I also benched Rob Kelley for Carlos Hyde and that delivered me an extra 166. The 348 points ended up putting me over the top.

8. MOLLY (MOLLY) Molly has relied on huge performances from a variety of wide receivers this year (Cooks, Diggs and Hilton). This week, those same receivers could be her undoing. Diggs ended up being a late-game scratch and Powell’s 86 fantasy points didn’t do the trick. Hilton scored 106, before leaving the game with a back injury. Yet, the knife in the back had to be Cooks.

This week, the Saints scored 49 points. Their offense produced over 500 total yards. Yet, their leading receiver did not only not catch a single ball, he wasn’t even targets once. Not once. Remember that, if Molly ends up missing the playoffs because of total points tiebreaker.

9. ERIC (ERIC) So yeah, about Thomas Rawls. The Seahawks offensive line reverted back to its old self, unable to pass block, creating zero holes to run through. Rawls had just 38 yards on twelve carries and while it was enough for Eric this week, it won’t be moving forward.

10. GRIFF (GRIFF) Griff got three 300-point efforts this week and still lost. Ouch. David Johnson had his standard 382, Beckham was solid with 312 and Jonathan Stewart surprised us with his own 312. Yet, it wasn’t enough against the mighty Jeff.

Griff will obviously kick himself for this defeat. He benched Michael Thomas for Steve Smith and that cost him 296 points. He also started the wrong kicker. Hopkins missed a pair and finished with just 20 fantasy points, while on his bench, Tucker had 206 fantasy points, thanks to four field goals, including three 50 yarders, which begs the question…who the fuck has two kickers on his roster?

11. RICH B (RICH B) What the fuck Russell Wilson? 140 fantasy points? Zero touchdowns against an average Buccaneers D? I guess props go to the Tampa defense abusing a bad offensive line.

This week, Burrier made the decision to bench Freeman for Ajayi, but it seems the Fins starting running back as come back down to earth. After a pair of 500-point efforts and 300+ game, he hasn’t cracked 200 in his last three, averaging only 167 points per game. Meanwhile, Freeman had a pair of scores and 274 points this week. Looks like Rich has some decisions to make heading into week thirteen…the kind of decisions that could end his season if he makes the wrong move.

12. CONNER OF BARTH (MATT) It’s still way too early to know who exactly will be available for Matt with the first pick in the 2017 draft. For instance, there will be a pair of rookie running backs that will be heavily compared to Zeke Elliot and we all know what he did for Don this season.

The biggest veteran name will probably be Le’Veon Bell, since we have to assume Calderon will probably keep DeMarco Murray. A Bell/Gurley sounds like a pretty decent backfield next year, right?

WEEK THIRTEEN

GRIFF (L) ROB M (W) 1167 – 1502 ROBIO (L) DON (W) 1276 – 1337 RICH C (L) COLBY (W) 1172 – 1281 JEFF (W) BOB (L) 1463 – 1047 RICH B (W) MOLLY (L) 1563 – 787 MATT (L) ERIC (W) 1024 – 1487

TUESDAY THOUGHT

With the playoffs starting off this Thursday, there is no time to loss, so even though it’s Monday and most of the results are in, I’m going to deliver the Tuesday Thoughts early. This way I can start putting together my coveted playoff predictions.

God save the Commish.

Below are not my rankings, although I would probably move Jeff into first place. They are the Final Seedings. I have Colby beating Calderon, even though the latter still has a player going tonight, but since it won’t change anything, I’m marking it down.

THE QUARTERFINALS

#1 JEFF vs #8 RICH B #2 RICH C vs #7 ERIC #3 ROB M vs #6 ROBIO #4 BOB vs #5 BOB

ROBIO’S NOT-SO-DEEP THOUGHTS

#1 JEFF (JEFF) | 11-2 Jeff becomes just the third team ever to finish the regular season with just two loses and earns his first ever top seed. He will face Richard Burrier in the quarterfinals next week. I’ve had Calderon at the top of my rankings almost the entire year and that’s mainly due to his unstoppable running backs. Yet, don’t overlook Jeff’s daddy mac backfield. The reason why Jeff can compete for the title, despite some wide receiver issues, are his two running backs. In the season’s final week, LeSean McCoy and Melvin Gordon combined for 718 points. These two have combined to produce ten 300-point games, second only to Calderon’s.

#2 RICH C (RICH C) | 9-4 Down 267 to Colby, I have Calderon losing this week. No offense to his wonderful team, but I don’t see Frank Gore scoring 268 points this week (he plays tonight), since he hasn’t done it all year. Of course, it doesn’t really matter. Win or lose, Rich is the 2-seed.

On a side note, unless Gore scores about 500 points, he’ll fall short of breaking the all-time regular scoring record. That makes me sad. Right now, he’ll need 199 just to finish third (behind Jason and Bob).

Anyhow, Le’Veon Bell proved once again that the running backs will not be a problem this post-season. He scored his sixth 300-point game of the year (Murray was off this week), but those wide receivers have to be a bit of a concern. It’s one thing for Benjamin to come up small this week, scoring 36 in a game where the Panthers scored only a touchdown. However, Baldwin continues to not do much subbing in for Green. In game where the Seahawks had over 500 yards and 40 points, he delivered only 130 fantasy points. Three other Seahawks receivers had more fantasy points.

#3 ROB M (ROB M) | 8-5 Let me take you on a walk back through time. The date: August 26, 2016. Rob Masterson was chatting with me on G-Chat and around at 1:36 in the afternoon, Rob had this to say, “Holy fuck. Griff is going to destroy the league this year.”

Well, three and a half months later, here we are, watching as Rob Masterson puts Griff’s disappointing season to an end. Speaking of a disappointing season coming to an end, it’s a good thing his beloved Jets have nothing to play for. This will allow Masterson to openly and gleefully cheer for his two Patriots, including Tom Brady. Speaking of Brady, Rob will have to be a little concerned with Brady. Two of his last four games have not been his best when facing high-end defenses. He scored just 174 at home against the Seahawks and then this week, 240 against the Rams (again at home). His next two games will be home vs the Ravens and on the road against the Broncos…two elite pass defenses.

#4 WHITE PRIVELEDGE (BOB) | 8-5 Let’s start with the positive here. Bob’s incredible run continues, as he accepts a post-season invite for the 11th straight year. With Griff failing to make the playoffs this season, the closest person to Bob’s current streak is Masterson at six. He’s produced another 8-win season. This is the ninth time in his last eleven seasons he’s done that. Congratulations.

Now the bad news…let’s just say Bob will not be doing somersaults into the playoffs. He’s dropped three of his last five and hasn’t sniffed 1,500 points since week six. In fact, when he scored 1,574 in that week six win over me, that was the only time Bob scored over 1,500. The last time he only had one 1,500-point game in a regular season was way back in 2007.

#5 DON (DON) | 8-5 Like Bob above, Don isn’t quite impressing people heading into the post-season. He’s dropped three of five and the scoring has been pretty damn bad lately. In fact, over his last seven games, he’s averaged under 1,200 per contest. Why should Don be worried looking ahead? In breakdown against his fellow post-season cohorts over the last seven weeks, Don is just 11-38. That’s pretty damn bad.

This week, he only has himself to blame. It’s one thing to overlook that your defense (The Rams) were facing the Patriots in New England. That oversight is why he got -1 from his defense. However, not sure how he missed Jordan Matthews. CBS said the Eagles receiver was “unlikely to play” and was officially declared out around noon. Don kept him in his starting lineup and got zero points, leaving Golden Tate on his line. He scored 350. It’s one thing to screw up this week, in a meaningless game, although it did cost Don a win and the 3-seed. Next week though…?

#6 WARE DID YOU HYDE THE SALAMI (ROBIO) | 7-6 This proved to be on odd regular season. I started 4-0, lost six straight, before winning my final three. While I haven’t put up the monster games like some folks, I’ve scored at least 1,400 in eight games this year. That’s one time less than Jeff and tied with Calderon.

For me, I’m just happy to be here, after going 6-20 the previous two seasons. I’m excited to be back in the playoffs and I’m happy to produce a winning season. If I can pull off at least one playoff victory, I’ll celebrate like a teenage girl on prom night. With my woes at WR2 and TE, I don’t foresee my season going beyond the semifinals though.

#7 ERIC (ERIC) | 6-7 Eric did what he doesn’t do very often, making it to the playoffs in back-to-back seasons. Facing a Calderon team, who nearly broke the regular season scoring title, it won’t be easy for him to turn regular season success into post-season success. However, if this week is any indication, he might suddenly have what it takes…that’s running backs.

We all knew about Jordon Howard, so his 414-point performance this week shouldn’t be too shocking. The x-factor was Thomas Rawls. Against a pretty decent Panthers run defense, he had 350 fantasy points…at the half. He eventually left the game due to a possible concussion, but he did return, finishing with 358 points. That’s 772 fantasy points from Eric’s backfield; just the kind of numbers that could Calderon a headache in the quarterfinals.

#8 THE HYPE IS REAL (RICH B) | 6-7 This week…Burrier made the right choices at running back. He place Ajayi back on the pine and rolled with his original backfield of Freeman and Murray and they paid off this week, as each scored 330 points.

This is exactly why Burrier could be a pain in the ass to 1-seed, Jeff, next week. While he’s struggled to score overall this year, finishing 10th, he still could produce those monster games out of nowhere. Rich most likely earned the weekly high score in week 13 and that is his third one of the year. That’s one more than Jeff and one behind Calderon.

LOOKING AHEAD TO 2016

#9 COLBY (COLBY) | 5-8 Colby made an impressive run here at the end, nearly turning a 1-8 beginning into a playoff team. Colby won four straight, scoring impressively each time, taking down three playoff teams during the streak (including arguably the league’s best this week).

For Colby, a number of factors contributed to the fifth best scoring team to miss the playoffs. The obvious culprit is that players couldn’t stay healthy (Martin, Anderson, Decker) and missed significant time, while players like Stewart and Coleman sat out a few times. There are the players that failed to perform up to par, starting with first-round pick Brandon Marshall and starting quarterback, Carson Palmer. Both ended up on Colby’s pine (the former was traded away). Lastly, bad luck. Depending on what Calderon does tonight, but Colby’s opponents score around 1,400 points per game this year. That’s second only to Molly and 15th most ever scored by opponents.

Will Colby’s 2016 become the best team to not make the playoffs? I don’t know yet. He won’t be the highest scoring non-playoff team, so that’s a strike against him and he won’t even be the hottest (that’s still Molly via 2004), but man this end-of-season squad sure would have been dangerous if he was in the playoffs.

#10 GRIFF (GRIFF) | 4-9 Based on the numbers, Griff’s team this year won’t go down as the worst title defense ever. (2005) Bob and (2008) Matt still fight for that honor. Having said that, man, Griff was such a huge favorite coming into the season, just as Matt was in 2008, there is a legit argument that this really was the worst title defense.

Obviously, it all started with losing Adrian Peterson and it never got better from there. Griff had problems at tight end and woes at WR2m which was inconsistent throughout. Yet, good teams overcome. Yet, Griff never replaced Peterson. He tried and failed to find a tight end and except for Michael Thomas, he can’t point to any other transaction that made his team better.

#11 MOLLY (MOLLY) | 4-9 For the second straight year, Molly will not get to enjoy the playoffs, ending her 2016 ride with three straight loses. Obviously, she didn’t catch a lot of breaks, as her opponents scored the most points this season. In fact, her opponents’ 1,462 points scored against will be the third most points ever scored by opponents in a season.

Still, she made 19 add/drops this year, seven of which were picking up defenses, and it’s hard to say any of them improved her. Matt Asiata is the only one who stuck all season and he scored just 170 points in a game once all year.

#12 MATT (MATT) | 2-11 Congratulations, Matt Neatock. You have officially become the first person Robioland history to earn last place three times in a career (2004, 2008, 2016). While he scored less in those two other years, he’s never struggle to win like this (only two victories). In fact, he’ll enter 2017 riding a seven-game losing streak, just two back of the record of nine.

Look on the bright side…earning the top pick in the drat usually delivers good things that year, so Matt has that going for him.

QUARTERFINALS

RICH B (L) JEFF (W) 840 – 905 BOB (W) ROB M (L) 1351 – 745 ROBIO (W) DON (L) 1498 – 1048 ERIC (L) RICH C (W) 1144 – 1878

TUESDAY THOUGHT

#1 JEFF (JEFF) RESULTS: BEAT #8 THE HYPER IS REAL (BURRIER) WILL FACE: #6 WARE DID YOU HYDE MY SALAMI

DEEPISH THOUGHTS: You know, sometimes you just have to get lucky. Jeff Greenblatt earned his first ever playoff victory, taking down Burrier. In fact, Jeff’s first ever playoff win is the lowest amount of points scored in a playoff win (905) in league history.

Of course, a lot went wrong to earn that honor. First, what is wrong with Drew Brees? A week after scoring only 116 fantasy points, he scored just 74 against Tampa. In his last two games, he has zero touchdowns and six interceptions. Prior to this little stretch, he had 30 touchdowns to only six interceptions.

At wide receiver, take away the 80-yard TD grab by DeSean Jackson, Jeff’s wide receivers/Tight end had just 5 receptions, as both Rishard Matthews and Delanie Walker failed to score 80 fantasy points.

Yet, the truly bad news was Melvin Gordon’s injury. He had just three carries after suffering both a hip and knee sprain. Luckily for him, he has Jeremy Hill on his pine. As the only meaningful back in Cincinnati, he put together his best game of the year this weekend, scoring 344 fantasy points.

#2 RICH C (RICH C) RESULTS: BEAT #7 ERIC (ERIC) WILL FACE: #5 DICK MCBALLFART

DEEPISH THOUGHTS: 776 points. Holy fuck cakes. That’s the points scored by Le’Veon Bell. Clearly the Steelers have finally figured out that the best way to win is to feed Bell the ball. Is it the greatest game by a fantasy back in league history? I’m not going to reveal that yet. That will come later. Instead, let’s stick with this week.

With suck a poor showing by Jeff, it’s clear that Calderon is the favorite moving forward, right? Well, if history teaches us anything, Rich might struggle next week. Teams who produce the weekly high in the quarterfinals are just 7-10 in the semifinals. Although it’s gotten better lately. Quarterfinal high scorers were 1-6 in the semis, but have gone 6-4 since. Of the seven that reached the finals, three of them won it all.

Of course, it certainly will make it easier if Calderon continues to make good decisions. I told you last week that Rich has been playing roto-defense all season long and if you add them all together, he had produced the 6th best defense in fantasy. Well, this week he dominated. The Falcons DST forced three sacks, five turnovers and scored twice, producing 304 fantasy points.

#5 DICK McBALLFART (BOB) RESULTS: BEAT #4 ROB M (ROB M ) WILL FACE: #6 THE DICK-TATERS

DEEPISH THOUGHTS: Despite the fact Julio Jones was on his bench and he only got 174 combined points from his three wide receivers (Crabtree, Marshall and Cobb), Bob made up the difference with Aaron Rodgers and Lamar Miller, who each broke 300 and combined for 638.

Bob improves to 10-2 in the quarterfinals, second only to my 11-1 record. Yet, only Bob has been to the league’s semifinals nine times in the last eleven seasons. That’s one amazing stat, folks.

#6 WARE DID YOU HYDE MY SALAMI (ROBIO) RESULTS: BEAT #3 DON (DON) WILL FACE: #1 NO RESPECT

DEEPISH THOUGHTS: I’m Robio Murray and I’m all about the quarterfinals. I improve to 11-1 in the playoffs first week. I haven’t tasted a defeat in the quarters since Rich Calderon upset me back in 2003.

This time, I relied on Carlos Fucking Hyde. He’s been running better lately, but he sure picked a good week to have his best performance of the season. Against a hapless Jets defense, he rolled for 200 total yards and one score (460 fantasy points).

Of course, I still have a cancer on my team by the name of Allen Robinson, who proceeded to score one catch for 17 yards. What the fuck, Robinson? No offense to DeAndre Hopkins, but Robinson has been the biggest bust so far this season, right? He had 1,400 yards last year.

Through 14 weeks he has 639. I don’t know what to do about that WR2 spot. Montgomery played well for Green Bay, but he’s not guaranteed any touches. He had 12 this week, but could get one next week.

LOOKING AHEAD TO NEXT YEAR (and where they’re drafting)

8. DON VOZZOLA Could Don have won this game with some better decisions. The flex spot has been a problem all year and remained one in the quarterfinals. He decided to bench one-half wonder Ryan Anderson for the more experienced Jordan Matthews. Anderson proved himself yet again, scoring 222 and cost Don 64 fantasy points.

Don also decided to make a change at tight end, cutting Kyle Rudolph for Dwayne Allen, coming off the only good game in his career. Well, Allen was shutout this week, while Rudolph had 180 fantasy points. So that’s another 180 lost by a Don decision. He picked up the Jaguars DST and benched a bad Rams D. Both were awful, but the Jaguars were 20 points more awful. At QB, keeping Matt Stafford in the starting lineup for Andrew Luck cost Don 60 more points. That’s 324 points in total. At least these decisions didn’t cost Don. Even if he made every right call, he still would have lost by 126 points.

Anyhow, Don falls to 8-8 in the postseason, 4-6 in the quarterfinals, but I can only look at this 2016 campaign as a success; i.e. the first step back to relevance after missing the playoffs four straight years. Moving forward, he’ll need to work on his in-season management. Looking through his transactions, it’s hard to find any big free agent pick ups, except for one or two players (Anderson, Sproles) who were able to contribute nice numbers in a game or two.

7. ROB MASTERSON The long-suffering Rob Masterson will have to continue to suffer, at least when it comes to the luck of the post-season. Some people have it. Rob is not one of those people. This week proved to nearly be record-setting type of performance in futility. Just look at some of his individual performances.

Matt Forte left the game after just three carries and 16 fantasy points. Mark Ingram finished with just 46 points. Amari Cooper contributed 58, while Jimmy Graham produced 32. The worst of them all? Dez Bryant had just one catch and he proceeded to fumble it away in the game’s final five minutes.

There is no doubt, Rob has become one of the best teams in the league. He’s been to the playoffs the previous six seasons, which is the second longest active streak. He’s had six straight winning seasons, which is actually the longest active streak in the league. Yet, during that six-year span, Rob is just 1-6 in the playoffs, having dropped eight of his last nine post-season games, dating back to 2004.

6. ERIC VOZZOLA In the quarterfinals, Eric did manage to get a handful of decent performances. Andy Dalton had 234, Jordan Howard delivered 220 and the Chiefs DST had 178, thanks to another special teams touchdown. Yet, there was nothing Eric was going to do against Calderon this week, as Rich beat him with just three players (Bell, Ryan and Falcons DST = 1,398).

I’ll give Eric plenty of props, as he turned a disastrous 0-4 start into a playoff team. I’m pretty confident I’m the only person who has ever done that before. This was more impressive because Eric’s draft really proved to be a disaster.

After keeping Antonio Brown in the first round, he had a long string of failures that included Thomas Rawls in round two and Jeremy Langford one pick later. Larry Fitzgerald wasn’t tragic in round four, but he was bombing at the end of the year. In round five, Coby Fleener did nothing by make life hard for Eric.

5. RICHARD BURRIER Well, Jeff certainly gave Burrier all the chance in the world to advance, but Rich couldn’t produce and he can lay the blame on the four players we all believed could and should have made Rich great this year.

Russell Wilson had just 78 fantasy points, throwing five interceptions against the Packers, one of the worst secondaries in football. DeVonta Freeman again fell behind Trevor Coleman in the Falcon’s backfield. Despite the fact Atlanta scored 42 points, Freeman had just eight touches, 18 yards and 36 fantasy points. At wide receiver,

DeAndre Hopkins has been one of the league’s top disappointments in 2016 and he was sure to end the year the same way. He finished with two catches, 33 yards and 66 fantasy points. Lastly, with Rob Gronkowski out, C.J. Fiedorowicz failed to fill his shoes, finishing with three catches and 32 yards (64 fantasy points).

Burrier falls to 6-10 in the post-season and 3-8 in the quarterfinals, dropping three straight. That 2003 league championship seems so long ago, doesn’t it?

ALL BECAUSE THE NON-PLAYOFF TEAMS ARE DONE PLAYING, THAT DOESN’T MEAN I’M DONE WRITING ABOUT THEM IN A LOVING WAY. LET’S LOOK AT THEIR 2017 KEEPER PROSPECTS.

4. COLBY HALL In category one, Colby could keep C.J. Anderson, but did the Broncos running back really prove that he was worth a second-round (even a late 2nd round pick)? Instead, I think Colby will decide between Doug Martin for one more year in round five and tight end, Travis Kelce in round four. In the second half of the 2016, there was no better tight end.

In category two, Mike Evans is done and headed back to the draft pool, which leaves Colby with no superstar in the middle rounds. Devontae Booker is available in round ten, but he hasn’t looked good at all in Denver. Tyrell Williams has been solid in San Diego, but what is his role if and when Allen returns? The best option may be Jamison Crowder. The Redskins will probably lose DeSean Jackson via free agency and it might be time for Crowder to take the WR1 reins in D.C.

In category three, I think Carson Palmer is done, but the Pounders can keep Dak Prescott in round 11. The Cowboys rookie has struggled lately, but that doesn’t mean a rookie can’t be a great fantasy option.

3. GRIFF COOMER In category one, it might be best to start fresh in 2017. He’s not going to keep Adrian Peterson with the third overall pick, I don’t feel like Moncrief did enough to prove he’s a 3rd round keeper. Crowell can be kept in round five, but in reality, Cam Newton is probably the best option in round two (22nd overall pick).

In category two…David Johnson. That is all.

In category three, Beckham is gone, but Griff now has Michael Thomas in round 11.

2. MOLLY COOMER Molly will not be walking into 2017 with a great collection of keepers. There’s no one in category one worth keeping, as Hilton goes back to the pool. Big Ben is good, but she can’t afford to waste a third-round pick on a quarterback when she will once again have Derrick Carr in the back of the draft.

In category two, I’m not seeing much either. Yeldon will probably be the starting back in Jacksonville in 2017, but has he really impressed anyone? In category three, Molly is basically deciding between Derrick Carr for one more year or Stefon Diggs one pick earlier for two more seasons.

1. MATT NEATOCK Neatock actually has a lot to be excited about. He’s got the top pick and a handful of good keeper options. Todd Gurley is his if he wants him in the fourth round for one more year. Now Gurley was pretty average this year, but the Rams will have a new head coach in 2017. For Gurley’s sake, the team will improve an awful offensive line.

In round two, despite just playing a truly awful game this past weekend, Marcus Mariota is the obvious choice in round nine. In category three, Matt had Chris Wentz redshirted in round 14, but either because he forgot about the red shirt or he lost faith in his Eagles quarterback, he ended up starting him and costing Wentz the redshirt. My guess is he’ll go with Zach Ertz yet again.

SEMIFINALS

ROBIO (L) JEFF (W) 1496 – 1816 BOB (L) RICH C (W) 1146 – 1588

TUESDAY THOUGHT

Let’s go ahead and say it, we got what we wanted? It’s the top two teams in the standings; #1 Jeff Greenblatt vs #2 Rich Calderon. If wins and loses aren’t really your thing, then how about, it’s #1 in scoring Rich Calderon vs #2 in scoring Jeff Greenblatt. It’s the first ever perfect title game. Yet, before we jump on board that ship, we have to reminisce and see how we got here.

#1 NO RESPECT For Jeff, he relied on two huge performances this week. Drew Brees rebounded from arguable his two worst weeks of football to dominate the Cardinals in the Desert. He had 389 yards and four touchdowns (including a 65 yarder and a 45 yarder). He delivered 438 and he only had the second best day for Jeff. The leader was LeSean McCoy, who along with Zeke Elliot, was an outstanding first round pick. He finished with 458 points (behind 169 yards and two scores). Combined, those two scored 896.

#2 THE DICK-TATERS This is how good Rich’s team is. His dominating backfield had what I would call a less-than-their-best outing, yet that still meant 544 combined points. Bell produced 131 yards, while Murray had 141, but both were kept out of the end zone. Yet, 544 combined points is fucking solid.

It certainly helped that Matty Ice scored 300, as the Falcons have gone back-to-back 40-point games. This is due to the fact their last two opponents have been downright awful. Don’t look now, but the Falcons will face another poor pass defense (Panthers) next week, although Kirk Cousins might argue otherwise.

#5 DICK McBALLFART This was not suppose to be Bob’s year. Just look at his draft…his first pick (Allen) was lost for the year in week one. The second round pick (Rodgers) was solid. In round three, Randall Cobb spent most of the season on Bob’s bench. His fourth round keeper (Gurley) was one of the biggest busts of the year. Picks five (Henry) and six (Michael) were a pair of handcuffs that didn’t pay off in the long run (Michael had one good month of football). Picks eight (Coleman) and nine (Funchess) had zero impact on his season.

This should have been a four-win team. Yet, Bob.

Despite finishing 10th in scoring, the magic man still managed to win nine games and come within one game of the championship. Some solid late round keepers and picks helped. He worked the wire well and made a brilliant trade for Julio Jones.

Sadly, a toe injury kept Jones out of the semifinals match up. With Aaron Rodgers putting up just 166 in the cold at Chicago, Bob managed to only get one 200-point effort (from Lamar Miller, who scored 238). Julio’s replacement, Brandon Marshall, scored just 32 points.

Looking ahead, Bob will enter 2017 with a great team name, but not a ton of great keepers. In category one, he’s looking at either Julio Jones for one more season in round one, or Aaron Rodgers for two years in round two.

In category two, Lamar Miller heads back to the draft pool, leaving Bob will a few options. Tony Romo as Denver’s new starting QB in round 8? Probably not. Tyreek Hill could by a solid keep in round seven. He also has Tyler Eifert in round 10 and don’t forget about Corey Coleman in round 8. Bob threw the redshirt on him, so he still has three years of eligibility left.

In category three, with Dak Prescott traded to the Pounders, he has zero players he can keep in the final category.

#6 WARE DID YOU HYDE MY SALAMI What a strange year and fitting ending. I thought I had Jeff beat after the 1pm games, despite McCoy’s big effort. Behind Ty Montgomery’s 446 fantasy points (163 yards and two scores) and 248 from Jordy Nelson, I was the favorite as long as Drew Brees didn’t have his third best game of the season. He had his third best game of the season.

For me, despite failing big with the second overall pick (Jamaal Charles), I looked solid, starting the year 4-0. Yet, that six-game losing streak. I still don’t understand it.

I was suppose to be led by elite receiving core, but Allen Robinson was a monster bust and Greg Olsen, despite his first-team award, has been brutally bad over the last two months. I rotated my QBs well, but I never really had much of an impact post-week one free agent pick up. At running back, both Ware and Hyde at times looked like RB1s, but Hyde struggled mid-season with his health, while Ware was never the same after his concussion.

Looking ahead, Carlos Hyde looks like my best option in category one (round three). In category two, you can forget about Allen Robinson. Right now, I have a ton of options, but no clue what I’ll do. Kirk Cousins can be kept in round 8 and if Spencer Ware remains the starter in Kansas City, he can be kept in round six. I doubt Ty Montgomery will be the starter for Green Bay next year, but if he is, I can keep him in round 7. Lastly, Rob Kelley is out there and can be kept in round six.

In category three, I’m probably looking at Jordy Nelson in round 11 for two more years. However, if the New York Giants come out and say, Paul Perkins is our man, I can keep him in round 13.

PEEKING AHEAD TO NEXT YEAR’S DRAFT

1. MATT – Le’Veon Bell, RB PIT So Matt’s 2017 backfield will be Bell and Gurley. Not bad for a white guy and he should have no problem winning more than two games in 2017.

2. MOLLY – Devonta Freeman, RB ATL Freeman can actually be kept by Burrier in round four, but for just one more year. Rich could decide that Letavius Murray, who he can keep one round earlier, but for two more years, has more long-term value. Anyhow, if Freeman is available, Molly would love to have him.

3. GRIFF – LeSean McCoy, RB BUF Odell Beckham is available, but this remains a RB league, so Griff puts McCoy next to David Johnson in his backfield.

4. COLBY – Odell Beckham, WR NYG He’ll probably keep Doug Martin (maybe C.J. Anderson), so why not go get an elite WR1?

5. RICH B – Mike Evans, WR TB Have to believe Rich’s backfield is set with Ajayi/Murray or Ajayi/Freeman, so this has to be a wide receiver. Yes, Mike Evans is this good.

6. ERIC – Antonio Brown, WR PIT (KEEPER) If Eric dumps Brown, he’ll have to change his team name. Who wants to deal with that? I don’t see anyone in category two worth keeping, but Eric does get to keep Jordan Howard in round 15 (thanks Colby).

7. ROB M – Lamar Miller, RB HOU For now, I have Rob keeping Brady over Cooper and in category two, I have him keeping one of the Patriots backs (Blount or Lewis), to go along with Graham in category three. What he needs in round one is a solid RB1.

8. DON – Zeke Elliot, RB DAL (KEEPER) Um, yeah. I don’t see Don keeping anyone in category two (which is pretty amazing for a nine-win team). I do have him keeping Matt Stafford in round 11.

9. ROBIO – T.Y. Hilton, RB IND As of this writing, I’m projecting myself to take either Ware/Kelley in category two, to go along with Hyde in round three and Nelson in round four. Andrew Luck loves Hilton. I love Hilton.

10. BOB – Julio Jones, WR ATL (KEEPER) In category one, Bob is probably deciding between Aaron Rodgers in round two (five picks later) or Julio (for one more year). I will say this, if he doesn’t keep Julio, he’s a top-five pick. Rodgers is not a top-five pick. Bob has no options in category three, but lots in category two. For my money, I’m betting he keeps Hill.

FINALS

RICH C (W) JEFF (L) 1846 – 1180

TUESDAY THOUGHT

RICH C (Calderon) and JEFF (Jeff) were neck and neck all season long, but in the season’s final game, it wasn’t even close.

THE GAME

Rich Calderon won the 2016 Robioland Football Championship, easily dispatching Jeff Greenblatt, 1,849 – 1,180. While Le’Veon Bell continued to dominate like he did all season, scoring 394 points after the game was already in the books, Rich was able to really pull this baby out getting points from where he had been struggling to get points…at wide receiver.

Doug Baldwin had a career game, with 177 yards and one score, delivering 414 fantasy points. On top of that, Rich made the expected switch from Dontrelle Inman to Cameron Meredith and the moved paid off, as the Bears receiver produced 135 yards, one score and 330 fantasy points. Combined, the two receivers gave Rich 744, which was typically the kind of digits he got from his running game.

For Jeff, only LeSean McCoy (350 points) and DeSean Jackson (228) really showed up. He needed a stud game from Drew Brees, who proved to be just average. He had 299 yards, but only one touchdowns (240 fantasy points). Yet, Jeremy Hill was the biggest disappointment. The Bengals running back had just seven carries for eight yards (16 fantasy points), while his decision to start the Titans failed to pay off. They gave up 38 points to the Jaguars, finishing with eight points.

THE RUNNER-UP

Despite the defeat, Jeff has plenty to be proud of. This is a man who has been toiling in the basement as a solo artist since he joined the league. For years, he and Eric had been battling for title of worst team in the league. Yet, he finally stepped up and had himself a season.

He was the top team in the league for eleven of the thirteen weeks during the regular season, riding one of the top two backfields in the league. There’s not a lot to his success in 2016. He drafted well. He grabbed solid starters and found sleepers/backups to help during the season. Most importantly, until Melvin Gordon went down in the postseason, he avoided major soul-crushing injuries. Those were the keys to his success.

Looking ahead to next year, Jeff has a couple of good options in category one. He can keep Drew Brees one more season in round four or Melvin Gordon in round three, for two more seasons.

In category two, he can’t keep Kenneth Dixon because he was a postseason pickup, but Delanie Walker will still be available in round nine. In category three, Rishard Matthews should be a nice WR2 option in round 14.

THE CHAMP

Over the last few years, Bob and Griff have been the winners and Masterson hasn’t been too far behind, but over the last four seasons, only one person has delivered two championships…Rich Calderon.

Yeah, he struggled in-between. After bringing home his first ever fantasy title back in 2013, he was the heavy favorite the following year, but struggled just to earn the 8-seed and quarterfinals exit. He followed that up by missing the playoffs in 2015.

This year, he stormed out of the gate with a 2,000-point victory and followed that up with a 1,700-point effort. He was the league’s top scoring team from beginning to end. Sure he had a couple of hiccups along the way, but he broke 1,500 points nine times, including all three postseason games.

If points is how best to measure success, Calderon had the second greatest post-season run ever, scoring 5,312 points, 78 points shy of Matt Neatock’s 2009 record of 5, 390.

Speaking of second best, Calderon will finish the season having scored a total of 25,233 points in both the regular season and postseason. That’s the second most points scored in a full season, 276 points behind Bob Castrone, who scored 25,509 in 2014.

Looking ahead to next season, Calderon will lose Le’Veon Bell back to the draft, so he’ll have to “suffer” through keeping DeMarco Murray in round three. In category two, I see him picking between Mr. Glass, Jorden Reed, for one more season in round nine or let’s see what the experts think of Cameron Meredith, who could be kept in round seven.

In the final category, thanks to his draft with Griff, he can keep Matt Ryan in round 11.

But that’s next year, for now…congratulations to Rich Calderon…your champion.