WEEK ONE

Lobster Bikini – Robio (L) at Johnny Hancock – Eric (W), 939.0 – 1304.0 Deflate My Balls – Rob M (W) at Tijuana Picnic – Jeff (L), 1571.0 – 1163.0 My Ball Zach Ertz – Matt (W) at Two – Don (L), 1686.0 – 1051.0 Mollipop – Molly (L) at The Hype is Real – Rich B (W), 1153.0 – 1528.0 The Dick-Taters – Rich C (W) at Welcome 2 FLA, Assholes – Griff (L), 1363.0 – 1056.0 Mug Life – Bob (W) at Quarter Pounders – Colby (L), 1683.0 – 1272.0

TUESDAY THOUGHTS

Don’t Panic.

It’s one week and after all these years in this league the one thing you should have learned is…don’t panic. Hell, Monday I mentioned that Masterson is 13-1 in week one. Well, he has zero appearances in the title game.

Remember last year, Mr. Bob Castrone….producing the greatest full season in league history? Yeah, he lost in week one and produced the league’s lowest score (861).

For this purpose, I’m going to keep everything positive in my first 2015 Tuesday Thought.

1. THE DICK-TATERS So yeah, Jeremy Hill looked cute with his 246 fantasy points, scoring two touchdowns. However, something tells me that Rich won’t be starting Jon Stewart over Carlos Hyde again anytime soon. The 49ers back, behind what is supposed to be a weak offensive line, produced 182 total yards, two touchdowns and a league high for running backs 484 fantasy points.

2. MUG LIFE It’s not fair sometimes. It just seems like Bob can’t make a bad decision. Gronkowski…three touchdowns. Kendall Wright…100 yards and a TD. Brandon Marshall…nine targets, one score. Of course, let’s not forget about Marcus Mariota, who had made Jamie Winston look like Ryan Leaf to his Peyton Manning. Just wait until Le’Veon Bell is back and Todd Gurley is healthy.

3. DEFLATE MY BALLS First, let’s talk Todd Kelce. Did anyone think Rob reached for him in round four? If you did, you’re the loser. The Chiefs tight end had 106 yards and two touchdowns, despite missing a quarters worth of action.

Second, how about Chris Ivory being one of the best backs in football this year? Sure he’s probably not going to show up on a lot of ESPN highlights, but he ran a strong 90 and scored twice.

4. MY BALL ZACH ERTZ Matt lost to Bob by one point in the title game. Today, he earned week one’s weekly high score by just three, thanks to Julio Jones’ 402 fantasy points. However, let’s talk quarterback.

How good was Philip Rivers against the pathetic Lions defense? He completed 35 of 42 passes for over 400 yards. Okay, that’s good. He didn’t throw an incompletion in the game’s final 29 minutes, completing 20 straight. That’s boss.

5. QUARTER POUNDERS I called Ameel Abdullah the X-factor for Colby and he just proved my point in week one. The undersized rookie in my eyes could be the most dangerous running back with the ball in his hands (after Jeff of course, who is also dangerous will balls in his hands). On his first pro carrier, he broke out a stud 24-yard TD run, basically depantsing the Chargers safety along the way.

For the game, he got 11 touches and deliver 94 yards and that one TD. I don’t care how big you are, this guy should be getting 20 touches per contest.

6. JON HANCOCK At running back, Alfred Morris looked better than he did all of last year, getting 121 yards. Yet, he wasn’t even Eric’s best back. The best runners on Hancock’s in week one were a pair of bench players, Ben Cunningham scored 242 fantasy points and DeAngelo Williams got 264 on Thursday night. Too bad neither of those guys will start all season long.

7. TIJUANA PICNIC Things didn’t work out for Jeff’s receiving core, as Andre Johnson and Brandin Cooks both failed to deliver. Johnson in particular just looked old, unable to get separation. The good news is that Jeff might have some surprising talent on his bench. Keneen Allen was targeted 17 times Sunday, caught 16 balls for 166 yards and 332 fantasy points. On top of that, Bishop Sankey looked shockingly solid, producing 86 total yards and a score in Tennessee’s win over Tampa.

8. THE HYPER IS REAL Burrier had three players break 300 fantasy points. It’s no surprise to see his keepers, Matt Forte (392) and DeAndre Hopkins (336) doing it, but to get 340 from Austin Seferian-Jenkins is pretty fucking amazing. Of course the best news is that Ellington will only be out 2-3 weeks and not for the season.

9. WELCOME 2 FLA, ASSHOLES Not a lot of great stats in week one for Griff, but let’s talk about targets. Three of Griff’s receivers/tight ends got double-digit targets. Heath Miller got 11, Emmanuel Sanders got 12 and Vincent Jackson got 11. Ironically, James Jones only got four targets, but scored twice and led Griff’s receivers with 222 points.

10. TWO Peyton Manning’s performance is concerning, but again, we’re staying positive in week one. If Don so choices, he could go small ball at receiver. Both Julian Edelman (212) and Jarvis Landry (134) both proved to be their quarterback’s favorite target (12 each).

11. MOLLIPOP Tough to find a positive in this performance. No one player broke 200, while LeSean McCoy only averaged 2.4 yards per carry. I guess Roddy White looked healthy Monday night. That’s a good thing.

12. LOBSTER BIKINI Positive…positive…need to find a positive. I got it…loses only count as one loss. That’s something, right?

WEEK TWO

Welcome 2 FLA, Assholes – Griff (W) at Lobster Bikini – Robio (L), 1952.0 – 966.0 Deflate My Balls – Rob M (L) at Johnny Hancock – Eric (W), 1345.0 – 2071.0 The Dick-Taters – Rich C (L) at Two – Don (W), 1026.0 – 1188.0 The Hype is Real – Rich B (W) at Quarter Pounders – Colby (L) 940.0 – 756.0 Mollipop – Molly (L) at Mug Life – Bob (W), 1029.0 – 1603.0 My Ball Zach Ertz – Matt (W) at Tijuana Picnic – Jeff (L) 1236.0 – 873.0

TUESDAY THOUGHTS

1. MUG LIFE The dude sticks in Larry “has-been’ Fitzgerald into his lineup and gets 402 points from him, which will probably be his best performance of the year. Fucking Bob…dude can’t make a bad decision. Obviously some concerns here; Lamar Miller’s health, Devonte Adams’ not living up to the hype and Kendall Wright’s inconsistency, but this is Bob. I don’t doubt the Bob.

2. THE DICK-TATERS Jeremy Hill fumbled twice and was benched this past Sunday, resulting in his backup dominating (Gio got 278), while Hill finished with just 22 points. The good news is, the benching appears to be a warning, as the Bengals have said Hill will remain the starter. It’s hard to see this team going far without its backs dominating, but at least Aaron Rodgers now has God on his side and Terrence Williams looks capable of filling Dez’s shoes.

3. DEFLATE MY BALLS I’m not overly concerned about this loss. Rob actually finished fourth in scoring this week. Would I be out of line if I said that Big Ben could potentially be the best quarterback in football this year? He’s passed for 720 yards in just two games, producing 728 fantasy points and he’s doing it without his lead back (Bell) and his deep threat (Bryant). Scary to think he could get better as the talent comes back from their suspensions.

4. JOHNNY HANCOCK Let’s talk about smart decision making. No one would have thought twice if Eric would have selected DeMarco Murray with the third overall pick in this year’s draft. Yet, he decided to go with Antonio Brown and that decision is paying off. While Murray is running backwards in Philly, Brown is the league’s top receiving threat, producing a stunning 786 fantasy points.

Add in last year’s decision to dump trade for Tom Brady (he’s scored 854 points so far this year) and then spending big bucks on Tyler Eifert in free agency (486 points in two games) and those three guys have outscore my entire team through two weeks. Of course, he will need to figure out how to replace DeAngelo Williams’ production, now that Bell will be back in the lineup next week.

5. MY BALL ZACH ERTZ Melvin Gordon had a nice game, scoring 196 points. However, it’s the second straight week that Danny Woodhead has out-scored him. However, what I’m noticing is how weak Neatock’s bench is. He’s always been good about getting talent on his pine, but I’m not sure I would trade for any player on his bench right now and that’s saying a lot because my team sucks.

6. WELCOME 2 FLA, ASSHOLES You know, it’s hard enough losing to Griff. However, it feels all the more painful when I get killed by the two guys I could have drafted if I didn’t trade down with him. Adrian Peterson and Emmanual Sanders combined for 648 points, while Beckham had his breakout game with 352 points.

7. THE HYPER IS REAL Congratulations to Richard Burrier. For only the second time in his career, he won a game despite failing to score 1,000. He is now 2-41 when scoring under a grand. He could have simply avoided this by not overreacting to some week one performances.

He benched his second-round pick (Murray) for the Bills’ backup running back (Williams), ignoring my advice to not overreact to week one performances. That decision cost him 100 fantasy points.

Of course the decision to take three straight running backs to open the draft also is haunting Rich. With DeSean out and Charles Johnson looking like a sleeper that won’t wake up, he’s getting little support from the WR2 spot.

8. QUARTER POUNDERS A lot has to go wrong to score under 800 points. First, Colby was out WR1 Ashlon Jeffery and then Trevor Coleman got knocked out in the second quarter of his game. Injuries happen and there isn’t much you can do about it. Decisions can also haunt you, like buying the Bills D hype and starting them against the best offense in football.

Yet, there are some concerns moving forward. Mike Evans zero catches. He was targeted just three times and looks like Jamie Winston’s third or fourth option right now. In Detroit, everyone wants Abdullah to have the ball, except for the Lions coaching staff. He, Riddick and Bell each touched the ball six times.

9. TWO Okay, the negative. What the fuck DeMarco Murray? Do you think he’s starting to regret leaving Dallas’ O-line? Last year’s top fantasy running back has just 11 yards on 21 carries this season. Against Dallas Sunday, he was constantly hit 3-4 yards behind the line of scrimmage as the Eagles’ guards couldn’t keep Dallas D-line out of the backfield. I sure hope Chip Kelly has a solution for that.

Now the positive. It’s just one game, but the Matt Jones’ era might have just begun in Washington. While Alfred Morris wasn’t awful, Jones was spectacular, producing 382 fantasy points on 146 total yards. His stats would have cracked 400 if it wasn’t for a fumble. If the Redskins are truly making Jones their new lead back, then Don might need to get him into the lineup ASAP. In fact, don’t be surprised to see both Murray and Rasheed Jennings on the pine next week.

10. MOLLIPOP Without T.Y. Hilton, Molly puts in Roddy White, coming off a decent week one performance (168 points). He proceeds to score nothing in week two. At running back, I hope Molly enjoyed Tre Mason’s 30 yards. Barring a Todd Gurley injury, she won’t be starting her third-round pick again this season.

11. TIJUANA PICNIC Here is the madness that is fantasy football in a nutshell. Jeff doesn’t play Keenan Allen in week one and he delivers a game for the ages (15 catches, 166 yards, 332 fantasy points). Jeff inserts him into the starting lineup and he provides Jeff with a dud (2 catches, 16 yards, one fumble, 2 fantasy points).

12. LOBSTER BIKINI I started a running back who got two carries for four yards, all in the fourth quarter of a blowout. Having to start LeGarrette Blount this week represents everything that has gone wrong in my fantasy life. Bad decisions compounded by no team depth.

WEEK THREE

Lobster Bikini – Robio (L) at Tijuana Picnic – Jeff (W), 1487.0 – 1729.0 Deflate My Balls – Rob M (L) at My Ball Zach Ertz – Matt (W), 1347.0 – 1387.0 Mug Life – Bob (W) at The Hype is Real – Rich B (L), 1768.0 – 1097.0 The Dick-Taters – Rich C (L) at Quarter Pounders – Colby (W), 1234.0 – 1792.0 Mollipop – Molly (L) at Welcome 2 FLA, Assholes – Griff (W), 1347.0 – 1689.0 Johnny Hancock – Eric (W) at Two – Don (L), 1091.0 – 957.0

TUESDAY THOUGHTS

Let’s start of our third Tuesday Thought of the season with a brief history lesson to fast starts. Bob is rolling out of the gate. He’s 3-0 and has cracked 1,600 in all three games.

Prior, only two teams in league history has scored over 1,600 in their first three games. Both Burrier and Masterson did it in 2011. In fact, only three teams before Bob this year had cracked 1,500 in their first three games.

Bob is leading the league in scoring with 5,054, which is the fifth most points scored through three games.

THE LEADERBOARD (MOST POINTS AFTER THREE GAMES) 1. Brian Gagnon (2000) – 5,431 points 2. Richard Burrier (2011) – 5,174 points 3. Rob Masterson (2011) – 5,155 points 4. Eric Vozzola (2007) – 5,120 points 5. Bob Castrone (2015) – 5,054 points 6. Bob Castrone (2011) – 5,022 points

As you can see, only six teams have broken 5,000 points through three games. Three of those teams did it in 2011. Bob is the only person to do it twice and Eric is probably the biggest surprise of the list.

While none of those previous teams won the scoring title that season, all did make the playoffs. However, not until Burrier and Bob faced off in the 2011 title game did any of them actually win a playoff game.

1. MUG LIFE (BOB) Le’Veon Bell misses two games, steps in and dominates with 324 fantasy points. Hell, Bob could have easily taken the weekly high score, but he made the mistake of sitting Lamar Miller (an injury issue) for Todd Gurley, who we knew would only get a handful of touches in his first team. With Brandon Marshall clicking with Fitzgerald and Larry Fitzgerald catching balls like he’s 24 years old, I just don’t see Bob losing anytime soon.

2. WELCOME 2 FLA, ASSHOLES (GRIFF) Welcome to the second spot in my Robio Rankings. Reason why you should never trade out of the top spot, or in Griff’s case, the reason why you should always trade into the top pick if the opportunity allows it. Adrian Peterson follows up a 354-point game with a 372-point game.

3. MY BALL ZACH ERTZ (MATT) I’m starting to think Julio Jones is so good, he can help mask problems on anyone’s fantasy team. What kind of problems? How about the quarterback issue. After blowing away the Lions D in week one, Philip Rivers has been average at best. He’s failed to crack 200 in his last two, throwing just five touchdowns to four interceptions. Unfortunately for Matt, there is no relief on that bench, as Matt Stafford has been a dumper fire so far.

4. THE DICK-TATERS (RICH C) Okay, maybe now is the time to be concerned about Jeremy Hill. Coming off a game where he was benched, the Bengals back had just 21 yards on 12 touches. Meanwhile, Gio Bernard has 83 yards on 17 carries. Can you say timeshare?

However, let’s look on the bright side…Calderon nearly drafted Andrew Luck in round. He decided not to and landed Aaron Rodgers in round two. I’m willing to bet he’s not regretting that decision.

5. DEFLATE MY BALLS (ROB M) It’s official…Amari Cooper is the real deal. He’s produced over 500 fantasy points the previous two weeks, catching just under 75% of his 22 targets. Too bad Big Ben had to go down. Rob’s got Eli, who can certainly have a solid game or two, but Roethlisberger was putting up All-Robio type numbers.

6. ERIC With DeAngelo Williams back to the bench in Pittsburgh, Eric will need to find some consistency at the RB2 spot. This week Alfred Morris, who was the backup in Washington Thursday night, only delivered 38 points. TJ Yeldon seems like the obvious choice, but he has yet to have a breakout moment and has failed to score so far this year.

7. QUARTER POUNDERS (COLBY) Obviously when you produce the weekly high, there will be plenty of positives. A.J. Green finally exploded (574 points) and Mike Evans is starting to look healthy (202). However, Andrew Luck threw two more picks and was sack three more times. Worse yet, who can play running back? With Coleman out, Ameel Abdullah is in. He managed to score on a reception, but the Lions’ running back situation is a mess. Since breaking out for 50 yards on seven carries in week one, Adbdullah has just 32 yards on 14 carries.

8. THE HYPE IS REAL (RICH B) Burrier’s Minnesota connection continues to be a problem. Todd Bridgwater scored just 50 this week, while Charles Johnson had just one catch and nine yards. Call me silly, it might be time to start Tyrod Taylor (coming off a 388-point game).

9. TIJUANA PICNIC (JEFF) Got to love Keneen Allen’s stat sheet. Week One: 332. Week two: 2. Week three: 386. Let’s give credit to Jeff. He could have benched Allen after that two point game and started Steve Johnson coming off a couple good outings. Good thing he didn’t make that switch, it could have cost him his first win of the year.

10. MOLLIPOP (MOLLY) Despite the 0-3 start, Molly has some good pieces to work with. It will certainly help her to get over the Tre Mason mess with the Dion Lewis pick up. He could be this year’s Justin Forsett, scoring 740 points through three games. Not bad for a player who went undrafted.

11. TWO (DON) The Eagles running game sort of got going, as the team produced 123 yards. Of course it took them 39 carries to do, which isn’t all that impressive. Yet, those stats came without Murray who was a late scratch. It’s hard to see Don finding much success this season if Murray doesn’t get it going.

12. LOBSTER BIKINI (ROBIO) After Blue shit the bed for two weeks and seemingly got benched and after Blount was bench in New England, I cut the former and benched the latter. Well, those two combined for 702 fantasy points. Basically my fantasy career the past one and half seasons in a nut shell.

WEEK FOUR

Lobster Bikini – Robio (L) at Deflate My Balls – Rob M (W), 1167.0 – 1406.0 Mug Life – Bob (W) at Johnny Hancock – Eric (L), 1431.0 – 941.0 The Hype is Real – Rich B (W) at Welcome 2 FLA, Assholes – Griff (L), 1803.0 – 1008.0 Quarter Pounders – Colby (W) at My Ball Zach Ertz – Matt (L), 1078.0 – 1047.0 Mollipop – Molly (L) at The Dick-Taters – Rich C (W), 970.0 – 1003.0 Tijuana Picnic – Jeff (W) at Two – Don (L), 1236.0 – 704.0

TUESDAY THOUGHTS

Now we enter the “I have no fucking clue” stage of the game. I do know who is the number one, but after that, the rest of the teams are all kind of the same to me…a combination of decent-to-good teams with flaws. My proof? Quick…without looking, guess who is second in the league in scoring? I was wrong.

1. MUG LIFE (BOB) The knocked on Bob coming out of the draft was the lack of a true WR1, someone like Dez, Demaryius, Brown, Julio, etc. He went and grabbed DaVante Adams in round three, but he’s proven to be a bust. Yet, right now Bob has two, potentially three WR1s on his roster.

Both Larry Fitzgerald and Brandon Marshall have rediscovered their glory days. The latter is second in the league in points by a wide receiver (1,134 points), while Brandon Marshall has had 200+ in three of his first four games. On top of that, Bob has Kendall Wright on his bench. He’s averaging 190 PPG, which gives Bob three top-14 wide receivers.

For the record, this team is so stacked, I don’t even have time to talk about Todd Gurley’s 142 yards rushing in the second half of his second game. A lot of teams are going to regret passing on him.

2. DEFLATE MY BALLS (ROB M) Rob may only be 2-2 and he hasn’t really come close to earning a weekly high score, so one could be forgiven if you forgot about him. Yet, he’s currently third in scoring in the league by simply not having a bad game. He’s hit 1,300 or better four times. He did it this week without Big Ben by relying on a pair of very unsexy backs. Mark Ingram and Chris Ivory combined for 648 points on 52 touches. These days, having your backs average 26 touches per game is unheard.

3. WELCOME 2 FLA, ASSHOLES (GRIFF) The answer to the above question is….Griff. He’s second in the league in scoring. Anyhow, he got just two points from his tight end spot and zero from his kicker, which helps explain the low numbers this week. However, more concerning was the play of Joseph Randle. A week after producing a career high 390 fantasy points, he was held to 26 yards on 11 carries and 14 of those came on the Cowboys first play of the game. The fact is, after leaping and reaching recklessly for a goal line TD on first down, he barely saw the field, as the coaches went with Darren McFadden down the stretch.

4. MY BALL ZACH ERTZ (MATT) Could this team be overrated? Think about it, Matt’s second receiver (Tate) is just the second best receiver on his team, his second running back (Gordon) produces like a backup and his tight end is an embarrassment to Matt’s team name. The fact is, despite the winning ways, this team looks a lot less scary when Julio Jones isn’t scoring 400 fantasy point. My proof…he’s just 2-2 against me in breakdown and my team sucks and he would be just 1-3 if he played my schedule.

5. THE HYPE IS REAL (RICH B) DeFonta Freeman has scored 1,044 points in his last two games and Burrier hasn’t even started him yet. I don’t know what that says. I can get why Burrier didn’t start him after his 566-point performance. This league is littered with amazing one-hit wonders who bombed in their follow-up act. However, I’m not sure he can hold him out much longer.

In reality, Rich has a collection of solid backs. Matt Forte has been fantastic (6th in the league), Latavius Murray also cracks the top-10 and Danny Woodhead is 12th, breaking 200 fantasy points in a game three times despite Melvin Gordon.

6. JOHNNY HANCOCK (ERIC) Injuries are starting to be a problem for Eric’s receiving core. He’s already without Sammy Watkins and now he might be without Steve Smith. Antonio Brown is obviously still up and running, but his quarterback isn’t. The Steelers receiver had 1,002 fantasy points through the first three weeks, but just 84 with Michael Vick running the show.

7. QUARTER POUNDERS (COLBY) No Andrew Luck, no Trevor Coleman, no Alston Jeffery, no problem earning a nice win over previously undefeated Matt. However, it’s going to start feeling like 2010 around here real soon. Since it’s doubtful that Coleman will get his starting job back, Colby’s best running back combo will be Chris Johnson and Doug Martin. Think about that…all the research and conversations Colby had prior to the draft and I’m willing to bet he never dreamt that this would be his backfield.

8. THE DICK-TATERS (RICH C) While both of Rich’s running backs are capable of being a 250-point guy, they can’t seem to get in sync. Jeremy Hill rebounded with a nice 280-point effort, but Carlos Hyde continues to struggle. After producing 484 points in week one, he’s delivered just 288 since, including a eight carry, 20-yard game this Sunday.

Worse yet, Rich continues to struggle to replace Dez Bryant. A week after Terrence Williams was shutout, Calderon sticks in Marvin Jones and catches just one ball for four yards (plus a six-yard run).

9. TIJUANA PICNIC (JEFF) Congratulations on the win, but Jeff might become the first person in league history to do a dump trade that helped another team win a title and then the following year, make that team better. Remember, the key ingredients in last year’s trade was Jeff giving up Le’Veon Bell (a second-round keeper) for C.J. Anderson (a 6th round, category two keeper).

Well, despite playing just two games, Bell has 684 points. Anderson in four games has just 384 points. Just think, if Jeff didn’t do that trade last year, he could have kept Bell in round two, then drafted either Charles or Peterson in round one. Now that could have been the greatest back field in league history.

10. MOLLIPOP (MOLLY) With no Dion Lewis and no LeSean McCoy, Molly had very little hope she would pull out a victory this week. She was stuck starting Shane Vereen and Bilal Powell, two non-starters who combined for 66 fantasy points…yet she almost won. Still, there isn’t a player on this roster you look at and say, “that player is playing better than I thought.”

11. LOBSTER BIKINI (ROBIO) Arian Foster, 35 yards and a fumble. I hate fucking fantasy football.

12. TWO (DON) When your highest scoring starter is your kicker (Robbie Gould, 150 points), you know it’s going to be a long season. Right now, Don is averaging just 975 points per game, which would be his second lowest point total ever. The issue is, I’m not seeing how he gets better. Both Peyton Manning and DeMarco Murray continue to be a pair of the biggest disappointments in fantasy football and have shown nothing that says they will get better.

WEEK FIVE

Mug Life – Bob (W) at Lobster Bikini – Robio (L), 1443.0 – 1397.0 Two – Don (L) at Deflate My Balls – Rob M (W), 1224.0 – 1245.0 The Dick-Taters – Rich C (L) at The Hype is Real – Rich B (W), 788.0 – 1903.0 Quarter Pounders – Colby (L) at Johnny Hancock – Eric (W), 1220.0 – 1643.0 My Ball Zach Ertz – Matt (W) at Mollipop – Molly (L), 1356.0 – 1063.0 Tijuana Picnic – Jeff (L) at Welcome 2 FLA, Assholes – Griff (W), 1276.0 – 1656.0

TUESDAY THOUGHTS

Week five proved to be separation Sunday, as the top six teams in the league all won. In fact, the top four teams in the standings (Bob, Burrier, Eric and Matt) have accounted for 57% of the league’s wins (going 17-3 so far).

What’s been more incredible is the way some of the losers are losing. Molly lost a lead in the final seconds last week (before an overnight scoring adjustment). Don lost on Sunday with an Eli touchdown in the final seconds. Then last night I lost to Bob when Le’Veon Bell scored a touchdown on the game’s final play. Fucking hurts.

1. MUG LIFE (BOB) Who are Arian Foster, Alfred Morris, Andre Ellington, Ameer Abdullah, Joseph Randle and Tre Mason? These are the six running backs taken ahead of Todd Gurley.

Mason? Wow, what a fucking awful pick. Randle? With no Romo and no passing game, there are no running lanes. Abdullah? Looking like a huge bust. Ellington? He’s lost his starting job. Morris? He’s splitting touches with two other backs. Foster? He’s just getting his sea legs, so he still has time to not be a bust, but that Texans offense is a mess.

Meanwhile, Gurley looks like a first-team All-Robio back. In just his second game coming off a college ACL injury, he got 30 touches, proving the Rams clearly have no issue running this dude into the ground.

2. THE HYPE IS REAL (RICH B) So is Burrier for real? He’s produced back-to-back weekly high scores. He hasn’t done that since 2005. In fact, he’s scored over 3,706 points in those two games, having broken 1,500 in three of his first five games.

He continues to ride Devonta Freeman, the greatest injury replacement since Larry Johnson. Since becoming a starter, Freeman has delivered 566, 478 and 454 points. The last score is important, because the guy he replaced, Trevor Coleman, was actually back this week and he had no effect on Freeman’s results.

3. WELCOME 2 FLA, ASSHOLES (GRIFF) While Griff has produced a couple of dud games this year (scoring 1,056 in week one and 1,008 in week four), he’s now broken 1,600 three times. This week’s performance was probably the most impressive, because he won with three players on a bye. Chris Sims stepped in for Adrian Peterson and scored 272 points as a backup. However, he also got huge performances from Gary Barnidge. After back-to-back 200+ games, the Browns TE came through with 338 this week

4. JOHNNY HANCOCK (ERIC) Eric has the league’s top quarterback (Brady), averaging 379.5 points per game. Meanwhile, Frank Gore seems to be finding his groove in Indy. After failing to break 100 fantasy points in the season’s first two weeks, he’s averaged 236 points in his last three contests.

5. DEFLATE MY BALLS (ROB M) Rob hasn’t broken 1,500 since week one, but I’m not about to crush him over that, because he still managed a win with no Big Ben (injury), no Lynch (injury) and no Chris Ivory (bye). The question moving forward is, does he need to go find himself a wide receiver? He’s has Brown, who has been decent and Cooper, who has shown flashes, but Randall Cobb has failed to hit 100 in two straight.

6. MY BALL ZACH ERTZ (MATT) How lucky has Matt been? Well, if I had played his schedule, I would be 4-1 and not 0-5. If he played my schedule, he would be 1-4. That’s life. Right now, Matt should have some concerns. Eddie Lacy has not looked good this season. He has no 100-yard game and scored just one rushing touchdown. Gordon doesn’t get enough touches and now Julio Jones looks beat up.

7. QUARTER POUNDERS (COLBY) Okay, it’s official…it’s time to bench Abdullah for Chris Johnson. the former has been the starter the past two weeks and produced a combined 110 points. After fumbling twice this past weekend, he was benched. Meanwhile, Johnson has at least 99 yards in three straight games.

8. THE DICK-TATERS (RICH C) Calderon has always been the “avoid the low-score” king. In his first 147 games in this league, he produced just three low scores. However, he’s had three in his last 16 regular season games and now he’s tied with Matt for the lowest mark (both have just six in 163 regular season games).

Let’s just say it, Jeremy Hill may be the most maddening player in fantasy football. He’s had a pair of 200+ games, so you can’t bench him, but he has also had games where he has scored 22, 42 and 50 (this week). Sorry, but unless Aaron Rodgers is delivering 400-point games (he hasn’t crack 250 in his last two), this team is not a threat.

9. TIJUANA PICNIC (JEFF) Proving that Fantasy Football Muhammad doesn’t want Jeff to ever win a title in this league, Jamaal Charles is out for the season. It’s a brutal blow. He is the league’s most used back,a lock for an All-Robio award and now he’s gone. Add this to what C.J. Anderson has done, or shall I say, hasn’t done and the preseason best backfield in football is now down to Gio Bernard. Ouch.

Can the season be salvaged? Sure, if this team was in capable of hands. Others in this league have taken shit teams and turned them into gold with a good pick up here, a solid trade there, smart lineup decisions everywhere, but this is Jeff we’re talking about. He has yet to prove to be a lethal in-season manager. It’s never too late though. First, he needs to spend big to get Charles’ replacement. The fact is, Jeff doesn’t have any back on his bench who can step in and produce points. Second, might be time to try to trade a quarterback. Or he can sit and do nothing and win two games all season.

10. MOLLIPOP (MOLLY) I’ll make a deal with you, you lose to Eric this week and I’ll lose to Colby and you and me will face off in the first ever 0-6 vs 0-6 game. Deal?

11. LOBSTER BIKINI (ROBIO) With no Jordan Reed, I had to pick up a tight end. I go with Owen Daniels because every tight end who has faced the Raiders this season has walked away looking like a God. Nope. Daniels gets shut out, I lose by 24 yards. My awful two seasons continue.

12. TWO (DON) We need to start handing out something called, “The Father Time” award. This goes to aging superstar, who finally falls off the cliff. This year, that person is clearly Peyton Manning. He has yet to hit 300 fantasy points in any game and twice has failed to score at least 100, including this week.

WEEK SIX

Quarter Pounders – Colby (W) at Lobster Bikini – Robio (L), 1537.0 – 1351.0 The Dick-Taters – Rich C (L) at Deflate My Balls – Rob M (W), 1227.0 – 1291.0 Mug Life – Bob (W) at Tijuana Picnic – Jeff (L), 1537.0 – 1458.0 The Hype is Real – Rich B (W) at My Ball Zach Ertz – Matt (L), 1501.0 – 1130.0 Johnny Hancock – Eric (L) at Mollipop – Molly (W), 1274.0 – 1627.0 Welcome 2 FLA, Assholes – Griff (W) at Two – Don (L), 1244.0 – 1030.0

TUESDAY THOUGHTS

A pair of 4-1 teams fell this week, while Molly earned her first win of the year. Bob keeps doing what he’s good at (winning) and I keep doing what I’m apparently good at (losing). In fact, the only change in the rankings this week is Neatock dropping two spots.

1. MUG LIFE (BOB) Is it too soon to start discussing an undefeated season for Bob? Yes it is, especially since Bob has “escaped” with victories over Jeff (without Charles) and I the past two weeks.

It’s also an impossible task. Throughout four different leagues I’ve done in my life (currently in three), I have never seen an undefeated team. In fact, my 2010 squad in this league is the only one-loss team I’ve ever seen and that one was odd because I lost in week one, thus was never in contention for an undefeated season.

However, we can always project, right? One good thing Bob has going for him is that he’ll have no major bye-week issues. He never has a week where he’ll have two starters out, except when he loses both his kicker and defense one week.

Also, the schedule is favorable. While he’s taken down some cupcakes already (Molly, myself, Jeff…combined record 3-15), he’s also faced and beaten two of best challengers, Burrier and Eric. I’ve based that info on the fact that those two are just two of three teams who have a pair of victories over Bob in breakdown (they’re both 2-4). The third is Griff, who he faces in week nine.

The rest of the folks Bob will face the remaining of the regular season? He’s 33-2-1 against them in breakdown. Let me repeat that…33-2-1.

2. THE HYPE IS REAL (RICH B) Baffling. That’s all I can say to a man who benches Devonta Freeman. Since becoming a starter, the Falcons running back has averaged 482.5 points per game. That’s the greatest four game stretch this league has ever seen. He’s on pace to produce the greatest fantasy year by as running back ever. Yet, Rich benches him.

For the record, if Burrier hadn’t benched him he would have earned his third weekly high score in a row. He’s never done that before. In fact, no one has done that except me (twice). Thanks for letting me keep one record, Rich.

3. WELCOME 2 FLA, ASSHOLES (GRIFF) Some not so good news in Griff’s victory, as his receiving core is getting beat up. Odell Beckham did have seven catches and a touchdown, but watching that game, he certainly looked liked a guy trying to avoid physical contact (he has a hammy injury), often giving up yards to run out of bounds. Emmanuel Sanders was having a quiet day until that 75-yard touchdown (210 fantasy points). However, he left the game with a shoulder injury.

4. JOHNNY HANCOCK (ERIC) Outside of Tom Brady and Antonio Brown, this team does not have a ton of sex appeal. It’s also relying on some old players like Frank Gore, Anquan Bolden and Steve Smith. Yet, Eric still remains fourth in the league in scoring, so maybe I have no clue what I’m fucking talking about.

5. DEFLATE MY BALLS (ROB M) Chris Ivory…holy fuck cakes is on pace to become the greatest category three player that I can remember. He’s averaging 312 points per game, which is the second best among backs, behind only DeVonta Freeman. He’s basically turned first-round pick, Marshawn Lynch, into a bye-week replacement player.

6. QUARTER POUNDERS (COLBY) . Colby finally got Andrew Luck and Alston Jeffery back from injury, plus Greg Olsen came off his bye and the trio exploded,combining for 1,104 points. With three wins in the books already, Colby just needs to weather some bye week issues the next three weeks and he could become a dangerous playoff squad.

7. MY BALL ZACH ERTZ (MATT) Hey Matt, see that panic button…you better go hit it hard. I actually pegged Melvin Gordan as a potential bust. I didn’t have faith that the Chargers wouldn’t go full-on committee in their backfield. So far I look very smart, Danny Woodhead has been the better back and Gordon just put himself in the dog house with a pair of fumbles this week.

However, I didn’t foresee the fall of Eddie Lacy. The Packers running back was outscored by his backup (Starks) 354-40. Is his ankle injury still bothering him? We don’t know. He’s not listed as injured and if I was Matt, I have no idea who I would start next week.

Both his backs (Gordon, Lacy combined for 68 fantasy points in week six) need to be benched, but who is he going to put in? Travis Benjamin? Okay, but you can’t go four-wide.

8. THE DICK-TATERS (RICH C) Leonard Hankerson, Kamar Aiken, Donte Moncrief…who would have guessed prior to the season starting that that would be Calderon’s starting trio of receivers. However, thanks to Dez’ injury, Bryant’s suspension and the bust label approaching Jeremy Hill, Rich is stuck doing the one thing I believe is always fantasy doom…guessing his lineup.

In the two RB and two WR spots, Calderon has started 12 different players at those four spots, including eight guys in the last three weeks. with a 2-4 record and 11th ranking in coaching (according to CBS), I’m going to guess and say he’s guessing poorly.

9. TIJUANA PICNIC (JEFF) Jeff ended up missing out on West, but that might have been a blessing. Instead, he landed Jonathan Stewart, who scored 292 points to West’s 48. This was a big reason why Jeff was able to give Bob a run for his money. Too bad he benched Andy Dalton for Drew Brees. If he hadn’t had done that, he would have beaten Bob.

10. MOLLIPOP (MOLLY) Congratulations on that first win. So far, I’ve talked a lot about that awful Tre Mason pick (think how scary this team would be with Todd Gurley right now), but the fact is, she has suffered from the lack of production from her top two picks.

LeSean McCoy had just 518 fantasy points through five weeks, thanks to a hamstring injury that kept him out of the last two contests, while Megatron had broken just 200 just once all season. Well, both broke out in week six, combining for 540 points.

Let’s see if she can keep it going, because she’s not out of this by a long shot. In fact, Molly sits just one game out of the 8-spot right now.

11. LOBSTER BIKINI (ROBIO) I had five players score over 200 and my tight end hit 176. Normally, that’s pretty damn good and enough to win. However, I got just 80 points from my kicker and defense. I keep finding more interesting and unique ways to lose. What’s crazy is that in breakdown, I have a winning record against three teams and I’m 3-3 against four others.

12. TWO (DON) At some point, Don needs to step away from name and focus on the numbers. Peyton Manning has been a disaster this year. We know. Don knows. Yet, he has never removed him from the lineup, because he wants to believe Manning will turn it around. We’d probably all be doing the same thing if we were in his shoes.

However, as rough as a season Colin Kaepernick has had, head-to-head, he has beaten Manning 5-1, including back-to-back 300+ fantasy points games.

WEEK SEVEN

Lobster Bikini – Robio (W) at Mollipop – Molly (L), 1691.0 – 1644.0 My Ball Zach Ertz – Matt (W) at The Dick-Taters – Rich C (L), 1351.0 – 1149.0 Two – Don (L) at Mug Life – Bob (W), 1027.0 – 1511.0 Johnny Hancock – Eric (W) at The Hype is Real – Rich B (L), 1465.0 – 1211.0 Tijuana Picnic – Jeff (L) at Quarter Pounders – Colby (W), 1195.0 – 1798.0 Deflate My Balls – Rob M (W) at Welcome 2 FLA, Assholes – Griff (L), 1587.0 – 1046.0

TUESDAY THOUGHTS

Let’s go ahead and call it…2015 is proven to be one of the weirdest seasons in memory. There is literally no middle class right now, as five teams are a combined 27-6, including undefeated Bob. On the flip side, the bottom five in this league are just 7-28, including a stunning three 1-6 squads. Right now, Griff and Colby make up the middle class at 4-3.

Anyhow, let’s keep things short. We have a big week for write ups, since we’re technically at the midway point in our season.

Today, we’re going to see how accurate these results are. Let’s take a team’s breakdown and determine how many wins they really should have. I take the amount of wins you have in breakdown, divide them by the amount of match ups to get winning percentage, then multiple by the amount of weeks and that’s the wins your team should have had. Math is hard.

1. MUG LIFE (BOB) WINS: 7 | ROBIO’S MATH: 5.8 How good is Bob in 2015? After seven weeks, he only would have lost to 13 opponents out of 77 match ups. However, can I find a crack? Can I give everyone else hope? I’ll certainly try.

First, Larry Fitzgerald’s stats are down. He’s coming off a 78-point game and with a healthy Michael Floyd coming back to Arizona, I wonder if Larry’s days as an early season WR1 are numbered. Secondly, what about quarterback? Matt Ryan has sort of hit a wall. He’s averaging just 180 points in his last four games. The fact is, when faced with a halfway decent pass defense, Ryan has faltered and if I was Bob, I’d be looking at the Falcons’ opponents come playoff time.

2. THE HYPE IS REAL (RICH B) WINS: 5 | ROBIO’S MATH: 4.2 Yep, despite producing two weekly high scores (and he should have had three if he didn’t bench Freeman last week), according to Robio’s math, Burrier’s squad should only be 4-3 on the year.

This is the third time Burrier has failed to hit 1,250 points, as he is becoming a model of inconsistency. Once again, he’s getting great production from his backs, as Freeman, Woodhead and Murray (on his bench) combine to average 271 points per game. That’s great news, especially when you consider that doesn’t even include Matt Forte, currently an All-Robio running back.

However, if you’re starting Devin Funchess (with James Jones on a bye-week), you’re asking for trouble. The Panthers rookie caught just one ball, which is about right, as he’s caught just one ball in four of his seven games this year.

3. QUARTER POUNDERS (COLBY) WINS: 4 | ROBIO MATH: 4 Colby is exactly where he should be, which is pretty good considering all the problems his team has had through seven weeks.

Anyhow, Colby makes a big jump this week and no, it’s not just because he earned a second weekly high score. Instead, I see a team finally coming together that could potentially challenge Bob for supremacy.

It truly appears he has solved that running back problem with the combo of Doug Martin and Chris Johnson. The pair just combined for 646 points and those kind of performances are no longer flukes. On top of that, he’s finally getting a healthy Mike Evans and Alshon Jeffery back, with West looking like a decent backup.

However, the key is Andrew Luck. It appears the Colts will be playing a lot of catch up and that’s good news for Luck owners. Indy fell behind 27-0 to the Saints at home. They went into passing mode and Luck finished with 356 points.

4. DEFLATE MY BALLS (ROB M) WINS: 5 | ROBIO’S MATH: 4.3 Masterson is playing slightly above his head, as his team should probably be 4-3, but a 0.7 difference isn’t much. However, things are about to get more challenging. He has only one current non-playoff team (Molly) remaining on his schedule.

Over the years, injuries have been costly to Rob, but this season, that will not be a problem. This is without a doubt, the deepest team Rob has had. With Big Ben out, Eli (despite this week’s poor performance) has proven to be a good backup. He can start any one of his three backs (Ivory, Ingram, Lynch) and have RB1 talent on the field. Eric Enbron just filled in nicely for Antonio Gates (scoring 238) and at receiver, he’s got Jeremy Maclin and Eric Decker on the bench. That’s a lot of good talent.

5. JOHNNY HANCOCK (ERIC) WINS: 5 | ROBIO’S MATH: 3.5 Based on actual wins and my math, no team has had more luck than Eric, producing 1.5 more actual wins. Having said that, it’s not like Eric has been munching on cupcakes. He has wins over Masterson, Colby and Burrier, all teams I have ranked ahead of him. He still gets to face Calderon, Jeff and myself (a combined 5-16).

In fantasy, it’s easy to discount a defense. It was just last year we reduced the amount of scoring a DST can do, so it’s easy to overlook how valuable, or rather how easily a bad D can kill your team. Despite all of Eric’s success this year, he has struggled to put a good defense on the field. Here are his defensive stat lines through seven weeks.

WK 1 – Dolphins: 166 WK 2 – Dolphins: 27 WK 3 – Dolphins: -39 WK 4 – Colts: 45 WK 5 – Jaguars: 11 Wk 6 – Vikings: 126 Wk 7 – Chargers: -21

In the Robioland fantasy Dictionary, those are called “playoff ending stat.”

6. WELCOME 2 FLA, ASSHOLES (GRIFF) WINS: 4 | ROBIO’S MATH: 3.4 Despite a couple of good performances this year, Griff’s squad is playing slightly above their heads, as I got them down for three and a half wins.

This was not a good week for Griff. Cam threw three interceptions, Chris Simms proved that starting a backup running back is not going to deliver weekly rewards and worse yet, Joseph Randle just got hurt and could lose his starting job. This leaves Griff with a hole at RB2 and right now he doesn’t have the pieces to fill it, unless he goes three wide or hits the waiver wire.

7. MY BALL ZACH ERTZ (MATT) WINS: 5 | ROBIO’S MATH: 3.7 No team is overachieving more, as he’s +1.3 in wins, compared to my math. How bad should it be? He’s 5-2 in the standings, but in the breakdown, he’s just 2-5 against me. The fact is, of Matt’s five wins, only one has come against a team with a winning record (Masterson). His victories have come against 2-5 Jeff, 2-5 Calderon, 1-6 Molly and 1-6 Don. The luck of the schedule will continue because his two double match ups this year are Jeff and Don.

However, things could start looking better if Chip Kelly will accept that the better back in his system appears to be Ryan Mathews. The former Charger produced 302 fantasy points this week on only nine touches. He has 1,068 fantasy points on just 68 touches (15.7 per touch), compared to Murray, who has 1,118 fantasy points 111 touches (10.1 per touch).

8. TIJUANA PICNIC (JEFF) WINS: 2 | ROBIO’S MATH: 3.4 While it’s not like Jeff should be a winning team, he should be at least 3-4. At least he remains the 8-seed, right?

Shit happens…that’s fantasy sports. C.J. Anderson and Jamaal Charles were supposed to be a lethal combo in Jeff’s backfield. Cooks was going to become a legit WR1. Yet, Charles is gone, Anderson is on the verge of being benched and Cooks is not Brees’ favorite target. No one can fault Jeff for keeping or drafting any of those guys. We all would have. The key is, what do you do next?

Despite the lack of success, Jeff has done well. Picking Keenan Allen has proven to be a great pick in round five and on the waiver wire, Jeff has found gold in Andy Dalton (second best QB in fantasy), Jonathon Stewart (back-to-back 250-point games) and now Stefon Diggs. The Vikings receiver has clearly established himself as the top option in Minnesota. He’s been targeted 28 times in his last three games and has two straight 200+ games.

9. MOLLIPOP (MOLLY) WINS: 1 | ROBIO’S MATH: 3.2 According to my math, Molly should be 3-4, but she’s played a tough schedule, facing five playoff teams in her first seven games.

Starting this past week, Molly was going through a three-game stretch that would define her season. She would be facing me, Jeff and Don (prior to this past week, three combined wins). Sadly, things got off to a bad start, as she lost a game she scored enough to win this past week.

However, this is a woman who has rolled off two straight 1,600-point games. Has a sleeping giant awoke? Here’s what we know. Deon Lewis will be back and LeSean McCoy is back and he looks good so far (scoring 249 and 198) since returning from injury.

More importantly, Calvin Johnson has finally found another level (392, 232 in his last two) and maybe T.Y. Hilton has finally found a groove (420 points this week).

10. LOBSTER BIKINI (ROBIO) WINS: 1 | ROBIO’S MATH: 3.6 Of course I’m the unluckiest team. Why else would I do all this math? The fact is, I’m 1-6, yet I’m above .500 in the breakdown. That’s brutal.

This week, I finally got a win, thus my eight game losing streak comes to an end. That is tied for the fifth longest streak in league history. I also broke 1,500, which is the first time that’s happened in over 22 games. That ends the 8th longest 1,500-point drought in league history. Sadly, I just missed out on the weekly high score, so 21 straight weeks without that remains the longest active streak.

However, all this came at a cost, as I lost Arian Foster for the season. God is a cruel bitch. I’m one win away from a playoff spot and out of the bottom five teams, I have the most points scored, so I will not let Foster’s injury derail me.

11. THE DICK-TATERS (RICH C) WINS: 2 | ROBIO’S MATH: 1.9 Yep, technically at two wins for the season, Calderon’s team is playing above their heads. Let that sink in.

Decisions. Life is about making them. Sometimes we make good ones. Sometimes we make bad ones. Same is true in fantasy. Calderon…he seems to be making a lot of bad ones lately.

Prime example this week…he needed a quarterback with Aaron Rodgers on a bye. He was picking between Bortles and Tannehill (a player he cut in week five). I had Bradford, but was planning on benching him against Carolina this week. I also was deciding between Bortles and Tannehill. Rich picked Bortles. So did I. I put in a bid of zero dollars. Rich put in a bid for $2, won and started Bortles. I went and got Tannehill.

The results? If Calderon had Tannehill, he would have beaten Matt. If I had Bortles, I would have lost to Molly.

12. TWO (DON) WINS: 1 | ROBIO’S MATH: 0.9 Don is right where he belongs.

Okay, we need to talk. Don, do you know what this is about? Yep, I want to see more flair from you. In fact, let’s say it…no more excuses. No more complaining about players not working out, no more whining about losing bids by a dollar. Shit happens. Bad drafts happen. However, a team needs to find away to fix it.

Don has one win. He has $94 to spend in auction money. You know you can’t save that for next season, right? There have been players out there who could have made this team better. Here is a list of just a few game-changers that were grabbed on the wire and who are better than most of the guys on Don’s roster.

Antonio Gates Blake Bortles Tyler Eifert Chris Johnson Dion Lewis Donte Moncreif Tyrod Taylor Travis Benjamin Devonta Freeman Jordan Reed Andy Dalton Eric Ebron Rishard Matthews Charles Clay Gary Barnidge Charcandrick West Jonathan Stewart Stefon Diggs Ryan Tannehill

Like I said, any of these players could have made Don’s team better. Sure he bid on some of them and he lost, but I’m willing to bet he didn’t lose on all of them. So far Don has picked up two DSTs, two kickers and Brent fucking Celek. That’s terrible. Christ, Bob may have the greatest roster ever and he’s doubled Don in transactions.

Not happy with 1-6. Get better. Research. Do homework. Get better. At the rate Don is going, his team will need to win two championships to make up the debt he owes.

WEEK EIGHT

Lobster Bikini – Robio (W) at The Hype is Real – Rich B (L), 1232.0 – 844.0 Johnny Hancock – Eric (W) at The Dick-Taters – Rich C (L), 1405.0 – 797.0 Deflate My Balls – Rob M (L) at Mug Life – Bob (W), 1090.0 – 1778.0 Two – Don (L) at Quarter Pounders – Colby (W), 1340.0 – 1414.0 Tijuana Picnic – Jeff (W) at Mollipop – Molly (L), 1360.0 – 1194.0 My Ball Zach Ertz – Matt (W) at Welcome 2 FLA, Assholes – Griff (L), 1772.0 – 1467.0

TUESDAY THOUGHTS

Week eight of the 2015 season proved to be a brutal punch in the gut for some. The top teams lost some top talent when Le’Veon Bell (Bob) and Steve Smith (Eric) went down, while others like Matt Forte (Burrier) are out for an unknown about of time and can be blamed for a loss. I guess DeAneglo WIlliams is about to become a very popular player today.

1. MUG LIFE (BOB) How good is Bob’s squad? He could lose arguable the best back in football and have no negative impact. Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure Bob would much rather have Bell, but no team is more prepared to lose a stud. First, this roster is stacked. Hell, he lost Bell in this game and still walked away with his first weekly high score. He’s averaging 1,594 points per game for the season, which would blow out the all-time record set in 2001 and he did that with both his stud backs missing multiple games.

Second, Bob has the cash to go get DeAngelo WIlliams, although plenty of people have the $$$ to get him too. In fact, others have more, but are they willing to spend big to get him?

Thirdly, even if Bob can’t get Williams, he has Lamar Miller sitting on his bench. While Miller is coming off a rough Thursday night game against the Patriots, nobody has benefited more from the coaching change in Miami more than Miller

2. THE HYPE IS REAL (RICH B) We will go ahead and chalk this one up to bad luck. Burrier was cruising to victory in the afternoon games, but then he lost Ryan Fitzpatrick early in the first quarterback and then Matt Forte a little later. It’s not easy to earn victories losing two starters before halftime.

Luckily for Rich, like Bob up above, he’s prepared for injuries. First, Fitzpatrick isn’t his usual starting quarterback, Tyrod Taylor is. Now he’s missed a pair of games due to injury, but he is expected back after the bye.

At running back, losing Forte, a first-team All-Robio talent, is never a good thing, but Burrier can slide in either Danny Woodhead or second-round pick Latavius Murray.

3. QUARTER POUNDERS (COLBY) It took some fourth quarter catches by Olsen, but Colby was finally able to get over the hump with Don, maintaining a safe three-game lead for a playoff spot.

I think it might be official, so let’s go ahead and call Ameel Abdullah a huge bust. The Lions running back, with a new offensive coordinator, barely saw the field in London, getting just two carries (one in the first quarter, one in the fourth). Thankfully, Colby isn’t missing him thanks to his Martin and Johnson combo.

4. DEFLATE MY BALLS (ROB M) Could Rob have defeated Bob? Maybe, if the right decisions were made. If he would have waited a week and not started Big Ben coming off an injury against one of the league’s best defense and instead kept Eli Manning in going against one of the league’s worst defense, that would have help. In fact, that decision cost him 448 points.

If he would have gotten Antonio Gates back into the starting lineup over Ebron that would have been another 64 points. Then if he would have kept Randall Cobb out and put in Eric Decker (who was questionable coming in) that would have given him another 106 points. If he made those three correct decisions…he still would have lost by 76.

5. JOHNNY HANCOCK (ERIC) Losing Steve Smith could be troublesome for Eric. Smith averaged 217 points per game, which includes two games he failed to finish. He cracked 300 fantasy points three times. The issue for Eric is that there is no one on his bench who can duplicate those numbers. Bolden has hit 200 twice, but he was out this week. Parker has crashed and burned in Miami. I guess it’s Allen Hurns time.

6. WELCOME 2 FLA, ASSHOLES (GRIFF) Griff earns the title of “highest scoring loser” for week eight. So, congratulations. However, once again that second running back spot proves to be a hole, as Chris Sims delivered just 92 points. For the season, in that “flex” spot, Griff has started a RB seven times and WR once and take away Randle’s 390-point effort in week two, Griff is getting just 100.8 points per game from that spot.

7. MY BALL ZACH ERTZ (MATT) Gotta love when a scrub you pick up explodes for 300+ points. Although, this is the second 300-point game in three weeks that Ben Watson has put up, so maybe he’s not the scrub we think he is.

Anyhow, Matt’s running backs continue not to scare me, but that defense sure does. The Broncos D held Aaron Rodgers to just 70 yards passing, sacking him three times and earning a safety. They are now averaging 40 more points than the second best defense in the league, failing to break 200 just once all season.

8. TIJUANA PICNIC (JEFF) Drew Brees: 732 points. Andy Dalton: 132 points. So yeah, Jeff probably picked the wrong week to bench Brees for Dalton. Overall, Jeff’s entire bench was filled with season-long disappointing players, who had the kind of games they were expected to have.

C.J. Anderson, backing up Hillman, had his three best runs of the season and a touchdown, producing 272 points. Also, Brandin Cooks had two scores and 290 points against the Giants. In fact, Jeff’s bench would have been the second highest scoring team this week.

These kind of digits matter, because Jeff just lost his second potential All-Robio player now that Keneen Allen is out for a while with a kidney injury. Add in Jamaal Charles and Jeff is now without arguable his two best players.

9. MOLLIPOP (MOLLY) Decision. Decisions. Fucking decisions. Every week, the league is filled with bad decisions. Even though Carr was lights out last week, Molly went with the match up, starting Hoyer vs Tennessee over Carr against the Jets. Well, Carr was again perfecto and the decision cost Molly 180 need points and her third win of the season.

10. LOBSTER BIKINI (ROBIO) Can I start a season 0-6 and make the playoffs? It’s never been done before. Hell, no team has started 0-5 and made the playoffs…yet, here we are. I’ve won two in a row and I’m about to enter the easiest three-game stretch of my season. My next three are against Calderon, Matt and Don. Let’s see how I stack up…

WK 9 – CALDERON: I’m 6-2 against Rich in the breakdown. He’ll be without Jimmy Graham (bye) and maybe Carlos Hyde (health). Rodgers will be back on the road against another tough D (Carolina) and Dez will still not have a QB worth a damn.

WK 10 – NEATOCK: I’m 5-3 against Matt in the breakdown. Best yet, barring injury, I’ll have all my starters, while Matt will be without three, including his two best players (Rivers, Julio and also Gordon).

WK 11 – DON: I’m 5-3 against Don in the breakdown. He’ll be without RB Jennings, but that’s probably a good thing.

11. THE DICK-TATERS (RICH C) Prior to 2014, Rich had never had two weekly low scores in one season. Now he’s done it two straight years.

Calderon’s worst season was 2006. He won six games, but failed to make the playoffs, as he averaged just 1,171 points per game. That team…they’re better than this team. Calderon’s squad is average nearly 100 points per game less than that squad and he is on pace to produce the season’s lowest point total for the first time in his career.

12. TWO (DON) Don started his best possible lineup (everyone was on a bye) and it still wasn’t enough. Sad, yes. Out of it…not quite. There are five games left and Don is just two games removed from a playoff spot.

Most importantly, the schedule is favorable. Three of his final five opponents are non-playoff teams (Molly, Robio, Calderon). He will also need to take care of business against Matt (a team he matches up with nicely). The toughest foe he’ll face is Burrier. I would assume he needs to win four out of his last five to have a shot since this is looking like a 5-win playoff kind of season.

WEEK NINE

The Dick-Taters – Rich C (W) at Lobster Bikini – Robio (L), 1589.0 – 948.0 My Ball Zach Ertz – Matt (L) at Johnny Hancock – Eric (W), 1172.0 – 1991.0 Mug Life – Bob (L) at Welcome 2 FLA, Assholes – Griff (W), 1670.0 – 1741.0 The Hype is Real – Rich B (L) at Tijuana Picnic – Jeff (W), 1173.0 – 1425.0 Quarter Pounders – Colby (L) at Deflate My Balls – Rob M (W), 1383.0 – 1607.0 Mollipop – Molly (L) at Two – Don (W), 1260.0 – 1433.0

TUESDAY THOUGHTS

You know, coming up with sensible rankings is tough enough, but you fuckers aren’t helping. Teams ranked first, second and third in my rankings last week all lost and they all lost to teams who were ranked fourth, fifth and sixth. Like I always say, I will not overreact to one performance and I will continue to make sound decisions based on all results, roster trends and a whole lot of fucking guessing.

1. MUG LIFE (BOB) “You can’t win ‘em all.” I don’t know who first coined that phrase. However, I’m going to assume he was talking about fantasy football, because no one has ever won it all and Bob won’t either now. Of course, going 16-0 would be cool, but let’s stay focused on the prize her folks. Winning championships? Nope. I’m talking about breaking the all-time scoring record and Bob is still blowing that away. He’s now averaging 1,602 points per game. The current record for most points in a regular season is 1,558 points and because it’s a record held by a former league member, I actually want it broken. How possible is it for Bob to crush this record? He would need to average 1,458 points per game in his final four games. He’s hit that mark in seven of his nine contests so far.

Of course it will be a lot easier knowing that Lamar Miller is playing like Le’Veon Bell. He’s the man expected to fill Bell’s shoes on Mug Life and he’s done a fine job so far. Miller had a 402-point fantasy game this week and has averaged 355 points per game in his last four, after averaging 109 points in his previous four.

2. QUARTER POUNDERS (COLBY) With Burrier on a three-game slide and suddenly struggling to stay healthy, I could no longer justify keeping him in the two spot. Masterson certainly played well, but Big Ben’s second injury of the season worries me, so why not Colby? But he just lost? Christ, this is difficult.

Clearly I’m seeing something on this roster, even though they haven’t really proven it consistently on the field so far. The Pounders are middle of the pack in scoring and with a couple bad losses, he could miss the playoffs (he still has to face Bob, Burrier, Griff and Molly). However, I still see greatness on this team. Colby spent the early part of the season fixing holes (starting Martin and Johnson) and now I see his QB and receiving core getting healthy.

However, I still feel like we haven’t seen the best product this team can put on the field. Colby is still dealing with bye-weeks, so we might not see his complete roster on the field until week 12. For now, Andrew Luck and Carson Palmer appear to be a solid duo, as Luck might finally be healthy after steamrolling the league’s best defense. More importantly, both Mike Evans and Alshon Jeffery are 100% and producing at the level they were expected to play. The two just combined for 18 catches and 303 yards. Come playoff time, A.J. Green could be stuck on the bench (unless Colby goes three wide).

3. DEFLATE MY BALLS (ROB M) This was a big victory for Masterson, because at six wins, he’s pretty much a lock for a post-season bid. He also has a hold of that all-important three seed. The fact is, the two teams I currently have ranked 1-2 would actually face off in the semifinals (if both advanced) and that’s good news.

However, losing Big Ben again will hurt. Eli has had a couple of nice games, but he’s not going to put putting up 300 points consistently. In fact, looking at this schedule, the Giants only play one team the rest of the way that is not ranked in the top-12 against quarterbacks.

4. WELCOME 2 FLA, ASSHOLES (GRIFF) Thanks to Cam Newton’s 522-point explosion, Griff now has the third best quarterback and third best running back (Adrian Peterson) in the league and the season’s best win to date. Yet, we will continue to talk about that second RB spot until he fixes it. This week, Chris Sims did just enough, thanks in part to a huge 59-yard run that accounted for 88% of Sims’ stats for week nine. However, another backup running back, Karlos Williams, had a much more productive day. Carrying the ball just nine times, he delivered 340 fantasy points. Yet, when trying to pick between two backup running backs, it just feels like guessing and I hate guesses.

5. JOHNNY HANCOCK (ERIC) 306 total yards by Antonio Brown…holy fuck sticks. He clearly loves having Big Ben around. Too bad, Big Ben is now out again. In the four games without Ben, Brown failed to hit 100 three times in four games.

Still, Eric wasn’t a one-hit wonder this week, as six players scored over 200, including Brandon LaFell (102 yards receiving) and T.J. Yeldon, who got 202 fantasy points (his third time in four games breaking 200).

6. THE HYPE IS REAL (RICH B) A big fall for Burrier, as he’s dropped his last three contests. Injuries during games continue to be a problem. A week after losing Matt Forte, Latavis Murray left the game early with a concussion. He also lost his kicker early and got zero points. It’s certainly making it harder to overcome these injuries seeing that Devonta Freeman has come back down to earth. While the Falcons running back did well in the passing game, he was held to 12 yards rushing on 12 carries against a bad 49ers team.

7. MY BALL ZACH ERTZ (MATT) Holy hell has Eddie Lacy been a huge bust. This week against the Panthers, he had five touches for 10 yards and a fumble. He finished with -10 fantasy points, once again getting outscored by his backup. As a fellow owner of Lacy/Starks in another league, I know I’m not the only one praying that Eddie Lacy would tear an ACL.

Typically, thanks to trades and working the wire, Matt’s roster has always featured a massive amount of turnover. When he’s winning, he’s still looking for more. When he’s losing, he’s willing to do anything to get better. However, so far this year, 12 of the 15 players he drafted remain on his roster. This is a guy who had just seven of his drafted players on his roster in last year’s title game. This is a guy once finished a season with five drafted players. He’s never finished a season with 12 drafted players before.

8. TIJUANA PICNIC (JEFF) It looks like Delanie Walker will be the tight end Jeff has needed. In his last four games, he’s been targeted 33 times and he’s caught 28 of them. More importantly, Cooks is finally looking like the WR1 he was projected to be, producing back-to-back 200-point games. I still don’t think he has the running backs to go all the way, but what the hell do I know?

9. THE DICK-TATERS (RICH C) This is why you spend $75 to get DeAgelo Williams. I still can’t believe a one-win Don team didn’t go get him. Hell, he had a proven track record with his week one and week two performances. He just had 590 fantasy points, producing over 200 total yards. Why? Because there is no one else in that backfield to take touches away from him.

Yet, will it make a difference for Rich? Think about it, he got 1,060 points from two players (Aaron Rodgers, Williams), but just 529 points from everyone else. Having Jimmy Graham back next week will help the cause, but Rich suddenly has a self-induced wide receiver problem. While Dez Bryant was producing 268 fantasy points, where he look winded and having Matt Cassel throwing the ball, Calderon’s receivers managed just 61 total yards receiving (M. Bryant’s TD was the only reason one of them broke 100 points).

The Steelers’ Bryant has failed to break 50 yards in his last three games, instead relying on scores, but with Big Ben gone, will those scoring opportunities dry up? In Indy, Moncrief’s production has dried up. He has just 82 receiving yards in his last three games.

10. LOBSTER BIKINI (ROBIO) Time to start thinking about next year. My opponents have scored the most points this season, averaging 1,593 points per game. That’s just one point off of Rich Burrier’s record pace set in 2013. However, I’m not going to sit here and pretend that my team would be some kind of contender if it wasn’t for bad luck. I drafted an injured back and that cost me wins. I never found a quarterback (after losing Romo) and I never managed to find a game-changing guy off the wire.

11. TWO (DON) Don, Don Don…I just don’t get it. You had an opportunity to get a guy who has the potential to put up All-Robio numbers and you don’t even come close to making a series bid to get him.

Instead of going all in on DeAneglo Williams, Don, for whatever reason, spent $31 on Bortles, a player I would be shocked if anyone else was even bidding on him. Seriously? Only one other team picked up a QB last week and that was Colby, who spend zero dollars for Jay Cutler the same day Don picked up Bortles…a guy he spend $31 on and didn’t even start (because he was facing the Jets).

Anyhow, at least this week it doesn’t hurt him, because he’s enjoying the success of my mistake. I cut Blount this past week, because he’s done pretty much nothing. However, Dion Lewis tore his ACL and is done for the year, which turned Blount into a feature back. This Sunday he scored over 300 (as did DeMarco Murray) and Don earns that second win.

Yet, if he had DeAngelo. He could have probably swapped one of his three backs for a stud quarterback (Palmer? Brees) and hope would still be alive.

12. MOLLIPOP (MOLLY) Molly tries to play lineup shuffle and it doesn’t pay off. The Cowboys and their -44 points prove to be a disastrous replacement for the Seahawks DST. She sticks in Gin Junior for T.Y. Hilton and loses 124 points. At least with Lewis’ potential season ending injury, that’s one less decision she’ll have to make throughout the remainder of the year.

WEEK TEN

Lobster Bikini – Robio (L) at My Ball Zach Ertz – Matt (W), 1066.0 – 1149.0 Tijuana Picnic – Jeff (W) at Johnny Hancock – Eric (L), 1358.0 – 1339.0 The Dick-Taters – Rich C (L) at Mug Life – Bob (W), 1333.0 – 1422.0 Two – Don (W) at The Hype is Real – Rich B (L), 1227.0 – 822.0 Welcome 2 FLA, Assholes – Griff (W) at Quarter Pounders – Colby (L), 1639.0 – 1045.0 Deflate My Balls – Rob M (L) at Mollipop – Molly (W), 1017.0 – 1414.0

TUESDAY THOUGHTS

Bob begins a new winning streak, while teams ranked two and three go down and go down hard. I don’t know what to do. At this point, I’m better off ranking Bob number one, then create a 2-7 spot just for the next group. Still, no matter how I rank these teams, it’s Bob vs everyone else. We’re just blank knights, pretending we have a fighting chance.

1. MUG LIFE (BOB) You know you’re good when you scored 1,433 points and yet it feels kind of disappointing. Once again, Bob relies on his running backs. Gurley delivered another 238, while Lamar Miller is making Bob say, “Le’Veon who?” How good has his starting running backs been all season long? Since week four, when Gurley truly was back, Bob’s starting running backs have produced 200-point games in 11 of their 14 chances. Of those 11, they broke 300 six times and 400 a total of three times.

2-7 QUARTER POUNDERS (COLBY) What to do with Colby? I slip him into second in my rankings and what does he do? Barely breaks 1,000. Thanks, buddy. Andy Dalton proved to be a bust in his first game with the Pounders. He produced zero touchdown drives against a poor Texans D at home and delivered just 130 points this week. At least a healthy Mike Evans is shining. He’s averaging 252 points per game in his last four.

2-7. WELCOME 2 FLA, ASSHOLES (GRIFF) Griff had a fantastic week, as Adrian Peterson has reestablished himself as the best back in football (it helps to have Bell out for the year) after producing 216 total yards on Sunday. He’s now crushing it for the rushing title, producing 227 more yards than than the next guy in rushing yards, which happens to be Chris Johnson. What? Is it 2009 all over again? Anyhow, Peterson has moved up to first-team All-Robio, although he’s pretty far behind DeVonta Freeman in fantasy points (nearly 500) thanks to scores.

2-7. DEFLATE MY BALLS (ROB M) Well, that was embarrassing. Someone will have to explain to me what’s going on in New Orleans. Mark Ingram appears to have had a nice day, delivering 196 fantasy points. However, he actually got 140 points on his first touch (a 70-yard run). After that, he had just seven more touches for 28 yards. Meanwhile, Tim Hightower (11 carries) and C.J. Spiller (8) had topped the team in carries.

2-7. MY BALL ZACH ERTZ (MATT) The win wasn’t pretty, but it wasn’t expected to be, with three starters on a bye-week. Ironically, the difference maker was Josh Brown. The Giants kicker booted four field goals, including a 53-yard field goal (i.e. 70-point). If he misses that kick, Matt loses.

2-7. TIJUANA PICNIC (JEFF) Jeff was able to sneak out a 19-point win over Eric in the fourth quarter of last night’s game thanks to Gio Bernard. The win was Jeff’s third straight and his first three-game winning streak since weeks 7-9 in 2011. He’s now moved up to the seventh seed and is just 230 points behind Colby for the 6-spot.

Recently, he just traded for Charcandrick West, but he decided not to play him because he was facing the Broncos D. It might be time to start thinking about West as a “must-start” no matter who the opponent. In his last three games, no back has put up more points, as he has delivered 318, 304 and 442.

2-7. JOHNNY HANCOCK (ERIC) Antonio Brown has 2,638 fantasy points for Eric in nine games. In ten games, Eric’s combination of receivers who have filled his WR2 spot has scored 1,404 points and 42% of those points came from two receivers in one game (Steve Smith scored 300 in week two, while Allen Hurns scored 292 in week five).

When you consider that both his backs, Yeldon and Gore (off this week) aren’t lighting it up, it’s hard to see Eric winning too many games unless Tom Brady is putting up 500 points per contest, which is about to get much harder with both Lewis and Edelman out for the year.

8. THE DICK-TATERS (RICH C) Dez? Dez who? While the Cowboys’ Bryant caught just five balls for 90 fantasy points this week, Calderon relied on his hands, getting 616 fantasy points from Eric Decker and Martavis Bryant and the pair was a big reason why Calderon was able to hang tight with Bob until the final moments.

Unfortunately, Rich officially goes into must-win mode now. Since Jeff won, Calderon is now two games back of Colby, Jeff and Burrier. With Don, Eric and Griff on the schedule, Rich can still get the wins, especially with the way Burrier has been struggling (see below). The problem is points…as he trails Rich in points by 1,313. He needs to make up ground in both the standings and the total points.

9. THE HYPE IS REAL (RICH B) During weeks 4-6, Burrier dominated, averaging 1,736 points per game (and that includes one game where he failed to start Freeman. However, in his last four contests, he’s averaged around a grand per game and has now lost four straight, including a pair to non-playoff teams. What happened to the Hype?

James Jones is killing him. The Packers receiver has just three catches in his last three games and was shutout on Sunday. Crabtree wasn’t much better and there isn’t much on his bench that will improve his WR2 spot. He will have Freeman back next week and maybe Forte, but I think a trade needs to happen, something big, and time is running out (trading deadline is next Saturday night).

10. MOLLIPOP (MOLLY) With Dion Lewis out for the season, Molly needed a miracle and she got one when Matt Forte went out. Over the last two games, Jeremy Langford has produced a 364-point game and a 484-point game. The problem is, Matt Forte is due back this week, which means Langford will go back to the bench. Sure he’ll get some touches, but unless Forte suffers a setback, Langford won’t be a savior again this season.

11. TWO (DON) Don pulls out a pair of wins to give his slim playoff hopes a little life, but I think Julian Edelman’s injury might dampen the excitement a bit. Thanks to a broken foot that will end Edelman’s fantasy football season, Don must now move forward without the league’s sixth best wide receiver.

12. LOBSTER BIKINI (ROBIO) With my season on the line, Sam Bradford gets hurt and I end up losing by 83 points. Yet, if my team was any good, I wouldn’t even be in this situation. I was facing a Matt squad that was down three starters, including studs Philip Rivers and Julio Jones, but not a single starter for me managed to break 200 fantasy points.

WEEK ELEVEN

Lobster Bikini – Robio (W) at Two – Don (L), 1092.0 – 1023.0 Welcome 2 FLA, Assholes – Griff (W) at Johnny Hancock – Eric (L), 1275.0 – 1054.0 The Hype is Real – Rich B (L) at Deflate My Balls – Rob M (W), 837.0 – 1212.0 Mug Life – Bob (W) at My Ball Zach Ertz – Matt (L), 1050.0 – 955.0 Mollipop – Molly (L) at Quarter Pounders – Colby (W), 1083.0 – 1835.0 The Dick-Taters – Rich C (W) at Tijuana Picnic – Jeff (L), 1239.0 – 1156.0

TUESDAY THOUGHTS

Bob clinched the top seed for the second straight year with a win over Matt, who will fall to the 5-seed, as the lowest of the four 7-4 teams. Griff took down Eric and passes him in the standings thanks to total points. Now he’s the 2-seed, while Eric has to settle for the 3-spot now. Masterson also improved to 7-4 and is now the 4-seed after sending Burrier to his fifth straight defeat. Rich still holds onto the 8-seed, trying to become just the second team in league history to have a 5-game losing streak and make the playoffs.

Colby took down Molly with the weekly high score. He’s not officially invited to the post-season party, but for him to miss the playoffs, he would need to go 0-2, then need Calderon to go 2-0 and then outscore Colby in the final two weeks by 2,382 points. The defeat sends Molly to 2-9 and into last place and her playoff hopes are officially over.

As for the folks still fighting for a playoff spot, Jeff tasted defeat, so now he and Burrier have a one-game lead over Calderon for the final two playoff spots. I defeated Don, which now puts us both at 3-8. Technically, we both still have a shot at the playoffs, but we both would need to go undefeated, we would need Calderon to finish 1-1 and need either Burrier or Jeff to go 0-2 and then pass them in total points. Possible? Sure. Likely? Unlikely.

However, before we move on, we have to talk about history. Despite earning the win, Bob only scored 1,050 points. This ends one of the most impressive streaks in league history as this is the first time in 25 games Bob has failed to score at least 1,250 points. That’s nine games better than the second longest streak. Congratulations. Go start another streak.

Anyhow, on to the rankings…

Finally, the results showed me some love, as the top four teams in my rankings from last week all won.

1. MUG LIFE (BOB) Let’s try to find something negative to say. It’s not easy. Todd Gurley has been a stud this season. He’s going to be an amazing keeper for the next two years. However, he’s the only offensive option on a bad Rams team and I’m wondering how that plays out. Right now, he’s relying on touchdowns. In fact, he’s scored in five straight games (six total touchdowns). However, he’s also failed to rush for 100 yards in his last three contests and in week sixteen, which would be our championship game, he’ll be up in Seattle facing the league’s #1 rush defense.

QUARTER POUNDERS (COLBY) Colby ends a two-game slide with his league leading third weekly high score. I’m pretty confident that Colby is making the playoffs, so let’s talk about that. His lineup is pretty solid, but he will no doubt have to make decisions. Doug Martin is probably a lock “can’t sit” at RB1. The Buccaneers are committed to run the ball and Martin has a cakewalk of a schedule down the stretch. Chris Johnson has been solid this year, although his numbers have dipped lately as he has failed to hit 160 fantasy points in four out of his last five games. The decision Colby will have to make is, if he has a healthy Jeffery, does he go three-wide?

However, the toughest decision may be at quarterback. He’s got two great arms in Carson Palmer and Andy Dalton. Plus, by playoff time he’ll have a healthy Andrew Luck back (maybe). Who does he start? Match up’s could be the deciding factor. Let’s see who these three will face in our post-season.

PALMER: Vikings (#8), @Rams (#16), Packers (#22) DALTON: Steelers (#17), @49ers (#27), @Broncos (#1) LUCK: @Jaguars (#28), Texans (#13), @Dolphins (#21)

Based solely on match ups and assuming Luck will be back and healthy by the time we start our quarterfinals, Colby could potentially start three different quarterbacks in three games (if he can go that far) with Luck vs the Jaguars in the quarters, Dalton at SF in the semis and Palmer back home against the Packers in a title game.

WELCOME 2 FLA, ASSHOLES (GRIFF) Let’s say it, Griff is a threat to Bob’s title hopes. We know that because he’s the only person to beat him. However, this team has true star power. In fact, he could have three first-team All-Robio players by the time the playoffs roll around.

Adrian Peterson is the second best fantasy back and could be number one soon thanks to Devonta Freeman’s concussion. The Panthers DST just delivered over 300 points and are now the second best DST behind Denver. However, let’s not forget about Cam Newton. After a 5-TD performance this Sunday, he’s now the top fantasy quarterback in our league and is on pace for 30 touchdowns and 500 yards rushing. That hasn’t been done since Randall Cunningham in 1990.

DEFLATE MY BALLS (ROB M) Down three starters (Big Ben, Ingram and Lynch), Rob relied on just one guy, Thomas Rawls, an undrafted rookie out of Central Michigan. He produced over 255 total yards and 630 points (52% of Masterson’s scoring this week). Let’s be honest, do you think Rob is praying that Lynch just sits out the rest of the season? The good news is, if I’m not mistaken, I believe Lynch isn’t signed through next year. This means Rawls is a potential stud keeper in the 6th round in 2016.

MY BALL ZACH ERTZ (MATT) Last week Matt got the win, but the performance was less than impressive. At least he could lay the blame on a handful of bye weeks. This week he has no excuse. Matt fails to hit 1,000 for the first time in 17 games and this performance includes a 320-point effort from Julio Jones.

Once again, the Packers running back spot continues to jam a Eddie Lacy sized piece of cheese up Matt’s ass. Starks got his second straight start, but it was Lacy with 212 points, while “the starter” got stuck with 88. Meanwhile, his Charges connection of Rivers and Gordon delivered just 172 points combined. A lot of that has to do with the Chiefs defense that has been dominating lately (giving up 39 points in their last four, with nobody passing for over 200 yards). Well, guess who the Chargers will be facing when Matt will be in the quarterfinals?

TIJUANA PICNIC (JEFF) It’s one thing to leave points on your bench, but it seems like week in and week out Jeff is getting a great performance from a guy on his pine, thus he puts him into the starting line. Then that players does nothing, while the guy he benches blows up.

Last week, West produced 442 points, but was not starting. Jeff inserted him into the lineup and he only delivers 128 points (he got hurt in the game). Meanwhile, the guy he benched (Gio Bernard) produced 292 points, a week after scoring just 158 in the starting lineup.

However, we won’t dwell on this defeat for too long. Fact is, he was facing a Calderon’s team with a complete roster filled with players Jeff didn’t start in week one. That’s pretty incredible. Two of those starters (Brees, Cooks) were on byes. One is out for the year (Charles), three were busts (C.J. Anderson, Andre Johnson and Jordan Cameron), while the other two were kickers and DST. Let’s also not forget Jeff lost Keenan Allen for the year as well…yet Jeff is still fighting for a playoff spot.

JOHNNY HANCOCK (ERIC) I’ll be honest, I never had a lot of faith in this team. Sure Eric’s squad was second in scoring and challenging Bob for the top seed, but looking over his roster again and again, it had never really passed the Robio eye test. Outside of Tom Brady and Antonio Brown, where are the points going to come from? These two are super, but they can’t produce 800 combined points per game. Fact is, I kept assuming Eric’s running backs would improve, but they haven’t. Frank Gore is losing touches to Bradshaw, while Yeldon isn’t taking a leap forward (failing to reach 100 yards rushing in his last three).

THE DICK-TATERS (RICH C) Not much to really say here that hasn’t been said before. The receivers (Decker and Tate) were decent and Droughns filled in fine for DeAngelo Williams, thus Rich can keep his playoff hopes alive. Still, it all feels like a mirage. Part of it is that in all of Rich’s wins, his opponents simply haven’t showed up. Look at his opponents points in his wins: Griff 1056, Molly 970, Robio 948, Jeff 1156.

It also doesn’t help that Rich is still 11th in scoring. Three times in league history has a team finished 11th in scoring and made the post-season. However, it hasn’t happened since 2005 when Molly accomplished that feat last. In fact, Molly did it twice. The first time she did it was 2003 and she won nine games (and the division). However, the three teams that have done it are 0-3 in the post-season.

9. THE HYPE IS REAL (RICH B) Burrier just can’t seem to stay healthy. He’s already without Matt Forte, Tyrod Taylor missed some time, Andre Ellington lost his starting job when he got hurt in week one and now Devonta Freeman just got knocked out with a concussion. When healthy, this team can be quite dangerous, but health can’t be guaranteed anytime soon. With Colby on his schedule to end the season, next week’s contest against Molly is critical.

10. MOLLIPOP (MOLLY) Molly’s four-year playoff run comes to an end, as she’ll miss the post-season for the first time since 2010. Question is, can she make this season a fluke? Good keeper options will help. In category one, not a lot of options. She’ll basically be choosing between Megatron as a late second round pick (somewhere between 22-24th pick in the draft) or one more year of T.Y. Hilton in the fifth. Back in category three, she has a potential excellent keeper in Derrick Carr. The Raiders quarterback has shown great promise this year and he could be ready to make that jump to elite status in season three.

The big decision will be in category two. She has two potential solid options in round six, Dion Lewis and Jeremy Langford. Lewis was fantastic this year before getting hurt. In fact, he was so good, the Patriots signed him for two more seasons. The only concern is, this is still New England and you never know what they’ll do each year, plus Blount is also signed through next season.

That leaves us with Langford. He looked great when he got the starting nod and with the older Forte’s contract up after this season, one has to believe the Bears will go with Langford as their starting back next year. Like Lewis, he can be kept in the sixth round.

11. TWO (DON) With a loss to me, Don’s playoff dreams are nearly over. Now I say nearly, because technically he’s not eliminated from the post-season (Burrier and Jeff losing helped that). However, he’s so far behind in points, I can’t see how he catches them. So let’s look ahead…

In category one, he’s not keeping DeMarco Murray, so he’s looking at Edelman in round three or Landry in round five. Neither are bad options, but neither are game changing keepers. In category two, he can keep Blake Bortles. The Jaguars quarterback has shown positive signs, but would you be willing to trust him with your starting quarterback spot next year? I wouldn’t. Lastly, in category three, Don’s got Matt Jones in round 12. The Redskins rookie back has been wildly inconsistent (as has the team in general), but we all have to assume Alfred Morris’s days in Washington are over, right? This means Don could have a decent RB2/3 in round 12.

12. LOBSTER BIKINI (ROBIO) Despite the win, it’s hard to see how I’m not just postponing the inevitable. Fact is, it’s hard enough to win when you’re giving up the league’s most points, but I have lost this season my top two quarterbacks (Romo, Bradford) and now I’ll finish my season without my starting backfield (Foster, Forsett). I guess it’s true….bad things happen to bad people.

WEEK TWELVE

Johnny Hancock – Eric (W) at Lobster Bikini – Robio (L), 1394.0 – 1134.0 Tijuana Picnic – Jeff (L) at Deflate My Balls – Rob M (W), 861.0 – 1492.0 Two – Don (L) at My Ball Zach Ertz – Matt (W), 1116.0 – 1775.0 The Hype is Real – Rich B (L) at Mollipop – Molly (W), 844.0 – 1657.0 Welcome 2 FLA, Assholes – Griff (W) at The Dick-Taters – Rich C (L), 1877.0 – 1442.0 Quarter Pounders – Colby (L) at Mug Life – Bob (W), 1221.0 – 1617.0

TUESDAY THOUGHTS

Bob continues to chase history, Griff heats up, Molly plays spoiler and while technically we have three teams still fighting for the final two playoff spots, because Jeff is crushing Calderon in points, the reality is, the battle for the final playoff spot comes down to two Rich’s.

1. MUG LIFE (BOB) If Bob wants to repeat, the fantasy gods are certainly making it hard. Let’s look at some of the problem spots.

First…running back. Losing Le’Veon Bell is starting to hurt as Lamar Miller’s stats continue to decline. He has failed to get 10 touches in his last two, as it appears the Fins are seeing what they have with Jay Ajayi. Also, I warned Bob about Todd Gurley. Without his touchdowns, he was looking like an average back. This week he failed to score and produced just 30 yards on ten touches because the Rams quarterbacks won’t stop throwing interceptions.

Second…quarterback. A few weeks ago, Bob recognized some concerns about Matt Ryan and shipped off Ronnie Hillman for Collarbone Romo. Well, the Cowboys quarterback failed to suit up for Mug Life and is done for the year. Now Russell Wilson had his best game this Sunday, throwing for five touchdowns. Still, can Bob rely on him? Maybe. He’s been solid since Bob grabbed him off the wire and he has a very favorable schedule until the finals when he’ll be facing the Rams.

Third…tight end. On top of losing both Bell and Romo, Bob also lost Rob Gronkowski. The injury didn’t look good. Word is it’s not serious and he’ll miss a game. Yet, later I heard he’ll miss multiple games.

Of course, all this bashing and Bob still rolled for his 11th win, scoring 1,617 points. With one more win, he’ll become just the second person to finish a regular season 12-1 and is on pace to become the first person to earn 15 wins in a season. Sadly though, he’s fallen off the pace to break the record for most points in the regular season. He would need to score 1,754 points next week to own that record.

2. WELCOME 2 FLA, ASSHOLES (GRIFF) Griff got another 567 points from his Carolina connection (Cam Newton and Panthers DST). The pair have combined for 1,350 in the last two weeks. These two are making us all forget that Griff is still starting Chris Sims (78 points this week).

The only concern is, come Robioland Title game time, will they have something to play for? The Panthers will wrap up their division with a win next week. They also have a two-game lead over Arizona in the battle for home field. If that lead extends to three, one has to wonder how much Carolina cares in week sixteen. Here’s hoping that the Panthers remain undefeated and Cam and company will be chasing history.

3. QUARTER POUNDERS (COLBY) I’ve been wondering if Colby would go three wide, since Chris Johnson’s numbers are done. Well, maybe he won’t have a choice now. Johnson, coming off his worst performance, 12 carries, 17 yards, hurt his knee and left the game early. If he misses some time, it looks like it’s three-wide or bust for the Pounders.

4. DEFLATE MY BALLS (ROB M) An impressive five players broke 200 this week for Masterson. Chris Ivory had the touchdown run of the season and Rawls continues to be Baby Beast Mode. Those two, as long as Lynch is out, are must starts. However, come playoff time, Rob will need to be pushing all the right buttons. This week he left points on the bench. Big Ben (340) outscored Eli (214), while Jeremy Maclin (380) outdid Randall Cobb (148).

5. MY BALL ZACH ERTZ (MATT) Matt finally made the right decision in the Packers backfield, starting Eddie Lacy (308 points) over James Starks (160 points). It’s those kind of decisions that will either hand Matt another title or send him home early. He’ll have to decide between Philip Rivers vs a suddenly hot Matt Stafford. At tight end, it’s Julian Thomas vs. Ben Watson. At receiver, it’s Travis Benjamin vs. Tavon Austin.

6. TIJUANA PICNIC (JEFF) Another day, another game where Jeff’s bench completely outplays his starters. First, it might be time to put C.J. Anderson back in. He’s looked a lot better since the Broncos switched quarterbacks and got their signal caller back under center. He had 153 yards and two touchdowns “backing up” Ronnie Hillman. On top of that, backup Kamar Aiken was his best receiver (scoring 220 points), backup Blue was his second best back (220), while both his backup quarterbacks (WInslow, Cutler) outscored Drew Brees.

7. JOHNNY HANCOCK (ERIC) Eric got the win thanks to a 436-point outburst from Sam Watkins. Add in Tom Brady’s 336 points and those two combined to score 55% of his points this weeks. This just hides the fact that no other player hit the 200-point mark. At least Spencer Ware looks like a good start as long as West is out. He produced a nice 290-point game in his first start with the Chiefs. It appears whoever is running the ball in Kansas City is worth a starting spot.

8. THE DICK-TATERS (RICH C) Calderon actually scored well, but it wasn’t enough against the mighty Griff. With one more week to play, he still can’t seem to find his way into the playoffs, despite the fact both Jeff (two straight defeats) and Burrier (six straight defeats) are trying their hardest to miss the post-season. Now Rich will try to become the first person to win just five games and make the post-season. So what needs to happen….besides find a replacement for an injured Jimmy Graham? I went over this yesterday, but one more time doesn’t hurt.

Well, Rich needs to win. He has the advantage here since he has the easiest match up, facing three-win Don, while Jeff goes against Matt, while Burrier takes on Colby. The problem is points. Assuming Calderon wins and Jeff loses, Rich would need to make up 900 points. That seems nearly impossible. Now if Burrier loses, then Calderon just needs to make up 313 points. That’s possible, especially the way Burrier has scored lately (see below).

9. THE HYPE IS REAL (RICH B) What’s so crazy about this six-game losing streak is how good Burrier was. Remember, back in weeks 4-6, he averaged 1,736 points per game, producing two weekly high scores. He would have had three straight if he didn’t bench Devonta Freeman for some reason.

However, his six losses are legit. No flukes among them. In them, he has failed to hit 1,250 points in any of them. He has failed to hit 900 in four out of five games. That’s stunning. The fact is, this was a team that relied on excellent running backs (Freeman, Forte) and they’re both out. The problem is, by the time they return, Burrier’s season could be over (next week?).

Anyhow, moving on to teams whose seasons are over….

Let’s do something a little special today for the three teams that are now out of the playoffs. Let’s try to quickly examine what went wrong. Note: I would rank Molly ahead of Burrier, but for the purpose of this exercise, I kept the three non-playoff teams last.

10. MOLLIPOP (MOLLY)

POOR DRAFT: Molly has historically made one truly awful pick over the years, although last season she seemed to get past that. This year, that Molly returned in full force as she drafted Tre Mason in the third round over Todd Gurley for reasons we’ll never know. She followed that up with another bad one when she took over-the-hill Roddy White in round four.

She could have made up for some of these picks, but drafted the Seahawks DST, despite the fact defenses don’t have the same impact on scoring like they use to. In rounds 7-9, she drafted handcuffs, despite good starters sitting there and then an injured Victor Cruz. In fact, not a single player drafted or kept after round seven finished the season on Molly’s roster.

INJURIES: They happen. Both LeSean McCoy and T.Y. Hilton missed some time and that contributed to her slow start. She did manage to grab Dion Lewis off the wire, but he eventually was knocked out for the year.

BUSTS: Russell Wilson was a disaster this season and Molly eventually cut him (although he’s heating up now). However, the problem was at wide receiver. With a combo of Megatron and T.Y. Hilton, it was believed she had a pair of All-Robio hands on her hands, but these two struggled for most of the season. Meanwhile, the Seahawks DST couldn’t stop anyone from scoring late in the fourth quarter.

WHEN DID IT OFFICIALLY GO SOUTH: Um, right away. Molly started the season 0-5. However, after upsetting Eric in week six, there was hope. She was technically just one game out of a playoff spot and the next three were against Robio, Jeff and Don, which would be the easiest three-game stretch of her season (those three were a combined 3-15). Well, she went 0-3 against the league’s worst and her season was done.

11. TWO (DON)

POOR DRAFT: Don started off with 2014’s League MVP (DeMarco Murray), who struggled mightily at times this season. In round two, he grabbed Peyton Manning, a tremendous bust. Edelman was a solid get in the third as was Jarvis Landry in the fifth, but those two had a Rasheed Jennings shit sandwich sandwiched in between. After Witten in round six, the rest of his draft is a who’s who of failed picks.

INJURIES: Except for losing Edelman late, Don can’t really blame his loses on injuries. DeMarco Murray was lost for a game, Witten struggled without Tony Romo and Manning certainly wasn’t healthy, but losing him may have actually helped Don.

WIRE FAILURE: Even with Murray playing better midseason, outside of Edelman, it’s hard to point to anyone on Don’s roster who lived up to or exceeded expectations. This was evident from the start, yet Don simply couldn’t get a player off the wire, often missing by $1 (according to him). Until week eight, Don didn’t pick up a single RB/WR/QB off the wire, until he had no choice but to cut Kaepernick for Flacco. Later, he appeared to spend big bucks when it was doubtful anyone was competing with him. He did land Blount down the stretch the week Lewis got hurt, but I’ll always remember him for failing to get DeAngelo Williams.

WHEN DID IT OFFICIALLY GO SOUTH: It went downhill quickly, as Don started the year 1-7. He did defeat Molly and Burrier in back-to-back weeks to get within one game of the post-season, but that would be the last of his success.

12. LOBSTER BIKINI (ROBIO)

POOR DRAFT: Actually, my first big mistake was prior to the draft. Just one day before the draft was scheduled, I ended up not keeping Devonta Freeman. That would begin a odyssey of very bad decisions. With the top pick in the draft, I assumed I could get Adrian Peterson and Emmanuel Sanders. I wasn’t happy with that and drafted down. If I would have just stayed put and had those two, I’d be a playoff team. Later, I passed up Julio Jones for Demaryius Thomas. Justin Forsett proved to be my best player and that’s not saying much. I drafted an injury prone back in round three (Foster) and lost him for the year. I drafted Blount in round four and he lost his starting job. In round five, I took Sam Bradford and he was terrible. Allen Robinson in round seven was the only pick I made that actually worked out.

INJURIES: Lots of these, baby. I lost Tony Romo in week two, Arian Foster and Justin Forsett later. Plus, I lost Jordan Reed for a few games and then Sam Bradford at the end.

LOSING ON THE WIRE: I tried to get and failed to get so many eventual stars. I’d be here all day if I listed off all of them. I failed to get Andy Dalton and Stephen Diggs. I missed on Barnidge and my big miss was Devonta Freeman. I was simply outbid on all these. Later, I’d waste my money on others who didn’t help much and I’d lose out on players like Williams, West and Langford, who could have been difference makers.

WHEN DID IT OFFICIALLY GO SOUTH: Early and often. I lost my first six, including one defeat to Bob on a game’s final play. I was easily surrendering the most points, which didn’t help. I ended up with a pair of wins, taking down Molly and Burrier in back-to-back weeks. At 2-6, I was one game back of the playoffs and was leading the bottom six teams in points scored, but it proved to be a fluke. I would end up losing three of four low scoring games, eliminating me from the playoffs.

WEEK THIRTEEN

Lobster Bikini – Robio (L) at Welcome 2 FLA, Assholes – Griff (W), 1293.0 – 1558.0 Johnny Hancock – Eric (W) at Deflate My Balls – Rob M (L), 1791.0 – 1661.0 Two – Don (L) at The Dick-Taters – Rich C (W), 1102.0 – 1575.0 Quarter Pounders – Colby (L) at The Hype is Real – Rich B (W), 1529.0 – 1681.0 Mug Life – Bob (L) at Mollipop – Molly (W), 1081.0 – 1085.0 Tijuana Picnic – Jeff (W) at My Ball Zach Ertz – Matt (L), 1115.0 – 1003.0

TUESDAY THOUGHTS

It’s the final regular season Tuesday Thought of the year and like always, I’m going to keep this short because I’m already working hard on the Playoff Predictions.

1. WELCOME 2 FLA, ASSHOLES (GRIFF) David Johnson’s stat line: 120 yards on 24 touches, one touchdown equals 300 fantasy points. I expect those many touches to be the norm and is a big reason why Griff’s complete team is knocking Bob out of the top spot in the season’s final week. Think about it. Griff broke 1,500 despite fact three positions scored just 48 points. NEXT UP: #7 Tijuana Picnic

2. MUG LIFE (BOB) Sadly, I’m moving Bob out of the top spot as he’s struggled to put up points in two of the last three weeks, suffering a four-point defeat to a three-win team. He missed an opportunity to become the second person to go 12-1 in the regular season, settling for 11-2. The 1,081 points scored this week was his lowest point total since week one of last year. Gurley remains a huge problem, getting just 41 yards and 82 points and hasn’t rushed for 100 yards in six weeks.

Now the good news is, Russell Wilson seems to now be the kind of quarterback to dominate in the post-season. Coming off a 514-point game on the road in Minnesota, scoring 1,444 points in his last three. He also has a very easy schedule come post-season, as the only top ranked defense he’s facing (the Rams) seem to have thrown in the towel this season. NEXT UP: #8 The Hype is Real

3. QUARTER POUNDERS (COLBY) Despite the loss, Colby’s squad put up a nice effort, breaking 1,500 thanks to a pair of 200-point games and a pair of 300-point games. He’s riding a pair of Buccaneers into the playoffs, which may have seemed like a bad idea at the beginning of the season, but pure brilliance now. Martin and Evans are the real deal and Tampa has a very favorable post-season schedule facing a bad Saints team, a Rams defense that appears to have given up on the season and then the Bears at home. NEXT UP: #3 Johnny Hancock

4. DEFLATE MY BALLS (ROB M) Heading into the playoffs, Rob has a pair of stars putting up their best numbers. Big Ben scored over 500, which is sort of what I expected when the season began with all the weapons he has. At receiver, Jeremy Maclin has delivered 660 points in his last two, as the Chiefs suddenly look like one of the NFL’s best teams. NEXT UP: #5 Zach Ertz My Balls

5. JOHNNY HANCOCK (ERIC) Eric got a solid 810 points from Tom Brady and Antonio Brown…that’s not a surprise. However, T.J. Yeldon and Sammy Watkins finally came through. They combined for 245 yards and two touchdowns (Yeldon: 322 fantasy points, Watkins: 278). When these two score, Eric is a much more dangerous team, especially with a healthy Eifert back in the lineup. NEXT UP: #6 Quarter Pounders

6. THE HYPE IS REAL (RICH B) Burrier becomes just the second team to earn a playoff spot despite a six-game losing streak. Griff was the last person to do it back in 2002 and he actually advanced to the semis that year. The good news is Burrier is that his backfield (Forte, Freeman) is finally healthy, as is Tyrod Taylor (who has produced back-to-back 426-point games). Rich is the 8-seed, but based on my belief, it’s better to be the 8-seed (who faces Bob) than the 7-seed (who faces Griff). With good matchups, Burrier has the chance to shock the world. NEXT UP: #1 Mug Life

7. MY BALL ZACH ERTZ (MATT) Did you know Matt has failed to hit 1,200 in four out of his last five games? Now you know. Pass it on. Sure if Travis Benjamin didn’t get knocked out of the game early Sunday with a shoulder injury, he might have won, but this is a team limping into the post-season. The Packers backfield continues to be a mess (who does Matt even start this week), Gordon stinks and Julio Jones’ schedule is about to get a lot tougher. Smells like a one-and-done post-season for Matt this year. NEXT UP: #4 Deflate My Balls

8. TIJUANA PICNIC (JEFF) Jeff earned the victory and a playoff spot, but can he really beat Griff? He’s failed to hit 1,200 in his last three and has broken 1,500 just once all season (way back in week three). There are good players on this team, I just can’t trust Jeff to make the right decision each week. NEXT UP: #2 Welcome 2 Fla, Assholes

9. MOLLIPOP (MOLLY) While the point total this week wasn’t impressive, Molly beat Bob and not many people can say that the past two seasons. Her four-year playoff run comes to an end and her four wins are her worst since 2010, but after finishing the year with back-to-back wins, she now has hope for 2016. Now if she can avoid those truly awful third-round picks.

10. THE DICK-TATERS (RICH C) He began the year as the top rated team in my rankings and ends it outside the playoffs. He finished 10th in scoring, just two points ahead of me and he never won two games in a row all season long.

The villains of this story are a pair of running backs. Jeremy Hill and Carlos Hyde were suppose to give Rich two stud backs to ride all season. Instead, Hill finished 27th among all running backs, behind his own teammate in Cincinnati, Gio Bernard. Meanwhile, Hyde was an inconsistent mess in San Francisco before getting knocked out for the year in week seven.

Also, Dez Bryant got hurt early and without Tony Romo at quarterback, he was worthless later in the year, while Aaron Rodgers failed to live up to the hype, as the Packers offense struggled in the second half of the season. At least he got Le’Veon Bell for next year.

11. LOBSTER BIKINI (ROBIO) I’m missing the post-season for the second straight year for the first time in my career. I think I’m going to need to make some upper-management changes this offseason.

12. TWO (DON) That’s four straight years without a trip to the playoffs. He’s become the Cleveland Browns of fantasy football.

QUARTERFINALS

The Hype is Real – Rich B (L) at Mug Life – Bob (W), 1124.0 – 2002.0 My Ball Zach Ertz – Matt (W) at Deflate My Balls – Rob M (L), 1477.0 – 1177.0 Quarter Pounders – Colby (W) at Johnny Hancock – Eric (L), 1563.0 – 1204.0 Tijuana Picnic – Jeff (L) at Welcome 2 FLA, Assholes – Griff (W), 997.0 – 1847.0

TUESDAY THOUGHTS

You know, I see no reason to wait until Tuesday to deliver the Tuesdaythoughts…we know the results. The only open question is will Griff pass Bob for highest scoring game. He’s down 359 points with Odell Beckham and the Giants kicker going tonight, while Bob still has Lamar Miller. I’m going to say no, as Bob will probably just fall short of 2,000 for the week. Anyhow, moving on…

THE WINNERS

(1) MUG LIFE Let’s be honest, this week couldn’t have gone any better for Bob and I’m not even talking about the 8×10 nudes I sent him. You got those, right? Anyhow, three notable things happened this weekend in Bob’s quarterfinal victory over Burrier.

First, Todd Gurley looked good. He had one ankle-breaking TD run that would have made Barry Sanders envious. He had his first good game in a month and his best game since week seven, scoring 414 points. Best yet, he did it on just 16 carries, which goes to show there is room to improve. The only negative? Gurley didn’t play in the fourth quarter (injury?) and no word if he’ll be ready to go Thursday night.

Second, Rob Gronkowski returned. He had 234 points and didn’t miss a beat after missing just one game. This was the fifth time in his last seven that he’s scored over 200. With Gronk in the lineup, Bob has a significant advantage at TE over the remaining field.

Third, what has gotten into Russell Wilson? Holy hell, he and the Seahawks suddenly look like a powerhouse. He has broken 500 points in three straight games (538, 514, 506). Best yet, he’s doing it through the air as a passer. Things should remain easy next week as Seattle faces a bad Browns team at home.

(2) WELCOME 2 FLA, ASSHOLES Griff’s Carolina connection continues to dominate, as both Cam Newton and the Panthers DST produced over 300 points each…again. In fact, the Panthers D has scored over 300 in three out of their last four. The tram is now 13-0, having wrapped up the division and a bye-week and if they keep winning or if the Cardinals lose one more game, home field advantage will belong to them before we even sniff the season’s final week.

Of course the fear is that the Panthers will take their foot off the gas or worse yet, sit players in meaningless games. Personally, I think Griff will be okay. I can’t imagine any team trying to avoid history. If you have a shot at 16-0, you go get 16-0.

On top of his Panthers partnership,. Griff got a solid pair of games from his backfield, as both Adrian Peterson and David Johnson scored over 200. However, there was negative from this week (because there always seems to be one little negative that pops up on this squad).

Griff went with Vincent Jackson and he proceeded to delivered a very V-Jax type game (one reception for five yards). With Emmanual Sanders struggling to get points without Peyton Manning, we have to wonder where Griff will get points from the WR2 spot? Right now, Michael Floyd may be the best option. Sitting on Griff’s bench this week, he scored 264 points and he’s broken 200 in four out of his last five games.

5. MY BALLS ZACH ERTZ Matt earns the honor of producing the week’s lowest scoring win. However, this is the playoffs and no one cares how you won…just win, baby. Of course, being the lowest scoring quarterfinals winner has not really turned into glory later on.

HISTORY: I actually scored the lowest point total for a winning team in the quarters the first three years in this league, winning the first first two titles, despite the “rough” start. Over the next five seasons, two out of the next five managed to reach the title game (which means they won in the semis).

However, starting in 2006, that lowest scoring winner would end up dropping eight straight in the semifinals, until last year, when Matt Neatock, managed to reach the title game. Can he make it two years in a row?

Matt scored well enough, 1,411 points is nothing to be ashamed of. Overall, his squad was decent. Only three players broke 200 points, only one crash 250, but only one failed to hit 100 (Benjamin).

With his holes at RB2 and his inconsistent play at quarterback, Matt’s going to need a miracle to earn a third title, but at least he made the right decision with Eddie Lacy this week.

It’s clear the coaching staff wants Lacy running the ball. The fans want him to be successful, but even after delivering a 356-point performance this weekend against the Cowboys, how I can declare, “he’s back” based on his track record? So far this season Lacy has broken 250 points twice (before this week). In the two follow-up games, he’s scored a total of 20 fantasy points.

(6) QUARTER POUNDERS Can’t say this was a surprise, as myself and CBS had Colby pegged as the favorite. Once again, he’s proved that there is true talent on this roster. A.J. Green, despite losing his quarterback, scored 324 points (thanks to a long TD). Alshon Jeffery delivered his best performance in weeks (274 points). Lastly, Doug Martin remains in beast mode, scoring 232 points in a game the Buccaneers could have easily given up on the running game after falling behind.

Still, the question for Colby remains the health issue. With Andy Dalton now out for the year and Andrew Luck still not back, he’s down to just one quarterback, Carson Palmer. Granted, that’s a pretty damn good quarterback to be left with. He’s coming off a solid 312-point effort and has a very favorable match up (vs Eagles) in the semis.

THE LOSERS

(3) JOHNNY HANCOCK To pull off the win, Eric was going to need a pair of monster efforts from his superstars. Sadly, Tom Brady and Antonio Brown sort of looked human Sunday. Combined, they scored 434 points, when I projected they would need to double that for Eric to win.

Despite the loss, Eric’s season was a very successful one. Coming off back-to-back 4-9 seasons, Eric needed to get back into the post-season and he did just that. Moving forward, he needs to become a consistent playoff contributor and avoid sinking back into last place where he’s been so often over the years.

(4) DEFLATE MY BALLS In the end, Big Ben (150) and Jeremy Maclin (132) came up small and Thomas Rawls got hurt. Rawls was having a fantastic game early. With just six carries midway through the first quarter, the Seahawks RB had 44 yards and 88 fantasy points. However, he broke his ankle and was done for the day. Now it’s fun to speculate, it’s tough to say it cost Rob the win. Good start or not, assuming Rawls would have scored another 300 points is probably an assumption too far (he has scored over 388 twice this season).

For Rob, he’s now produced a pretty stunning five straight winning regular seasons. Few have ever done that. In fact, the list is pretty short.

Griff: (Twice) 2002-2006, 2009-current (7 straight seasons) Robio: 1999-2003 Bob: 2006-2010

If Rob does it again next year, he’ll become just the second person to ever have six straight winning regular seasons. However, at what point does Masterson make the leap forward?

Here’s a man who has never won a top seed (one of five to not do that yet), he’s never won a scoring title (one of three), he’s never won a league championship (one of five) and has never even been to a title game (he and Jeff are the only ones who have never done that). It’s time for Masterson to take that leap forward and produce a great team.

(7) TIJUANA PICNIC It’s sort of fitting that Jeff’s season will end with a bunch of bench players scoring well in another defeat. Fact is, he worked the waiver wire as good as anyone this season, but too often, the guy on the pine was putting up the points, while the starter wasn’t.

I can’t blame him for starting Jamie Winston over Drew Brees, but that cost him 90 points.At RB, West scored 142 less points than Tim Hightower, while at receiver, Cooks was outplayed by a trio of receivers. If it makes Jeff feel any better, no decision would have led to a win this week.

As for the season, sure he’s not advancing deep into the post-season, but reaching it is a big deal. This is just the third time Jeff has gotten an invite. While he had a ton of players he drafted fail to deliver, he did a great job throughout the year making his team better through the wire and in a trade. Next year, let’s do something Jeff has never done before…make the playoffs two years in a row and actually win a playoff game.

(8) THE HYPE IS REAL The Hype is over…Outside Tyrod Taylor and a good game by his kicker, Burrier’s boys failed to show. His backfield has to be the most disappointing thing about this week’s effort. Against a poor 49ers D, Matt Forte had just 53 total yards, scoring one TD. Devonta Freeman was even worse. The All-Robio back had 62 yards, no score and a fumble. 260 points from those two were not going to get it done.

For Burrier, this season was an interesting journey. He started 5-1, dominating for a bit, but then barely held on for a playoff spot after losing six straight. The good news is, Rich has reestablished himself as a consistent player in this league, having crash the post-season four out of the last five years.

SEMIFINALS

Quarter Pounders – Colby (W) at Mug Life – Bob (L), 1398.0 – 1317.0 My Ball Zach Ertz – Matt (L) at Welcome 2 FLA, Assholes – Griff (W), 1335.0 – 1962.0

TUESDAY THOUGHTS

Technically, the week is not over, as Matt still has a player going tonight, but I’m going to reach here and say Matt Stafford does not score a record breaking 945 points tonight. Meanwhile, Colby has taken down Bob! Darth Vader and the evil empire is gone! Let’s start off this week’s Thoughts with the teams we’re saying goodbye to in 2015.

(1) BOB CASTRONE Bob’s 2015 team will certainly go down as one of the greatest of all-time to not win a championship. Time will tell if that’s an official title, although failing to get to the semis will certainly hurt a bit.

Bob’s 25-straight scoring at least 1,250 points is the kind of record that may never be broken, as he challenged for the most points ever scored in a regular season until the end. Yep, the end. That’s what it always comes down to and that’s the problem with this team. Even with Russell Wilson fixing Bob’s quarterback hole, this team was not as good as it was earlier in the year.

Put it this way, dating back to early last season, Bob had scored at least 1,350 points in 20 out of 21 games. That’s a stunning stat. However, over his last five, he failed to hit 1,350 points three times. This simply meant…he was beatable.

This week, only Wilson showed up, giving Bob a fourth straight 400-pt game. However, Brandon Marshall missed important game time due to dehydration (he went into the locker room for an IV), his kicker didn’t even try a field goal attempt and Larry Fitzgerald was shutout in the second half of a high scoring second half of last night’s game. However, the issue in the end was at running back. Bob got just 60 total rushing yards from Todd Gurley and Lamar Miller, as they scored a total of 260 fantasy points.

For me this season, two things stand out when you’re trying to find what went south for Bob. First, losing Le’Veon Bell was huge. After seeing what DeAngelo Williams did in week one and two, one would have thought Bob would have had Bell’s handcuff on his pine. He didn’t and when Bell went out, Bob didn’t have the cash to compete for DeAngelo. If he had him this week, Bob would be advancing.

Second, Bob dumped Bell, but basically didn’t get anything in return. At the time, Bryant was the best option. With Romo back in week 11, Bryant seemed like a good get. However, when Romo went out again, Dez just became a very expense bench sitter, who Bob had no faith to get into his lineup. Well, if he played Dez over either Fitzgerald or Lamar this week, Bob advances.

(5) MATT NEATOCK It’s quite simple…it’s hard to win fantasy football games without running backs. Melvin Gordon and the Packers back of the week (usually Eddie Lacy) were again awful this week. Gordon has been below average all year and he continued that trend this week, producing just 47 total yards on 15 touches in a game the Chargers were up 21-0 early.

Of course Eddie Lacy was worse. I warned you prior to the game. Lacy was coming off a monster game, but the other two times he had monster games he did absolutely nothing (scoring a combined 20 points). Well, the semis proved no different. A week after scoring 356 points, Lacy scored just 46 points this week. Matt’s two backs combined for 140 points.

It’s shocking that Matt was never able to fix this problem. In fact, Gordon/Lacy are arguable the worst backfield in our league history to make the playoffs. Gordon never scored 200 this season in a game, failing to hit 100 six times. Yet, Matt only benched the Chargers back once this season (week 7).

Lacy is one of those backs you can’t bench, but let’s face it, Matt never was able to get a player off the wire that could have made a difference on a weekly basis and too often ended up wasting big efforts by Julio Jones and Philip Rivers.

NOW…THE…WINNERS…

(6) QUARTER POUNDERS Go ahead and call it an upset, but I won’t…at least not a big upset. I’ve always had a lot of faith in Colby’s squad. Despite only six wins, he was the fourth best scoring team and actually led the league in weekly high scores with three. Those aren’t fluke numbers.

On any given week, any number of players on his team can put up monster games. This week, it was Mike Evans, who delivered 314 points Thursday night. Meanwhile, the rest of the squad was good enough. Two players (Palmer, Olsen) broke 200, while Doug Martin was six points shy and the Jets DST was just four points short of 200.

Anyhow, I have much more to say about 2015 Colby and his title hopes, but we’ll wait until my championship predictions.

(2) GRIFF COOMER I said Griff was the hottest team heading into the playoffs and he’s only made me look really smart through two post-season games. He followed up a 1,800-pt game with a 1,900-pt game and needs just 1,581 points next week to break Matt’s 2009 playoff scoring record of 5,390 points.

This week he relied on two stunning performances:

First, Cam Newton…the Panthers quarterback may not have won league MVP this year, but he’s clearly the best player in fantasy football. Against the Giants, he had 340 yards passing, 100 yards rushing and five touchdowns, throwing to a bunch of awful receivers and with a running back most people never heard of.

Second, David Johnson…he’s proven to be a game-changing pick up (as I predicted). Against the Eagles, he had 229 total yards and three touchdowns (and he did that while going to the locker room for a bit with an injury).

Like Colby, I got plenty more to say, but I’ll wait until my title game predictions to share my thoughts.

TITLE GAME

Quarter Pounders – Colby (L) at Welcome 2 FLA, Assholes – Griff (W), 1049.0 -1333.0

TUESDAY THOUGHTS

Griff It’s official…Griff Coomer is the 2015 Robioland Fantasy Football Champion…

However, before we heap praise on our new master of the mug, we always throw a little appreciation to our runner up.

Colby falls short, but proved that maybe we tend to overthink our top picks each and every summer, when really, it’s those later round grabs that do the real damage.

His first-round pick, Andrew Luck, hasn’t seen action for Colby since week seven and scored just 1,444 points for the Pounders. His third-round pick Ameel Abdullah did pretty much nothing for him all season, before being released in week fifteen (he was picked up a week later). Instead, this squad was led by Carson Palmer, an 11th-round pick, Doug Martin, a fifth-round pick and a pair of deep keepers, Mike Evans in round seven and Alshon Jeffery all the way in round fifteen. They were paired with a solid second round pick, A.J. Green, to make a lethal trio of receivers.

Of course, Colby made sure to not wait on a tight end this season, when he grabbed Greg Olsen in round three and he’s always put defense in the forefront, as he drafted two (the Bills, the Jets) before most teams even drafted one.

In the end though, the game was pretty much decided on who was able to fill in the flex spot and who was not able to fill in a flex spot. For Colby, he thought that spot was filled, but then Alshon Jeffery was declared out for this Sunday’s contest. Instead, he was left scrambling and picked Christine Michaels, a man twice cut this year by real NFL teams, but was coming off an 84-yard performance the week before. He failed to pay off against one of the best run D’s in the league, producing just 40 points.

Despite coming up one game short for the second time in his career, Colby has had a nice three-year run, where he has won 25 games and made the post-season three straight times. Unfortunately for him, all three playoff runs came to an end thanks to Griff Coomer.

Speaking of Griff.

It’s been clear for a while that Bob Castrone has become the best team in Robioland. However, with this title (his first since 2005), Griff is proving he’s right on his tail. Fitting, since this season’s incredible run began back in week nine when he ended Bob’s unbeaten season.

From that moment on, Griff hasn’t tasted defeat, rolling off eight straight wins to end the season. Yet, it was when he finally filled that flex spot, he became the favorite. That’s when the Cardinals Chris Johnson went down and Griff grabbed David Johnson off the wire in week thirteen for $23.

The free agent pick up became the league’s best fantasy player, averaging 389 points per game in his four starts. This includes his 314-point effort in the title game. It was that title game that I said Griff’s backs needed to deliver at least 500 points. Well, they did that easily, as Johnson and Adrian Peterson combined for 612 fantasy points.

For Griff, the success started even before the draft, when he traded up for the top pick in the draft and took a chance on Peterson, who was coming off a season where he played just one game. The moved paid off, as Peterson finished first-team All-Robio. Yet like Colby above, this run wasn’t about a bunch of top picks leading a team to a title.

At quarterback, Cam Newton was arguable the best player in the league, but Griff didn’t draft him until the 8th round. The Panthers D wasn’t taken until the 10th round, Gary Barnidge was a free agent pick up and most importantly, Odell Beckham was a 14th round keeper that wasn’t even drafted by Griff in 2014.

This championship is the payoff of an amazing run. Griff has now won at least eight games for seven straight seasons. Only Bob has done that. He’s now been to a record 32 playoff games, won 20 of those and has appeared in a stunning eight title games (in 17 seasons).

Worse yet for all of us, next year’s team could be even better. Think about it, before the draft even begins, he can keep Adrian Peterson with the 12th overall pick in round one (thanks to me, for trading him the first pick in the draft). He then drafts again with the 13th pick. Thanks to me, he can also keep David Johnson in round 10 (we’re going to assume Johnson has earned the starting job with his performance). Then he gets Odell Beckham in round 14 for one more year (thanks to Calderon).

Can you say repeat?