WEEK ONE

Kolb Gobblers 1183.0 at o0o0o 1310.0 Quarter Pounders 1613.0 at Tebow’s Before Hoes 1708.0 Glory Hole Days 1560.0 at Mollipop 1410.0 The Dick-Taters 1263.0 at The Gooch Bruisers 1193.0 Romolicious 1612.0 at Spider Two Wide Banana 1326.0 Young, Dumb & Full of Cam 1100.0 at Tony Stark 1172.0

TUESDAY THOUGHTS

No. 1 TEBOW’S BEFORE HOES Wow, my preseason favorite did not disappoint. Eric wins an epic week one match up that featured the top two scoring teams of the week. Someone had to lose, but it wasn’t Eric. It was an overall strong effort, with six players breaking 198. However, the key was the running backs…Forte/Rich combined for 542 points. The pair finished 1-2 among all starting running backs in week one.

No. 2 QUARTER POUNDERS It’s a tough loss…we’ve all been there. At one point in our careers, we’ve all been the second highest scoring team of the week, yet walked away with the loss. Now with a solid, balanced 1,613-point performance, there is plenty to be excited about, but Colby has to be really happy about his RB2 spot. Both Kevin Smith (268) and Ben Green-Ellis (212) looked great. Hell, you might see first-round pick Jamaal Charles on the bench at some point soon.

No. 3 GLORY HOLE DAYS Julio Jones was the man. It looked like the Chiefs defense was trying to stay away from him. He finished with 108 yards and two scores and he could have had another one, but Matt Ryan missed a wide open Jones in the back of the end zone in the third quarter. However, not all things are chirpy in the Glory Hole. The 2012 Chris Johnson didn’t look like the 2011 Chris Johnson…he looked much worse. He had his worst rushing game of his career, four yards on 11 carries.

No. 4 ROMOLICIOUS At least for one week, you can see why I passed on Romo for Ryan, the league’s top quarterback in week one. Against the Chiefs, it looked like he was running a 7-on-7 drill. He finished with 557 points and that was with the Falcons barely throwing a pass in the fourth quarterback. Overall a decent performance by all my starters, although it would have been nice if I could have gotten a touchdown from White, Harvin, Lynch and McFadden.

No. 5 MOLLIPOP The best news to come out of this week had to be Peterson’s performance. He looked strong, finishing with 87 yards and two touchdowns. To think, he’s going to be a second-round keeper for two more years has to make Molly smile. Of course the bad news had to be Helu. He didn’t get the start, getting just two carries and three receptions for the game. That’s not the numbers you expect from a third-round pick. Worse yet, the Redskins starter (Morris) looked great, so I don’t see how or when Helu gets the starting job back.

No. 6 THE DICK-TATERS Rich got the win with a so-so performance. Scoring 1,253 points is nothing to write home about. Having said that, I think this may be the worst kind of game this team can have. Only two of Rich’s starters had a touchdown (Eli threw for one, Finley caught another), Players like Murray, McCoy and Calvin Johnson are going to get their scores. Now if 1,253 is the worst game this crew can do, then just imagine what the best will be.

No. 7 THE GOOCH BRUISERS Despite the loss, a lot of good news came out of this game for Griff. First, Peyton Manning looked solid. Just imagine what he can do once he begins to get comfortable with his receivers. Also, Donald Brown put up a decent 138 fantasy points, despite just nine touches. Not bad. However, the big news involves C.J. Spiller. Fred Jackson went down and appears to be out for a while. Spiller has already proven that if he’s given an opportunity, he can produce points. I’d pencil him as a starter beginning next week. Donald Brown will have to wait.

No. 8 TEAM 6 It was a nice week one win, but that doesn’t mean everything is flowers and candy. Rich has some real concerns at RB2 right now. Gerhart is pretty much worthless right now, because Peterson looks just fine, so that leaves Ryan Williams. Burrier reached for the Cardinals back early and now he’s going to need to ride with him. In week one he did pretty much nothing. He split carries with Beanie (8-7), fumbled and produced negative points. I hope Rich likes three wide receiver sets.

No. 9 STAFFORD INFECTIONS The concern coming into the season was the running game. Even Matt knew this as he drafted half the league’s running backs. Still, no one really stepped up in week one. Only Steven Jackson broke 100 fantasy points (118 points). The rest? McGahee fumbled his way to 76 points, Turner got 42 and Cedric Benson ran nowhere for 18 fantasy points.

No. 10 SPIDER TWO WIDE BANANA Go find a quarterback because Fitzgerald (239) and Dalton (87) looked awful. MJD is back, Bradshaw looks good, Steve Johnson is the Bills’ top target and Manning threw the ball to Decker plenty (he just missed out on a touchdown). Hernandez is a stud TE (he actually had more rushing yards than Chris Johnson) and the Eagles D was the only reason Philly beat Cleveland. Go get a quarterback!

No. 11 GATOR NATION While Eric and Colby battled it out as the two top teams in the league, Don wins a game despite finishing 11th in scoring this week. Only Andre Johnson (282) came through with a big game, although Shonn Greene had a productive afternoon (194). Of course losing Fred Jackson is going to hurt, but Don does have depth at RB. It just means the Trent Richardson era is ready to begin.

No. 12 YOUNG, DUMB & FULL OF CAM Let’s be clear, I don’t think Bob has the worst team, but if you’re going to produce the lowest point total in week one, you belong at the bottom…at least for one week. Oddly enough, he did manage 1,100, which is the third highest scoring ‘weekly high score’ in league history, so there’s that. Overall, he got 130 from everyone but his D. I can’t help feel like these kind of games will be rare, especially when Ryan Mathews returns.

WEEK TWO

Kolb Gobblers 1253.0 at Tony Stark 1167.0 The Dick-Taters 1384.0 at Tebow’s Before Hoes 1667.0 Mollipop 1510.0 at Spider Two Wide Banana 1075.0 The Gooch Bruisers 1847.0 at Young, Dumb & Full of Cam 1280.0 Glory Hole Days 792.0 at Romolicious 1486.0 Quarter Pounders 1139.0 at o0o0o 1312.0

TUESDAY THOUGHTS

No. 1 TEBOW’S BEFORE HOES (ERIC) Everything is just coming up Eric right now. Using simple math, Eric just had the greatest two-game stretch in his history. He’s started the season against two teams that I labeled tier one teams (Colby, Calderon) and he’s taken both down. He’s also proving to be more than just a running backs team, as Demaryius Thomas has come out as Peyton’s favorite target.

No. 2 THE GOOCH BRUISERS (GRIFF) Yes, Griff lost in week one, but that was the pre-C.J. era. Now that Spiller is the starter in Buffalo, if he runs like he did yesterday, I’m not sure how Fred Jackson gets his starting gig back. He came through with 424 fantasy points (170 total yards) and is the top back in Robioland right now. Donald Brown, who?

No. 3 ROMOLICIOUS (ROBIO) Last week I was all about Matt Ryan. This week I got a much more balanced performance. Five players broke 200 fantasy points. Still wish I could find a bench player somewhere, but at least with RGIII, I still have the top two quarterbacks in the league.

No. 4 THE DICK-TATERS (RICH C) I’m going to keep Rich up near the top for another week. No shame is losing a game where you scored nearly 1,400 points. This week we saw the magic of Eli (524 fantasy points) and we also saw the maddening inconsistency of Vincent Jackson. A week after scoring 86, he came through with 306 points.

No. 5 QUARTER POUNDERS (COLBY) Getting stuck with an injured player in his lineup is not why Colby lost. His backup TE (Rudolph) did not score enough points to give him the win. What killed Colby were the two awful stat lines by two of his top three picks. Jamaal Charles produced just 26 points and Brandon Marshall just 44 points. These guys played and did nothing.

No. 6 o0o0o (RICH B) Yeah, I know Rich just beat Colby (who I put ahead of him, but I’m not about to let one game erase weeks of research. He made a smart lineup change with LaFell (216 points) and Frank Gore continues to look strong (232 points), but last year Gore looked good early too, but faltered at the end. Rich knows if Gore can’t hold the only running back spot for the remainder of the season, he’s completely screwed.

No. 7 MOLLIPOP (MOLLY) Don’t you love how Molly can turn a weakness into strength? She drafts a terrible tight end, but then just goes to the free agent wire and lands Brent Celek, the league’s top tight end through two weeks. On top of that, she got huge performances from Cruz (396) and Bowe (308). Still, two weeks in and she has yet to find a replacement for the RB/WR flex spot. Kenny Britt did not look good in his first game back (1 reception for five yards).

No. 8 GLORY HOLES DAY (ROB M) Yeah, this one was a bad one. There is nothing positive to find in a 792-point game. Julio Jones collapsed (20 fantasy points) and overall, only Romo broke 200 and five players failed to break 100 fantasy points. It was a bad day. However, what the fuck is going on with Chris Johnson? In two games he has 19 carries for just 21 yards. We could be looking at the greatest first-round bust in league history if this keeps up.

No. 9 STAFFORD INFECTION (MATT) I’m going to put Matt ahead of Don, not so much because he beat him (he can thank my generous lineup rules for that one), but for the fact I think he has the players to fix his team’s scoring problems. For the second straight week, both Turner and Jackson looked meh. However, at the very least both Benson and McGahee looked solid on his bench. I’m starting to think Matt is going to have to start to do some serious research in the future to make sure he’s got the best backs in each week.

No. 10 GATOR NATION (DON) Despite the loss (which had to do with his receivers coming up small), Don got some great news. Trent Richardson looked fantastic, racking up 145 yards and two amazing touchdowns. I think it might be safe to start him on a weekly basis. Ironically Don made some very smart decisions this week, benching Andre Johnson (36 points) and Shoon Greene (24 points), but too bad their replacements did blow up (Boldin scored 10 points and Heyward-Bey just 74).

No. 11 YOUNG, DUMB AND FULL OF CAM (BOB) How about that Reggie Bush? Maybe he can lead the league in rushing. His 456 points outscored Cam Newton’s 427. Yet, despite those 883 fantasy points from two players, Bob only got 397 points from his six other starters. For the second straight week, that wide receiver trio of Green/Nelson/Bryant has not worked out. Bryant caught just three balls for 17 yards (28 fantasy points is not good for a first-round pick). Still, when Ryan Mathews comes back, Bob will start winning.

SPIDER TWO WIDE BANANA (JEFF) A tough week. He lost two players mid-game, Aaron Hernandez went down early and scored no points. Bradshaw went down a little later and scored just 22 fantasy points. Tough to win games with 25-percent of your roster can’t finish the game.

WEEK THREE

Young, Dumb & Full of Cam 1274.0 at o0o0o 1173.0 Kolb Gobblers 1155.0 at Quarter Pounders 765.0 Romolicious 1432.0 at Mollipop 842.0 The Dick-Taters 1223.0 at Spider Two Wide Banana 1296.0 Glory Hole Days 1280.0 at The Gooch Bruisers 1499.0 Tony Stark 884.0 at Tebow’s Before Hoes 1242.0

TUESDAY THOUGHTS

A strange week of football and difficult week to figure out the Robio Rankings. Only five teams have winning records (two remain undefeated), while six teams are 1-2. Do I just put the two undefeated teams 1-2? Colby’s now 0-3, but does that mean I stick him last? Technically he’s only one game out of sixth place. Well, don’t sweat it, I answer all these questions and more below.

No. 1 TEBOW’S BEFORE HOES (3-0) No Matt Forte, no problem. Despite missing potential All-Robio running back Matt Forte and despite getting jack and/or shit from Philip Rivers (49 points), DeMaryius Thomas (22 points) and Jason Witten (12 points), Eric still scored 1,242, thanks to 685 points from Ray Rice and his Bears DST. This means Eric has scored at least 1,200 in three straight games. That’s not a big deal for most of us, but for Eric, it’s huge. The last time he scored 1,200 in three straight games was weeks 2-4, 2008. Yes, 2008.

No. 2 THE GOUCH BRUISERS (2-1) A nice, solid, balanced effort by Griff, earning his second straight weekly high score. He got at least 180 from four players, but the big news was bad news with the loss of C.J. Spiller. How much will this hurt? The dude didn’t start week one and only played a quarter this past Sunday, yet he’s still the league’s top running back. Rumor has it he’s out just 1-2 weeks (nothing broken), but the problem is, the way he was running, there was no way the Bills’ would bench him for Jackson. However, this little break might be enough to keep Fred Jackson in the mix, thus hurting Spiller’s future productivity.

No. 3 ROMOLICIOUS (3-0) Everything is coming up Robio so far in 2012. In fact, this season is reminding me a lot of my 2010. I’m scoring well, but I’m also getting lucky because none of my opponents are showing up. My players are remaining healthy and so far there isn’t a spot in my starting lineup I’m looking to upgrade. Matt Ryan is starting to look like a brilliant pick. He’s averaging over 400 PPG and it could be more, but the Falcons keep dominating everyone and Ryan stops passing by the fourth quarter.

No. 4 THE DICK-TATERS (1-2) So of my four tier one teams in the preseason, two are 5-1 (Eric, Griff) and two are now 1-5 (Colby, Calderon). What’s going on, Taters? Vincent Jackson’s one catch game doesn’t surprise me. That’s what Vincent Jackson does after a monster game. However, Rich is suppose to have elite backs, yet both McCoy and Murray look average at best. McCoy has failed to register a 200-point game, while Murray hasn’t broken 130 the past two weeks. Still, I haven’t seen enough from the remaining 2-1 teams to drop Calderon back a spot.

No. 5 o0o0o (2-1) Yes, Burrier lost, but you can’t blame it on Andre Brown. The week three free agent pick up looked solid again. In fact, after watching that game, I don’t know how the Giants let Bradshaw have his starting job back. We’ve seen what Bradshaw can and cannot do. We’ve seen the resume. Brown looked smart, patient and fast. Bradshaw likes to run into the back of offensive linemen and fumble. If Brown can somehow remain the starter in Jersey, Burrier might have landed the best FA pick up of the season so far.

No. 6 QUARTER POUNDERS (0-3) What the hell happened, Colby? Do the Pounders not have a smartphone that can be checked at around 12:30? In what had to be the worst lineup change in league history, Colby sat Jamaal Charles earlier in the week, inserting Kevin Smith back into his starting lineup. But around 12:30, CBS announced that Mikel Leshoure would get the start over Kevin Smith. Not only did Smith not start, he didn’t even get a single carry during the game. Meanwhile, Charles had a career day, producing a 288 total yards and 558 fantasy points. Since Colby lost by 390 points, he would have won quite easily if he had Charles in. I’m still not dropping him despite the 0-3 start, but he can expect a freefall if the Pouders fall to 0-4.

No. 7 THE GLORY HOLE DAYS (1-2) Okay, that’s two defeats in a row…obviously not time to panic, but there are concerns. Of course remember back in the day when Rob was really trying to decide who to keep, Chris Johnson or Ahmad Bradshaw. In hindsight, both would be awful, but at the very least Bradshaw wouldn’t have cost a first-round pick. Still, Rob has two receivers playing at an All-Robio level (Wallace, Austin), but it was his quarterback (Romo) that cost him a win this week.

No. 8 STAFFORD INFECTION (2-1) Matt is struggling to play roto-running back. So far his starting running backs have averaged just under 100 fantasy points per game, while his benched backs have averaged 158ppg. This is the problem with having 35 starting running backs on your roster. Actually the real problem is Matt Stafford’s injury will cause him to miss a game…maybe.

No. 9 YOUNG, DUMB & FULL OF CAM (1-2) Will Bob ever get a healthy backfield? The week Ryan Mathews returns, Reggie Bush goes down. Still, tell me…do any of my preseason predictions regarding this team look wrong? I was worried about a Cam Newton’s sophomore slump, so far he’s batting just .333 in solid fantasy games. I thought Dez Bryant was worth a first-round pick. I don’t know about you, but I bet Bob wanted more than 100 points per game from Dez. Lastly, I had concerns about Jacob Tamme being a legit tight end. While he had a decent 136-pt first game, he’s averaged just 39ppg the past two weeks.

No. 10 MOLLIPOP (1-2) The belief was that no matter how rough things got at running back, with Aaron Rodgers throwing the ball, Molly would remain competitive. But what happens when Rodgers is just like every other quarterback in football? He’s averaged just 233ppg so far this season, failing to break 170 twice now. Not good enough to fill that huge hole at the flex.

No. 11 SPIDER TWO WIDE MONKEY (1-2) Now that’s how the third pick in the draft is suppose to run. Clearly the rust is starting to come off of Maurice Jones-Drew. He rolled over the Colts for 386 fantasy points. That performance and this win is a big one for Jeff. He was down two starters (Hernandez, Bradshaw) and he made two lineup mistakes (sitting Dalton and Decker, costing him 442 points), yet he still managed to beat one of the better teams in the league. While I’m willing to move Jeff out of last place in my rankings, it’s only going to be one spot. Let’s have some perspective here…it’s just one win.

No. 12 GATOR NATION (1-2) Three weeks in, Don is fine in the standings. No shame in being 1-2. The problem is, his boys aren’t scoring. He has yet to break 1,200 points this season. Right now there are two major concerns. At running back, no one seems capable of stepping up and filling Fred Jackson’s shoes. Fifth-Round pick Shonn Greene was expected to be that guy, but he truly does suck. He has 80 combined points over his last two weeks. Of course the bigger problem has been Michael Vick. He has taken a McNabb-like dive in his career. He’s thrown just three TDs to nine turnovers. Against the Cardinals he did nothing, failing to break 100 fantasy points. You know it’s bad when Brandon Weeden looks good.

WEEK FOUR

Young, Dumb & Full of Cam 1639.0 at Kolb Gobblers 1212.0 Romolicious 1787.0 at Tony Stark 1364.0 Mollipop 1686.0 at The Gooch Bruisers 1295.0 Spider Two Wide Banana 1037.0 at Quarter Pounders 1666.0 Glory Hole Days 953.0 at The Dick-Taters 1342.0 o0o0o 1242.0 at Tebow’s Before Hoes 1447.0

TUESDAY THOUGHTS

No. 1 TEBOW’S BEFORE HOES (4-0) This wins just proves that this is the year of the Eric. Down 343 heading into Monday night with a road defense (Bears) and the opposing team’s tight end (Witten), he easily rallied behind the Bears two defensive touchdowns (thank you, Tony Romo). However, the big story has to be Alfred Morris. Eric finally gave the Redskins running back a start and he proved he could be an elite fantasy running back. You have to wonder if Forte gets his starting gig back anytime soon.

No. 2 ROMOLICIOUS (4-0) Jesus, remember when picking between Matt Ryan and Tony Romo was a tough decision? After four weeks, Ryan is nearly doubling Romo in fantasy points (420ppg to 214ppg). I’m now the league’s top scorer, averaging 1,579ppg. I got six players, including five starters who are in the top-five at their position. I got the two top quarterbacks (Griffin, Ryan), a top-five back (Lynch), the second best receiver (White), third best tight end (Davis) and the second best defense (49ers).

No. 3 THE GOUCH BRUISERS (2-2) Well, so much for the duo backfield of Foster/Tate. Ben Tate produced just 14 points. Throw in the Packers awful -17 showing and it’s enough to wipe away 500 points from Manning and 200+ from Griff’s receiving core. I think we’ll just chalk this one up to a bad bye-week as Griff lost two potential starters in Donald Brown and Antonio Brown.

No. 4 YOUNG, DUMB & FULL OF CAM (2-2) Bob gets a big bump up in this week’s rankings. I’m starting to buy into this team. Why? The fact is, I think Bob is still trying to piece this thing together, yet he’s still manage to win two in a row, scoring a solid 1,639 in this week’s win. With Dez Bryant’s sloppy play, Bob has pretty much settled on A.J. Green and Jordy Nelson. Owen Daniels appears to be a solid substitute for a struggling Tamme and I’m buying on the Seahawks D, at least at home. All he needs is a healthy Bush/Mathews backfield to pick up their production.

No. 5 THE DICK-TATERS (2-2) Calderon ends his two-game slide, but I can’t say it was in impressive fashion. Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with scoring over 1,300 point in a win, but I had labeled Calderon as a tier one team and four weeks into a season a tier one team should have at least one game over 1,400.

No. 6 QUARTER POUNDERS (1-3) Finally, Tom Brady has himself a game (548 points) and Colby earns his first win of the season. Colby got stud points from Charles (230 despite two fumbles), Marshall (322) and the Ravens D (202). I also think in the end, Kevin Smith losing his starting spot is a blessing. Now Colby just sticks in Charles and Green-Ellis and rolls with it, no questions asked.

No. 7 QUARTER PONDERS (2-2) Matt’s arguable has the deepest bench in the league, but he has yet to figure out how to manage all the talent. While no one decision caused him to lose to Bob this week, he sat three players this week; any two still in the lineup would have produced a win. On his bench were Stafford (307), McGahee (280) and Turner (370). In their place were Ponder (79), Leshoure (52) and Benson (168). Those decisions cost Matt 558 points and one victory.

No. 8 o0o0o (2-2) Burrier falls to 0-2 after getting married, but he can’t blame Drew Brees on this one. The Saints quarterback and Gronkowski accounted for 786 of Rich’s 1,242 points (63-percent). You’re not going to win too many games with a two-man roster. The problem is, that second RB spot is back to being a problem. Despite his game against Carolina, Andre Brown was sent back to the bench. He got just 24 points. Toby Gerhart, who began the season as the starting RB2, he scored…24 points. Ryan Williams, Burrier’s surprising fourth round pick, the guy you’d think would step in with Beanie Wells out…24 points. Okay, so do we go 3-wide? Well, Titus Young keeps dropping everything, he scored 40 this week. Brandon LaFell seemed to step up his game recently, but he was shutout in Tampa. Hopefully, Rich can take time off his marriage to solve this HUGE problem.

No. 9 MOLLIPOP (2-2) Molly is quickly earning the schizophrenic team award. She scored 1,510 one week, follows it up with 842 and then comes back with 1,686. She got points from Rodgers (515) and her WE duo of Cruz (260) and Bowe (262). However, moving forward, no team has a better 1-2 punch at defense. She’s got the #1 and #3 defenses in the league right now.

No. 10 GLORY HOLE DAYS (1-3) What’s going on with the Buccaneers running game and Doug Martin? His points have gone down in four straight games (180, 152, 106, 64). Right now, Masterson is running a one-back offense and that one back is not producing. Of course Chris Johnson finally broke out and had a big game (260 points) on Rob’s bench. However, can Rob trust him though? If he was 3-1, then yeah, he can take a chance and throw him in their for a game. However, at 1-3, can Rob afford to take a gamble?

No. 11 SPIDER TWO WIDE BANANA (1-3) Here is the problem with Jeff’s team…any number of players can completely not show up for a game. This week it was Steve Johnson (42 points) and Martellus Bennett (2 points). After watching the Patriots score 52 points Sunday, you know Jeff is itching for the return of Hernandez at TE. Thanks to a slow 1-3 start to the season, Jeff is starting to get to must-win mode. The next month will be critical because it’s what I consider the luckier part of his schedule. He’s got Don next (arguable his easiest opponent), then he faces Bob without Cam Newton, Burrier without Drew Brees and lastly, Eric without Ray Rice. That’s three straight opponents without their best player.

No. 12 GATOR NATION (1-3) Don had his best effort of the season, but it was all for not. Now I’m all about finding the good news, so let’s talk about Fred Jackson. He returned this week and yeah, he didn’t dominate (86 fantasy points), but my biggest concern coming in was that Spiller would steal a bunch of touches from him. In this game, it didn’t happen. Jackson got 16 touches to Spiller’s two.

WEEK FIVE

Tebow’s Before Hoes 2041.0 at Kolb Gobblers 1037.0 Romolicious 1628.0 at Young, Dumb & Full of Cam 1252.0 The Dick-Taters 1465.0 at Mollipop 1362.0 Spider Two Wide Banana 949.0 at Tony Stark 1303.0 Quarter Pounders 1373.0 at Glory Hole Days 1100.0 o0o0o 1235.0 at The Gooch Bruisers 1491.0

TUESDAY THOUGHTS

Five weeks in and I got to say, my preseason predictions are looking pretty damn solid. My top team (Eric) is currently on top. In fact, the four teams I had has ‘tier one’ teams, those four are all top-five in scoring so far. Only I am crashing that party. At the bottom, I’ve also done okay with my projections. I predicted Jeff would finish last (he’s tied for last). I had Jeff, Molly, Burrier and Don all missing the post-season. Right now two of those teams are currently in the playoff picture (Molly, Burrier), but none of them have a winning record.

No. 1 TEBOW’S BEFORE HOES (5-0) Surprisingly, I spent the day talking up Eric and met a little resentence. I’m a bit shocked by that. I would argue Eric’s been everything my preseason prediction said he would be and more. Ray Rice is doing what a first-pick in the draft is supposed to do (238ppg), Demaryius Thomas is proving he’s a WR1 (despite the fumbles) and the Bears defense is the leagues best by a lot. They are averaging a stunning 297ppg, 60 points better than the second best D. Still, the key to Eric’s success has been his bench, i.e. his new starters. Both Matt Forte (injured) and Steve Smith (Cam’s inabilities) have struggled at times this year, but Alfred Morris (sixth best back in football) and Reggie Wayne (top WR in football) have stepped in and made Eric even better.

No. 2 ROMOLICIOUS (5-0) Two years ago, I went 12-1. Now I had a good team, I was second in scoring and lost in the title game, but to win a record 14 games in a single season, it takes a lot of luck. That year, my opponents failed to show up, averaging 1,073ppg. This year, I’m again second in scoring and again my opponents are failing to show up even more, averaging just 1,073ppg. That’s incredible. Speaking of incredible, my current breakdown is a stunning 48-7, meaning if I played every single team in this league each week, I’d only lose seven games. You want more? Yes, you do. Against Jeff, Bob, Masterson, Calderon, Don, Matt and Burrier…I’m a stunning 28-0 against them. But to help you understand why I put Eric first and myself second, three of those loses would have been to Eric.

No. 3 THE GOUCH BRUISERS (3-2) Griff is trying to put together a solid season. Based on results so far, he’s doing a fine job (he’s a legit third seed and when I say he’s a ‘legit’ third seed, it’s because he’s actually third in scoring). Some things have panned out. Peyton Manning is getting better and better (breaking 330 in every game so far). He’s the third best QB in the league right now. Arian Foster is doing his thing (a third straight All-Robio season) and even Wes Welker is starting to impress (three straight 200+ games). Still, I get the sense the fantasy gods are teasing him. First, they give him a taste of C.J. Spiller, then injury him. Now they fuck with his first-round pick, Jimmy Graham. The All-Robio tight end had just two catches Sunday night before leaving the game with an injury. He was seen wearing a waking boot. The Saints won’t say what the problem is, but a walking boot is never a good thing.

No. 4 THE DICK-TATERS (3-2) Rich is the New York Giants of Robioland football. He always thinks everyone is underestimating his team. Of course the difference between Rich and the Giants is, the latter turns that frustration into championship runs. Here’s the deal, the pieces are here for a big run soon. Eli is legit (fourth best in the league) and with the Patriots becoming a running team, Steven Ridley is suddenly Rich’s best back. As of now, McCoy (171ppg) and Murray (152ppg) are not lighting things up, but it’s hard too imagine they won’t at some point. The next four weeks will be crucial. He should be the favorite in every game. These games matter because three of his final four will be challenging (Robio, Griff and Eric all show up then).

No. 5 YOUNG, DUMB & FULL OF CAM (2-3) A week after Cam Newton produced 501 points, he failed to even crack 100 this past week. This is the third time he’s failed to score at least 250. To put that in perspective, of the 30 games the top six quarterbacks have played, only twice has one of them not scored at least 250 points. That’s the bad news. The good news is, Ryan Mathews finally looked healthy and he looked damn good. Against the Saints defense he racked up 302 fantasy points. That’s the kind of performance I expected from him when I named him to my preseason third-team All-Robio squad.

No. 6 QUARTER POUNDERS (2-3) Colby’s rolled up two straight victories, but I’m starting to have concerns. First, there’s the health issue. Hakeem Nicks remains out for who knows how long and then Danny Amendola (the league leader in receptions heading into week) five goes down and out for six weeks. This now leaves Randall Cobb. The Packers receiver is coming off his best game (216 fantasy points). He’s had a couple of decent games (nine catches in week one, seven two weeks ago), so he could be a decent WR2 at best. However, receiver is not my only concern. There’s the second running back. What’s the deal with Ben Green-Ellis’ nine carries this past week? Does this mean Colby’s a 3-wide team…a three-wide that features Marshall/Cobb/Hixon? That trio doesn’t scream title to me. However, there was a little good news, Bernard Scott, the guy stealing BGE’s carries, is out for the year.

No. 7 MOLLIPOP (2-3) 44, 8, 78, 134, 22…what does those numbers mean? Well, those are the point totals scored by the RB2/flex on Molly’s team. I feel like I’m beating a dead horse here, but this is what it is coming down to for Molly. She’s had five different players in that spot and only one (Denarius Moore) managed to break 100. Overall, these five players have totaled 286 points, averaging just 57ppg. How bad was that Helu pick? I would argue it has cost Molly’s two wins so far this season. Now this is speculation (which is a dangerous game), but if Molly drafted either Reggie Bush or Frank Gore (the next two backs taken after Helu) she would be 4-1 right now.

No. 8 GATOR NATION (2-3) “I think Don’s team has possibilities.” That was Rich Calderon Monday morning. Is he right? I’ve always said, even before the season started, that Don’s team had a lot talent, he just needed to stay healthy. Well, outside of Fred Jackson (who missed two games), his squad has remained on the field. Trent Richardson has performed better than I expected and he appears to be getting better. He’s broken 200 in three of his last four). He’s currently 6th among all backs, 28 points ahead of Adrian Peterson (the man he is most compared to). Colston has put up back-to-back stunners and the Vikings D looks like a winner of a pick up. The problem right now is Vick. The dude can’t hold on to the ball. He had three more turnovers this week.

No. 9 KOLB GOBBLERS (2-3) Is it ironic that of all the players involved in last week’s trade between Matt and Rob, the one that actually scored the most points was the throwaway keeper David Wilson (144 points)? Of course Matt’s real target was Mike Wallace. The Steelers wide out was suppose to give Matt a legit WR1, but this week Wallace was good for just two catches. I’ll have to be honest for a moment, while Matt may not have the worst team in the league, does this team really threaten anyone? Just look at the rankings. Stafford is just the 15th best QB, his RBs are 15th (Turner) and 20th (Leshoure). His WRs are 21st (Wallace) and 22nd (Jackson) and his D is 12th (Patriots). In fact, Tony Gonzalez is the only top-10 player, excluding kickers, Matt has (he’s currently first by a lot).

No. 10 o0o0o (2-3) Don’t look now but Drew Brees is the league’s top quarterback after back-to-back 500-yard games. Of course Rich is going to need every point because his flex position is about to get as bad as Molly’s. Ryan Williams, the Cardinals back Rich rolled the dice on early in the draft. Well, that pick has officially not panned out, as Williams is now out for the season. With David Brown getting better and better for the Giants, Andre Brown is looking less and less like any kind of option. Rich is now down to Frank Gore and a WR trio of Fitzgerald/Maclin/LeFell.

No. 11 GLORY HOLE DAYS (1-4) Now it might be time to panic in the Glory Hole. I think we can go ahead and call last week’s game by Chris Johnson a fluke and label him a bust. Of course this is the same week Ahmad Bradshaw had his best week yet. Now Benson is hurt, McGahee can’t hold on to the ball, word is Blount is about to steal carries from Martin in Tampa, and I haven’t even mentioned Romo yet. Yeah, things are not going good.

No. 12 SPIDER TWO WIDE BANANA (1-4) Poor Jeff, he just can’t see to guess right. His bench player always seems to have the big game. This week it was Alex Smith and his 563 points. You could also include Malcom Floyd’s 206. Of course the big question is, is Steve Johnson a bust? After scoring one touchdown in each of his first three games, he’s been held scoreless the last two, exposing the fact that he looks more and more like a possession receiver. He has yet to break 70 yards receiving in any game this year.

WEEK SIX

The Dick-Taters 1360.0 at Kolb Gobblers 1108.0 Romolicious 1080.0 at o0o0o 1181.0 Mollipop 1462.0 at Quarter Pounders 1345.0 Spider Two Wide Banana 1143.0 at Young, Dumb & Full of Cam 1563.0 Tony Stark 1360.0 at Glory Hole Days 1279.0 The Gooch Bruisers 1594.0 at Tebow’s Before Hoes 1273.0

TUESDAY THOUGHTS

What a weird football week. In a weekend that saw the Patriots lose to the Seahawks and the Texans getting crushed at home, we here in Robioland saw the two remaining undefeated teams (Eric, Robio) finally go down. A lot just happened, but if you look down at the rankings, almost nothing has change. In fact, I’m not moving the first eight teams at all.

No. 1 TEBOW’S BEFORE HOES (5-1) With Eric losing and myself losing, this guarantees one of us is going to be riding a two-game losing streak after next week (he and I face off). What went wrong? The difference was at quarterback. Rivers struggled, five turnovers, while Manning rallied the Broncos from a 24-0 deficit. I’m telling you, folks, falling behind early in a game is like fantasy gold for a quarterback.

No. 2 ROMOLICIOUS (5-1) Really, Robio…the weekly low score…with this team? Penalties…I fucking hate them. Not that I watch every play from every game on Sunday, but I don’t think there is any player in the league who loses more yards because of penalties by his teammates. Against the Falcons, McFadden had two 30+ yard runs erased by holding calls. That’s nearly 120 fantasy points. It means a lot when you only lose by 101 points.

No. 3 THE GOOCH BRUISERS (4-2) Despite all the great things Eric and I have done thus far this season, only one person has produced a weekly high score three times (i.e. half of the weeks we’ve played so far) and his name is Griff. For the fourth straight week, it’s been Wes Welker doing the damage. Over the last month, the little whitey has 40 catches for 513 yards and two touchdowns. Still, despite knocking off Eric this week, I’m keeping Griff behind both Eric and myself in the standings. I want to see a tad bit more consistency. On his three great games, he’s averaged 1,647ppg. On his three other games, Griff average drops to 1,326. Still solid, but not Eric/Robio solid…yet.

No. 4 THE DICK-TATERS (4-2) Is there trouble ahead? DeMarco Murray, who had 90 yards in the first-half against the Ravens, has ligament damage in his foot. He’s out at least one week and possible a lot more. It’s hard to tell this week. Luckily for Rich, one of the reasons why we keep him ranked so high is because of his solid depth. As long as the Patriots return to their running game, Stevan Ridley should allow the Taters to not skip a beat without Murray.

No. 5 YOUNG, DUMB & FULL OF CAME (3-3) Bob’s receiving core came through like a Hulk Hogan sex tape. A.J. Green and Jordy Nelson combined for 780 yards. Hell, if you include Dez Bryant on Bob’s bench, you can add another 284 points for a total of 1,064 points. Still, should we be worried about Reggie Bush? Since hurting his knee against the Jets, he has carried the ball 48 times for just 132 yards (over three games).

No. 6 QUARTER POUNDERS (2-4) The Quarter Pounders are such a hard team to predict. One week his running backs show up big time, but then his receivers take the week off. This week, he got solid stats from Brady, Gates and Cobb, but Jamaal Charles and Green-Ellis combined for just 172 fantasy points. It’s been six weeks now, where the hell is that season-changing trade coming from Colby?

No. 7 MOLLIPOP (3-3) I know what you’re thinking. How the hell do I not put Molly, who is 3-3, ahead of Colby, the man she just beat? Because I don’t think she’s going to get 682 points each week from Aaron Rodgers and trust me, she needed nearly all 682 of Rodgers’ points to win this week. She won by just 109 points. In our weekly segment called, “Molly Porn Star Flexibility,” we examine her flex position. Six weeks in and Molly tries out her sixth different player at the flex spot. This week she goes LaRod Stephens-Howling, who produces just 22 yards on 11 touches…that’s just 22 fantasy points.

No. 8 TONY STARKS (3-3) Is it all in a name? Prior to his name change, Don’s team scored 1172, 1167 and 884. Since changing his team’s name he’s scored 1364, 1303 and 1360. Every week it seems that Don gets unexpected points. He got another two touchdowns from James Jones (his third straight two TD game), but look what Shonn Grene did…161 yards, three touchdowns (438 points). He had just 392 fantasy points in his first five games. Of course it was a stunning roster decision to put in Greene and bench Fred Jackson, even with the match ups. We call that “Championship level decision making.”

No. 9 o0o0o (3-3) I can hear Rich now, “what the fuck, Robio? I just took down an undefeated team, but you only move me up one spot?” Yes. Here’s the simple fact…Burrier got lucky. He was 0-5 against me in breakdown and just so happened to beat me the one week I was down. He would have lost to nine other teams. The good news is that he got some solid stats from Jeremy Maclin. So far he’s been a bust, but it appears his hip injury is better and he might be back (six catches for 130 yards, 308 fantasy points).

No. 10 KOLB GOBBLERS (2-4) This team is not good. Matt Stafford is not living up the hype, Michael Turner isn’t getting the ball enough and DeSean Jackson is looking like the typical DeSean Jackson. Sure Mike Wallace got 244 fantasy points, but all of it except for one short pass came on one long touchdown pass.

No. 11 GLORY HOLE DAYS (1-5) Right now Rob has what appears to be a bunch of average players. All of them are certainly capable of having a big game (Martin’s 232), but all of them could just as easily produce a dud (Austin, 2 catches for 31 yards).

No. 12 SPIDER TWO WIDE BANANA (1-5) And the race for Arian Foster is on…without MJD, there is little Jeff can do. At the very least, Bradshaw once again looked strong and Hernandez came back and scored a touchdown. The question Jeff needs to ask himself is this…do I ‘Guidi’ the season and give up. Sure I’ll set my roster, but I’m not going to do anything to improve my squad, or does he start thinking crazy and try to shake things up with a trade or two?

WEEK SEVEN

Quarter Pounders 1126.0 at The Dick-Taters 1207.0 Tebow’s Before Hoes 1271.0 at Romolicious 1073.0 Tony Stark 1444.0 at Mollipop 1559.0 o0o0o 1749.0 at Spider Two Wide Banana 1088.0 Young, Dumb & Full of Cam 1269.0 at Glory Hole Days 1591.0 Kolb Gobblers 998.0 at The Gooch Bruisers 1458.0

TUESDAY THOUGHTS

Before we get started, I’m going to have to talk streaks…i.e. two of Matt Neatock’s streaks.

Matt’s 1,000 points per game streak was extended to 30 this week by the slimiest of margins. Matt Stafford threw a junk-time 12-yard TD with thirty seconds to go Monday night. The 72 points put Matt at exactly at 1,000. His current streak is the second longest in league history, now just seven back of Bob’s all-time record of 37-straight.

However, 1,000 points is the lowest score this week, which means his 50-game streak without a weekly low score is over. It is the third longest streak in league history. The last time Matt had a low score was week eight, 2008.

The new active leader is Griff Coomer. He’s gone 28 games without a weekly low score. However, if Griff wants to match Matt’s 50, he’s going to have to wait until week three, 2014.

While Matt doesn’t have the record for longest streak (that belongs to Calderon), this was only his third career weekly low score in 126 career games. However, he’s not the only one to do this…yep, Rich Calderon again. He’s only had three in 126 career games too.

Anyhow, let’s get to the rankings.

No. 1 TEBOW’S BEFORE HOES (6-1) The battle between 5-1 teams go to Eric. No Rivers, no Thomas, no problem. Eric’s really the only team that could lose his starting QB, RB, WR and not skip a beat thanks to Palmer, Morris and Wayne.

No. 2 THE GOOCH BRUISERS (5-2) I’m going to slide Griff up to number two. He’s winning games with ease, damn a tight end. Of course this is a good time to talk about how important the auction is. I also put in a bid for Josh Freeman, but since I’m down to $5 in auction money, wasting it like there is no tomorrow, I put in a bid for zero dollars. Griff put in a bid for four dollars and won. In return, Freeman handed Griff 568 stunning points and a win. I lost because of this.

No. 3 ROMOLICIOUS (5-2) Am I worried? I’ve failed to hit 1,100 in two straight games. I’ll chalk this one up to a bad bye-week. Yes, Eric had the same guys out, but I’ve made it clear that Eric has had the edge over me because of his depth. I have none and it’s showing. Of course I also made the decision to not start RGIII. I wanted to save his redshirt, thus keep him for three years after this season. The decision cost me 190 points, but in the end I’ll say the move was a good one. His points wouldn’t have been enough to earn a win.

No. 4 THE DICK-TATERS (5-2) Murray, out. Now it appears Felix Jones will follow. Brother can’t keep a running back healthy. Not the most impressive win (if you just look at the points), but let’s not forget that Calderon was down his two starting running backs (McCoy was on a bye). Of course the bad news is, thanks to a huge performance this week, we all know Vincent Jackson will catch just one ball next week.

No. 5 MOLLIPOP (4-3) Molly continues to roll. She’s scored at least 1,350 in all but one game. That’s mad consistent. Best yet, she actually got over 100 points from her flex position this week (Moore score 124 points). However, I’m going talk about a player on the bench. LaRod Stephens-Howling was given the keys to the backfield for Arizona and produced big time. He got 20 carries and nailed down 149 total yards and a TD. Now it’s just one game, but that’s a beautiful sign. If it’s not a fluke, LSH could be the second running back that could put Molly over the top.

No. 6 YOUNG, DUMB & FULL OF CAM I’m not going to knock down a guy missing both his starting backs due to bye weeks. However, from this point on, things get real. The problem I’ve always had with star receivers is that receivers in general are inconsistent. A.J. Green put up 400 points one day, then gets just one reception the next. Running backs are more consistent. So far, Reggie Bush and Ryan Mathews have not been consistent. With the bye-weeks out of way, it’s time for these two to step up.

No. 7 O0o0o (4-3) Who is this guy? Two game winning streaks, weekly high scores. Now this obviously isn’t a one-man team, but come on, Drew Brees is fucking lights out right now. He’s pulled ahead of the MVP race with three-straight 500+ point games thanks to 1,200 yards, 10 touchdowns, to only two interceptions.

No. 8 QUARTE POUNDERS (2-5) Who has two thumbs and is losing faith in this team? Yeah, that works better if you’re looking at me. The good news was the play of Randall Cobb, who is looking like the league’s best Category Three keeper, but now Colby has to make a decision. Does he start Cobb moving forward? If so, who does he bench? Ben “I can barely break 100” Green-Ellis or Hakeem Nicks, who just came back from injury?

No. 9 TONY SNARK (3-4) No team, maybe Matt, has shuffled their lineup more this season. Don benched Shonn Greene and Andre Johnson and this time it hurt. He lost about 234 points, costing him a sweet win. Still, there is plenty to be excited about. Marques Colston appears to be the one benefiting the most from Drew Brees’ stats and now Don has scored over 1,300 an impressive four straight times.

No. 10 GLORY HOLE DAYS Can Masterson rally? No team has rallied from a 1-5 start to the season to crash the post-season party. But you know what, a 2-5 team has. Officially Rob is just one game out of the 7th seed, battling two 3-4 teams and two other 2-5 teams. Of course it helps that Chris Johnson had a monster game. Now I know what Rob is going to say, because he’s basically already said it to me, “he’ll go back to 12 carries for 23 yards.” Maybe. But without many noticing, this is actually the third solid game out of his last four that Johnson has had. He’s got 260, 182 and 478, with a -14 mixed in there.

No. 11 KOLB GOBBLERS I’ll be honest, I can’t recall the last time Matt was this low in the rankings. Maybe 2008? Of course when was the last time Matt’s dropped four straight games? Right now, nothing, absolutely nothing is going right for Matt. It’s become clear that Matt Stafford cannot duplicate his numbers from 2011. He’s been okay, but where has the really big game been? It’s also clear that Steven Jackson’s days as a RB1 are done. He’s now splitting carries with Richardson. Meanwhile Leshoure isn’t consistent, Jennings can’t get healthy and the Patriots D couldn’t even stop Mark Sanchez.

No. 12 SPIDER TWO WIDE BANANA (1-6) A bad season just got worst. It’s not like having MJD was going to lead this squad to a championship, but he was the one bit of trade bait Jeff had to help him land a better keeper option for 2013. Right now, he’s out for a week and we don’t know how much longer. Tough.

WEEK EIGHT

Tony Stark 992.0 at The Dick-Taters 1189.0 Kolb Gobblers 1152.0 at Romolicious 1691.0 Young, Dumb & Full of Cam 939.0 at Mollipop 1065.0 Tebow’s Before Hoes 1445.0 at Spider Two Wide Banana 986.0 o0o0o 1445.0 at Glory Hole Days 1598.0 Quarter Pounders 1190.0 at The Gooch Bruisers 1319.0

TUESDAY THOUGHTS

No. 1 TEBOW’S BEFORE HOES (7-1) I’ll be honest, I don’t think there has ever been a wire-to-wire number one ranked person on my Robio Rankings. Eric has now been the top dog all eight weeks of the season. I almost moved him down four weeks ago, the week he and I were both undefeated still, but I had moved into the scoring lead. However, in the end I decided not to. Of course to stay up top, iIt certainly helps to have a tight end who finishes with 18 receptions for 167 yards (Jason Witten).

No. 2 THE GOOCH BRUISERS (6-2) Griff fell to third in scoring, but I see no reason to drop him in my rankings. Remember back when the league really didn’t know if Peyton Manning was worth a starting spot? Well, he’s produced four-straight 400+ point games and is currently the second best arm in the league. Not bad for a fifth-round pick.

No. 3 ROMOLICIOUS (6-2) Despite all my success, the only player I have as a first, second or third team All-Robio player is Lawrence Tynes, who got there this week thanks to a five field goal performance against the Cowboys. No stars, just stats, baby. Still, would it kill Vernon Davis to catch a ball? My starting tight end has just two catches in his last two games.

No. 4 THE DICK-TATERS (6-2) Calvin Johnson, just six catches for 80 yards in his last two games, but it’s easier to deal with it when you get 500 total points from your two starting running backs, one of which is coming off your bench to fill in for an injured starter.

No. 5 MOLLIPOP (5-3) Screw LaRod Stephens-Howling. Let’s talk Denarius Moore. It might be time to consider him a legit flex player. He’s produced over 240 fantasy points twice in the last three weeks, scoring one touchdown in five of his last six games.

No. 6 GLORY HOLE DAYS (3-5) Masterson gets a major bump up after back-to-back impressive wins. He’s scored over 1,500 in two straight games. Only two other teams have done that this year and those two teams (Eric and myself) are a combined 13-3. Right now Rob is looking stacked at running back, with big point potential at the wide receiver spots. Still, if Masterson wants to remain in the playoff picture, it will probably come down to Tony Romo. The Cowboys QB is having an awful year, throwing just nine touchdowns to 13 interceptions.

No. 7 o0o0o (4-4) Ironically Burrier is the only team with two first-team All-Robio players (Brees and Gronkowski), but if Brees doesn’t produce a big game, Burrier can be beat. Of course the blame won’t land with Brees (there is no shame in a 243-point game), it will fall on Larry Fitzgerald who appears to be lost in the desert. He’s had just one 100-yard game this season.

No. 9 TONY STARKS (3-5) Man, can Don ever make a right decision? Now this one didn’t cost him the game, but if he started Michael Vick over Brandon Weeden, then it would have been just a heartbreaking 11-point defeat to Rich. Although, I’m not sure if that’s technically better. Anyhow, with the way Vick is playing and talking, it’s starting to look like Don won’t have to be making any more decisions regarding Vick, since he might be benched soon.

No. 10 QUARTER POUNDERS (2-6) Five carries? The Kansas City Chiefs gave the ball to their best player, Jamaal Charles, five times? Yes, he had just four yards with those five carries, but how can a brother get anything going if he’s completely absent from the game plan? The fact is, heading into Sunday night’s game, I thought Colby had a good chance to beat Griff. He had a 518-point lead and while Griff had Peyton Manning and Jimmy Graham, Colby had Charles. With that lead and that running back, I just didn’t see a way for Griff to rally. Of course I never envisioned five carries.

No. 11 KOLB GOBBLERS (2-6) I’m keeping Matt out of last place, only because Jeff’s injury riddled team just don’t have the players to put up the points. Matt, a man who knows the value of a running back in this league, has arguably the league’s worst trio of running backs. Turner (24th), Leshoure (26th) and Jackson (32nd) have been awful, especially lately. They shouldn’t be anywhere near a team’s starting backfield, but that’s all Matt has. He may be technically only be one game out of a playoff spot, but it sure feels like a lot further.

No. 12 SPIDER TWO WIDE MONKEY (1-7) Jeff ‘decided’ to lose a game the easy way, by simply sitting four starters. Of course this wasn’t really his choice, he lost two to bye weeks (Dalton, S. Johnson) and arguably his two best (MJD, Hernandez) to injury. I guess the good news is he’s only two games out of a playoff…wait, no. I’m not going to tease a brother like that.

WEEK NINE

Quarter Pounders 1761.0 at Tony Stark 1096.0 Romolicious 1145.0 at The Gooch Bruisers 1155.0 Mollipop 1744.0 at o0o0o 1169.0 Spider Two Wide Banana 990.0 at Kolb Gobblers 1384.0 Glory Hole Days 1779.0 at Tebow’s Before Hoes 1672.0 The Dick-Taters 1464.0 at Young, Dumb & Full of Cam 1313.0

TUESDAY THOUGHTS

Sorry for the late Tuesday Thoughts. I knew there was a big trade coming and I didn’t feel like I could properly rank these teams without knowing who got whom?

Before we get to those rankings, let’s just remind the league members of the trade that just happened.

First, Colby sent Tom Brady and Jonathan Dwyer to Eric for Philip Rivers and Matt Forte.

Then Colby shipped Jamaal Charles, Philip Rivers and Hakeem Nicks to Rich Burrier for Drew Brees and Titus Young.

Now the actual RANKINGS:

No. 1 TEBOW’S BEFORE HOES I won’t call Eric the winner of this trade, but I think he did pretty damn good. He gets a major upgrade at quarterback by swapping Rivers for Brady. The latter has averaged about 165 more points per game. Now Dwyer is more about insurance than anything. You just can’t trust a Steelers backfield right now. However, Eric’s real strategy is simple…give Alfred Morris the starting spot. Forte is better, but he’s not that much better, averaging about 20 more points per game than Morris. So based solely on past stats, the league’s top scoring team added about 145 more points. Not bad.

No. 2 GOOCH BRUISERS Jimmy Graham final catch of the night was a touchdown and it gave Griff a 10-point win over me. The result puts him back into second in my rankings. What’s the deal with Mike Williams? When did he remember how to be a football player again? Over his last five games, he’s broken 180+ four times, scoring 222 and 278 points in a couple of games.

No. 3 ROMOLICIOUS I’m struggling. I’ve dropped three of four and all three loses were games I failed to show up. Worse yet, after avoiding the injury bug all season long, I lost both Darren McFadden and Percy Harvin mid-game. Since I only lost by 10 points, it clearly cost me the win. Still, I’m going to keep me above both Calderon and Molly, even though right now I’d say they are both better than me right now. Let’s see how long these guys are going to be out of the lineup.

No. 4 THE DICK-TATERS You have to hand it to Rich. I don’t think I ever would have sat Eli for Big Ben in Jersey. He clearly saw something I didn’t and he gained a win for it. Big Ben out-scored Eli by 153 points and Rich beat Bob by 151 points. Game. Winning. Decision.

No. 5 MOLLIPOP I so desperately wanted to slip Molly past Calderon in my rankings. She’s 6-3 against him in breakdown. That’s impressive, but I just couldn’t punish a man on a six-game winning streak. Anyhow, don’t look now but remember when I mocked Molly for drafting Jermaine Gresham as he starting tight end? Well, he’s been flaming lately and is currently the fifth best tight end in the league. Now if only Roy Helu could come out of nowhere and prove me wrong.

No. 6 GLORY HOLE DAYS Speaking of moving up, with the way Rob’s been playing lately, I’m about ready to move him into the top-three. He’s been lights out during his three-game winning streak, scoring over 1,500 in all three wins. Now how about some stats? If you go back to last year, Rob has scored over 1,500 points in a game in seven of his last 12 games and 12 of his last 22. That’s impressive. The actual record for 1,500 point games during a 22 game stretch is held by me with 13, but that was in the league’s early days, one of those seasons was when we only had eight teams. I would argue that what Rob is doing now is way more impressive.

No. 7 QUARTER POUNDERS Before the trade, I would have had Burrier ahead of Colby, but not anymore. The real winner of this trade is Colby. First, let’s see what he got. While Brady was a fine quarterback, he landed a better, more consistent quarterback in Drew Brees. He’s the frontrunner for first-team All-Robio, averaging about 20ppg more than Brady. However, the real get was basically swapping Forte for Charles. The Chiefs back as had some sizzling moments, but Forte is a stud. Technically, Forte only averages about 22 points more than Charles, but right now Forte’s numbers are improving, averaging about 229ppg over his last three. During that same stretch, Charles has averaged 57ppg. He also had to give up Nicks, but since he’s been struggling and would never sniff Colby’s lineup, no big deal. In fact Titus Young could be better right now.

When looking at just the players, Colby’s squad improved. He took two good positions (QB/RB1) and actually found a way to make them even better. What makes this trade such a steal for Colby is this one simple fact…he had no business even being involved with this trade. There is zero reason why Burrier couldn’t have just traded Dree Brees along with either Ballard/Young straight to Eric for Rivers and Forte. In that scenario, Eric gets a better quarterback (Brees > Brady) and Burrier would have gotten a better running back (Forte > Charles) and Colby…he would have gotten nothing. But as we all can guess, he’s the only who got this trade deal going and he got the better of the deal.

No. 8 YOUNG, DUMB & FULL OF CAM It’s just not Bob’s year. He loses by 151 points and don’t tell me that losing Jordy Nelson early in the Packers game didn’t make the difference. Anyhow, with his backs continuing to do little to nothing, can he, will he make a move to shake things up? He still has three solid wide receivers. What does he do? What!

No. 9 o0o0o Here’s the problem with Burrier’s trade…is he even going to start any of the three guys he traded for? Think about it, he just gave up the league’s best quarterback for three glorified backups? Ouch. For this trade to make sense for Rich, he had to believe he didn’t have a championship squad here. The fact is, there is no glory in a first-round exits. The goal is to win championships and Drew Brees’ keeper status was up.

The hope for Rich is that he’s just ripped off Colby by grabbing three really good players at their lowest value. If and yes it’s a big “if.” Charles, Nicks and Rivers can reproduce their early season stats, then Rich walks away a winner. The problem of course are those if’s.

No. 10 TONY STARK What does Tony Stark and Mitt Romney have in common in 2012? Neither is going to win anything. Don teased us with some impressive scores between weeks 4-7, but I think that’s going to be his highlight of the year. His squad has crashed the past two weeks. His only saving grace is an easy schedule that features teams ranked #9, #8 and #11 in these rankings (#2 Griff is also in there).

No. 11 KOLB GOBBLERS Matt had his strongest outing of the year, but let’s not bust out the condoms just yet. He scored just 1,384, eight teams average over 1,300 points per game. At the very least, he finally got huge days from his running backs (Turner: 224, Leshoure: 288). Let’s see if it is a trend.

No. 12 SPIDE TWO WIDE MONKEY Man, Jeff love his tight ends…but I guess we knew that already. By the way, what’s happen to Ahmad Bradshaw? He’s averaged 16 carries (not too bad) over his last three games, but just 56 yards per game. That’s not good.

WEEK TEN

o0o0o 1416.0 at Tony Stark 847.0 The Dick-Taters 1293.0 at Romolicious 1325.0 Tebow’s Before Hoes 1404.0 at Mollipop 1246.0 The Gooch Bruisers 1653.0 at Spider Two Wide Banana 1345.0 Kolb Gobblers 1161.0 at Glory Hole Days 1118.0 Young, Dumb & Full of Cam 1264.0 at Quarter Pounders 1252.0

TUESDAY THOUGHTS

No. 1 TEBOW’S BEFORE HOES (8-2) Eric matches his career best single season win total, congratulations. Of course, ironically, Philip Rivers actually out-scored newly acquired Tom Brady (407-315), but don’t sweat it, Brady will have more points when it counts…playoff time. Speaking of, with the win Eric clinches a playoff birth.

No. 2 THE GOOCH BRUISERS (8-2) Griff knocks outa fourth weekly high score and clinches a playoff birth. Now plenty of teams have had four weekly high scores in a season (in fact Griff’s done it before). Only three teams have produced more thouh. I did it six times in 1999, but I don’t like to count that, because it was just an 8-team league. Former league member Jason did it five times in 2001, but that was with a 14-game schedule. Since 2005 (12-team, 13-game schedule) only one team has more than four weekly high scores and that’s me, with six in 2008. With the stats Griff is getting from everyone on his roster, he could easily match that record.

No. 3 THE DICK-TATERS (7-3) Wow, how fucking cold is that? Coming into Monday night Calderon trailed me by just 142 points, but he had Big Ben left. After a slow start, Roethlisberger hit Mike Wallace right before the half, he was now down just 20 points. However, two passes into the second half, Roethlisberger was sacked and knocked out of the game. Ball game. Six-game winning streak…over. I’m sure this has happened before, I just can’t remember the last time it did happen. While I’m keeping Rich ahead of me in the rankings (he has better depth to handle his injury issues, I don’t), this was sort of a big loss. Who would you rather face in round one, Molly or Burrier?

No. 4 ROMOLICIOUS (7-3) Lucky or not, I had a solid 1,325 despite missing two starters and having basically a hole at RB2. The fact is, with Goodson out too, I had no other running back to put in (Calderon had Marcel Reese on his bench). While I can talk all day bout McFadden and Harvin’s health, let’s deal with Vernon Davis. Where the hell is he? He’s caught just seven balls in his last three games, never breaking 40 yards, with no touchdowns. His entering Finley territory now.

No. 5 MOLLIPOP (6-4) In marriage, we all look back and wonder, did we make the right decision. Yes, even Molly. You know she’s checking out Facebook and finding an ex-boyfriend, shirtless, driving his new Baja Power Speed Boat and thinking to her self, shit…I could be banging that? Well, fantasy football is worse, because when you chose one man over another, you know exactly what you’re missing and how bad it cost you. In this case, Molly decided to leave Flacco and his 517 points on the bench and got stuck with Griff Ryan Tannehill and his 43 points. The decision cost her a win.

No. 6 GLORY HOLE DAYS (4-6) Speaking of making costly decisions and no I’m not talking about sending Mike Wallace to Matt because it was Wallace’s second quarter touchdown that handed Masterson is first defeat in a month. Rather, Rob sat Chris Johnson, costing him his 280 points. Considering his two starting backs scored just 296, you see where I’m going with this. However, let’s go behind the scenes. Rob was considering taking the Cowboys D off the wire. Instead, he went with the Jets. The Cowboys out-scored the Jets by 127 points. Either decision would have meant victory for Rob.

No. 7 QUARTER POUNDERS (3-7) Some loses are self-inflicted (Masterson and Molly this week), but some just fucking hurt. The new look Pounders headed into Sunday night ready to roll to an easy victory. Colby trailed Bob by 80 points, but he had All-Robio worthy Brandon Marshall and Matt Forte left to play. I would have predicted a Colby win by the end of the first quarter. But then the rain came. Then Jay Cutler got knocked out. Then the Texans D took care of business and Marshall and Forte produced a stunning 68 points. A painful loss for Colby, but is it costly? Colby will fall back out of the post-season party and into 10th place, but he’s just one game back of both Bob and Matt. His advantage is points, as he’s beating both Bob (337) and Matt (1,669) in total points.

No. 8 o0o0o (5-5) In what still remains the strangest trade in league history (at least for one week), Burrier really did bench all the players he traded Brees away for. Clearly, after scoring 1,416 points and securing his fifth win of the season it didn’t really matter that Brees was rocking out 400+ for Colby. However, the good news is, Rivers, Charles and Nicks all looked pretty decent this week. Of course this just means Rich will now have to play the dreaded guessing game every week.

No. 9 YOUNG, DUMB & FULL OF CAM (4-6) Bob snaked his way back into the playoff picture. That’s a good thing. It just wouldn’t feel right having the back-to-back champion in the post-season party. However, I think it’s becoming clear this is not a team to fear. In fact, Reggie Bush needs to be benched. Since scoring a stunning 456 way back in week two, he’s averaged just 98ppg over his last seven. Hell, over his last four games, Daryl Richardson has averaged 122ppg and he barely sees eight carries per game backing up Steven Jackson.

No. 10 KOLB GOBBLERS (4-6) Have you ever gone to take a crap, finished up, wiped your ass, pulled up your pants and walked away, but then 30 seconds later, you realized you weren’t done? Yeah, that’s what this team feels like. Two weeks ago it looked like the league had wiped its ass of Matt’s team, but then he somehow finds a way to win two straight. It’s not like he’s been impressive. His two opponents have just finished the weeks 12th and 11th in scoring.

No. 11 TONY STARKS (3-7) In my pre-season predictions, I believe I picked Don to miss the playoffs, but I truly thought he had a talented team. I just didn’t think he would be able to stay healthy. Now except for Fred Jackson missing a couple of games, I was wrong. His team has managed to stay on the field. Now I don’t want to declare Don’s season over yet (he’s still just one game out of the playoffs), but he did make one smart decision this year that will payoff next year. If you recall, Don traded out of the first round, waiting to take Trent Richardson in the second round. Why is this important? Well, Richardson looks like a solid keeper, but if Don continues to struggle he’s going to end up with the second pick in the draft. If he had drafted Richardson in the first, then he wouldn’t be keeping him. Now he’ll have either Arian Foster or Drew Brees with the second pick in the draft and then get to keep Richardson 22 picks later at the back end of the second round.

No. 12 SPIDER TWO WIDE MONKEY (1-9) Even when Jeff scores well, he can’t catch a break. So how’s his record-breaking season going? Right now his opponents are averaging 1,504 points per game. That’s still 50 points better than the record held by Eric last year. To break the record, Jeff’s opponents need to just average 1,287ppg. Shouldn’t be a problem. Only one of his opponents this season has scored less than 1,287 points in a game.

WEEK ELEVEN

Young, Dumb & Full of Cam 1358.0 at Tebow’s Before Hoes 1214.0 The Gooch Bruisers 1422.0 at Tony Stark 1378.0 Mollipop 822.0 at Kolb Gobblers 905.0 Romolicious 1241.0 at Quarter Pounders 1317.0 Glory Hole Days 1133.0 at Spider Two Wide Banana 1059.0 The Dick-Taters 1239.0 at o0o0o 1170.0

TUESDAY THOUGHTS

It’s over. What’s over? Matt’s 1,000 points a game streak is OVER. After scoring at least 1,000 in 34 straight games, Matt scored just 909 points this week (ironically in a win). This is the second longest streak in league history, just three behind Bob’s record-setting 37-game streak. For the record, Matt now has the 2nd, 3rd and 4th longest 1,000-pt streak.

No. 1 TEBOW’S BEFORE HOES Is Eric fading? He’s dropped two of three and just 3-3 in his last six after his 5-0 start. The last time Eric started 5-0 he finished the season 3-5 and lost in the first-round. Now I don’t think that’s going to happen. I remember that team, this team is much, much better.

No. 2 THE GOOCH BRUISERS Well, I called it. I said Eric would lose to Bob and Griff would take over first place. That’s happened. I also said it looked that Griff will probably earn two more weekly high scores. Well, he just got another one. Right now, Griff is rolling through this league like we’re not even here. It’s getting brutal. He’s won seven straight, which ties him with four others for 9th longest streak in league history. If Griff wins out and wins the title, he would tie me for second longest winning streak (12 straight).

No. 3 ROMOLICIOUS Let’s just say this, never, not once did I imagine a scenario where I’d be starting Donald Brown and Mark Ingram. Never. That’s the world I live in when I don’t have Lynch (bye), McFadden (injury) and Harvin (injury). Of course it certainly didn’t help that my All-Robio quarterback thought the Cardinals D was on his team and completed five passes to them. No worries. I just need everyone to get healthy. My season starts again in the quarterfinals.

No. 4 THE DICK-TATERS We’ve been doing this experiment called Robioland for 13 years now. We’ve produced 102 playoff teams during that time. Of those 102 playoff teams, only two teams in league history have made the playoffs despite never scored at least 1,500 in a single game. Bob did it first way back in 2006, going 9-4, earning the 9 seed. Don did it last in 2010, going 6-7, earning the 7 seed. Ironically, both of them made it to the semis. With two more games left, Calderon has two more shots to not join this exclusive club.

No. 5 MOLLIPOP A tough week for Molly, but it should have been expected. Thanks to byes, she was down the league’s top running back (Adrian Peterson), plus no Kenny Britt and no Victor Cruz. Now some teams can recover from bye-week issues and Stephens-Howling certainly did his part (278 points), but Bowe was knocked out of the game without a catch and the Texans D decided not to show up against the Jaguars (-4).

No. 6 GLORY HOLE DAYS It’s official, Masterson declares he will never trade with Neatock again. Both running backs Rob got in a trade from Matt (Benson and now McGahee) are now out probably for the season. Ironically, if there is one team who can handle losing backs like these, it is Masterson’s. The fact is, with the way Doug Martin and Chris Johnson are playing, he arguable he has the best backfield despite the loss of McGahee/Benson.

No. 7 YOUNG, DUMB & FULL OF CAM With a nice win, Bob’s three-peat dreams remain a reality. However, with two games left, thanks to the struggles of his backfield, Bob is still forced to make plenty of decisions regarding his lineup, but one spot he never thought he would have to think about is quarterback. Now I can’t imagine a scenario where Bob benches Cam, but after Schaub’s 703 point performance, it certainly should make him think…and before you say it’s just one game, head-to-head, Schaub has beaten Newton 5-4 in weeks they’ve both played in.

No. 8 QUARTER POUNDERS Well, the 49ers and Bears certainly made Colby sweat out this win. However, if the Bears don’t get Cutler back soon, Colby’s season could be over sooner rather than later. The simple fact is both Matt Forte and Brandon Marshall have played awful since Cutler left last week’s game.

No. 9 o0o0o Is Burrier done? That’s certainly never been a question I’ve ever asked before when a team has lost a tight end, but no team has ever lost a player like Rob Gronkowski. I have to ask, how happy is a Pats’ fan knowing he lost his star tight end because Bill Belichick still had his first-team scoring with a 52-24 point lead? Now back to the question, is Burrier done? No. He’s still got Charles/Gore and I’m loving Danario Alexander, but thanks to a trade and now an injury, Rich no longer has two of the best players in the league (Brees and Gronk).

No. 10 GATOR NATION Just imagine, you’re bike racing, you’ve hit mile 48 of a 50 mile race. You’re trailing the whole time, but the leader is fading and you’re within reach. You’re pushing, you’re struggling, but your front tire is right behind his back tire…then suddenly, a Tina Turner jumps out in front of you and knocks you off your bike. You lose. That’s what happened with Don. Heading into Sunday night, Don trailed the mighty by Griff’s by just 58 points with Heath Miller left to play. Miller had broken 58 points eight times in eight games. No problem, right? Well, Big Ben’s absence mattered because Miller caught just two passes for 44 yards, causing Don to come up 18 points short.

No. 11 KOLB GOBBLERS Matt’s suddenly won three in a row, but I’m not sure how. Actually, I do. His opponents continue to fail to show. His last three opponents have averaged just 977ppg. Forgetting the win, this one was just ugly and can’t make Matt happy. Stafford turned it over three more times, while Matt’s two receivers, Mike Wallace and DeSean Jackson, could do nothing with backup quarterbacks. In fact, the two of them combined for, get this, 10 fantasy points. Yes, 10 fantasy points. What saved Matt was the Patriots defense, who managed to score four defensive/special team touchdowns.

No. 12 SPIDE TWO WIDE BANANA Well, there’s still hope that he can win the “best team of the year” award. Also, he can avoid the double-whammy (finish last and producing the least amount of points). Right now Matt is up just 258 points over Jeff, but Mr. Greenblatt has outscored Matt in four of the last six games.

WEEK TWELVE

o0o0o 1280.0 at Kolb Gobblers 1362.0 Tebow’s Before Hoes 1860.0 at Quarter Pounders 1143.0 Mollipop 913.0 at Glory Hole Days 1573.0 The Gooch Bruisers 1307.0 at The Dick-Taters 1567.0 Spider Two Wide Banana 1463.0 at Romolicious 1048.0 Tony Stark 1366.0 at Young, Dumb & Full of Cam 1870.0

TUESDAY THOUGHTS

I’m actually a little sad about this weekend’s results. It’s not that I don’t want to cheer for people like Bob or Rob and I certainly don’t favor folks like Don or Colby, but I do love seasons when everyone is still fighting for a playoff spot in the final week. Sadly, we’re down to nine teams to still give a shit about that.

There are plenty of great battles left though. Eric, Griff and Calderon are all fighting for the top seed. Why does it matter so much this year? Because the top seed will avoid facing the two others until the finals, while the other two face off in the semis (assuming they all advance out of the quarters). Meanwhile, I’m fighting to avoid the big three in the first round, while Bob, Molly and Masterson all could be either the fourth seed or out of the playoffs. This leaves Matt and Burrier fighting for their playoffs lives.

No. 1 TEBOW’S BEFORE HOES One more week and Eric will go wire-to-wire on the top spot of my much-loved Robio Rankings. There have certainly been moments when I thought about dropping him (week four when I took over the scoring lead and even last week when Griff took control of the top seed), but I’ve always sat pat. I believed Eric was the best team coming into the season and nothing has changed my mind.

Here’s the deal for Eric, if he wants the top seed, it’s his if he wins next week. The fact is, Griff may match him in total wins (also with a win next week), but Eric leads Griff by over 1,000 points. I just can’t see Griff making up that ground.

No. 2 THE GOOCH BRUISERS Yes, Griff fell to Calderon (one spot below him), but as everyone should know, one game doesn’t affect my rankings. I still think Griff has a brighter future. However, let’s not gloss over this defeat, it was an important one. With the loss, Griff now needs help to earn the top seed. Because he trails Eric by over 1,000 points, he needs Calderon to beat Eric next week, then he needs to beat a motivated Bob squad.

No. 3 THE DICK-TATERS Who saw this coming? The battle for the mug has finally provided three clear favorites, Eric, Griff and Calderon. Actually, I get to say I saw it. All three were in my tier one in my preseason predictions. You have to hand it to Calderon, this trip to the playoffs has not be a traditional one. Without his two starting running backs (McCoy and Murray) he just plugs in Ridley and Reece. No Big Ben, no problem, just slide in Eli. The result? Rich produces his best game of the year. Meanwhile, he’s plugged in Pettigrew into the hole at TE and the Broncos DST has become one of the best in the league.

What does this all mean? He has a shot at bringing home the top seed, although he’s going to need a little help. If he can defeat Eric next week and if Bob can take down Griff, the top seed belongs to Calderon.

No. 4 GLORY HOLE DAYS Masterson got 1,573 points and he did that with no points from his second receiver. Rob’s got the talent to go all the way, especially if Tony Romo keeps having to come from behind in every game. Here’s the deal, Rob can move as high as the 4-seed with a little bit of luck and love. First, he needs to beat me next week and he’ll need to beat me by more than 792 points. Then if Bob and Molly win, he’ll need to beat them in total points. Currently, he trails Bob, but is leading Molly. On the flipside, if Rob loses, he could slip as far as the 8th seed, depending on if Bob, Molly, and Matt win. Could Rob fall out of the playoffs? Sure. If he loses and Bob, Matt and Molly win (or lose and maintain a lead over Rob in points). Then Burrier would need to win and out-score Masterson by 866 points. Again, not impossible, but we’re talking a miracle here.

No. 5 ROMOLICIOUS Am I really the fifth best team? It’s hard to believe that I could be. The problem is, my 2012 is starting to look and feel like my 2011. If you recall last year I was flying high at 6-2, but then I lost Matt Schaub, Darren McFadden and then Adrian Peterson to injury. My season was toast. I wouldn’t win another game and I missed the playoffs. This year, I started 5-0, but I’ve dropped five of seven, thanks in part to losing Darren McFadden again and also Percy Harvin. At least I will still make the playoffs, even with a loss next week, but if I don’t get those guys back, I’m not going to survive round one.

No. 6 MOLLIPOP Molly has picked a wrong time to hit a wall. She’s now dropped three in a row and went from being a playoff lock to a not-so-much. Molly still controls her own destiny. If she wins, she’s in. However, if she loses and Burrier beats Colby, then things get interesting. At this time, she actually trails him in total points. Now it is totally possible that Rich could win next week, Molly could lose, but she can still make up the points to overtake him in total points. Right now she trails in by 61 points.

No. 7 YOUNG, DUMB & FULL OF CAM Oh-no, here he goes again. First, Bob helped keep Colby down by beating him three weeks ago. Then he upset the top seed last week and then this week he eliminated Don from the post-season. Could Bob be ready to make his traditional late-season run? He’s finally ditched the two-back set and is rolling with the three-wide he drafted to lead him to a title. I still like to see Ryan Mathews step up and really be the star he was suppose to be. It will help if he scores a TD, something he hasn’t done in six weeks.

For Bob, he’s got the best chance of all the 6-6 teams to make it to the fourth seed. He’s got them all beat in points and he is within 300 points of me (obviously he’ll need me to lose). Could he miss the post-season? Technically yes, but I just can’t see it happening. Bob would need Burrier to win, he would need to lose and he would need to lose a lot of points to Burrier.

No. 8 o0o0o Even though Burrier lost to Matt, I still think Rich has the better shot at winning it all. Actually, I don’t think either one does, but I’d put Rich ahead of Matt. The problem is, if Rich won this week, he would have clinched, but now he needs help to get into the playoffs.

First thing first, Burrier needs to win. He’ll need to beat a Colby team that just got knocked out of the post-season and is looking to prove he’s one of the best teams not to make the playoffs. If Burrier can win, there are plenty of 6-6 teams that could lose next week (none of them face each other), so it would come down to points. He’s currently beating Molly by a little, losing to Masterson by a little and losing to Bob by probably too much. Outside of those three is Matt. Rich, like everyone else, has a commanding lead over Matt in total points. Now the problem is, both Molly and Matt have winnable match ups. Molly faces Jeff and Matt takes on Don.

No. 9 KOLB GOBBLERS The fact is, Matt’s playoffs started this week because if he lost, he would be out. Now he controls his own destiny. Thankfully for him, another opponent failed to show up and he now has won four straight. All he has to do is beat Don next week. The better news is, even if he doesn’t win, he still has a shot. If Burrier loses to Colby, Matt makes the playoffs, whether he wins or loses.

No. 10 QUARTER POUNDERS You know what makes this bad…if Colby didn’t perform his trade two weeks ago, he would have beaten Eric…easily, 1,556-1,295 (that’s assuming Eric would have played Forte over Morris). Hell, even if he started Morris over Forte, Colby wins by 41 points. The fact is, Tom Brady ruined him, scoring 547 points Thanksgiving’s Night. Ironically, Colby now has the ability to do to Burrier what Eric did to him; knock him out of the playoffs with his former players.

No. 11 TONY STARK It’s officially over. The longest playoff streak in league history ends at eight years. Congratulations to Don for such an impressive streak (one that included two championships). Now that he’s done, how does Don feel about knocking a Coomer from the playoffs? With a win over Molly and a Burrier win, Don could help eliminate Molly (although other results will play a role). Either way, Don has already wrapped up the No. 2 seed.

No. 12 SPIDE TWO WIDE BANANA Congratulations to Jeff for avoiding that dreaded 1-12 season. That record will remain with Eric and David for another season. Don’t look now but Cecil Short is looking like a sweet keeper next year. Four of his last five games have been for 200+ points.

WEEK THIRTEEN

Tony Stark 1617.0 at Kolb Gobblers 1307.0 Tebow’s Before Hoes 1298.0 at The Dick-Taters 1623.0 Spider Two Wide Banana 1098.0 at Mollipop 1603.0 Young, Dumb & Full of Cam 1266.0 at The Gooch Bruisers 1403.0 Romolicious 813.0 at Glory Hole Days 1436.0 o0o0o 1418.0 at Quarter Pounders 1125.0

TUESDAY THOUGHTS

I’m going to keep these Tuesday Thoughts quick and easy. I’m working on a lot of stuff for playoff predictions before Thursday games (damn you NFL). As for you not in the post-season, stick around because I’ll be talking about you as well.

Note: If you’re out of it, you can no longer add/drop. If you’re in the post-season, anyone you add, you can’t keep.

Also, I’m going to be posting predictions polls today. Go. Vote.

No. 1 THE DICK-TATERS Yep, I’m moving him to the top spot, ruining Eric’s chance at a wire-to-wire. Call it the Bryce Brown effect. Of course it helps to beat both Griff and Eric in back-to-back weeks. Does this mean I’m going to pick him to win the title? We shall see.

No. 2 THE GOOCH BRUISERS He got the top seed as I predicted three weeks ago. The beauty with that is, Griff won’t have to see either Calderon or Eric until the finals.

No. 3 TEBOW’S BEFORE HOES Congratulations to Eric. He earned his first scoring title, becoming just the fourth person to average over 1,500 for a season (he got 1,503 PPG).

No. 4 GLORY HOLE DAYS Rob has won six of seven and his reward is a date with the scoring champ in week one? Doesn’t seem fair, but that’s what you get for starting 1-5.

No. 5 YOUNG, DUMB & FULL OF CAM With Jordy Nelson out again, Bob has some decisions to make? He’s got to go two-back, so will it be struggling Mathews, struggling Bush or unreliable Moreno? Not good options going against Calderon this week.

No. 6 MOLLIPOP Rodgers, Peterson, Cruz and the Texans D. Sounds like a semi-finals team to me, but a title team? Not so much.

No. 7 ROMOLICIOUS Here are some of my point totals from this past week; 24, 38 and 26. It’s hard to see this team winning a single game in the post-season.

No. 8 o0o0o The Andrew Luck era has officially begun for Rich, but he’s going to need to get him more help in the future if Rich wants Luck to deliver some titles.

No. 9 QUARTER POUNDERS I’m not sure if this makes Colby feel better, but he failed to finish in the to-eight in scoring, so really he probably doesn’t deserve a playoff spot.

No. 10 KOLB GOBBLERS 2012’s luckiest team ran out of (Andrew) Luck one week too early. Is it me or does it seem like Burrier and Neatock are joined at the hip? Last year, Matt got into the post after beating Rich in the final week, then got knocked out by him in the quarters. This year, he got knocked out, while Rich got put back in.

No. 11 TONY STARKS Assuming Jeff takes Arian Foster, Don could be looking at either Aaron Rodgers or Drew Brees.

No. 12 SPIDER TWO WIDE BANANA If I had my way, Jeff would have won best team name.

QUARTERFINALS

The Gooch Bruisers 1084.0 at o0o0o 1150.0 The Dick-Taters 1249.0 at Young, Dumb & Full of Cam 1894.0 Tebow’s Before Hoes 1649.0 at Glory Hole Days 1269.0 Romolicious 1625.0 at Mollipop 1528.0

TUESDAY THOUGHTS

In a development that should no longer be stunning in this league, the top two seeds go down in the first-round. In fact, this is the fifth time in 14 years that both the one and two seeds have fallen in round one. Hell, since 2005, only once (in 2009) has both the top seed and second seed advanced to the semis.

PLAYOFF TEAMS

No. 3 TEBOW’S BEFORE HOES While teams like Bob and myself relied on huge games from a couple different players, Eric had the complete effort. Three players broke 200 (including both running backs), while four more broke 100 points. This is the reason why I picked him to win it all.

No. 4 ROMOLICIOUS I’ll be honest…I gave up. After the 1pm games, I had a slim lead, but I had two players (Lynch, 49ers D) left to play, while Molly had three players, Bell (who had back-to-back 100-pt games), Victor Cruz and Aaron Rodgers. I stopped looking at my computer. Then two hours later, I went back and thanks to Lynch’s three touchdowns, I had a 500-point lead. Maybe I should turn off my computer more often.

No. 7 YOUNG, DUMB & FULL OF CAM Cam Fucking Newton and Seahawks Fucking Defense. The pair scored a stunning 1,260 points. In fact, the Hawks’ 613 points is a record for a defense in this league. Hopefully for me, Bob is peaking one week too early.

No. 8 o0o0o Did Rich get (Andrew) luck(y)? Yes. The only team he would have beaten this week just so happened to be the one team he was playing. That’s fortunate. Of course we should have saw it coming when on the first play from scrimmage, Jamaal Charles scored on an 80-yard touchdown.

KNOCKED OUT

THE GOOCH BRUISERS I hate to say I told you so, but…yeah, you know. Griff’s first-round struggles continue. Three straight years he’s won nine games in the regular season, but was bounced in the first-round. Stunning. This year was supposed to be different. The previous two years he was the 5th and 4th seed (due to not winning his division), but this year he was the top seed. He clearly had the weakest opponent. This was his to win, but then Peyton Manning couldn’t get the ball in the end zone (settling for four field goals), Welker couldn’t hold onto the ball (multiple drops), and the Buccaneers D let Nick Foles look like a Pro-Bowl QB. Just like that, his season was over.

GLORY HOLE DAYS It’s fitting, the guys who caused Rob’s 1-5 start, then help him rally to the 6 seed, were the same dudes who failed to show up when it mattered the most. Tony Romo struggled, barely breaking 200 and then there was Chris Johnson. The opportunity was there. The Titans jumped out early on the Colts. It was time to run the ball. However, C.J. managed just 59 total yards and no touchdowns.

MOLLIPOP There are two painful ways to lose a playoff game. Score huge, but your opponent still scores more or have a “if only I would have started…” moment. Sadly for Molly, she had both. She scored a solid 1,528, but still lost and if she would have started Kenny Britt over rookie T.Y Hilton, she would have won.

THE DICK-TATERS As Rich has already pointed out, there isn’t much you can do when your opponent decides to have his best week of the season in the quarterfinals. When I released the All-Robio awards Sunday, I also included the “best free agent pick ups” of the year. In it, Calderon got a lot of credit for doing some of the better pick ups; first with Kyle Rudolph, then later with Marcel Reece, Matt Bryant, the Broncos DST and of course Bryce Brown. Outside of the Broncos D, they all laid eggs for Rich. Reece lost his starting spot, so he was expected to take a dip, but Rudolph scored zero points, Bryant produced just two extra points and then Bryce Brown went -4. If those three did what they did last week, Rich wins the greatest game ever.

LOOKING AHEAD TO 2013

What? You think all because you’re done, that I’m done with you. Think again. This week, we’re going to talk keepers.

MATT There are a lot of big names in category one, but not a lot exciting me. Clearly, you can scratch both Steven Jackson and Michael Turner. I also don’t see Matt keeping DeSean Jackson in the third. I guess this leaves Mike Wallace. He traded for him, he wanted him, Matt’s got him.

Things get a little bit more fun in category three. Matt has Matt Stafford in round eight, but Matt’s better options are Mikel Leshoure in round seven and David Wilson one round later. Neither is a RB1, but both are young and both has potential. Right now, I’m leaning Leshoure, because until I’m told differently, Wilson is still not the starter in New York next year.

In category three, Matt has Tony Gonzalez, but he says he’s retiring, so this would leave Matt with the Patriots DST in the twelfth. In the end, Matt may have to just let them go.

COLBY For Colby, category one is easy. He’s got an All-Robio receiver in the third round with Brandon Marshall. In category two, Colby’s got two options, Ben Green-Ellis again or Russell Wilson. While Wilson hasn’t gotten the props that RGIII or Andrew Luck has gotten, but over the last seven weeks, Wilson has been just as good as those two.

In category three, Colby has one of the best young receivers in the game in Randall Cobb. He’s easily the best Cat 3 keeper in 2013.

DON Category one is a no-brainer. Trent Richardson looks like one of the best young backs in football and should be a mainstay on Don’s roster for two more years.

In category two, I don’t like any of Don’s options. Fred Jackson is done, right? Anquan Boldin is just too damn old and James Jones isn’t consistent enough. This leaves Colin Kaepernick. He’s not an elite quarterback, but with his running ability, he could be a solid fantasy quarterback.

In category three, Don redshirted Brandon Weeden, but I don’t think he’s shown us anything that screams out, keeper!

JEFF If there ever was a case for, fuck it, just start all over, this is it. In category one, there is no reason to keep Maurice Jones-Drew or Ahmad Bradshaw. Eric Decker is clearly not the man in Denver and Steve Johnson is not worth a 4th round pick. What about Torry Smith? Sorry, but he took a step back this year. In my professional opinion, don’t keep anyone in category one.

In category two, Jeff could go back to Aaron Hernandez. Cecil Short had a fantastic final month of the season, so he’s not a bad option, but here’s a dark horse for you…look out for Jacquizz Rodgers. It’s becoming clear that Michael Turner does not fit in the new pass-happy Falcons offense. It’s hard to imagine he remains in Atlanta. Assuming the Falcons don’t draft a running back, that would leave Rodgers the starting job.

In category three, there is probably no harm in keeping Darren Sproles in the 13th round.

QUICK PEAK AHEAD

What do we have moving forward? Well, we have my preseason and post-season favorite. I picked Eric to win it all and he’s just two games from doing so, erasing 11 years of awful football. We seven league championships between the rest (Burrier: 1, Robio: 3, Bob: 3). We have Bob, who is two games away from becoming the first back-to-back-to-back champion. We have the classic “team stumbling into the post-season, only to awake in the quarters.” And then we have Burrier.

No. 3 TEBOW’S BEFORE HOES VS No. 8 o0o0o Burrier advanced to the semis, becoming the fifth 8-seed to do so. That’s the good news. The bad news…the 8 seed is 0-4 in the semis.

No. 4 ROMOLICIOUS VS. YOUNG, DUMB & FULL OF CAM It is a re-match of the 2010 title game. In the finals, Bob gets me. Historically, I should crush Mr. Castrone. Bob is 3-3 in the semis, averaging just 1,251 points, breaking 1,300 just once. On the other hand, I’m 6-2 in the semis, averaging 1,515ppg, breaking 1,500 six times.

SEMIFINALS

Tebow’s Before Hoes 1163.0 at o0o0o 677.0 Romolicious 1554.0 at Young, Dumb & Full of Cam 1471.0

TUESDAY THOUGHTS

ROBIO BOWL XIII (11-4) TEBOW’S BEFORE HOES VS (9-6) ROMOLICIOUS Obviously, more on this will come later in the week, but let’s talk about the title game for a brief moment. It’s a family affair for the third time, but this time, Don has given way to his young son.

In reality, could there be a starker contrast in title game teams. You have me with my three league championships, (now) seven title appearances, most playoff wins (19) and highest playoff winning percentage (.760) passing Bob (.710) with my semis win. I have multiple top seeds (3) and scoring titles (3) and I’m going against Eric, a man who took twelve years to earn his first playoff win. Anyhow, predictions will be Thursday.

THOUGHTS FROM THIS WEEKEND

No. 3 TEBOW’S BEFORE HOES How are championships made? Well, you’ll need good keepers, a solid draft, smart free agent pick ups, maybe even a trade…but you know what else you need? Good timing. Eric picked the perfect time to have his worst game of the season. His 1,163 points was his lowest season total, thanks to a complete no-show from his receivers. (Wayne/Thomas produced 40 total fantasy points). This means they’re both going to go for 200+ next week in the title game, right?

#4 ROBIO MURRAY The semis…they belong to me. I improve to a solid 7-1 in the semis. My only defeat was to Colby way back in 2005 (that year he scored the most points in the semis, I scored the second most). I truly didn’t see this coming. Down 270 points late Sunday afternoon thanks to Lynch’s benching, McFadden’s fumble, none of my receivers showing up, but then Jason Garrett decided to kick for the win in overtime despite having first and goal at the one. The 30-points I would get, gave me a reason to at least pay attention Monday night. Can I beat Eric? Who cares, I kept Bob from becoming a four-time champion.

SEMI-FINALS ELIMINATIONS

#10 BOB CASTRONE Mark Sanchez…the giant slayer. What did Mark Sanchez end? He ended Bob’s dream of becoming the league’s first four-time champion and first three-peat champion. He ended Bob’s seven game playoff winning streak, preventing him from owning the longest streak all by himself (I also have a seven-game post-season winning streak). He also ended Bob’s amazing seven-year 9-win per season run. I guess Bob will have to settle for a eight-year 8-win per season run heading into 2013.

Give credit where credit is do, Bob overcame a bad running back duo (Bush/Mathews), injuries (Nelson), a rough start at quarterback (Cam Newton), a hole at tight end (Tamme) and at defense (Bills) and clawed his way back using just the wire, filling his tight end spot with Daniels and Myers, sliding a great Seahawks D into the DST spot and of course Moreno, who nearly led Bob to the title game. If Ryan Mathews doesn’t get hurt in the third quarter, who knows.

#9 RICH BURRIER Let’s talk about the difference a year makes…last year, Burrier became the first team to enter the playoffs with the exact same team he drafted to start week one (excluding the kicker). This year though, Rich went just the opposite. Only two of his players on his team this week were drafted to be a starter for him (Gore, Steelers D). Luck was drafted, but he was meant to backup Drew Brees. He traded for Jamaal Charles and added both his receivers (Alexander, Givens), tight end (Clark) and his kicker (Suisham) via the free agent wire.

QUARTERFINALS ELIMINATIONS

#8 GRIFF COOMER Despite a very disappointing ending to another promising season, Griff will once again look good going into the 2013 draft. First, there is Peyton Manning all the way back in the fifth round. In category two, Griff has had Foster the past three years, but he’s gone and now he has C.J. Spiller in the 7th round. One has to assume he’ll be ready to be the lead back in Buffalo next year. In category three, Michael Crabtree appears to be a star in the making with the QB change in SF and will be a solid keeper in the 13th round.

#7 RICH CALDERON Rich actually has some choices to make heading into 2013. He could keep LeSean McCoy again in the first (as the 7th pick) or Vincent Jackson all the way in the fifth. In category two, the choices are again tough. In round six he has both Bryce Brown and Steven Ridley. Brown looked amazing for two weeks, but then looked back the next two weeks. Do we really think he’s going to overtake McCoy in Philly next year? I don’t. Ridley can be maddening inconsistent, but he could still be a decent keeper next year. How about a darkhorse? The Broncos DST in the 10th? In the third category, despite the injury issues, Rich still has to keep DeMarco Murray.

#6 MOLLY COOMER Molly still has Aaron Rodgers in round one for one more year, but I’m sorry, she’s not passing on Adrian Peterson in round two for two more years. Great pick. In category two, it’s got to be Victor Cruz yet again. He had a solid follow-up year to his breakout 2011. In category three, Molly doesn’t even have an option.

#5 ROB MASTERSON In category one, it’s got to be Doug Martin. The rookie is coming off a first-team All-Robio and Rob has him for two more years in round two. Unless Shonn Greene gets cuts by the Jets and Bilal Powell gets the starting job, it has to be Julio Jones one more year in round six. In category three, I don’t see anyone for Rob to keep.

TEAMS THAT MISSED THE PLAYOFFS Last week we talked about these teams’ keeper options. Now we’ll look at their draft options.

#1 JEFF – Arian Foster, RB-HOU There are a lot of great options for Jeff. The question is, does he want an All-Robio running back or an All-Robio quarterback? Well, since a running back has been taken first every single year except for 1999 (Randy Moss), I’m going with Foster here.

#2 DON – Marshawn Lynch, RB-SEA Aaron Rodgers and Drew Brees are sitting here waiting to be taken, but if Don keeps Colin Kaeperick, he has to start him, right? So he won’t need a quarterback. Lynch isn’t sexy, but since becoming the starter in Seattle, he has been one of the most consistent backs in football.

#3 COLBY – Calvin Johnson, WR-DET Colby already has a quarterback (Wilson) and two wide receivers, but can he pass on Calvin Johnson, the league’s best receiver? Can you say “three wide?” Of course keep your eye on Jamaal Charles again. If the Chiefs fire their coaching staff and can go out and draft a real rookie quarterback, maybe Charles can find some room to run.

#4 MATT – Aaron Rodgers, QB-GB With Wallace in the third-round and a running back in category two (Leshoure or Wilson), so Matt should by psyched to land Rodgers with the fourth pick.

FINALS

Romolicious 1973.0 at Tebow’s Before Hoes 1871.0

TUESDAY THOUGHTS

Of all the defeats that I have had in my career, including my three title game defeats over the last six years, the one that continued to haunt me was my 2008 title game defeat to Don. In that game, I clearly had the better squad. I won the scoring title, earning a weekly high score in six of the final nine regular season games. I was crushing it in the post, scoring 1,641 and 1,760 in the first two rounds of the playoffs.

Heading into the title game I would have beaten Don head-to-head in ten straight games. I should have won, but then I got smart and benched DeAngelo Williams for Brian Westbrook. It cost me the game.

This year, after beating Bob in the semis with the Titans D, I had to make a decision at the DST spot, since the Titans were facing the Packers in week sixteen. At first, I thought about just riding with what I drafted (the 49ers), but late Monday I added the Colts defense (against the Chiefs) and inserted them into my lineup. However, by mid-week I kept looking at the Chargers/Jets game. It was the Jets offense against the Titans that led me to the title game. So on Thursday night, I went and grabbed the Chargers defense. I figured against the Jets offense, with a rookie quarterback starting his first game, how bad could the Chargers do? Well, the Chargers D sacked McElroy 11 times, forced two turnovers, scored one defensive touchdown and returned one punt for a touchdown. The result? Instead of Eric getting his first championship, I got my first one in 10 years.

As for Eric, I have to admit. This one kind of sucks. The fact is, not all 1,800+ point games are equal and Eric’s was one of the better ones. If anything, this game showed us how great his team really was. While I scored more points, I did it basically with four players (Ryan, White, Chargers D, Lynch scored 1,703 of my 1,973 points (86% of my points).

Eric scored 1,871 points, but he did it with a complete balanced effort. Every player broke 100 and six of the eight scored at least 200. The only player that underperformed was Tom Brady. Normally, there is nothing wrong with 243 fantasy points, but when you’re a Tom Brady facing the Jaguars, you’re expected to have more.

Of course, what a fucking game?

I opened up a stunning 951 point lead thanks to Matt Ryan and Roddy White. I felt pretty good at that point. But then on Sunday, McFadden (56) and Hartline (20) both failed to show up, while Eric’s players slowly just kept adding stats.

By the time the second half of the 4pm games kicked in, the game was basically tied. Then the Bears D scored again, Thomas kept catching passes and Ray Rice scored on a 27-yard TD pass and just like that…Eric opened up a 285-point lead.

After getting some second half stats from Pitta and the Cardinals getting some junk yards, I was able to get back within 222, a reasonable deficit. For the third straight week, my game would come down to the week’s final game. Well, we all know what Marshawn Lynch did. Ball game.

So is this the greatest game ever? I certainly will write more about this when I begin to write the “historical moments” for this season.