Week One

Quarter Pounders 1194 at Cane Mutiny 1012 Vick in a Box 1608 at Mollipop 876 The Griffters 1657 at The Swamp 815 That Fishy Smell 1604 at Gator Nation 1790 Otis Murray & The Knights 1630 at John Mayer 1158 Dirty Sanchez 1046 at I. Peep Freely 984

TUESDAY THOUGHTS

One week down and six teams are 1-0 and six teams are 0-1. For those six losers, don’t sweat it. One thing we’ve proven in this league is that winning in week one doesn’t mean much. Hell, scoring in week one doesn’t mean much.

The 10 league champions are 5-5 on opening day. In fact, only on champion (Don in 2006) has won in week one since 2004. Champions have lost on opening day in four out of the last five seasons after a four-year run of winning in week one. (2000-2003). In total, three champions have failed to crack 1,000 on opening day (Robio ’99, Bob ‘04 & Griff ’05). Hell, Bob and I were the week’s low score. Two champions (Jason ’01 & Burrier ’03) broke 1,500 in week one. Of the ten champions, the average week one score is 1,111ppg.

This season we’re going to add a new wrinkle to this year’s Tuesday Rankings. I’m going add some ‘tiers’ to help you know who the contenders and pretenders are.

MEN AMONG BOYS

No 1 – GATOR NATION STAT LINE: Don’s riding a five-game winning streak, which ties him for his career long. Celebrate. Don’s win was only the third time in league history the defending champ won in week one the following year. This team is simply stacked, especially if Carlson is really this good.

No 2 – VICK IN A BOX STAT LINE: This was the first time Matt has won in week one since 2004. The scary part…Matt’s boys didn’t really dominate. Peterson’s 524 points masks some low stats. Still, like I said Sunday night, this is the first time I can remember where Matt had both a solid D and a solid tight end at the beginning of the season. He’s right to be looking for a number one receiver. Don has one. He doesn’t for now.

No 3 – THAT FISHY SMELL STAT LINE I: Rich’s 1,604 points in a losing effort is the 13th most points scored in a defeat. STAT LINE II: Just a reminder stat…by not finishing with the week’s lowest score, Rich continues his record setting “longest streak without a weekly low score.” He’s now at 74-straight weeks. Second on the list? Griff at 56 (1999-2003). The second longest active streak? Bob. He’s gone 41-straight weeks without a low score. If Rich got the weekly low score next week, Bob couldn’t catch him until week six in 2011. Anyhow, can I just point out that Calderon was seriously thinking about keeping Calvin Johnson over Drew Brees? Looking at New Orleans schedule, Brees could be shattering records this season, although I wouldn’t count on six TD’s per week.

OVERACHIEVERS OR ‘09 SLEEPERS

No 4 – OTIS MURRAY STAT LINE: Tom Brady had zero touchdowns in the games first 58 minutes. He had two in the final two. Can Jeff really expect 200+ points from Benson and Hightower each week? Let’s try to look at the most important numbers…touches. Hightower actually only got eight carries (sharing with Wells, who got seven). However, he caught a stunning 12 receptions. He’s not going to catch that many week in and week out. However, Benson got 21 carries (four catches) this week. Four other backs carried the ball, but only four times. That’s real good news.

No 5 – THE GRIFFTERS STAT LINE: Griff actually tied his career high in week one with 1,657 points. I know Griff produced over 1,600 points, which might make you wonder why he’s only fourth…so I’ll explain. A defense scoring 506 points…that’s lucky and I’m willing to bet you my 2002 division title that it won’t happen again this season. Let’s be patient and see what happens with Steven Jackson and the Rams pathetic offense.

A PLAYER OR TWO SHORT

No 6 – DIRTS SANCHEZ Certainly there are concerns, starting with McNabb’s injury. If you’re starting Eli in a 12-team, one starting QB league, you have issues. Also, the Cowboys D looked down-right awful against the Bucs (450 yards to Brian Leftwich and the Williams/Ward combo). The good news though, Rice looked like a legit back.

No 7 – QUARTER POUNDERS Colby was actually the highest scoring team in what looked like a bad division…at least for a week. Still, there were some major issues that will need to be dealt, starting with those running backs. Colby has four backs, Jones, Taylor, Johnson and Washington. Three are actual backups on their teams. Only one of the backs scored over 40 fantasy points this week (Washington had a decent 130 points).

No 8 – JOHN MAYER STAT LINE: Burrier’s 2008 cold streak continues. He’s now dropped seven of his last eight games. Burrier has to at least be happy with the results from his wide receivers. They didn’t have a ton of catches (seven), but they had lots of yards and two touchdowns. However, he can’t be pleased with the quarterback play. Not the place to have a hole to start the season.

PRETENDER

No 9 I PEEP FREELY It’s hard to believe that Johnson & Johnson will only combine for about 166 points per week. I’m chalking this one up to a bad, fluke week. However, Bob will need to keep an eye on that QB spot. Can’t win a title without a quarterback.

AND THE FIRST PICK IN THE 2010 DRAFT…

No 10 – MOLLIPOP STAT LINE: This is the fourth time in nine seasons Molly has failed to crack 1,000 on opening day. Mrs. Coomer was the only person from the Jersey Division who disappointed in week one. We’re not going to jump on any negative bandwagon here yet though. Everyone (but the Giants D) had bad weeks, as no one broke 200 (except the Giants). However, Molly doesn’t have the luxury of time to work out any kinks. She takes on Don and Calderon next, before an easier month of football after that. However, 0-3 isn’t sexy.

No 11 CANE MUTINY Normally this is where I rip myself, my draft and declare my season over before it really gets going. Instead, I’m going to be positive. I’ve produced 14-straight 1,000-point games (dating back to last year). That’s the longest active streak in the league (10 back of Matt’s record of 24-straight 1,000-point games).

No 12 – THE SWAMP STAT LINE: This is the second straight year Eric has failed to hit 1,000 in week one. Everything really did go wrong. Cutler four bad interceptions, Brown only got 10 carries, Bironas missed two field goals, the receivers only caught five total passes. The lone bright spot? Westbrook looks healthy and prior to Philly take a 38-10 lead, McCoy only had taken one carry away from him.

LOOKING AHEAD TO WEEK TWO: (It’s never too early to take a quick peak. BTW, I also ranked the games).

No 1 – Vick in a Box vs. That Fishy Smell Calderon could be looking at a rough 0-2 start, but this one comes down to what’s really more important; an All-Robio RB (Peterson) or a All-Robio QB (Brees)? EARLY WORTHLESS PREDICTION: Vick in a Box

No 2 – Otis Murray vs. The Griffters Shockingly, the winner will take the early lead for the Brooklyn Division. Which one is going to prove they are not the fluke? EARLY WORTHLESS PRDICTION: The Griffters

No 3 – Mollipop vs. Gator Nation Can a week two win be a season saving win? No, but it sure feels like one for Molly. EARLY WORTHLESS PRDICTION: Gator Nation

No 4 – Quarter Pounders vs Dirty Sanchez Three teams will be 2-0 after next week. One of these two will be one of them. Both teams are playing roto-RB, but Colby has a QB. EARLY WORTHLESS PRDICTION: Dirty Sanchez

No 5 – I Peep Freely vs. Cane Mutiny No two teams disappointed more in week one than these two. Now one of them will be 0-2. EARLY WORTHLESS PRDICTION: I Peep Freely No 6 – The Swamp vs. John Mayer Is it panic time for Eric? Not yet, but a loss to Burrier and he better start looking for that button.

Week Two

Cane Mutiny 1296 at I. Peep Freely 2217 Mollipop 1326 at Gator Nation 618 John Mayer 1081 at The Swamp 1289 Vick in a Box 1881 at That Fishy Smell 1183 Otis Murray & The Knights 1287 at The Griffters 1151 Quarter Pounders 1303 at Dirty Sanchez 1193

No 1 – VICK IN A BOX STAT LINE: Obviously, it is way too early to be talking about it, but let’s just remind viewers. The greatest season ever was 2001, when a douche bag named Jason scored 1,558ppg. After two games, Matt is averaging 1,674ppg. This one was pretty easy. You find the hole on this team? Top-flight QB, two stud backs, the league’s top tight end and the league’s biggest sleeper D. Sure, neither of his receivers are number one guys, but both are top-end No 2’s. You can go ahead and pencil Matt in for a return trip to the playoffs.

No 2 – OTIS MURRAY & THE KNIGHTS STAT LINE: Jeff becomes only the third expansion team in league history to begin his career 2-0. The last one to do it was my ex-girlfriend, back in 2001. Yep, I’m moving Jeff up to number two in the rankings and I’m saying he deserves it. We said Jeff needed to find some solid backs and he might have. Benson looks great and Hightower is producing (hell, McGahee is scoring). Could Jeff really step in and be better than all of us?

No 3 – I PEEP FREELY STAT LINE: After six years, Bob finally joins the 2,000-point club. This leaves only two people (Griff and Eric) as the only two who have yet to hit that magical number. I’m not including Jeff since he’s two games into his solo career. Do you want to hear the crazy part? I actually think Bob should have done better. Hear me out…Chris Johnson had 682 points at the seven minute mark in the third quarter, but only produced 18 more points in the final 22 minutes. Boldin, who finished with 128 points, actually broke 100 before the end of the first quarter. Andre Johnson, who finished with 398, actually had over 330 points at half time. I could have sworn he would have crushed Masterson’s 2,501 before the 4th quarter.

No 4 – GATOR NATION STAT LINE: Don just doesn’t like to show up against Molly (at least in the regular season). He’s now 3-8 in the regular season against Molly (2-0 in the post-season). In fact, these two have a habit of not showing up against each other. Each has failed to score 1,000 three times against each other. Ignore this week. It didn’t happen. It was a fluke. In fact, there is no real reason to even discuss it. Don’t feel bad, Don. No defending champ has ever start 2-0 the following season.

No 5 – THAT FISHY SMELL STAT LINE: This is the first time in Calderon’s career he has started the season 0-2. This is also only the 2nd time in league history a person has opened the season up with his both his opponents scoring over 1,700 in a season. Don had it the worse in 2007, when his first two opponents scored 1,826 (Eric) and 2,025 (Molly). If it makes you feel better, Don finished 8-5, winning his division. Is it a good thing or a bad thing that one player (Drew Brees) produces 38% of your teams scoring? During predictions, I talked about the sophomore slump. While it’s way too early to make any calls on this, Steve Slaton is starting to look like he’s a prime candidate. He’s produced 35 and 78 points in two weeks. This is not good news for Rich. He cannot afford to have Slaton not produce like a No 1 back. He has nothing else. He can’t rely on Brown or Bush and trust me, he can’t rely on Julius Jones. The good news is, the Texans don’t have anyone else, so it’s not like he’s not going to get plenty of opportunities to produce.

No 6 – QUARTER POUNDERS STAT LINE: Colby, Jeff and Matt are all 2-0. What’s the other important factor they all have in common? Stunning good looks? Certainly not, but rather none of their opponent’s has broken 1,200 when they faced them.

Colby claims he gets no respect by me begins in 5…4…3…2. Peyton wins it on the last drive of the game. Colby had to be sweating it just a bit, as the Colts didn’t even get 15 minutes of offense against the Fins. He’s still looking for that running back combo, but I bet it was nice to see Larry Johnson rush for over 100 yards this week. On a side note, congratulations on being third on Keith’s “Worse Person in the World.” I’m sure with a little effort, you can make it up to number one.

No 7 – THE GRIFFTERS STAT LINE: Last week Grff was 1-0. Nothing too notable except it was the first time he’s been above .500 at any point in the season since the final week in 2006. Also, week two has been unkind lately. After winning in week two in four of his first five years, he has now dropped five of his last six week two games. We already talked about ALL THE POINTS Griff left on his bench; Schaub 569, Bell 214, Sproles 326, and Ochocinco 234. However, his biggest mistake may have been not picking up a one-week defense. You have to be nuts to leave your defense, no matter how good they treated you before, in against the Saints. It might have been the difference in this tight 136-point defeat.

No 8 – DIRTY SANCHEZ STAT LINE: This is the fourth time in eight seasons Masterson won his first game, but dropped his second. However, the last two times (this year and last), he actually scored more in the defeat. With three starters out, Rob nearly pulled this one out. However, let’s highlight Rob’s two backs to demonstrate how fantasy football has change so much over the years. Rob’s two backs, McFadden and Rice, are both starters on winning teams this week, but the two of them only combined for 20 carries this week.

No 9 – MOLLIPOP STAT LINE: This is the 9th time in 11 games, Molly’s opponent has failed to crack 1,000. In fact, of those nine times, her opponent couldn’t even crack 800 points five times. Mrs. Coomer actually made two wrong substitutions this week when she swapped out Warner for Flacco and Forte for Bradshaw, but neither decision was even remotely costly. In the end, she still knocked out over 1,300 points, with her best player (Forte) not playing up to par yet (and sitting on her bench).

No 10 – CANE MUTINY STAT LINE: My 15th straight 1,000-point game puts me 12th all-time, tied with Masterson, Burrier and Griff. I can’t complain, I’m not doing terrible, despite getting no help from my receiving core. However, I’m 0-2 and I’m laying the blame squarely on a bad draft…specifically, I’m looking at my 4th round pick. Why the hell did I draft Jonathan Stewart? It doesn’t make any sense. To think I passed up on Tony Gonzalez, it makes me sick.

No 11 – THE SWAMP STAT LINE: Eric has cracked 1,500 points in a game only once in his last 19 games. Yeah, Eric is 1-1, but I can’t put him ahead of me. I would have beaten Eric head-to-head twice already. There were some real positives this week for Eric; Cutler grew up, Ronnie Brown was amazing out of the wildcat, Winslow looked like the Winslow of old and Jake Delhomme remembered how to throw, which made Steve Smith solid again.

No 12 – JOHN MAYER STAT LINE: Rich has now dropped eight of his last nine games, starting the season 0-2 for only the second time in his career. In reality, I don’t really know if Burrier’s boys are the worst in the league. I kind of feel like it’s a toss up between Rich, Eric and myself, but since Rich just lost to Eric, he gets the short end of the stick.

LOOKING WAY AHEAD

DIRTY SANCHEZ VS CANE MUTINY Rob’s not healthy and I don’t have receivers. Something is going to have to give. Sadly, knowing my luck, since I would have beaten Rob the last two weeks if we had faced off, he’ll score over 1,500 this week against me.

THAT FISHY SMELL VS MOLLIPOP The loser will be sitting in last in the league’s toughest division. However, the deciding factor could be, who’s slumping sophomore (Forte or Slaton) wants to finally step up?

THE GRIFFTER VS JOHN MAYER Last year, Griff went 3-0 against non-playoff teams. Burrier is looking like a non-playoff team right now, especially if he loses to Griff and falls to 0-3 for the first time in his career.

GATOR NATION VS VICK IN A BOX Clearly the game of the week, but for Don’s sake, let’s hope all those bad games are out of his player’s system come Sunday.

THE SWAMP VS OTIS MURRAY Jeff tries to become only the second expansion team to start the season 3-0. More importantly, 3-0 means playoffs. Sixteen teams have started the season 3-0, 15 of them made it to the playoffs. Only Burrier last year started 3-0 and failed to make it to the post-season.

I PEEP FREELY VS QUARTER POUNDERS It’s the highest scoring team in the division versus the top team in the division. If Colby can pull this out and I can beat Masterson, Colby will have a two-game lead over everyone in the division.

Week Three

Dirty Sanchez 1060 at Cane Mutiny 730 That Fishy Smell 1253 at Mollipop 1359 The Griffters 1202 at John Mayer 1200 Gator Nation 1489 at Vick in a Box 1366 The Swamp 1426 at Otis Murray & The Knights 1451 I. Peep Freely 1025 at Quarter Pounders 1481

No 1 – VICK IN A BOX STAT LINE: This is only the second time in Matt’s career he has started the season 2-1. He’s never been 3-0, but he’s been 0-3 once. He’s been 1-2 three times.

When was the last time the top team lost and I didn’t knock them down a spot or two? I don’t know, but it’s been a while. In the end, win-loss records don’t dictate these rankings. Matt stumbled, but only because Frank Gore got taken out after a single carry.

Hell, I’m more impressed with this team in defeat, than I was in either of Matt’s two victories. The Jets D is no fluke, D-Jax is looking like a No 1 WR and Rogers finally played like an elite QB. However, it’s not all good news.

Welker missed his second straight game and now Frank Gore will miss three weeks. Thank God for Willie Parker.

No 2 – GATOR NATION STAT LINE: Don’s at 2-1, scoring over 3,800 points. That’s a solid start and nothing new. Over the last four plus seasons (during his amazing run), he’s 9-6 in the first three weeks, scoring over 3,800 every time but once.

It’s certainly looking like Don is Robioland’s best defending champ in many, many, many years. I may be getting way ahead of myself, but I’m looking forward to this rematch with Matt in week 13. Something tells me the winner of that game will earn the first seed, while the loser takes the 4th seed.

This doesn’t mean Don’s ready to declare himself a champion. There are issues. Grant hasn’t blow up into a number one back quite yet and Don still needs to settle on a No 2 receiver.

No 3 – OTIS MURRAY STAT LINE: Prior to this season, 18 teams have started the seasons 3-0. Only eight of them made it to 4-0, three made it to 5-0 and only one (David in 2006) made it to 6-0.

It’s official, folks, after a stunning 25-point victory over Eric, Jeff’s for real. Brady and Moss finally looked good, Jackson appears to be a low-end No 1 WR, Daniels is producing at the tight end spot and Jeff is almost toying with us at the running back spot, as someone each week steps up into the role as starter and produces…I can only wonder how much this pisses Colby off?

While Jeff may feel a little hurt that I’m leaving a 3-0 team out of the top spot, I just can’t put him ahead of Don or Matt just yet. However, in two weeks, Jeff will be able to show us what’s he’s made of when he takes on Matt, who will have Aaron Rogers on a bye-week.

No 4 – MOLLIPOP STAT LINE: Molly has won 11 out of her last 13 games. She becomes only the second person to win 11 out of 13 twice in a career. In fact, only Robio (2), Molly (2), Griff (1) and David (1) have done it.

After a pathetic week one showing, Molly has gotten stronger each week, knocking out two very good teams and just like that, the league’s all-time winning team (based on winning percentage) is tied for first in her division. The good news is, it should get easier from here on out. She should be the favorite in four of her next five games.

The better news is, Joe Flacco is a top-five quarterback right now and is starting to look like this year’s version of Aaron Rogers (from last year), a ‘All-Robio’ caliber QB in the 10th round.

No 5 – QUARTER POUNDERS STAT LINE: Remember back in the day when Colby couldn’t win in the division? Seems so long ago, doesn’t it? Between 2003-2007, the Pounders weren’t an awful 7-23 in divisional games. Over the last 1+ seasons, Colby has gone 7-2.

You know, I knew running backs in this league are not what they use to be, but this is getting ridiculous. Colby has had only two backs in three games break 100 fantasy points (that’s two out of six), yet he’s still 3-0.

I have no clue how long this can last, all I know is, next week we’re having a dream match up in Robioland. The current Quarter Pounder vs. the former Quarter Pounder; Colby vs. Jeff, with both teams at 3-0. Could you ask for anything more?

No 6 – THAT FISHY SMELL STAT LINE I: Despite zero wins, Rich has scored 4,040 points. It’s the second most points score in league history by a 0-3 team (former league member Jimmy, scored 4,152 back in 2000).

STAT LINE II: Certainly 0-3 doesn’t mean it’s time to surrender, but time is quickly running out. Seventeen teams have started 0-3 and only four have made it to the post-season and no one has done it since 2004.

Tough, tough start to the season, but let’s try to look at the positives. Brees has his worst day so far, but Rich still managed to hit the 1,250 mark. This had a lot to do with Slaton finally getting something going (196 points). However, we’re all still waiting for Fitzgerald to get it going.

I’ll keep Rich in the top half for now, but 0-4 will send him tumbling down the rankings.

No 7 – I PEEP FREELY STAT LINE: Bob scored over 1,000 points less this week than last week, but don’t sweat it, it’s common. In fact, this is the 5th time in league history a person scored 1,000 points less, the week after producing a 2,000-point game. The record? Matt Neatock scored 1,479 points less, following a 2,338-point game.

I’m sorry, but there are too many big names on this team for it to keep struggling to hit the 1,100-point mark. Yeah, I know he just had a 2,200-point game, but prove to me that game wasn’t the fluke.

Championships are won with consistency, teams that blow up and then disappear the following week…they fall in the semis.

No 8 – THE GRIFFERS STAT LINE: Griff’s two wins came against Eric and Burrier, who are combined 1-5 so far; nothing shocking, since we’re only three weeks into the season. However, beating up on losers has been a trend for Griff. In fact, over the last four years, Griff has beaten only six teams that finished that season above .500.

Two points. Griff took down Burrier by two-points. It was the league’s first two-point margin of victory ever (we’ve had three one-point games) and the closest win since Calderon beat the Pounders by one back in 2003.

Griff should feel psyched sitting at 2-1, but let’s not celebrate just yet. Masked behind a great effort by Matt Schaub, were a lot of shitty numbers by Holmes, Ochocinco and Sproles, but more importantly, let’s take a look at two guys on the bench. Griff sat both Thomas Jones and Roddy White, which was a smart thing since the two combined for 54 points, but WTF? These two weren’t drafted to nap on the pine; they were drafted to lead Griff back to the promise land.

No 9 – THE DIRTY SANCHEZ STAT LINE: 2-1 after three weeks, that should feel familiar to Masterson. He’s started 2-1 in seven out of his eight seasons in Robioland.

Despite the 2-1 record, Rob doesn’t really deserve to be ranked this high. He’s never cracked 1,200 and he’s won twice, thanks to his opponents’ inability to crack 1,000. However, in every ranking, we give someone props and in this case, we’re giving Rob props for surviving key injuries.

Although he didn’t start him, P. Thomas was a stud for New Orleans, so expect him back in Rob’s starting lineup soon. Since Sproles is proving he’s not a worthy RB, Tomlinson should be back soon enough. Marshall finally had a breakout game and might have earned himself a starting spot. Most importantly, is it me or is Eli Manning looking like a fantasy quarterback? We’ll see what happens with the weather starts to turn nasty in Giant Stadium.

No 10 – THE SWAMP (1-2) STAT LINE: In Eric’s last seven games dating back to last year, including playoffs, Eric has won only two games…both were against Rich Burrier.

A tough defeat for Eric. It could have been avoided. Steve Smith had three balls thrown at him in the 4th quarter of Monday night’s game. The first he failed to stay in bounds, the second he dropped and the third was interpreted because he cut off his route early. Either of the first two could have handed Eric the win. The second probably wouldn’t have, but who knows what would have happened if the ball wasn’t intercepted.

Still, the commissioner can appreciate improvement and Eric has put up more points each week.

No 11 – JOHN MAYER (0-3) STATLINE: We’re going to keep talking about it until he wins a game, but Rich has dropped five-straight and nine of his last ten games, dating back to last year.

Now that’s cold, a two-point defeat. Jason Witten caught more, but Williams caught the last one. If only he gained one more yard. Hell, if only he held on to that touchdown early in the 4th, then Burrier wouldn’t be 0-3 for the first time in his career.

No 12 – CANE MUTINY (0-3) STAT LINE: My first weekly low score since week thirteen in 2007.

In reality, there’s nothing worth talking about except, it wouldn’t be a real Robioland season if I wasn’t in last at some point.

Week Four

Cane Mutiny 1010 at Mollipop 1335 John Mayer 671 at Vick in a Box 1005 The Swamp 1171 at That Fishy Smell 1320 I. Peep Freely 1626 at Gator Nation 842 Dirty Sanchez 1726 at The Griffters 1427 Quarter Pounders 1056 at Otis Murray & The Knights 1166

FEELING LIKE A TITLE CONTENDER No 1 – Vick in a Box Thank God for Burrier. Missing three starters, Matt still hit 1,000 and improves to 3-1, despite the fact six of his eight starters failed to score 100 points. These are the games teams are suppose to lose, Matt didn’t and that’s why he’s 3-1 for only the second time ever. However, this wouldn’t be a Tuesday Thought if I didn’t write something negative. After four weeks, Peterson’s stats have declined each week; 524, 209, 156 and 73 this past week.  No 2 – I Peep Freely Like a yo-yo, Bob bounces from bad to good. Let’s make up our mind, shall we? Last year, Bob grabbed the league’s best mid-round stud in Chris Johnson. He may have done it again, grabbing Steve Smith in the 8th round. That’s Steve Smith of the Giants, not the Panthers. He’s on pace for 136 catches this season.  No 3 – Otis Murray & The Knights This was a huge win for Greenblatt. He shakes off Colby and the Pounders and suddenly he can’t be beat. In reality, three wins in his last nine games will guarantee him a playoff spot. However, don’t look too far ahead. Next week is another big one, as Neatock comes to town.  ACTING LIKE A SEMI-FINALIST No 3 – Mollipop After a rough start to the season, Molly is the only team to score over 1,300 in every game the last three weeks. Not bad. What it comes down to in the end is, this girl can’t lose. She’s won 17 of her last 22 games in Robioland.  No 5 – Gator Nation  Like Bob, Don’s a gigantic yo-yo, he breaks 1,700, fails to hit 700. He nearly cracks 1,500, but can’t find 900. Calderon pointed this out to me already, so I’m going to steal it…is Tony Romo becoming a liability? Next week we won’t find out, since the Cowboys are facing the Chiefs.  No 6 – The Dirty Sanchez  Are we witnessing the rising of a sleeping giant? Rob’s been asleep the first three weeks, waiting for all his player’s wounds to heal. This week many things came together; Thomas is healthy and back in New Orleans, Marshall is looking comfortable in Denver, Chad Johnson is doing fine with a rookie quarterback, all while Rice is still producing and Eli is playing like a fantasy stud. Let’s wait another week before we declare Rob a title contender.  FEELING LIKE A FIRST-ROUNDER No 7 – The Griffters  He’s been coasting on big games, as his players have rolled out six 300+ games (five 400+ games). I can’t help but feel like it’s hiding some flaws. Twelve times a player has failed to hit 100 points. We need more 150 to 250 point games to satisfy the commissioner.  No 8 – Quarter Pounders  At the pace he is going, Colby is going to have about 34 transactions. He’s already add/dropped 11 different times. I can’t blame him though. He’s got two ‘All-Robio’ players running the Pounders (Manning/Wayne), but he can’t seem to fill in the voids at RB. I know Colby is sick of me talking about it. So I promise I won’t next week.  No 9 – That Fishy Smell  Rich really had to be sweating this one this week. Eric had him on ropes until Gates big second half Sunday night. 0-4 is never easy to rebound from. The good news is, Slaton finally got his first touchdown on the season (two in fact). However, he can’t seem to hold on to the ball (fumbling four times). The other big news is, while Bowe appears to be a bust, Sims-Walker is looking like a monster sleeper. I predicted a bad week, but he went ahead and knocked out a 288-point week (his second week over 250 points).  PLAYOFFS…WISHFUL THINKING No 10 – The Swamp At the very least Eric can say to himself, at least I’m not Burrier or Murray. Anyhow, don’t quit on this team yet. Things can still come together. Cutler is looking good and Brown is looking like an elite RB. BATTLE FOR THE 2010 FIRST-ROUND PICK No 12A – John Mayer Do you realize how bad you have to play to produce –68 as a quarterback? 138 yards and four turnovers. Ouch. I’m not really sure why Rich played Sanchez against the Saints, instead of Palmer against the Browns. QB’s against the Saints this season prior to this week produced 74, 316 and 63 points. QB’s against the Browns produced 116, 283 and 378 points. If Rich would have played Palmer, he would have beaten Matt.  No 12B – Cane Mutiny  Let’s point out a fun fact. My two receivers/tight end have produced a total, YES total of 18 receptions ALL SEASON LONG. 14 wide receivers in the league have more receptions than my whole team. One more defeat and it’s time to start trading away any talent I got on my roster. 

Week Five

Quarter Pounders 1242 at Mollipop 1275 Cane Mutiny 905 at John Mayer 1014 I. Peep Freely 736 at The Swamp 1347 Dirty Sanchez 1411 at Gator Nation 1165 The Griffters 1439 at That Fishy Smell 1192 Otis Murray & The Knights 914 at Vick in a Box 1293

No 1 – VICK IN A BOX Matt sits at 4-1 for the first time in his career, after another solid game. He’s now scored over 1,350 in all four of his wins. While some teams below are improving, it’s become clear that Matt is the team to beat and will be the measuring stick for the remainder of the season. Next week, Neatock basically gets a bye-week when he faces me. Not only is he facing the worst team, he only loses a kicker to a bye-week, while I lose three starters.  No 2 – DIRTY SANCHEZ Yep, I’m moving Rob all the way to second. His boys are getting healthy, players are starting to click and Rob is starting to look like a dangerous team. He’s 4-1 and the scary part is, he has yet to start his entire starting lineup. I look forward to seeing what a healthy McNabb/Rice/Thomas/Marhsall/C. Johnson can do. If Johnson heals up, that should be next week.  No 3 – MOLLIPOP A stunning victory, to say the least. The Pounders pulled within 50-ish point early in the third, but could never get much closer and Molly pulls out a solid 33-point win. Its like we said before, you just can’t beat her. She just keeps plopping different guys in, Mendenhall, Garcon and Morgan this week, and the results are always the same. However, she should be use to this. This is stunningly the fourth time in eight years Molly has started the season 4-1.  No 4 – THE GRIFFTERS I often talk about Colby’s running back issues, but you know, Griff isn’t too much better. His backs have only produced two 200-yard games (out of five games and ten starts from the two backs). Still, here he is, 3-2. While his backs may not be producing huge numbers, he’s getting solid points at QB (whether he starts Schaub or Big Ben) and the Eagles D sure know how to produce big digits against the shit teams.  No 5 – OTIS MURRAY & THE KNIGHTS There have been some real positives on this team so far, Benson looks like a No 1 back and the Vikings DST is outscoring number one wide receivers. However, when you have to play roto-running back, some weeks you’re going to get burned. Still though, we’re waiting for Brady to get his act together. He just looks timid. How else do you explain Welker getting eight catches and Randy Moss getting only one? Simple, Brady is afraid to stand in there, so he’s dumping off more and more.  No 6 – QUARTER POUNDERS I promised I wasn’t going to talk about Colby’s running back situation this week, but I have to mention something. Remember how I said that Felix Jones could be great if Dallas ever used him enough? You don’t remember? Well, I did. Anyhow, the same holds true for Choice with Jones out. Barber is still healing and Choice was clearly the better back this Sunday, but Dallas still gave Barber twice as many carries, but Choice did more than three times better in fantasy points. Anyhow, I would be a bad commissioner if I didn’t mention that Peyton Manning is on pace to produce the second best fantasy season ever, with his 412ppg average (second only to Brady’ 433ppg average in 2007).  No 7 – THAT FISHY SMELL I know Calderon has to be growing a little frustrated. He’s now 1-4 despite not putting up a bad game yet this season. However, let me throw something positive his way. This team is reminding me a lot of his 2003 squad, the one that started 1-5, but made it to the playoffs. His next three will be his toughest non-divisional stretch, taking on the top three teams in the Manhattan Division; Bob, Masterson and Colby. The toughest match up is against Rob, but that week Rob loses both his starting RB’s and his top receiver to byes. If he can take two of three against those three, he then faces three teams currently out of the playoffs, including Burrier and I who are a combined 1-9. You can do it.  No 8 – I PEEP FREELY Like I already mentioned yesterday, Chris Johnson’s 700-point explosion in week two is masking a lot of issues. Johnson was expected to lead this team, but he’s rushed for over 100-yards only once this season and since that week two game, his never have gone down each and every week. How long before the 0-5 Titans throw in the towel and put in Vince Young to see what he can do? When that happens, Johnson will be facing eight-man rushes.  No 9 – GATOR NATION Wow, 9th? Even I’m surprised at this one. The fact is, teams 6-10 are all basically the same, but the defending champ is currently sitting out of the playoffs. It’s tough to defend that title outside the playoffs. While Don’s produced the weekly high score twice and that should not be overlooked, he’s also failed to hit 900 twice. Luckily for him, he should be the favored in his next three, so he can quickly turn this around. No 10 – THE SWAMP Don’t underestimate this win. This was important. Eric has three tough games the next three weeks against Rob, Don and Matt. He should be the dog in all three. It would probably help if he finally gave up on the Titans D. Worse yet, he loses three running backs to byes next week.  No 11 – JOHN MAYER It’s too bad Rich can’t play me each and every week. He’s 2-10 in his last twelve and both wins have been against me. The win wasn’t impressive, but while I relied on one big 400-point game from my QB, Rich did it will good enough play from everyone, as six different players scored 100, but only one broke 200 Sanchez).  No 12 – CANE MUTINY Embarrassed. That’s all I can really say. Right now, this is starting to look ugly and it’s only going to get worse. Not only do my starters not produce week after week, I seem to always make the wrong decisions this season. Starting with the draft and taking Philip Rivers in the second (when I already had Ryan) and passing on Tony Gonzalez to take an insurance back for no reason. It’s continued as I’ve failed to pay enough for free agents (Manningham/V. Davis), paid big money for the wrong guy (Taylor instead of Choice) or picked up guys, cut them and then watch those players score 300 points (Burleson). Hell, I cut the Seahawks D this week for the Dolphins and what happens? The Hawks get a shutout, while the Fins cost me the game.  LOOKING AHEAD (4-1) MOLLIOP VS (4-1) OTIS MURRAY This is the only match up between two 4-1 teams. It seems like every week Jeff is in the game of the week. Let’s face it; between weeks 4-6, Jeff’s opponents had a combined record of 10-2 when they faced him.  BYE ISSUES: Jeff loses no one, while Molly has to replace one starting WR and her ‘All-Robio’ tight end.  (1-4) JOHN MAYER VS QUARTER POUNDERS (3-2) Nothing better than seeing Burrier to help cure a little two-game losing streak for Colby. Unfortunately for Colby, half his offense (i.e. two players) will be sitting this week.  BYE ISSUES: Burrier lucks out, as Colby loses Peyton and Wayne, as well as Choice. Rich loses only Ted Ginn and his kicker.  (2-3) THE SWAMP VS (4-1) DIRTY SANCHEZ Poor Eric, he gets to be Rob’s first trail run with his full squad healthy and no bye-week concerns. For Rob, if he truly wants to be mentioned with the elites, you don’t lose this game. BYE ISSUES: Rob loses no one, while Eric will be without his best player, Ronnie Brown.  (2-3) GATOR NATION VS (3-2) THE GRIFFTERS Once upon a time, Griff was one of the most dominant teams in this league. Right now, Don runs the show with his two titles in three years. If Griff wins this, are we seeing the re-changing of the guard? BYE ISSUES: Don will miss Tony Romo and a kicker this week, while Griff loses the league’s Jason Witten. (1-4) THAT FISHY SMELL VS (2-3) I PEEP FREELY It’s real simple, the loser of this game will be the mid-season’s most disappointing team.  BYE ISSUES: Bob misses no one, while Rich will need to find a new D.  (4-1) VICK IN A BOX VS (0-5) CANE MUTINY Here’s the great irony. While having good keepers, Matt benefited from a terrible 2008, thus “earning” the top pick, which helped his sudden turnaround. By defeating me this week, he will help me get the top pick in next year’s draft, where I should still have decent keepers and will draft Adrian Peterson. Isn’t life funny?  BYE ISSUES: Matt loses a kicker, while I lose Barber, my defense and a kicker.

Week Six

Mollipop 1095 at Otis Murray & The Knights 1890 John Mayer 1269 at Quarter Pounders 608 The Swamp 950 at Dirty Sanchez 1244 Gator Nation 937 at The Griffters 1939 That Fishy Smell 1850 at I. Peep Freely 1487 Vick in a Box 1544 at Cane Mutiny 1089

Week Six…man, talk about uneventful. Every game was pretty much a rout. The six wins this week were by 1,002, 795, 661, 455, 363 and the nail biter, 294. Overall it was a week that the saw the strong get stronger, while the playoff race for the bottom seeds just got a little tighter. No 1 VICK IN A BOX STAT LINE: Is Matt still on a record pace in scoring? Nope. He’s now only averaging 1,450ppg, which is only seventh best ever. Matt gets most of his lineup back and proceeds to hit the 1,500-mark for the third time in six games. This team really is stacked, especially when Gore gets back. Not only does he have the best starting lineup, he’s deep and can put in his backup RB (Williams) and WR (Edwards) and not skip a beat. No 2 OTIS MURRAY & THE KNIGHTS STAT LINE: Fifteen teams prior to this season have started 5-1 and only two (Bob in 2005, Burrier in 2008) failed to make the playoffs. I’ll have to check, but I believe 1,890 is the most points scored by a team who didn’t earn the weekly high score. Jeff has me, Bob and Don the next three weeks and there is little doubt he won’t pull out two of those three games. Why do I mention this? Well, seven wins in this league means playoffs. No 3 DIRTY SANCHEZ STAT LINE: Rob is 5-1 for the first time in his career. This is also the first time in league history three teams have been 5-1 at the same time. I dropped Rob a spot despite the win, but that had more to do with Jeff’s outstanding week. While Rob is not quite dominating, he’s only sixth in the league in scoring, he’s the only division leader with a two-game lead over the second place team. No 4 THE GRIFFTERS STAT LINE: Griff is now the league leader in points. The last time he won a scoring title, he won the championship. It’s time to give him his due, simply because it’s hard to ignore the highest scoring team in the league. He’s hit the 1,400-point mark four times in six games and has yet to fall below 1,150. No 5 MOLLIPOP STAT LINE: Molly has failed to hit 1,500 in 11-straight games, the second longest active streak. You want to know the longest? See below. How boring is this getting? My top five is really the top five in the standings. Lame. While this was only Molly’s second ‘rough’ game, there are some minor concerns. For instance, where’s the greatness? In six weeks, she has failed to hit 1,400 points. Only two other teams have failed to hit 1,400 points in any game this season and those two (Burrier and me) are sitting in last. No 6 THAT FISHY SMELL STAT LINE: Records could be falling this season. Calderon has hit the 1,000-mark in 18-straight games. He can pass Matt’s record 24-straight in week thirteen. This just goes to show, with Drew Brees on your roster, you can never count out Calderon. He’s scoring up with the elites, third in the league in scoring, now he needs to convert those points into wins. However, at 2-4, he’s back in the playoffs as the 7th seed. By the way, No 7 QUARTER POUNDERS STAT LINE: Colby pulled off two trades this week and inserted two new players in his lineup; Hasselback and Moreno. They combined to score -16 this week. Okay, the hard part is over. Manning and Wayne got their break. If Colby wants to show me what this team is made of, now is the time to make his run. Right now, I see a team on a three-game losing streak, that’s only outscored Don, Burrier and me. No 8 I PEEP FREELY STAT LINE: Bob scored 2,000 earlier this season, but he’s fallen to 2-4. No team has ever scored a 2,000-point game and missed the playoffs.  I still think Bob is better than his 2-4 record. Yet, he could be in a little trouble. His next three games are against Griff, Jeff and Molly…who are a combined 14-4 right now. If he can find a way to win two of three, he’ll be 4-5, with Burrier and myself still on his schedule. No 9 THE SWAMP STAT LINE: Sitting below .500 after six weeks is something Eric should be use to. He’s been above .500 only twice in nine seasons. Next week should be fun, Eric vs. Don, a battle for 10th place. Eric went three-wide (plus a tight end) this week and they combined for eight receptions, 104 yards and no touchdowns.  No 10 GATOR NATION STAT LINE: Winning after a title is never easy in this league. In fact, the last time a defending champ was above .500 after six weeks was 2000 (Robio, 5-1). Only two teams have been at .500 (Griff in ’06, Don in ’07) and the rest have been either 2-4 or 1-5. The Nation is falling. He’s now failed to hit 1,000 for the third time this season. I would warn you and say another game under 1,000 and you can kiss the championship goodbye, but that’s not true. Don in 2006 & Matt in 2007 had four games under 1,000, but won the title. No 11 JOHN MAYER STAT LINE: Burrier has failed to hit 1,500 in 18 straight games. The record is 28 held by a guy named Tim, but currently he’s tied with Eric for the longest streak by current owners. There is good news and bad news. The good news is, Rich had his highest scoring game of the season. The bad news is, he only scored 1,269, which means 1,269 is the most he’s scored in a game. Still, he’s won two in a row and he’s back in this thing. No 12 CANE MUTINY STAT LINE: I’ve dropped seven games in a row; the 4th longest losing streak in league history. You know how you know things aren’t going your way? You pick up a wide receiver, start him and he proceeds to run back both a kickoff and a punt return for a touchdown, but fails to catch a single ball. Who says fantasy football isn’t fun?

Week Seven

Vick in a Box 1807 at Quarter Pounders 1372 Mollipop 1311 at John Mayer 1488 Gator Nation 1355 at The Swamp 763 That Fishy Smell 1131 at Dirty Sanchez 901 The Griffters 1738 at I. Peep Freely 1300 Otis Murray & The Knights 1933 at Cane Mutiny 992

These will be quick as I am working on the mid-season report, so I don’t want to give too much away. No 1 – VICK IN A BOX (6-1) Matt’s 6-1, 2nd in scoring (trailing only by 49 points), yet he has yet to produce a single weekly high score. So far he’s been 3rd, 2nd, 5th, 10th, 4th, 4th and 2nd this past week. No 2 – THE GRIFFTERS (5-2) Yeah, he’s 0-2 against the two big dogs (Matt & Jeff), but Griff has hit the 1,400-point mark in each game over the last month and his 3,677 points the past two weeks is the 14th most over a two-game span. No 3 – OTIS MURRAY & THE KNIGHTS (6-1) While both Masterson and Neatock have opened up comfy 2-game leads over the second place team in their divisions, the battle of the year appears to be Jeff vs.Griff. While Griff’s 3,677 points over the last two weeks has been impressive, Jeff’s 3,833 is even more impressive and is the 10th best two game score in league history. No 4 – THAT FISHY SMELL (3-4) Yep, I’m moving Calderon all the way up to No 4. Sure his win over Masterson wasn’t that impressive, but he is 4th in scoring, he’s riding a two-game winning streak and is now back in the playoff picture as the 6th seed. Plus, remember yesterday if I said if he was in the Manhattan Division, he’d be a first-place team? Well, if he had Masterson’s schedule, he’d be 5-2…just like Rob. State Note: Rich’s 19th straight 1,000-point game now ties him for third, with former league member, Rick (1999-2001). He’s now two away from tying Bob for second. No 5 – DIRTY SANCHEZ (5-2) Despite the loss, it’s been a successful first half for Masterson. However, the second half has not been pretty for Rob over the years. Rob is only 16-32 in the second half of the season. The next three will tell is a lot. He faces a suddenly resurgent Burrier, who’s riding a three-game winning streak, followed by back-to-back games against Jeff & Matt (combined 12-2). There’s no shame going 1-2 the next three weeks. No 6 – MOLLIPOP (4-3) Molly’s got talent…she’s got two 300-point quarterbacks and one of the league’s best D (maybe). She’s got a top-three tight end and a top five receiver (Colston). She even managed to snag the league’s biggest surprise, Austin. What’s going wrong? It’s those damn running backs, especially Forte. Right now, Matt Forte is the league’s biggest bust…averaging 12ppg. No 7 – GATOR NATION (3-4) Don moves ahead of Bob this week. That’s what you get when you secure a win with your best player on a bye-week. This puts Don back into the playoffs as the 8th seed. No 8 – I PEEP FREELY (2-5) One more defeat and I stop being impressed by reputation and drop Bob back to 11th where he probably belongs. No 9 JOHN MAYER (3-4) Why am I not impressed by a three-game winning streak? Doesn’t make sense, does it? At least I bumped him ahead of Colby. No 10 – QUARTER POUNDERS (3-4) Imagine if I told you that your team has scored 1,318 points and you still have two running backs left to play. I’d bet you be pretty excited, right? Colby…not do much. His two backs scored 54 points (and now one is out for the year). No 11 – THE SWAMP (2-5) Eric is becoming the king of first round running back flops. This year it’s Westbrook. Last year he was smart and went WR. The year before though it was Alexander and before that, it was Jordan. No 12 – CANE MUTINY (0-7) Right now I’m on pace to break a lot of bad records. I just tied Griff for worse start to a season (0-7). However, I’m on pace to become the first team to finish last in scoring, while my opponents score the most.

Week Eight

I. Peep Freely 1466 at Otis Murray & The Knights 1112 Gator Nation 1584 at Cane Mutiny 1417 The Swamp 859 at Vick in a Box 1877 That Fishy Smell 797 at Quarter Pounders 1147 The Griffters 1272 at Mollipop 1176 Dirty Sanchez 1204 at John Mayer 1440

Despite Jeff’s loss this week, I truly believe he, Matt and Griff just separated themselves from the pack even more. Can we make the championship game a threesome? Now that would be something.  The Rest, I have no clue how to rank them, but that doesn’t mean I’m not going to try. In reality, I think the next three teams are interchangeable, then the following four are bunched together, followed of course by Eric and me. No 1 – VICK IN A BOX (7-1) It’s official, in case you haven’t figured it out. He’s still number one. Strangely though, this was his only weekly high score. You know what this means…the tall bastard is just warming up.  No 2 – THE GRIFFTERS (6-2) A 68-yard touchdown reception by Roddy White seals it. That’s 194 points. At the time he was down by about 50. The result is a Griff 96-point victory. Just two more weeks before he takes on Matt.  No 3 – OTIS MURRAY & THE KNIGHTS (6-2) Again, no shame in this defeat for Jeff. Not a lot of teams could lose three of their top four players due to bye weeks and still hit 1,100 points.  No 4– GATOR NATION (4-4) Don needed almost every ounce of Maurice Jones-Drew’s two 80-yard touchdowns to beat winless me. Yet, he’s produced two weekly high scores and this week’s second best score. It just goes to show, despite all the struggles (three games under 1,000), he’s still a dangerous team even as a lower seed.  No 5 – JOHN MAYER (4-4) Okay, I give in. I’m throwing my hands up in the air and moving Rich out of the basement in Robio’s Rankings. He’s riding a four-game winning streak and leapfrogs both Calderon and Bob for the 8th seed in the playoffs.  No 6 – MOLLIPOP (4-4) Whether I think Molly is better than both Don and Burrier, I can’t overlook her three-game slide anymore. Again, the schedule hasn’t bean easy…those three teams that beat her are a combined 11-1 over the last month. The next two are against Bob and Eric. She needs to at least split those before heading back into the division. However, if you want to leave on a positive note, how about Forte’s breakout 306-point game? No 7 – THAT FISHY SMELL (3-5) Okay, so let’s talk. We have a lot to discuss. First, it’s OVER. One of the most amazing and oddest streaks in Robioland is over. In fact, two streaks ended today. First, Rich failed to 1,000 for the first time since week two of last year. That’s 19 in a row, which means Matt’s record 24-straight 1,000-point games streak stays alive. Calderon’s 19 in a row has him tied for third longest of all time.  Now for the big stat that went down this weekend. For the first time since week five in 2003, yes 2003, Rich Calderon produced the weekly low score. That’s 80-straight regular season weeks. The next person on that list is Griff at 56 weeks.  The closes active person heading into the season was Bob, but he produced the lowest score in week four, ending his 44-week streak, which was third all-time.  So who has the longest active streak now? It’s our beloved Molly who hasn’t had a weekly low score since week two of last year. That’s 19 in a row. If she’s going to beat Calderon’s record of 80-straight, we should be paying attention in week five…2014.  Oh and we’re not done talking about Calderon. You see, I’m not sure if this one was a fluke. Assuming Westbrook will be back soon, Rich could suddenly find himself with a running back problem. Slaton fumbled AGAIN and was actually benched. Now word out of Houston is, they’re going to start rotating their three running backs. This is extremely bad news. This could mean that Julius Jones could be Rich’s best back. A stunning development, so well wait and see.  No 8 – DIRTY SANCHEZ (5-3)  Do I really believe Masterson is only the 8th best team? No, not really. But it’s simple, he just lost to Burrier and he lost to Calderon, so for at least one week, I have to drop him behind them. Overall, his receivers just let him down, producing a decent 11 catches, but for only 104 yards.  No 9 – I PEEP FREELY (3-5) Bob finally ends his three-game slide, but in reality he’s had a solid three-straight games, producing three-straight games over 1,300 points. Yet, he still can’t sneak into the post-season (fucking Burrier!). However, the winning streak could be short-lived as both Kevin Smith and A. Boldin are both limping through injuries.  No 10 – QUARTER POUNDERS (4-4) Is it wrong to hope and pray a player to get injured? I’m talking about an ACL that will get him knocked out of the year? I’m not sure what the moral thing to do is, but I can’t blame Colby if he was. You see, I watch every Cowboys game and I can honestly tell you that Felix Jones is better than Marion Barber, yet Barber still gets more touches.  If Barber would somehow go down for the season, Jones would be the starter and just like that, you could jump Colby up to about 4th on this list. You really could.  No 11 – THE SWAMP (2-6) Eric avoids “earning” the weekly low score for the third time this season. Right now, Eric has a two-game lead over me for last. Because of my schedule, it’s unlikely I’ll catch him. However, Eric is holding on to a slime 169-point lead in total points. It’s a battle, buddy.  Sadly, it has come to this.  No 12 – CANE MUTINY (0-8)  You know you’re shit out of luck when leading by about 220, you’re oppnent’s running back has two rushes for 159 yards and two touchdowns, thus whipping out your only good game of the season. Oh well. 

Week Nine

I. Peep Freely 1363 at Mollipop 883 Gator Nation 1290 at Otis Murray & The Knights 1616 The Swamp 1525 at Quarter Pounders 1019 That Fishy Smell 1845 at John Mayer 1505 The Griffters 966 at Cane Mutiny 1303 Dirty Sanchez 1335 at Vick in a Box 1132

After nine weeks of fantasy football, everyone finally has a win, but we only have four winning teams. Six teams are crunched together at 4-5, but sadly for two, there are only four playoff spots to fight for.  No 1 – Vick in a Box (7-2)  So Matt lost. No big deal. Everyone deserves a bad game from time to time, especially with your number one back out on a bye-week. He’s still the top seed and leading the league in scoring. Right now, Matt is still averaging a stunning 1,501ppg. He’s on pace for the second best regular season ever (based on points), trying to become only the second person to average more than 1,500 in the regular season.  No 2 – OTIS MURRAY & THE KNIGHTS (7-2)  Thanks to a Griff defeat, Jeff swap positions again, regaining number two. While most of the talk about the Knights centers around the golden boy, Tom Brady and the re-birth of Cedric Benson, if Jeff earns a championship mug in his first season, it’s going to be because of those wide receivers. Right now, he has the number one and number four receivers in the league (Vincent Jackson and Randy Moss).  No 3 – DIRTY SANCHEZ (6-3) Look who just got bumped up five spots. A little much? Probably, but Rob has beaten both Griff and Matt and will take on Jeff next week. If he wins that one, I’m moving him up another spot. This was Rob’s first test with his best roster on the field (although switching out the Colts D was a mistake). The results weren’t overwhelming, but 1,300 and a win is good enough for me.  No 4 – THE GRIFFTERS (6-3)  It’s probably a little unfair to drop Griff two spots when he lost a game with both his starting backs out, but he lost to a 0-8 team. There’s got to be some kind of punishment. Luckily for him, he’s getting his backs back, because life is about to get tough. His final four are against Matt, Jeff and suddenly hot, Rich Burrier. He also faces Eric and in reality, he really only needs one more win to get into the post-season.  No 5 – JOHN MAYER (4-5) Ironically, Rich’s team STILL continues to improve, scoring over 1,500 for the first time this season, but falling short to Calderon. These rankings are always impressed by good loses. In reality, Rich’s team looks like a puzzle still being pieced together. Slowly but surely, I have no choice but to believe in players like Carson Palmer and Donald Driver. Turner has quickly reestablished himself as a stud back and even Roy Williams showed some hope Sunday night. The 0-4 started doesn’t leave a lot of room for error, but right now, Rich is in the party.  No 6 – THAT FISHY SMELL (4-5) After a less-than-impressive win against Masterson two weeks ago and last week’s flop against the Pounders, it’s easy to forget that Rich is sort of on a roll, now winning three of his last four games.  Next week he has an easier time facing me. If he wins that one, then all he really needs is one more to get in, simply because he’s fourth in scoring and will win tiebreakers.  No 7 – I PEEP FREELY (4-5) Welcome back Chris Johnson. Now it’s time to lead Bob back to the promise land. While Johnson has shown some dominance, he now is finally starting to show consistency. He’s had three solid games in a row. If Bob can get healthy, Kevin Jones & Anquan Boldin, I’m looking right at you guys, then Castrone should be ready for that push.  No 8 – GATOR NATION (4-5)  Don’s out to prove you only need one great player to win a title? I doubt he’s going to be able to prove that, but he’s trying. Just look at some of these player rankings for his starting lineup.  QB – Romo, 5th (Not too bad) RB – Jones-Drew, 2nd  RB – Grant, 15th (Could be worse) WR – Jennings, 20th  WR – Houshmandzadeh, 33rd  TE – Carlson, 13th  PK – Mare, 9th  DST – Ravens D, 17th  Does that scare anyone?  No 9 – MOLLIPOP (4-5) Sorry, babe…had to finally drop you. I can overlook a lot of things (bad producers, republican neighbors, girls laughing at my penis size), but I simply can’t ignore a four-game losing streak. With divisional play right around the corner, Molly needs wins now…thankfully, Lil’ E is up next.  No 10 – QUARTER POUNDERS (4-5) Okay, I promised a question and here it is…should Colby trade Peyton Manning? It’s never easy to trade a ‘All-Robio’ player. You can rarely get equal talent and besides, is anyone looking for a top QB? That I can’t answer, but Colby is a man who prides himself on never being afraid to shake things up and this could be a big shake up. His team is clearly not good enough to win a title, but he really benefited from that great 3-0 start, so he still has a shot. Could he land a 3 for 1 deal or 3 for 2 deal, with a thrown in player, maybe a keeper?  No 11 – THE SWAMP (3-6) That, my boy, was a good win. It puts Eric within one game of a playoff spot and up next is Molly, who’s riding a four-game losing streak. Sadly though, if Jeff wins next week, Eric is eliminated from winning the division, even before heading back into divisional play.  No 12 – CANE MUTINY (1-8) Guess what teams have scored over 1,300 the past two weeks? Give up? It’s Bob, Burrier and yes, me. What does it mean? Nothing really, except I’m risking my number one pick next year. Remember how bad my receiving core use to be? Well, this week my receivers collected 15 catches this week. It took my receivers five freaking weeks to have 15 total catches at the beginning of this seaso

Week Ten

John Mayer 1016 at I. Peep Freely 1426 Quarter Pounders 1226 at Gator Nation 1561 Mollipop 944 at The Swamp 911 Cane Mutiny 1047 at That Fishy Smell 1123 Vick in a Box 1405 at The Griffters 926 Otis Murray & The Knights 1356 at Dirty Sanchez 1689

Week Ten finally created some space down at the bottom, with both Burrier and Colby falling a game back of the 5-5 bunch. With three weeks to go, we’re heading back into divisional play. NOTE (VERY IMPORTANT): The trading deadline is this SUNDAY. As soon as the 1PM games start, the trading deadline has passed. SECOND NOTE: If you have a player playing Thursday, his trading deadline is THURSDAY. Example: After Thursday, Eric could not trade Ronnie Brown, but he has until Sunday to trade Joseph Addai. With Non-divisional play over, it’s time to see who did what. The Jersey division (Matt, Calderon, Molly and Don) rocked the last seven week. This of course was not a surprise. They went a combined 23-17. The Brooklyn boys (Jeff, Griff, Rich and Eric) started off hot, but after going 2-2 in week nine and 0-4 last week, they dropped to 20-20 in non-divisional games. The Manhattan Division is breaking up the rear with a 17-23 record, but they can thank me for dragging them down with my 1-6 record. Anyhow, let’s roll with the rankings: No 1 – VICK IN A BOX (8-2) – He’s already clinched a playoff birth and he only needs one win to take the division. The only question for Matt will be, can he do the in-season triple crown (top seed, scoring champ and league champion). It hasn’t been done since 2001 and it has only happened twice in ten years. No 2 – DIRTY SANCHEZ (7-3) – None of his wide receivers are in the top five and none will earn ‘All-Robio’ this season, but does anyone else have four studs like this; Calvin Johnson, Brandon Marshall, Hines Ward and yes, Sidney Rice. No 3 – OTIS MURRAY (7-3) – He’s already lost Daniels, it’s important Benson is alright. He might be better off if Cincy didn’t rush him back. With seven wins and the playoffs pretty much wrapped up, he needs a healthy Cedric in three weeks. No 4 – I PEEP FREELY (5-5) – Bob is on a roll, riding the league’s longest winning streak (three games) all thanks to Chris Johnson. The Titans’ running back is averaging 313ppg. That’s 43 more than the next RB on the list. No 5 – THE GRIFFTERS (6-4) – Should Griff be getting worried? Right now, probably not. Despite the back-to-back loses, he’s still 6-4, third in the league in scoring. One more win against either Eric or Burrier puts him into the post-season. Hell, he could go 0-3 and still probably get in. However, in both his loses he’s failed to crack 1,000. We’ll chalk this one up to bye-week setbacks and we’ll judge him more harshly if this extends to a three-game slide. No 6 – THAT FISHY SMELL (5-5) – Sure it was a lucky win (thank you, Nate Burleson), but sometimes you have to get lucky. After that rough 1-4 start, he’s rallied to win four of his last five. However, there are concerns. For one, how good is this team really? He’s 5th in scoring, but two 1,800-pt outings are masking some issues. Those are the only two times he’s cracked 1,400. Hell, he’s only hit 1,200 in four of his ten games. No 7 – GATOR NATION (5-5) – Don is like one of those championship basketball teams in the NBA. In the NBA, good teams tend to lose interest in the middle of the season, lose some games they should lose to, but once playoff time, their juices get flowing and they’re ready for their championship. The Gator Nation has quietly won three of their last four, cracking 1,500 in two of those games. Of course those three wins came against me, Eric and Colby…so I’m not sure if it tells us much. No 8 – JOHN MAYER (4-6) – Right now, the front seven of these rankings are your legit playoff contenders. I would not be shocked if any of those top seven reached the title game. The next three teams (Burrier, Molly and Colby) can all make the post-season (in fact, one of them HAS to), but I’m not expecting any to do much. After a hot month, Burrier has dropped two straight and back out of the post-season picture (however, he did score over 1,500 in one of those defeats). Worse yet, he might have just lost his best player (Turner) for a little while. Not good news when you’re making a playoff push. For now though, I’m keeping him ahead of both Molly & Colby, even though he’s actually scored less than them this season. Why you ask. I’m looking at head-to-head. Over the last five weeks, Burrier is 4-1 against Colby and 5-0 against Molly. No 9 – MOLLIPOP (5-5) – I someone’s going to not score 1,000 and win a game, you know it’s going to be Molly. In fact, Mrs. Coomer has actually won three of her last five games where she failed to crack 1,000. Hell, since 2005, she’s a decent 6-9 when she doesn’t score 1,000. No 10 – QUARTER POUNDERS (4-6) – Amazingly, after ten weeks, Colby has used nine different running back combos this season in ten weeks. They have been (starting with week one); F. Jones/C. Taylor, L. Johnson/L. Washington, F. Jones/L. Washington, T. Choice/(WR) Henderson, T. Choice/L. Washington, K. Moreno/S. Morris, T. Choice/L. Washington (for the second time), F. Jones/C. Buckhalter, F. Jones/K. Moreno and this past week, K. Moreno/C. Buckhalter. No 11 – THE SWAMP (3-7) – With both Ronnie Brown and Brian Westbrook going down, Eric is doing his best to “earn” the top pick in next year’s draft. No 12 – Cane Mutiny (1-9) – Did you know that I actually have an “All-Robio” player right now on my roster? It’s true. David Ackers, the top kicker.

Week Eleven

Cane Mutiny 948 at Quarter Pounders 995 Mollipop 1084 at Vick in a Box 1672 The Swamp 2157 at The Griffters 1416 Gator Nation 1156 at That Fishy Smell 1152 John Mayer 758 at Otis Murray & The Knights 1336 I. Peep Freely 1716 at Dirty Sanchez 1580

#1 VICK IN A BOX (9-2) What might keep Matt from having the greatest season ever? He’s won nine games and leads the league in scoring, but he has only one weekly high score. Another reason could be Bob. I’ll explain later.  #2 OTIS MURRAY & THE KNIGHTS (8-3) One more win and the division and the second seed will be his. Smart pick up with Scott, His 254 points help ease the pain of Benson’s injury. Even better that it only cost Jeff $15 to get him.  #3 I PEEP FREELY (6-5) Bob moves all the way up to third in the rankings, but right now he may the best team in the league. He would have beaten Matt the past three weeks if they faced off. All thanks to possible league MVP, Chris Johnson.  #4 DIRTY SANCHEZ (7-4) Despite the loss, Rob has actually put up three straight solid games, including back-to-back 1,500-point games. With Colby and myself up next, it would take a stroke of bad luck for him not to win nine games for the first time in his career.  #5 GATOR NATION (6-5) What’s most impressive with Don’s mini-two game winning streak is that Tony Romo has registered as a no-show, failing to top 170 points. Still, out of Bob and Matt, no other team is hotter, as the defending champ has pulled out four wins in his last five games.  #6 THE GRIFFTERS (6-5) After a third-straight defeat, Griff falls out of the new elite foursome (Matt, Jeff, Bob, Rob M.). However, I can’t find anyone, besides Don, to throw ahead of Griff. It’s starting to smell like a first round exit, right? Not so fast. I’m not going to quit on this team and hopefully it won’t quit on me. He still has tons of talent and his bench (Big Ben, Charles, Holmes and Witten) could beat a handful of teams  #7 THAT FISHY SMELL (5-6) Wow, a stunning four-point loss to Don. If only Brown could have made that 49-yard field goal and send the game into overtime. Slaton had his chances though. In fact, after a 23-yard gain pulled him with two, he got the ball handed to him one more time, but gained nothing. If he had gained two yards, Rich wins.  #8 MOLLIPOP (5-6) Hard to believe just six weeks ago we thought she was going to give Matt a run for his money in the division, but six weeks later, she can’t even hold off Colby for the 8th seed. Worse yet, she had two of the best free agent pick ups during that stretch, but her team is only getting worse.  #9 THE SWAMP (4-7) In reality, Eric’s team actually got better with Brown going down. The problem was, they were sharing too many carries. With Ronnie out, Ricky carries the load (thus a 400-point outburst). #10 QUARTER POUNDERS (5-6) Colby wins, despite two if his receivers producing two catches for 12 total yards. I think that says a lot more about how bad my team is, more than anything. Yet, here he is, back in the post-season party.  #11 JOHN MAYER (4-7) At least he’s consistent. Rich dropped four in a row, won four in a row and has now dropped three in a row. Still, you have to question his coaching chops. Who starts Larry Johnson this week? Rich did and he got six points from him.  #12 CANE MUTINY (1-10) Speaking of bad coaching decisions, which decision was worse, starting Lynch over Barber (losing 152 fantasy points) or benching Burleson (a week after scoring zero points) for Breaston (losing 188 fantasy points). Fuck it, they both cost me. 

Week Twelve

I. Peep Freely 1729 at Cane Mutiny 836 Gator Nation 1354 at Mollipop 1327 The Swamp 1492 at John Mayer 965 That Fishy Smell 1442 at Vick in a Box 1350 The Griffters 1186 at Otis Murray & The Knights 951 Dirty Sanchez 1192 at Quarter Pounders 1425

Wow, what an odd Monday night. Molly nearly pulled off the comeback, Calderon did pull off the amazing comeback, while Griff held off Jeff. In reality, I’m a little disappointed, because if Molly won and Rich lost, next week would have been one hell of a ride for a lot of teams. As is, playoffs are set for seven teams now, while three teams battle for the 8th and final playoff spot.  #1 VICK IN A BOX (9-3) At the very least, Calderon just taught Matt a valuable lesson…there are no sure things in this league. Of course one has to wonder why he benches the Jets defense against Carolina to start the Texans D against Peyton Manning and the Colts. The decision will cost Matt a chance to tie a regular season record of 11 wins.  FACT IS….Matt is in the playoffs and has pretty much wrapped up the top seed. He should also hold off Bob for the scoring title (currently leading by over 800 points).  #2 I PEEP FREELY (7-5) I smell a Matt vs. Bob championship game, don’t you? Bob continues to roll, winning his fifth straight. He’s hit 1,300 in all five wins. Three different players broke 300 this week, handing Bob his second weekly high score.  FACT IS…Bob is in the driver seat for his third division title. If he wins, it’s his, since he is leading Rob in total points by over 1,400.  #3 OTIS MURRAY & THE KNIGHTS (8-4) Well, things just got interesting in the Brooklyn Division. Griff holds off Jeffrey and he has a legit shot to steal the division out from under Jeff.  FACT IS…for Jeff to lose the division, Griff needs to win, Jeff needs to lose and Griff needs to outscore Jeff by 267 points.  #4 GATOR NATION (7-5) I think it’s been clear for a long time now that Percy Harvin will be the Robioland Rookie of the Year. He’s currently the 21st best WR and his stats have gotten better as the season has gone on.  FACT IS…the defending champ is in the playoffs, although he’s not winning his division.  #5 DIRTY SANCHEZ (7-5) He’s dropped four of his last six, but let’s not panic. In reality, he hasn’t had a bad game since week seven. Right now, Chris Johnson has locked down one of the All-Robio RB spots. This leaves Jones-Drew and Ray Rice battling for the second spot. Right now, MJD leads by 15. If Rice can pass him, he’ll be Rob’s first “All-Robio” player since 2006.  FACT IS…Rob has clinched a playoff spot, however he has lost his grip on the division. To win his first division title, he’ll need to beat me, plus have Bob lose to Colby.  #6 THE GRIFFTERS (7-5)  Griff ends his three-game slide, clinches a playoff spot and is only one game back of Jeff for the division. Question is, should Chad Ocho still be starting for Griff heading into the post-season. He hasn’t broken 200 fantasy points in game since week seven. In fact, he’s done it only twice all season. In reality, S. Holmes has more points than Ochocinco.  FACT IS…Griff is in the playoffs. To win the division, he needs to beat Burrier next week, while Jeff loses to Eric. He’ll also need to make up 267 total points.  #7 THAT FISHY SMELL (6-6) A big, big win. While he’s not officially in the post-season yet, he’s certainly a lock. Even if he loses and either Molly and/or Eric wins, it’s unlikely either could catch him in total points. In reality, this was one of the better Monday night comebacks ever. Drew Brees knocked out 649 points, outscoring Matt (who had Welker) by 573 points, giving him a slime 92-point win. That’s a 464-point comeback.  FACT IS…To miss the post-season, Rich would need to lose, while Colby wins and either Molly or Eric wins. Not only that, Molly and Eric would need to pass him in total points. Right now, Rich is up by over 1,300 over Eric and over 2,000 against Molly.  #8 THE SWAMP (5-7) It’s been a sweet rally as Eric has won three of four, but that 944-911 loss to Molly three weeks ago could cost him, no matter what T.O. does.  FACT IS…For Eric to squeeze into the post-season, he needs to win. He also needs Colby to lose. If that happens, as long as he maintains his 400+ total point lead over Colby, Eric could steal the 8th seed, assuming Molly doesn’t also win and overtake him total points.  #9 QUARTER POUNDERS (6-6) With one week to go and after two solid wins, Colby is where he wants to be…controlling his own destiny, thanks to 412 fantasy points by his two running backs.  FACT IS…it’s simple, win and he’s in. If he loses and Eric and Molly lose, he’s in. If Molly wins, she would need to pass him in total points (could happen). If Eric wins, Colby trails him in total points, so he would need to catch him (if he loses).  #10 MOLLIPOP 27 points makes all the difference in the world. If Molly scores 28 points, she’s 6-6. She would just need to win next week and she would be in the post-season. However, since she lost, she now needs helps to get in…and plenty of it.  FACT IS…to make it to the post-season, she needs to win, she needs Eric to lose and she needs Colby to lose. She would then need to pass Colby in total points.  #11 JOHN MAYER Who do you want next year? Adrian Peterson, Tom Brady or Drew Brees?  #12 CANE MUTINY I’’m leaning towards Drew Brees right now. 

Week Thirteen

Cane Mutiny 1217 at Dirty Sanchez 1195 Mollipop 1415 at That Fishy Smell 1529 John Mayer 987 at The Griffters 1503 Vick in a Box 1519 at Gator Nation 1046 Otis Murray & The Knights 1057 at The Swamp 1170 Quarter Pounders 1168 at I. Peep Freely 1664

Wow. I didn’t see that coming. I had already handed Masterson the W against me, but Ray Rice couldn’t do anything Monday night and I somehow win my second game of the year. Overall, Rob’s loss drops him from the No 5 seed (which would have been his highest seed ever) to the 6th seed. Calderon will benefit, moving up to the 5th spot. Anyhow, there is one huge, stunning, amazing story about this year’s playoffs that I guarantee you didn’t know. It’s something pretty great in fact. For the first time in league history, the top eight teams in the playoffs are also the top eight scoring teams in the league. However, I can even top that.  Not only are the top eight scoring teams all in the post-season, their rank in total points matches the seeding!! Stunning. This has never happened before. The top seed is the top scorer (Matt), the 8th best scorer (Eric) is the 8th seed. The 4th best scorer is the 4th seed…you get the picture.  No one can complain. No unlucky team got screwed. No lucky teams in the playoffs. If points are what matters (and they do to me), then this is the most legit playoffs we’ve ever had in Robioland Football and it’s one hell of a way to start the second decade.  Anyhow, let’s see what we have. No 1 SEED – VICK IN A BOX STAT LINE: His second career division title (pretty good since he was 4-14 over the last three years in the division). Matt’s 1,497ppg is the second most points ever scored in the regular season (just barely missing the magical 1,500-mark). If Matt wins the title, he’ll become only the third person to complete the triple-crown (title, top seed and scoring title) and the first to do it since 2001.  THOUGHTS: This has been settled for a long time. Matt wins 10 games in the regular season for the first time in his career, earning his first scoring title. Whether he likes it or not, he’s the team to beat. He’s the top seed and the scoring champ. So how did we get here? While Matt made some moves this season (picking up Edwards & Williams), in reality Matt will become the only team in history (assuming D-Jax is healthy) to start in the first round of the playoffs with the exact starting roster (except for the kicker) he started in week one. Of course that was expected. He had great keepers (Peterson and Welker, both top six at their position), plus the top pick in the draft (where he grabbed the 10th best back, Frank Gore). Still, three players don’t make a top scoring team and Matt didn’t miss at all, nailing a breakout player in Jackson, a ageless wonder in Tony Gonzalez and an underrated Jets defense later to round out the league’s top lineup.  No 2 SEED – I PEEP FREELY STAT LINE: Bob’s 1,441ppg is the 9th greatest regular season of all time. Bob heads into the post-season on a six-game winning streak. The second person to do this. Over the last four years, Bob has been one of the best. In fact, he may be the best team in that time span to not win a title. Bob has finished 8-5 or better (once) in four straight seasons. No one has ever done that before.  THOUGHTS: It feels kind of nice to see one of my predictions come true. I thought Bob would struggle early and he did (2-5). Yet, I thought he’d turn it around and be one of the most dangerous team around. He is. If he wins the title, then I should get some of the prize money, right?  While Bob had a decent draft, he can personally thank one keeper and one trade for his amazing turnaround. Chris Johnson has dominated the league in the second half and is on his way to a 2,000-yard rushing season. While I always wait to hand out the league MVP (even though I do ‘All-Robio’ after the regular season), Chris Johnson is clearly the league MVP. He averages 64 fantasy points more than the next running back.  Secondly, heading into the season, Bob was clearly missing a QB, but thanks to a deep draft, he was able to grab Philip Rivers and he hasn’t looked back. You know the last time Bob got a QB in a trade with me, he won the title. I’m just saying.  No 3 SEED – THE GRIFFTERS STAT LINE: This was Griff’s third career division title. His 1,371ppg is the third most ever scored by him. He won eight games this year, after combining for only eight wins the last two seasons.  It was a stunning return to glory for Coomer, who rallied to take the division away from Jeff. He finished 8-5 and should be a dangerous playoff team, thanks to the fact that I’m not in the post-season. Against me, Griff is 0-4 in the post-season. Against the rest of the league he is 12-2 in the playoffs.  THOUGHTS: Overall, Griff’s roster is not going to send a shiver down your spin. In fact, it is still hard to believe he’s 3rd in scoring. What I can say is this…no person has as much thinking and research to do than Griff. He literally could swap out his starting QB, one running back, one receiver and his tight end. Think about it, he just won, scoring over 1,500 points with Big Ben, Steven Jackson, Roddy White and Jason Witten all sitting on his bench simply because of match ups. His bench could beat both mine and Burrier’s team right now.  Having said that, you all know how the commissioner feels about a team that needs to make decisions and rotate their rosters in the post-season…no love for it.  No 4 SEED – OTIS MURRAY & THE KNIGHTS STAT LINE: Not too many stats considering this is technically Jeff’s first season in Robioland. His eight wins and 1,361ppg is the most for an expansion team since Justin Acerno in 2002. Jeff went a cool 4-0 against non playoff teams and 4-5 against the top-eight teams.  THOUGHTS: Yes, I know Jeff is disappointed he gave up the division to Griff. There should be some shame. He becomes the only person to surrender a two-game lead with only two weeks to go for the division. More importantly, Jeff should be concerned about the last month of the season.  After a fantastic start to the season, Jeff has dropped three of his last four games. For most of that season he road a hot Brady/Moss combo and Cedric Benson. However, Tom cooled and Benson got hurt, but there’s something else.  Throughout the year, Jeff waited, hoped and prayed that the lack of a second back wouldn’t cost him. Hightower was doing fine and everyone else was producing big. However, everyone’s numbers have fallen, especially Vincent Jackson, who has lost his elite receiver status over the last month. Now entering his first post-season solo, he doesn’t have Colby to help make his decisions for him. Does he stick with what worked early on, hoping the slide ends now or does he consider going three-wide with a suddenly hot R. Meachem?  Decision. Decision. Decisions.  No 5 SEED – THAT FISHY SMELL STAT LINE: For the second time in his career, Calderon rallied from a 1-4 start, but this time he climbed all the way to the fifth seed, which is pretty amazing. Rich has never loss in the first round as a lower seed (3-0).  THOUGHTS: While Rich has struggled all season long for consistency at the running back spot, he actually will finish the regular season with two ‘All-Robio’ players; Gates at TE and Brees, who was able to pass Peyton Manning this past weekend. Thanks to Larry Fitzgerald and one of the season’s best free agent pick ups (Sims-Walker) and Rich is a dangerous No 5, despite some of issues. What are those issues?  First, he has no D. Well, in fact he has three defenses, but none are ranked higher than 16th. Secondly, it’s those damn running backs. It’s becoming clear he can’t rely on Slaton. He might be ready to shut it down for the season. He can’t rely on Snelling, who will sit when Turner comes back. This leaves him with Maroney (31st best back, ugh) and McCoy. LeSean ain’t bad, but what happens if Westbrook comes back? Something to think about, that’s all I’m saying.  No 6 – DIRTY SANCHEZ STAT LINE: At 7-6, Rob earned only his second career winning regular season (twice he finished .500). Rob’s second half struggles continued though this season. In the last seven games in each of his eight seasons, Masterson is only 18-38 (.321). However, the losing hasn’t always translated into playoff failure. Rob is 3-1 in the first-round of the post-season.  THOUGHTS: There’s backing your way into the post-season and then there’s doing a reverse back flip into the post-season. Rob rides into the playoffs on a three-game losing streak, including a week thirteen defeat to a 1-11 team. That can’t be good for the old confidence. He’s actually dropped five of his last seven and will probably earn the award for “worst second half collapse” (we’ll see). However, those two wins did come against powerhouses Jeff and Matt.  Like a lot of people, Rob will have to make some tough decisions in the post-season. He has been using a steady three-man running back rotation (swapping LT and Thomas) and a three-man WR core (Marshall, Rice and Cal. Johnson).  He will need to make the right decisions. He’s best defense is the Colts, but they’re only 10th. His best QB is McNabb, but he’s only 12th in the league. Ray Rice is his only true superstar (although the other Rice (Sidney) has played like one too.  No 7 – GATOR NATION STAT LINE: And look who’s right back where he likes to be. It’s simple, Don is 6-0 (with two titles) as the 7th seed. When he’s not the seventh seed, he’s 0-4. That’s what I call easy math. While I actually believe this year’s team is better than both of Don’s title teams, the road is going to be tougher. He’s 0-5 this season against the top four teams (Matt, Bob, Griff & Jeff) in the league…7-1 against the rest.  THOUGHTS: For Don, it’s been a inconsistent season yet again. He produced two weekly high scores, three 1,500-pt games, but failed to hit 1,000 three times this season. However, over the last seven weeks, he’s scored at least 1,000.  He’s basically rode ‘All-Robio’ running back, Jones-Drew the whole season, but Don has to be sweating a little. MJD looks like he’s pulling a LT (great season, disappear late). He has not hit 200 in his last three games.  Having said that, Don is no one hit wonder. He has the names to put up points (Grant, Jennings, Romo and the Ravens D). Any of these players is capable of putting up 300 against anyone. The problem again has been inconsistency, as all could easily produce less than 100. Think about it…did anyone think Percy Harvin would be ranked ahead of Greg Jennings (Harvin is the 18th best receiver)?  No 8 SEED – THE SWAMP STAT LINE: After missing the post-season party his first six years, Eric has crashed the party the last three seasons. Only Eric, Calderon, Don and Bob can say that. However, Eric is still the only person never to win a post-season game. His 1,221ppg is the third most he’s ever scored in a season. Of course if he shocks Matt in the first round, it would be only the second time Eric has won four games in a row in his life.  THOUGHTS: Four weeks ago, no one and I mean no one would have picked Eric to be in the playoffs, yet here we are. He becomes the second team ever to start the season 2-6, but still get into the playoffs. The best part is, he didn’t do it beating up scrubs. He won his last three, two of which were against Griff and Jeff, the 3rd and 4th highest scoring teams in the league.  So how did he do it? Dare I say he did it in a very Robio-esque way? What is Robio-esque? It’s the ability to quietly rebuild your team throughout the season, although Eric did it only through free agency.  Eric basically had to deal with four busts this season (Cutler, Westbrook, Steve Smith and Lance Moore). He was able to eventually pick up Brett Favre (6th best QB), Terrell Owens (who suddenly found his stroke) and the Saints D (who were No 1 until the Washington game).  On top of that, Winslow became a solid tight end again when the Bucs went with Freeman. Addai became a serviceable back when the Colts started using him more than Brown (over the last five weeks, Addai has had two 200-pt games and a 300-pt game). Most importantly though, Eric got better through subtraction. When his best player (Ronnie Brown) went down, it actually meant that the Dolphins would no longer be splitting carries. Thank God Eric had Williams on his bench.  Fun Fact…Eric is one of the only teams in this league to have two top-10 running backs (Addai 9th, Williams 6th).  WHO WAS NOT INVITED TO THE DANCE No 4 PICK (IN 2010 DRAFT) – QUARTER POUNDERS STAT LINE: Let’s go ahead and say our last thing about Colby’s backs this season. Colby started two running backs in 12 of his 13 games. Those backs in those games combined to score a total of 2,321 fantasy points. No back broke 300, hitting 200 only four times. 15 out of 25 times, they failed to score at leas 100 points. They averaged 178 points per game combined (89 per back). How crazy is this? 35 players alone outscored Colby’s starting backs.  THOUGHTS: Okay, I’ve been talking about Colby’s lack of running backs all season, so now that the season is over, I’m obviously going to rip his team to shreds, right? Wrong. I’m actually going to compliment this team. First, let’s take you back.  Colby entered the 2009 draft with the worst keeper situation (only Felix Jones). Worse yet, because he made it to the semis in 2008, he was in the back-half of the draft order. This is not a good combo. He had a decision to make…take the best available running backs (even if they’re not first-round quality) or grab the most points on the board?  Colby went for the latter, grabbing Reggie Wayne and Peyton Manning with his two first picks. In hindsight it might look like a bad decision. Colby had one of the worst running games in league history and didn’t make the post-season. Yet, looking back, I think he made the right decision, he just missed when it came time to grab the running backs later in the draft.  He grabbed Larry Johnson in the third and another WR in the 4th (Eddie Royal). Yet, when you look at the draft board, you can see the strategy was right, he just didn’t pick the right guys. In the third he could have drafted Cedric Benson (taken 10 picks later) and in the 4th, he could have nabbed Ray Rice (taken 10 picks later).  Granted, we could all play this game, but if he made just two picks right, we’d be talking about Colby as the favorite with a lineup of Manning, Benson, Rice, Wayne, Driver and the Steelers D (I’m assuming he wouldn’t have traded Driver away for Moreno and Davis if he had a stack RB core).  No 3 PICK (IN 2010 DRAFT) – MOLLIPOP STAT LINE: Molly’s 1,185ppg was her third lowest scoring total for a season. This was only her third losing season.  THOUGHTS: It’s going to be a little odd watching a playoff without Molly. Prior to this season she missed the post-season only once before, way back in 2004. It’s also a little surprising when you look at her roster. It not only appears stacked, but it got better as the season went along, yet Molly couldn’t buy a win at the end.  She started the season 4-1, riding along side the elites, but in the season’s final two months, she dropped seven of her last eight games (beating only Eric in a 941-911 classic).  Again, you look at her team and you can’t figure it out. Yet it’s not a fluke, because she was only 9th in scoring. Of her entire starting roster, every player was ranked 16th or above. However, while there were no true busts (although Forte was a real disappointment), only Dallas Clark and Miles Austin were real stars (and Miles’ stats can be a little tricky. So many of his points came in just four games).  In the end though, this seasons failures could set Molly up to be one of the best teams in 2010. She’ll have great keepers. She can keep either Forte or Mendenhall (I’d say the latter), as well as her two top receivers (Colston and Miles Austin). That’s a keeper class. On top of that, she’s going to be able to draft either Brees, Brady or Peterson with the third pick in the draft.  Can you say early 2010 favorite?  No 2 PICK (IN 2010 DRAFT) – JOHN MAYER STAT LINE: What an odd year? He started 0-4 (in fact he had dropped 10 of his last 11 dating back to 2008). Then he went on a improbable four-game winning streak. He looked like he was ready to compete for the title. However, we should have seen that it was a fraud. Three of those wins came against teams that didn’t make the post-season this year. Rich would end the season dropping his final five games.  THOUGHTS: In reality, he just had a bad team, despite his many attempts to save his season through trades. Of his entire 15-man roster, only two players (his tight end and his kicker) cracked the top-10 at their respected position. Palmer was 13th, Turner finished 13th, Jacobs was 19th, Driver slumped to 16th, Manningham fell to 28th and the Patriots D was 13th.  For Rich, he’ll need to spend the off-season doing some serious soul searching, as he has yet to make anything work in the post-LT era. The Burrier Bruisers were the most dominate team during a four-year stretch, but since then, Burrier has been the worst team in Robioland.  Over the last three years, he’s failed to produce a winning season and failed to make it to the post-season the last two years. Over that time, he’s produced the least amount of points, as he’s finished 12th, 10th and 11th in scoring over the last three years.  And worse yet, the last time Burrier won a playoff game, Saddam Hussein was still in power (2003). That my children, is a long time ago. No 1 PICK (2010 DRAFT) – Cane Mutiny STAT LINE: Lowest win title, worst total points, first time with no weekly high scores, first time with no games above 1,500.  THOUGHTS: Now that was a long and painful 13 weeks. It’s been a strange six years for me in my own league. Let’s take a long back.  2004 – I missed the playoffs (for the first time). However, I was 5th in the league in scoring.  2005 – Despite a second straight losing season (my first two ever), I made it back to the post-season. I lost in the semis, losing for the second time in three years in the post-season, despite scoring over 1,500 points.  2006 – It looked like my return. I was back above .500, I won my division, but I lost in the finals.  2007 – I missed the playoffs. This was my first truly bad team ever, finishing 10th in scoring.  2008 – I won the scoring title and made it back into the post-season, but was upset again in the title game by Don.  2009 – I produce my worst team ever. Two wins, last in scoring. 

Quarterfinals

The Swamp 1029 at Vick in a Box 1832 Gator Nation 1491 at I. Peep Freely 1941 Dirty Sanchez 1709 at The Griffters 1801 That Fishy Smell 1293 at Otis Murray & The Knights 1233

And then there were four. This certainly has been a odd season, hasn’t it? There seemed to be a ton of parity, yet the top-8 teams all got into the playoffs and there were no major upsets in round one…so what’s are story lines heading into the second-to-last week?  THE TOP THREE The top three seeds all won and advanced to the final four. This is the first time this has happened since 1999 (that year the No 5 seed also won, just like this season.).  PREDICTIONS: Nine people made their post-season predictions, but no one got all four right. Burrier did the best, nailing three out of four, missing only Matt’s win over Eric. Colby did the worse, going 0-4 for the weekend. Three people (Burrier, Eric and myself) can still have our title game prediction come true. NO TO SEVEN The amazing four-year run of the No 7 seed has ended. The 7th seed had appeared in the title game the past four years, with Don twice winning the title. This time, Don goes down to Bob. It’s his first loss ever as a number seven seed.  NO DEFENDING THAT TITLE Yet again, not only did the defending champ not play for the title game, he couldn’t even win a playoff game. This is nothing new of course. The last person to win a single playoff game the year after winning the title was me in 2001 (and that was in the quarters).  STUNNING SCORES I’ll have to do the math some other time, but this clearly was the highest scoring quarterfinals in our league’s history. Don scored 1,491 in a losing effort, while Masterson broke 1,700 in a defeat. The winners include two 1,800-pt games (Matt: 1,832 & Griff, 1,801), while Bob nearly became the third person to hit 2,000 in the post-season (he finished with 1,941 points). That’s a lot of points. THE CLASS OF 2003 The Class of 2003 is well represented here. Three teams who started in Robioland in ’03 are in the semis (Bob, Calderon and Matt). Only Colby is missing and he really started in 2004.  RE-MATCHES Both semi-finals games feature title game re-matches. Bob beat Griff back in 2004, in the classic 1,216-1,169 game. This was the last year the title game was in week 17.  In 2007, Calderon headed into the finals, after beating the scoring champ in the quarters and the top seed in the semis. However, he was no match for Neatock, who crushed him, 1,444-811.  PLAYOFF WINNER If anyone had bothered to look at history, we should have predicted the winner of the quarters. Matt, Griff, Rich and Bob are a combined 17-5 in the quarterfinals (Matt is the only one of them to lose twice in his career). However, if history means anything (which it doesn’t really), put your dollars on Griff. He’s 5-1 in the semis, while the rest are 3-4.  THE FINAL FOUR No 1 Vick in a Box vs. No 5 That Fishy Smell The divisional foes have faced off twice this season, splitting the season series. Calderon won the last one in week twelve, thanks to a 649-point effort by Brees. In fact, in that game, only three players broke 200, Brees, Gates (342) and Rogers (459).  Early prediction: I have to stick with the same prediction all year long and go with Matt here. Matt had four players hit 300+ in the quarters and they’re all capable of doing it again. Just not sure if Calderon has the fire-power (outside of Brees) to keep up. Let’s not forget, he’s still starting Maroney and McCoy and both Fitzgerald and Sims-Walker are limping.  No 2 I Peep Freely vs. #3 The Griffters The first 2 vs. 3 match up since 1999. Griff and Bob have faced off nine times (since 2003) and Griff leads the series 5-4, including this season’s win, when Griff beat Bob, 1,738-1,300. That win, knocked Bob down to 2-5, while Griff improved to 5-2. Yet here we are…winner goes to the title game.  Bob is on one of the most dominating rolls in a long time. He’s not only won seven-straight, he’s scored over 1,650 in his last four games. Be careful though, the last person to score over 1,600 in four-straight games was me, last year at the exact same time and we know how that worked out…of course we’re going to assume Bob won’t sit Chris Johnson.  It seems like only yesterday that Griff was losing three in a row, but now he’s won three in a row and is peaking at the right time. Sadly though, 1,800 points may not be enough to beat Bob, although it would be one hell of a story if Griff can ride Jamaal Charles to the finals.  UNTIL NEXT YEAR:  No 5 Pick (in 2010) – ERIC…for the third straight season, the hump was still to big for Eric to get over. He is now 0-3 in the post-season, after nine seasons of Robioland football. Still, there’s something to be said for rallying from a 2-6 start to the post-season. Starting next year, Eric will be celebrating a decade of fantasy football, but he has some work to do this off-season. His keeper situation is not awful, but it’s not worth bragging about. Ronnie Brown appears to be his best option as a keeper, but is the second round (20th pick) too early for him?  No 6 Pick (in 2010) – DON…It was an odd year and Robio wasn’t in the title game, so we kind of knew this wasn’t going to workout for Don. Despite the early playoff exit, it’s been one hell of a five-year run. Since 2005, Don is 36-25, two division titles, no seasons below .500, five playoffs appearances (six in a row if you count 2004), one scoring title, one top seed and two championships.  No 7 Pick (in 2010) – Rob M…while the loss to Griff will sting a little, it reality, Rob has to feel good about 2009. After missing the post-season in three of the last four seasons, winning five games or less three different times), this season was just about showing that he can compete…and that’s what he did. He started 6-2, despite some injury issues and a first-round flop (LT) and battled for the division title until the end. He’ll enter 2010 with some of the league’s best keepers (Rice & Rice?), but 2010 the goals will need to be higher. In fact, I’ll set them for Rob. He needs to finally earn a division title and he needs to at least get into the title game.  No 8 Pick (in 2010) – Jeff…the Brady era ends for his team (after three seasons) and it had to be a bit disappointing, as Brady has never been part of a championship team in Robioland. While I’m sure Jeff is hurt and distraught by his early exit, he still was the biggest surprise of the year. Recall, he was picked to finish at the bottom of the standings. Of course having Cedric Benson in the fourth round for the next two year’s should ease his pain just a bit. 

Semifinals

That Fishy Smell 878 at Vick in a Box 1950 The Griffters 1622 at I. Peep Freely 1534

VICK IN A BOX HAS NEATOCK’D THAT FISHY SMELL This one was early over. In fact, you can say it was over as soon as Drew Brees produced only 153 points Saturday night. This is the second straight beat down Calderon has received from Neatock in the post-season. He lost the title game to Matt, 1,444-811. That though was nothing compared to this 1,072-point whipping.  While most people predicted that Neatock wouldn’t take down Eric, in reality, this should be no surprise. Based on the numbers, he’s having one of the best seasons ever in Robioland. We already know his 1,498ppg in the regular season was the second best, but what if we included the post-season numbers too?  If we combine regular season and post-season (which we probably should always do), Griff (in 2005) had the highest  scoring season ever averaging 1,525ppg. However, Matt is crushing that record. He’s currently averaging 1,549ppg. To break the record he needs to just score at least 1,169 points next week. I have a feeling he’ll do it.  As for Calderon, like Jeff and Colby, he too decided to pass up running backs in the first couple rounds (he had Brees in the second round) and it certainly showed today. Both Slaton and Brown (the slated starters at the beginning of this season) were hurt and Rich has been playing roto-running back for too long to remember. Still, he was only one game away from the title game. Not bad. For the record, Calderon and I are both in another league and he and I will be facing off in the championship game next week.  THE GRIFFTERS HAVE BEATEN I PEEP FREELY I’m certainly not going to call it shocking, but it certainly is an upset. Bob was on an amazing roll, but he sort of saw this one coming himself.  I got two words for you…Jamal Charles. He has had back-to-back 350+ point games, even outplaying the Robioland MVP, Chris Johnson. Still, it was balance that led Griff to the title game (again). Two players broke 300, while two more broke 260. That doesn’t even include the 1,247 on his bench, thanks t a 611-point effort by Big Ben.  Poor Bob, I thought the title would be his. Instead, he becomes only the third person (fourth time) to score over 1,500 points and loss in the post-season (it’s happened twice now this season). He became only the second person to ever score over 1,600 in four straight games. However, he needed it to be five in a row to beat Griff.

Championship Game

The Griffters 1384 at Vick in a Box 1608

Your 2009 Champion is Matt Neatock. Of course this comes as a shock to not a single person in this league. It became official at 10:26 tonight, as Adrian Peterson scored a one-yard touchdown midway through the third quarter. For Matt, his success started before the season even began, as he walked into the year with the best keepers. Peterson, Welker and Rogers were all top-five players at their respected positions.  While someone might thing I’m minimizing Matt’s title because he had great keepers…I’m not. Who was it that drafted those great players? Matt. It was he in 2007 who figured out the second round wasn’t too early for rookie Adrian Peterson. It was he in 2007 who took Wes Welker in the 13th round the same season he joined the Patriots. It was he who took Aaron Rogers, the new starting QB for the Packers (as his backup behind Carson Palmer) in the 10th round. He was the 12th QB taken in last year’s draft.  Of course, Matt had all three players last year and won three games, which just goes to show, it’s not just about keepers. You still have to draft that year,  With the top pick in the draft, there were plenty of busts to grab, Westbrook, LT, Jacobs…but Matt made the right call grabbing Frank Gore.  In the third, he nailed it with DeSean Jackson. It wasn’t a fluke pick. Matt told me weeks earlier he would take Jackson early. I had D-Jax falling to the fifth-round in my mock draft.  While not all the picks worked out (let’s not forget he drafted Willie Parker, Lee Evans and LenDale White with picks 5, 6 and 8), he did grab a solid TE in Gonzalez and one of the better defenses (NY Jets) in the 7th round.  Why is rehashing his draft so important? Because like we’ve pointed out already, Matt becomes the only team to start in the finals the same exact same team he started with in week one, minus the kicker (everyone dumps their kicker at some point).  While Matt being Matt picked up about half-a-dozen players and performed what seemed like a dozen trades, he didn’t really have to do to that. Outside of Gore and Welker missing a couple weeks early in the season, Matt’s had no reason to change or adjust his starting lineup (excluding byes).  How good was that starting lineup (Rogers, AP, Gore, Welker, Jackson, Gonzalez and Jets D)? Matt started that lineup eight times and they went 8-0. All three of his loses, Matt was missing one of these guys). In the week three-loss to Don, he had no Welker (and Gore had one carry before getting hurt). In the week-nine loss to Masterson, Peterson was on a bye. In his week-12 defeat to Calderon, Jackson was injured.  None of those defeats were blowouts. He lost those games by 123, 203 and 92 points.  That 8-0 starting lineup averaged a stunning 1,675ppg this season. Ouch.  So now the question that needs to be asked…was this the greatest fantasy team in league history?  – He became only the second three-loss championship team in league history.  – His 1,497ppg in the regular season is the second best ever.  – However, when you count all the games (Regular and Playoffs), Matt’s team produced the most points ever in a single season, passing 2005 Griff. He’s team averaged an amazing 1,553ppg, blowing away Griff’s 1,526ppg in 2005.  If numbers don’t lie, you have to argue this squad was the best ever, right? I’ll let you all debate that.  Anyhow, I’ll have a few more write-ups soon before we wrap up the 2009 season. Looking ahead, the new champ should again be a favorite heading into 2010 with another solid keeper class.  He’ll have Aaron Rogers one more year in the 10th round, plus DeSean Jackson for two more years in the third round. The fact D-Jax is in the third round is important because Matt will be picking last in the third round, so Jackson (a top-eight receiver) will fall to the 36-pick.  On top of the keepers, he’ll have the 12th and 13th pick, so he’ll basically have four starters 13 picks into the draft.  Congratulations Matt…enjoy your second mug.