The man was only a myth to so many people in Robioland, but in 2008, Colby stepped out of Jeff Greenblatt’s growing shadow to take command of his own team, appearing at his first draft. He also blessed us all with a second round of predictions for the upcoming season. Below you can find all of Colby’s predictions and thoughts. Enjoy.

Following are some thoughts and analysis on the upcoming Robioland season. First, some explanations of the numbers: * Even though the CBS Guru system is flawed, it was the easiest thing to base predictions off of, so the “Guru Starter Total” is basically what the CBS Guru predicts your starters to average week to week (Guru Bench is the same figure, to give us a sense of depth). * Sportsline also tells us how many players are also owned by all the other fantasy participants on Sportsline, so for those of you who are fans of “The Wisdom of Crowds”, the AVG Owned Starter % is for you. * And since our dear Commisioner pro-rates the value of each player with a salary, the average salary of the starting team should give us the basic value of ones team, at least in the eyes of dear old Robio.

Secondly, and most importantly, I am almost always wrong. So if I picked you to miss the playoffs, you will eventually have me to thank when you win. Now for the team capsules:

Adam Jones (Murray) Guru Starter Total, Rank – 1239, 4 Guru Bench Total, Rank – 684.9, 6 AVG Owned Starter %, Rank – 62.5%, 10 Average Starter Salary, Rank – 12.4, 2 Best Pick – Ricky Williams, RB, 7th Round Bravest/Stupidest Pick – Rashard Mendenhall, 6th Round Overall Outlook – It seems like the dynastic days of Robio’s reign of terror are unlikely to be resurrected this year. However, Rob has – as usual – put together a very solid team top to bottom. The challenge for Rob is that he has very little room for error and there are a lot of question marks. I happen to love Westbrook, but he and the Eagles offense are getting a little long in the tooth. That said, if a couple of his core players have career years (and Andre Johnson is certainly due for one), Rob could find himself in the championship game. By the way, the safest bet is that Rob will regret naming his team Adam Jones by week four. Prediction: Robio is the class of what appears to be an incredibly weak division (Rob’s accustomed to being the king of the dipshits). An easy schedule translates to a playoff bid, but I don’t see him getting past the semi’s without a fair amount of luck.

Backstreet Boyz (Masterson) Guru Starter Total, Rank – 1188, 5 Guru Bench Total, Rank – 559.4, 10 AVG Owned Starter %, Rank – 63.8%, 9 Average Starter Salary, Rank – 12.75, 1 Best Pick – Ray Rice, RB, 6th Round Bravest/Stupidest Pick – Brett Farvre, QB, 8th Round Overall Outlook – At first glance I though Masterson’s team was the team to beat, though on closer inspection I see a good (maybe very good), though not great team. No one benefited more from his keepers than Rob, nor will anyone be helped more by the leagues evolutionary increased value of WR. By the way, Masterson’s keeper advantage is purely a result of smart picking in prior years. The Boyz have as strong as depth as any team, though I personally feel like Addai and Bush may not provide the numbers necessary to be an elite team. Fortunately he’s got solid insurance in Run DMC. I wonder if he will regret trading Farvre and not Roethilsberger (though I doubt he will). I do look forward to the crazy leaps in logic justifying Mangini’s questionable coaching decisions throughout the coming season. There is no one more delusional than a Jet fan. Prediction: The Boyz are in the toughest division, but the should still get through to the playoffs. I also see them getting to the semi’s, but they will need an injury free season from some big guns to get to the finals, which will happen, only to lose.

John Mayer (Burrier) Guru Starter Total, Rank – 1127, 11 Guru Bench Total, Rank – 713.5, 3 AVG Owned Starter %, Rank – 65.5%, 6 Average Starter Salary, Rank – 11.5, 10 Best Pick – Frank Gore, 1st Round Bravest/Stupidest Pick – Michael Turner, 2nd Round Overall Outlook – If a team were only judged by its backup squad, then the ‘Kinds would be the crème de la crème of Robioland. Alas, there is a reason they are called “starters” (because you want to start them). In previous seasons his strong RB core would be a safe bet, but his B- WR probably won’t get it done. And while it was great to see Eli become a man during last year’s Super Bowl, I have a feeling he used up a lifetime’s supply of karma and is due for a clunker (along with the rest of the defending champs). Sidenote – I had long wondered what was behind the gradual yet significant decline in programming at MTV. But seeing the name “Wunderkinds” perfectly explains the effects of the recent brain drain at MTV networks. Prediction: A decent ballclub that will benefit from an easy division, the Wunderkinds will barely sneak into the playoffs only to be out after the first round.

Gator Nation (Don) Guru Starter Total, Rank – 1125, 12 Guru Bench Total, Rank – 688.2, 5 AVG Owned Starter %, Rank – 64.25%, 8 Average Starter Salary, Rank – 11.88, 5 Best Pick – Deuce McCallister,10th Round Bravest/Stupidest Pick – Stephen Gotkowski, 7th Round Overall Outlook – It’s hard to type this with one hand, but I have to hold my nose with the other. No one has been a bigger fan of McNabb over the years than I, but I think he just pulled his groin eating his Cheerios™ this morning. But at least Don has Rudi, who was great inspiration as that walk-on for Notre Dame. Who knew he’s in the NFL? At least Don will have Tim Tebow’s second Heisman to look forward to (only to be crushed by his eventual outing as the closeted lover of Joackim Noah). Prediction: Don is in the toughest division and will struggle to win 6 games. The bad news? He will just miss the playoffs. The good news? This will give him a top four pick next year to shore up kicking duties. It is THAT IMPORTANT.

Greasy Onion Booty (Bob) Guru Starter Total, Rank – 1149, 8 Guru Bench Total, Rank – 650.1, 7 AVG Owned Starter %, Rank – 64.7%, 7 Average Salary, Rank – 11.86, 6 Best Pick – Antonio Gates TE, 4th Round Bravest/Stupidest Pick – Willie Parker, RB, 1st Round Overall Outlook – You know a “comedian” has turned into the self-loathing cynical type when he lazily names his team something as uninspiring as “I’m Gay”. Why not just go with the B-Sharps? As for the squad, Bob’s team ain’t all bad. In fact, very solid top to bottom (though lacking true star potential). Its not a stretch to envision Jacobs having a Tiki-esque year, which, combined with a Manning of yesteryear, could make the Gayboys tough to beat. Prediction: The Sissyboys are in a good spot with their division, and I see them getting into the Playoffs, though losing in the first round. Afterwards we will learn that Bob’s team name is not meant to be funny, and that in truth, he has secretly been buggering Perez Hilton in the bathroom of his “coffee bar”. It’s a blogging thing, you wouldn’t understand.

The Anomaly (Molly) Guru Starter Total, Rank – 1143, 9 Guru Bench Total, Rank – 708.5, 4 AVG Owned Starter %, Rank – 54.25%, 3 Average Starter Salary, Rank – 11.5, 9 Best Pick – Dustin Keller, TE, 12th Round Bravest/Stupidest Pick – Dallas Clark, TE, 13th Round Overall Outlook – Molly always does a good job of selecting a solid team. In years past she’s enjoyed some good luck in the schedule, freakishly getting her opponents worst offensive output. Was it two years ago that she had that unlikely run of victories only to peter out in the end? I’m a big believer in Dustin Keller – I think he’ll not only put up decent numbers, but will be a Witten-esque keeper in future years. If Maroney stays healthy and Holmes continues to develop as he has, It won’t matter that Jay Cutler is her QB. No matter, I’d start Kitna anyway. Prediction: Molly makes the playoffs but loses in the first round.

The Griffters (Griff) Guru Starter Total, Rank – 1254, 2 Guru Bench Total, Rank – 585.5, 9 AVG Owned Starter %, Rank – 72.5, 4 Average Starter Salary, Rank – 12.25, 3 Best Pick – Reggie Wayne, WR, 2nd Rnd Bravest/Stupidest Pick – Thomas Jones, RB, 3rd Rnd Overall Outlook – First of all, I don’t get this team name. The Kennelz? Is the cage in which we keep dogs supposed to scare us? Wouldn’t a better name be Kennel’s Nasty Boyz? That makes more sense and just as fruity. Anyhoo, the CBS Guru calls them the second best team, which I see as evidence of why the CBS Guru should not be trusted. Still the Kennelz (?) have a decent team. Not sure about Thomas Jones (though I’m still licking wounds from last year), and Stephen Jackson needs to remind us all why he’s a top five pick. One wonders when exactly Hines Ward will be carted off the field or when Thomas Jones loses his spot to Leon Washington. But Jason Witten is as good as it gets, and you can never count out a team that has Nick Folk as kicker (right Don?). Prediction: Toughest division does not serve the Kennelz well, but the will get to the playoffs only to lose to the first round. They should have done better, but I think they will be the tough luck team of this season.

Quarter Pounders (Colby) Guru Starter Total, Rank – 1266, 1 Guru Bench Total, Rank – 636, 8 AVG Owned Starter %, Rank – 87.6%, 1 Average Starter Salary, Rank – 11.25, 1 Best Pick – TJ Houshmedzedah, WR, 3rd Round Bravest/Stupidest Pick – Chris Cooley, TE, 5th Round Overall Outlook – Rarely do you see dual ownership that combines the brain and brawn of one owner (me) with the Greenblatt-ness of the other (Jeff). I feel good about this year’s team, mostly because of my starting RBs. In fact, the best draft pick for this years team is probably last year’s first round selection of Thomas Jones. Did we try to throw last season? I wish I was that smart – but it worked out in the end. I’m a little nervous about LT’s age (and his value as a keeper for the next years is certainly questionable), but I’m long on Derek Anderson and think TJ Housh was a very luck get in Round 3. Can’t believe I’m stuck with Lee Evans again. (Note to Bob – I will probably drop him in week 6, afterwards he will put up Pro-Bowl numbers). Prediction: We put up solid numbers and get into the Playoffs. Sadly we lose in the semi’s but are proud of the historic Pounder legacy. The debate will rage for years to come – Are the Pounders more akin to the Kansas Jayhawks of Robioland, or are they the Messiah. My bet is that they are both.

Robot Sex (Rich C.) Guru Starter Total, Rank – 1172, 6 Guru Bench Total, Rank – 493.8, 11 AVG Owned Starter %, Rank – 87.6%, 22 Average Starter Salary, Rank – 11.25, 12 Best Pick – Steve Slaton, RB, 10th Round Bravest/Stupidest Pick – Marvin Harrison, WR, 5th Round Overall Outlook – Somehow Calderone has hoodwinked the Robio proletariat into thinking he’s a great football mind. I wasn’t sure how that bit of fiction has made it into the leagues subconscious until I recently read about the insight of a secret operative named “Curveball”. Islamofascists indeed! Sorry to be harsh, but I’m just not a believer in any running back behind an offensive line as lame as the Chiefs. Larry Johnson might rack up yards, but I don’t see a ton of TDs in his future. And I also question whether or not Marvin Harrison will ever return to form – sure he’s got Gonzales in the wings, but that’s a good plan b, but a bad plan a. I do think that Jamal Lewis and Drew Brees will carry this team, and I expect Steve Slaton to be a solid keeper in years to come. Prediction: Sorry Rich, but I don’t think the playoffs are in the cards this year.

The Swamp (Eric) Guru Starter Total, Rank – 1142, 10 Guru Bench Total, Rank – 484.7, 12 AVG Owned Starter %, Rank – 70.1%, 5 Average Starter Salary, Rank – 11.63, 8 Best Pick – Steve Smith, WR, 4th Round Bravest/Stupidest Pick – Larry Fitzgerald, WR, 1st Round Overall Outlook – Love the WRs, not so fond of the RBs. Who know, maybe McGahee will finally become the player we all though he could be – though its gotta hurt a little to have a Cane on your team. Romo, Smith and Fitzgerald will get you points, I just think there is little room for error. And Kellen Winslow will not get as many balls in years past because of better WRs at Cleveland and a very promising rookie TE in Martin Rucker. Prediction: The safest prediction is that Burrier will continue to hound Eric for pics of Florida co-eds in a way that is more creepy than funny. Also, I think Eric doesn’t make the playoffs.

G.I.L.F. (Matt) Guru Starter Total, Rank – 1245, 3 Guru Bench Total, Rank – 719.4, 2 AVG Owned Starter %, Rank – 60.7%, 11 Average Starter Salary, Rank – 12.13, 4 Best Pick – Heath Miller, TE, 15th Round Bravest/Stupidest Pick – Chad Johnson, WR, 1st Round Overall Outlook – While “Wide Stance” was kind of a funny reference, I wonder why one would truly want to attach themselves to someone of Larry Craig’s reputation. But Neatock has always marched to the beat of his drummer, and who are we to question the wiley ways of the defending champ? For all the punchlines and fodder that Matt provides, his team is stacked. And presuming AP can stay healthy, I don’t see any reason why he won’t do just as well this year. You gotta think that Matt’s positioning himself for a three WR set, simply because I don’t see Ronnie Brown working that Dolphin magic anymore. Prediction: Matt will reach a breaking point with the deaf wife jokes and shoot five tourists in line at the Gateway arch. While in the clink Matt will get hooked to some sweet China White that he gets from his cellmate who just happens to be Andy Reid’s son. Still able to access the Internet from prison, Matt will get his team to the finals and repeat as champ.

Yankee Killaz (David) Guru Starter Total, Rank – 1168, 7 Guru Bench Total, Rank – 757, 1 AVG Owned Starter %, Rank – 48.5, 12 Average Starter Salary, Rank – 11.8, 7 Best Pick – Leon Washington, RB, 9th Round Bravest/Stupidest Pick – Roy Williams, WR, 2nd Round Overall Outlook – Hard to take anyone seriously who drafts from auto-pilot, but David was somehow able to pull it off. Any team with Tom Brady has to be taken seriously, and the balance of the team doesn’t suck, but no one’s really jealous. I think Leon Washington will be a keeper for years to come, eventually taking the starting role from Thomas Jones. His brother Julius, however, is the big question mark. No one really knows what to expect of him in the Seahawk offense, so as Julius Jones goes, so goes the Yankee Killaz. Prediction: Sadly for David there is a good reason why Jerry Jones got rid of Julius Jones, who becomes allergic to rain (not good when you play for Seattle). David misses the playoffs but is heartened to watch the Red Sox repeat.Below are the figures which Colby used above:

TEAM

Guru Starters

Rank

Guru Bench

Rank

Avg Start%

Rank

Avg Salary

Rank

AVG RNKThe Griffters

1,254

2nd

585.5

9th

72.5

4th

12.25

3rd

4.5G.I.L.F.

1,245

3rd

719.4

2nd

60.7

11th

12.13

4th

5.0Quarter Pounders

1,266

1st

636.0

8th

87.6

1st

11.25

11th

5.25Adam Jones

1,239

4th

684.9

6th

62.5

10th

12.40

2nd

5.5Backstreet Boyz

1,188

5th

559.4

10th

63.8

9th

12.75

1st

6.25The Anomaly

1,143

9th

708.5

4th

72.5

3rd

11.5

9th

6.25Yankee Killaz

1,168

7th

757.0

1st

48.5

12th

11.8

7th

6.75G.O.B.

1,149

8th

650.1

7th

64.7

7th

11.86

6th

7.00Gator Nation

1,125

12th

688.2

5th

64.25

8th

11.88

5th

7.50John Mayer

1,127

11th

713.5

3rd

65.5

6th

11.5

10th

7.50Robot Sex

1,172

6th

493.8

11th

87.6

2nd

11.25

12th

7.75The Swamp

1,142

10th

484.7

12th

70.1

5th

11.63

8th

8.75